It was like a great big held-in breath was let out when the judge finally spoke. A suspended sentence of fifteen months, she said, and then read out a whole lot of legal stuff that went on forever. I didn’t follow it all, but I got the idea. Dad wasn’t going to jail. She finally finished, stacked her papers, stood up, nodded her head. Everyone got to their feet as she walked out, and people started turning to each other and talking. Some were smiling. The legal people shook hands. Conor hugged me and Edmund patted me on the back.
Tom was sitting up the back with his mother. They must have come in after me; hadn’t known they were there. I kept my head down, stayed in my seat and avoided looking their way. Dad caught my eye and smiled as he stepped out of the dock, and I smiled back, but with the crutches I was stuck in my row and I nodded for him to go outside. By the time I got out there, Mum and Dad were hugging. I didn’t want to interrupt that, but Dad looked up and called me to come over. I stumped across to them and he opened his arms and pulled me in so all three of us were hugging. Dad’s face was wet and I was crying too. He felt so big and real and warm and I realised how much I’d missed him, and I wanted to bawl like a kid, and had to control myself.
People were melting away. Chen must have gone; I’d seen him leave the court in front of me and he wasn’t anywhere outside. I couldn’t see Meredith either, and Conor and Edmund kept their distance. Then Dad looked up from our hug as we were sniffling and starting to loosen our grip on each other, and he caught sight of Tom and his mother and waved them over. I saw Tom hesitate.
‘We just wanted to see that you were all right,’ his mother said to us. ‘We’re so pleased.’
‘Thank you,’ Dad said. ‘We appreciate the support. Don’t be a stranger, Tom. Come by for a beer, eh?’
‘Sure,’ Tom said, not meeting my eyes.
They walked off. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t come for a beer. Didn’t know if I was sad or relieved. Still squirmed whenever I thought about that moment. But seeing Tom was kind of like seeing Dad again. Hadn’t realised how much I missed him.
The hug was over, though Dad still had his arm around Mum’s shoulders.
‘Let’s go home,’ she said.
I saw Dad baulk. He’d been away from where Toby died and he didn’t want to go back, I realised.
‘It’ll be OK,’ Mum said. ‘We can make some decisions now.’
The TV cameras and the journalists were out the front, interviewing Meredith, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. She finished and walked off without coming over to us. Then Dad’s barrister spoke to the cameras while we stood in the background. Edmund drove us home, with Conor in the front and the three of us squashed into the back seat and my crutches across our laps. Mum and Dad held hands like teenagers.
When we pulled up out the front, I realised there was nothing to show what had happened. Everything looked normal. It looked just like the other houses on the street.
‘Off you go,’ Edmund said. ‘Conor and I are going to check out the coast.’
‘You don’t want to come in?’ Dad asked.
Edmund looked back at the three of us and smiled. ‘Not today. We’ll see you tomorrow.’
Mum reached over and the sound of the car door handle was loud as she pulled it and the door cracked open. I opened my door, swivelled to the side, arranged my crutches so I could lever myself out of the car.
Edmund drove off while we were still standing there, the three of us close together. I didn’t feel so happy suddenly. Dad didn’t know what Mum had done to the pool. What would he think?
Dad’s feet seemed rooted to the ground, like he couldn’t move to walk to the gate and go inside.
‘I feel like I’ve already left here,’ he said.
Mum took his hand. I knew she was thinking that what she’d done to the pool would make things better, and even I knew what a dumb idea that was, but I couldn’t say anything.
‘You still sleeping in the lounge room?’ Dad asked me, stalling for time.
I nodded. I probably could have got upstairs on my crutches by now, but I’d got used to being down. I could flick on the telly if I woke up during the night and it wasn’t as hot as upstairs. I kind of liked it. Upstairs felt like my old life. Too many things up there reminded me of Toby.
‘Guess we’d better not stand out here all afternoon,’ Dad said.
I let them go first. You could tell a lot by how people held hands. I thought they were maybe going to be OK.
It was thirty-six days after Toby.