I rested in the cream chair. The room hadn’t changed since the first time I was there. The same light floral aroma floated through the air. The neutral tones made me feel safe.
“How are you feeling today, Peyton?” Dr Wilson said.
“I’m good … really good.” I was. “How are you?”
“I’m well, thank you.”
Dr Wilson never forced me to talk about something I wasn’t ready to. Even after I told him my secret, his calming nature never changed.
“I told my mum and that boy I’ve been seeing. I told them about what happened to me.”
“Peyton, that’s excellent news. How does that make you feel?”
“I was scared to tell them. It was a risk. I knew that. But I found it somewhere in me to take the chance … They still love me, and now I know that I feel at ease. I feel better than OK.”
“That’s wonderful to hear.”
“You were right, you know.”
“About what?” Dr Wilson asked.
“About how telling you first would make it easier to tell others.”
“I’m very glad you were able to share that part of you – with me and two of the most important people in your life.”
Me too.
“Thank you.”
Dr Wilson smiled at me. His grey eyes glittered.
“I showed someone my Art Cave and the artwork inside. The art that I was hiding from.”
“Would you like to discuss that? The art you created?”
“It’s honest and heartbreaking. That’s why I couldn’t go in there. But now I feel strong enough for it … I’ve been in a couple of times now. Once by myself before I told you everything, and the second time to show that someone my secret, so they understood it and me a little better.”
“Do you think now that you’ve expressed this story, now that you’ve exposed this part of your life, you’ll be going into your Art Cave more often and creating something new?”
“Yeah.”
I liked to think so.
“And this art you’ve created about that part of your life, what do you plan to do with it?”
I hadn’t thought about that. The canvases were just there. They were always just there. Creating them helped get the truth out of me. It also helped me share that part of my past. I hadn’t made any plans to do anything with them.
“I’m not sure … I actually hadn’t thought about that yet. What about you? Have you got another drawing for me?”
“Why as a matter of fact I do.” Dr Wilson leant to collect a notebook. “And will I ever get to see some of your artwork?”
“Maybe at our next session. If I remember to bring something.”
“I look forward to it.”
At home I felt the light growing, slowly overtaking the grey. I wasn’t scared anymore, knowing I had nothing to hide.
Mum and I snuggled on the sofa with a blanket wrapped over our legs. We watched one of our favourite romantic comedies. We had seen it so often we knew it line by line. It almost felt like we had actually written the script. After designating each other several characters, we spoke when it was our turn – in-between stuffing our faces with popcorn and chocolate. We wore our pyjamas and it felt like any other night. I was glad Mum treated me no differently. After I told her, I prepared myself for her to retreat to acting like I was a china doll. But she didn’t. She never once looked at me like I was fragile or weak. That made me feel stronger. It reminded me that I was going to be the victor, not the victim.
I curled up on my bed. Breathed deeply. The smell of vanilla locked in my nose. I glanced over my art and the slightly messy state of my room. The space felt like my sanctuary again. I could rest in there and no longer feel defeated. I no longer felt alone. It was once the place I recognised it as – my safe place.
My phone beeped.
I read the message.
Kai: How was ur day?
Me: Good. Mum and I just finished acting out one of our favourite movies (while it was playing – we’re not that weird!) Liam called so we chatted with him for a little bit. How was work?
Kai: Boring because u weren’t there.
I smiled.
Me: Are u working tomorrow?
Kai: Y.
Me: Does Kai Pearson want Peyton Swift to visit him on his lunch break? Y or N.
Kai: Y.
Me: Meet at our picnic table?
Kai: Y.
I chuckled.
My phone beeped again.
Kai: I’ll bring the hot chocolates.
Me: I’ll bring the blanket. XOXO
Kai: Sweet dreams, Peyton Swift. Dream a little dream of me. OXOX