I hated Saturdays. Bad things threatened on the weekend. Too much time and not enough to do. Mum and Dad were weirdly polite with each other. I kind of wished they’d fight. Dad worked in his studio and Mum cleaned in a disorganised way, like she couldn’t remember the bits she’d done already. I was so desperate I mowed the lawn without being asked.
No one was telling me anything and I was sick of it. By late afternoon I was walking back and forth in my bedroom. I couldn’t stand it.
Texted Laura: <wanna do something?>
<working tonight>
Didn’t know what to make of that. She didn’t suggest catching up another time. Was she pissed off at me? Did she feel weird after Dad caught us kissing? Was she still upset about whatever it was?
Tom was coming over on Sunday to help with Dad’s sculpture again, but Saturday was going to last forever. I sent Tom the same text. Took him an hour to reply, by which time I’d nearly given up.
<movie?>
<anything 2 get outta here>
<pick u up at 5>
I was out the front, jumping from one foot to the other, when he pulled up. Opened the ute door and got in before he could even turn off the engine.
‘You said anything, right?’ he said. ‘Only, it’s a surf movie. Didn’t think you’d be into it.’
‘I don’t care,’ I said. ‘Let’s go.’
He put the car into gear. ‘How are your folks doing today?’
‘Crap.’
‘You?’
‘Same.’
He didn’t ask me anything else. Put the radio on loud and drove to Kingscliff. Took me into the tiniest cinema I’ve ever been in. I reckon there were about thirty seats in there. Ordered a beer for himself and a soft drink for me, and some chips. We sat down.
‘You gotta have stuff to do,’ he said. ‘Or you go fucking crazy.’
I looked at my hands. ‘I know.’
‘I could teach you to surf if you want?’
‘Nup.’
‘Might feel different after the film.’
‘Doubt it.’
The trailers started and the lights went down. I just wanted to watch something and forget everything else. It was one of those movies about riding big waves in Hawaii or somewhere. It was OK until they started on the underwater stuff. The guy training to hold his breath as long as possible. The way the waves held him down. Too much underwater. Too much blue.
I shut my eyes. Couldn’t help wondering what it was like for Toby. Did it hurt? Was he outraged that no one came to help him?
A few minutes later Tom nudged me. ‘Let’s go.’
I followed him outside. We crossed the road, went past the surf club. It was still warm. The water was full of swimmers and kids surfing.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘You can go back in if you want.’
Tom shook his head. ‘Forget it. Bad choice. Let’s just hang out for a while.’
We sat on the grass bank overlooking the beach. First time we’d just hung out without doing anything. I didn’t know what to say. I fiddled with the grass for a while. Tom seemed happy watching the water. Maybe that was a surfie thing. To me it was just waves crashing – they all looked the same.
‘Let’s go for a walk,’ Tom said. ‘I already ran this morning, and surfed. Don’t think I’m up for another run.’
I followed him down to the wet sand without a word and we set off to the south. In a few minutes we were away from the crowds. It was better, moving. I’d rather have run, but walking was OK. I liked being with Tom. He was steady. I felt calmer. I knew what was what.
‘How are you going with that girl?’ he asked.
My face got hot. ‘Laura? I dunno.’
‘Why aren’t you out with her tonight?’
‘She’s working at the pizza place. Anyhow, I’m just her charity of the month, you know?’
He laughed. ‘Girls don’t hang around just because they feel sorry for you, Jarrah.’
‘She’s more interested in my dead brother than me.’
He didn’t say anything. Watched the surfers for a while as we walked. I guessed he wanted to be out there, after all.
‘You got a girlfriend?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘I’m kind of between girlfriends right now.’ He glanced at me. ‘I had girls interested in me after Dad died. But it didn’t last long. People who haven’t gone through it – they forget pretty fast.’
‘It’s not even three weeks,’ I said.
‘I know.’
We walked further. ‘Where’s your dad buried?’ I asked after a while.
Tom swept his arm across the width of the beach. ‘We threw his ashes in the ocean. He loved surfing.’
I stared at the water. It was easier to talk to Tom walking side by side, not looking at each other. ‘Do you think they go somewhere?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Like, heaven or something?’ I snuck a glance at him.
‘For my dad, surfing was heaven. I reckon he’s there, in the water.’
‘Do you think they can see us?’
Tom shook his head. ‘Sometimes I think I can feel him when I’m surfing. But I could be making it up.’
He looked at me. ‘What happened with Toby? Was he buried?’
I kicked the sand. ‘He’s under Mum’s bed.’
It suddenly felt colder and shadows stretched the length of the beach. Tom stopped and turned.
‘Why don’t we drop in on your girlfriend for a pizza?’ He grinned. ‘I can check out what all the fuss is about.’
‘Just don’t steal her, OK?’ I grinned back at him like everything was great. I broke into a slow jog back along the beach.
Tom groaned and then started jogging too, catching me up. ‘You are keen.’
‘You’ll see why.’
But the truth was: I didn’t really want him to meet her. I was happier just doing what we were doing. I didn’t need anything more.