I lean against the fence around the corner from Callie’s house, breathing hard. Part of me wants to go back. The ache to touch her has only been increased by our make-out session on her bed.
The feel of her breast …
I groan aloud. God, I want that girl. But I don’t want to get her in any more trouble. I refuse to be the criminal her mother accused me of being. I lost my head for a while, but her dad coming in let me regain control.
I almost call her three times before I make it back to Javier’s. My plan to sneak back in without talking to anyone falls apart when Javier opens the door.
He sighs. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Is it Ma? Lion?’
He shakes his head and I follow him to where Scarlett is glued to the television. She shoots me a glare—still annoyed that I wiped her precious evidence.
Javier mutes the television and his serious expression takes in both of us. The muscles across my shoulders tighten.
‘You’ve changed your mind.’ Scarlett blurts what I was thinking.
Javier’s stern expression becomes confused. ‘No.’
Scarlett and I share a relieved glance.
‘But I think we need to set some ground rules,’ he adds.
‘It’s only fair, I guess,’ I say. ‘But Scarlett and I have become pretty used to doing our own thing.’
‘I understand, and I’m not talking about anything extreme. Mostly it’s about sharing this place with respect for me and for your mother, who needs to rest.’
There’s that protective note in his voice again. I see Scarlett’s lips twitch. She must have heard it too.
‘Fair enough,’ I say.
‘Fine,’ says Scarlett.
He lays out a basic curfew and a roster for sharing cooking and cleaning. When we agree, he wipes his hand across his forehead in mock relief. ‘I thought that would be harder.’
He doesn’t seem to realise just how grateful we are that he’s letting us stay here. I grin. ‘Maybe you need to come up with something more gruelling next time.’
‘Like?’
‘Bars on the windows?’ I suggest.
‘Drug testing?’ says Scarlett.
‘I’ll work on it.’
I head to bed with a light step but my thoughts quickly return to Callie. And not the softness of her skin, although that’s not something I can easily forget.
I’m getting changed when something thuds to the floor. Javier’s mobile. Before I can think about the late hour or how desperate I’ll seem, I lie back and dial Callie’s number.
‘Hello?’ Her voice is muffled with sleep.
It’s cute and sexy and I smile at the ceiling. ‘I woke you.’
‘No.’ There’s the rustle of a quilt. ‘Well, yes, but I don’t mind. Did you want something?’
‘You.’
She giggles, a most un-Callie-like sound. I kind of like that I can do that to her. ‘Anything else?’
And suddenly I’m not sure why I rang. To hear her voice maybe, because I couldn’t wait until morning. Or maybe because I can’t shake the doubts about what telling the truth might cost her. I ask something else instead. ‘Your glasses, can you see without them?’
‘Enough.’
‘So you know it was me you kissed?’
She giggles again. ‘Yes.’
With nothing left to say, I can’t avoid my worries. ‘Are you sure?’ I ask softly.
She doesn’t ask me what I mean. ‘I … I think so.’
Despite the hesitation, she actually sounds it. The gift closes my throat and I’m glad no-one can see the soppy expression on my face. I know she’s doing it because it’s the right thing, but I know it’s also just a little for me.
‘You don’t have to.’ The words slip out before I can filter them.
She doesn’t say anything.
Idiot. As if she doesn’t know that by now. I try again. ‘What I mean is, not for my sake.’
‘You don’t want me to tell?’
She says it like she’s sure. I guess part of me still can’t believe it will happen. That in the morning she’ll risk everything to clear my name. ‘I won’t be mad if you change your mind.’
She doesn’t reply and I think she’s maybe hung up, but then she sighs. ‘Why are you so angry?’
‘I’m not. Not at you anyway.’
‘You talk about having this temper like it’s something you can’t control, but you’ve been so gentle with me. What happened to make you think you don’t deserve a future?’
‘You know what happened. I fought back against some sleaze who tried to have his way with my sister. That means I have a history of violence. This thing with Hayden won’t be brushed aside as boys being boys.’
It should be enough, but as usual, not for Callie. ‘There’s more.’
I’m relieved she can’t see me through the phone. Her eyes see too deeply and too much. ‘Nah,’ I say lightly. ‘I’m a simple guy.’
‘I don’t believe it.’
‘Callie,’ I try to put a warning in my tone. ‘Don’t push.’
‘Tell me.’
The world narrows to breathing in and out, like it did when I was small. Back then I always wondered whether the next breath would come. The darkness swirling at the edge of my vision would break over me as I fought to keep my eyes open.
I fought.
With everything I had, that last time. A small animal who couldn’t take another blow.
Tears sting my eyes, but I won’t cry. Not when Callie can hear me. I have to be strong.
‘My dad had a temper. He’s in jail now, for a fight in a bar or something, but it was always worse at home.’
She gasps. ‘He hit you.’
Those three words don’t begin to describe the poundings, but she doesn’t need details. ‘Yeah. And I have his temper.’
‘You don’t.’
She’s so damn quick to disagree, but that’s only because she doesn’t really know me. ‘Look, forget it. I just wanted you to know I don’t expect anything from you.’
Or anyone else.
There’s a long silence. I imagine her, sexy and sweet on her bed, staring at the ceiling or maybe looking out at the tree I climbed not so long ago.
‘But—’
‘Forget about me and my problems,’ I say. ‘I’ll handle it. There’s no reason for you to be involved.’ I’m stammering to get it out.
‘You want me to protect Sean?’
I don’t blame her for sounding confused. I’m confused too, but I can’t shake the need to protect her. Not after the time I’ve spent with her, and the glimpse I’ve seen of how hard she has it at home. ‘I don’t want you to get in trouble for me.’
There’s a noise in the background like a door opening and her voice lowers. ‘I have to go. We’ll talk in the morning.’
‘Okay. I …’
I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’ve never told a girl I love her before but the whole mushy declaration is suddenly on my lips.
I don’t know if I would have said it but before I can find out, there’s a hurried, ‘Night,’ and she disconnects.
I stare up at the white ceiling and marvel that there are no spider webs blanketing the corners and not a single mould mark. This is the kind of life Callie’s used to. I don’t want to be the one who wrecks it for her. She’s hardly going to look at me with adoration when her brother’s carted off and her mum’s committed to the crazy house.
But it’s too late. In the morning she’s going to tell.
There has to be another way.
Even if telling the truth is the right thing to do, she’ll end up hating me for it. I can’t let that happen. I care about her too much to make her go through the pain.
There’s only one way. I have to leave town.
* * *
A short time later, I’m in front of our house. Streetlight maintenance isn’t great this side of the creek and if you ignored the smashed windows, you wouldn’t know anything had happened here.
Except it did.
Pushing regret aside, I walk through the silent house. It’s stupid, me coming here. A foolish whim I shouldn’t have acted on. But that doesn’t stop me heading to where I used to sleep.
I know my guitar won’t have survived the mess they made. But I can’t help but hope that I can do this for Callie. That I can give her something.
Out the back, my camp bed is overturned, just like it was when I grabbed my clothes. I didn’t look for my guitar then. I was too worried about the doctor, and too afraid of what I’d find.
I tip the bed back over in one shove. Air rushes from my chest. There it is. My guitar, completely unscratched. I fight back a laugh. It might not be much of a victory, but at least they didn’t get everything last night. I think of Scarlett and Ma, safe at Javier’s. They didn’t get much at all.
I’m heading back out the front door when I see someone standing by the fence. My heart thuds. I know that shape, even in this light. ‘Dad?’
All my what-ifs and worries about him getting out collide in this moment. My guitar falls silent on the weeds behind me.
He comes towards me. Not the giant of my nightmares but a middle-aged man running to fat whose greasy skin shines in the low light. ‘Son,’ he says with forced cheer.
Like he’s happy to see me.
I’m not buying it. ‘Save the reunion speech. What do you want?’
He wipes a hand across his eyes. ‘Just wanted to see my family. You can’t blame a man for that.’
‘No.’ I don’t know who’s more surprised, but when I hear my voice, strong and sure, I know this has been coming for a long time. ‘No. We don’t want to see you anymore.’
He takes a step towards me and our eyes are level. He notices too, and takes a step back. ‘C’mon, Rhett, don’t be like that. What about cash? Do you have any on you?’
He’s whining. He’s actually whining.
I fold my arms, realising for the first time that I could probably take him. And because of that, I know I won’t have to. He’s never been interested in picking on someone his own size. ‘No,’ I repeat.
‘Let me stay here then. It’s only a couple of days. I have this thing up north. A job they set me up with.’
I should have known he had no intention of actually hanging around. ‘Then maybe you should get going early. Make a good impression.’
He looks me up and down, then turns without another word. And he’s gone.
Tears prick my eyes. It was so easy to get rid of him.
And so damn hard.
Maybe I’m not so different from Ma and Scarlett. I still held the flicker of hope that he’d want to see us. But all he wanted was money and somewhere to stay. With that off the table he was gone without a second glance.
* * *
I prepare to sneak out of Javier’s as light pushes aside the darkness of the night. I pack a change of clothes in an old backpack. There’s not much else I need.
I pass Ma’s room on my way out. Scarlett must have crashed by the TV because the other bed is empty and her snores drift from the living room. It’s easy not to disturb Ma from her deep sleep. I pause at her bedside.
‘Sorry,’ I whisper, and kiss her cheek. I breathe in her Ma-smell of roses and lavender. It might be a while before I smell it again. ‘This is for the best.’
My chest is tight but I don’t look back.
I leave a note for Scarlett with instructions to give Callie the guitar. For my sister, I leave all the money I have saved up for emergencies. I promise to send more as soon as I’ve got some work. I know Javier will look after them.
I don’t mention Dad. For the first time, I’m not worried about him coming around.
Then I’m outside in the chilly dawn air. My steps are the only sound in the silence and I’m confident I’ll be gone before anyone notices. But there’s a tug in my gut as I round the back of the surgery. I stop. Maybe I should check on Lion one more time, and make sure Javier has everything he needs for the day. Usually I stop by before school and put in some time to help with prep.
I force my feet to move forward. Javier will get used to working without me.
It’s for the best.
The mantra loops in my brain. It helps keep me from thinking about the family I’m leaving, the guilt I’m admitting and the girl I might never see again.
Leaving Callie hurts way more than it should. Being with her quiets the beast inside me and it’s hard to give that up.
I reach the bus station without incident. After buying a ticket, I take my seat behind the driver and settle in. I keep my head down in case someone recognises me, and I don’t look back when we pull out of town. The road is busy despite the early hour, the winding length packed with people heading back to the city for a week of work or study.
The scenery flashes past my window, the trees lit golden by the rising sun, but all I see is Callie’s face. What will she think when she finds out I’m gone?
I get out at the main rest stop to stretch my legs and use the bathroom. Another hour and I’ll be in the city and I can start my new life. I’m heading back down the side of the petrol station to the bus when a large figure blocks my path.
‘Jonny.’
His arms are folded across his chest. ‘I thought that was you skulking to the bus stop. Fleeing like the rat you are. I had to follow and see if I was right.’
‘You drove eighty kilometres behind a bus to check on me?’ I raise my eyebrows. ‘How sweet.’
He grabs a fistful of my T-shirt and shoves me back against the wall. ‘Didn’t say I cared, dickwad. I came after you because I have a score to settle.’
‘You? I’m the one whose house you trashed.’
‘And then you tattled.’ He’s close enough that his breath is rank in my face. ‘The police turned up at my mother’s house. Do you know what that’s like? They wanted to ask me a few questions.’
I fight laughter and shove him off me. ‘The big nasty police wanted to talk to you. How awful.’
‘My parents freaked. They kept me home to talk. And talk. I’m on freaking probation for staying at uni now. Because of you.’
‘I would have dropped you in it in a heartbeat if I thought they’d believe me, but someone else must have seen you because I didn’t give you their name.’
‘Someone did.’
‘Here’s a solution: don’t destroy other people’s property on some misguided revenge spree. Particularly when Callie had already told you I wasn’t the one who hurt your slimeball mate.’
He smirks. ‘Running away?’
‘None of your business.’ I try not to think about everything he’s done. My house, Callie’s dog, the fact that he’s even touched her smooth skin.
He pulls a phone from the pocket of his preppy jacket and waves it at me. ‘You’ve been naughty. Maybe I could get back in Sergeant Peters’ good books with such information.’
I keep my fists at my sides and shrug. ‘Call him then. I’d love to give him my thoughts on who visited my house on Saturday night.’
I don’t know what he sees on my face but it’s clearly not the fear he hoped to incite. He puts the phone away. ‘Nah. Better to just get scum like you out of my town.’
Before I know it I’ve taken a step towards him. His eyes flash fear. It makes the smile I offer him real. ‘Scum like me? You’re not so brave without your gang of mates and the cover of darkness, are you?’
‘I’ll take you on.’
But his eyes are darting for an escape, and the sound of footsteps as the bus driver comes out of the bathroom leaves him looking thoroughly relieved.
I uncurl my fingers. ‘You’re not worth the effort.’
‘You might as well skip town. Callie would have tired of you soon enough.’
He’s wrong. That I’m sure of. She wouldn’t tire of me. We are … were more than that. I’m not saying if all this crap disappeared we’d stay together forever—life’s too uncertain for such thoughts—but I know she felt deeper than someone this shallow could imagine.
‘Why do you even care?’ I ask. ‘You were screwing around on her anyway.’
‘She moves on when I say so. I’m the king of that town.’
‘As opposed to the nobody of everywhere else? How’s uni working out for you?’
His fists clench but then he shakes his head. ‘It doesn’t matter what you say. You’re just like your father. You’ll end up in jail soon enough.’
I manage to bite back a retort.
It’s not like his accusation is something I haven’t already thought about myself. It’s the reason I don’t trust myself with anyone special, why I don’t really think I deserve the future Callie and Javier were trying to offer me. An education. Love.
None of which I’ll have if I run.
I’m bailing just like Dad did my whole life. He was just like Jonny, a big fish in a small pond, the bully picking on easy targets. Targets like Ma and Scarlett. Me.
And if I don’t face up to this, I’ll be doing the same. He never stuck around when life got hard. Sick kids? Bills to pay? Something would set him off and he’d put himself in a situation where he could let his temper take him away. Fighting at the bar with his fists instead of fighting for his family. The one fight that takes guts and hope. He never kept control.
I picture walking back into the school. Callie telling the truth—or not. Dealing with the fallout either way.
Going back.
It’s a fuckload harder than running.
I look at Jonny. He’s no-one. But I can be someone. I grin. ‘Actually, I’m not at all like my dad. Thanks for reminding me.’
I turn my back on him without fear and take a lungful of gas-filled air. I’m going back to Valley Beach.
I’m choosing to fight.