MONTH 3
(12–15 weeks)

Baby’s Weight: 9½ to 15 pounds (average for girls);
10½ to 16½ pounds (average for boys)
Baby’s Height: 21¾ to 25¼ inches (average for girls);
22½ to 26 inches (average for boys)

YOUR BABY

Your baby seems to have more “sparkle” than ever before! This month you should notice his expressions of joy emerging. He smiles at you, and you can see the spark of recognition in his eyes. People’s faces seem to have a particular fascination this month, especially when they move in close.

Three-month-old baby

Part of the art of parenting is learning how to approach your baby with awareness. Before you touch or lift him, pause to read his expressions and body language. If he’s grumpy, irritable, or hungry, his face will show it. His limbs may seem tight and he may circle his arms and legs rapidly as a way of signaling his distress. His sounds will quickly escalate from mild complaints to outright fussing until you figure out what’s ailing him and fix it. (Hint: He may just be hungry.)

If your baby’s feeling good and is ready to play with you, he is apt to become quiet at the sound of your voice, his eyes will brighten up, and he will try to make eye contact with you. Also, he may delight you by responding to the sight of you or to your sounds with coos, chuckles, and other noises of delight.

During pickups, it helps to exaggerate your movements by stretching your arms out, pausing momentarily before reaching down to lift him. Pause once again once you’ve got your grip on him to give him time to adjust his body for a position change.

Your baby’s smiles have definitely changed over the past few months—from the sweet smile of a dreaming newborn to a momentary, flashing smile to a full-faced and alert smile with the apples of his cheeks pulled upward. This new development is called the Duchenne smile, and it signals that your baby is really enjoying himself and you.

His head control is continuing to improve. If he’s against your shoulder, he can hold his head steady, even when you sway back and forth. When he’s on his belly, he will attempt to raise his chest up off the floor using his elbows and forearms. On his back, both of his arms will wave together.

His kicks will seem stronger now as his hips become more flexible and his knee joints become more mature. He will usually alternate legs when he kicks, although sometimes he may thrust them together just for practice. When you support him under his arms on your lap, he will try to extend his legs and stand briefly, but then he’ll quickly sag at the knees. By now, some babies can turn themselves over to their backs from their sides. Your baby is now able to turn his head freely from side to side when he’s on his back, with his head staying more centered rather than flopping to one side. He can spot objects 15 to 20 feet away, and his eyes can track a moving object when it’s held about 6 inches above his face and circled around.

  Tip

Walking your fingertips up your baby’s chest to his nose is one way to make your baby grin with excitement and anticipation.

If you gently place a piece of cloth over your baby’s face, he will probably try to remove it by batting with his arms. Tie a string to a toy and pull it gradually across the table in front of him while he’s sitting in your lap. He may turn his head to follow it. (Be sure to remove the string afterward so there’s no danger of the baby getting entangled in it when you’re not watching.)

You also can see how your baby’s hand control has gradually improved. In comparison to your newborn’s tight fists, your baby’s fingers are ever relaxing and spending more time unfolded, and he may finger one hand with the other when he’s lying quietly. Once he has a toy in his sight, he may gaze at it briefly with interest, or if he’s managed to hold on to it, he may wave it about, move it in front of his face to get a closer look, or try to move it to his mouth for exploration. He may also use his fingers and hands to explore his face or yours, grab onto your clothing, your hair, or dad’s chest hair or beard, but without a good sense of how to let go.

On his stomach, your baby will raise his chin and shoulders up, and gaze straight ahead by propping himself up on his forearms. When he’s brought to your shoulder, he may push away from your chest with his arms to peer out at the world. In your lap, he may try to bear his weight on his legs.

Sleep

Probably one of your main concerns for yourself these days is getting regular sleep. Your baby’s sleep episodes lengthen and become more regular as he grows. Most babies this age have very sporadic sleep patterns—sometimes awake for 1, 2, or even 4 hours at a stretch and sleeping in between. Three months from now, days and nights will become much more predictable and regular.

 

“I decided to let my baby have more time quietly playing on the floor. It was interesting to watch him stretching, rolling, and reaching for the toys I placed near him.”

Sleep is important to your baby. When he sleeps, his body is growing, his brain is making connections, and he may even be readying himself for the learning he’ll be doing next, such as growing connections for vision, preparing for a new motor skill, or new talking feats. As your baby’s stomach begins to increase capacity, sleeping through the night becomes ever more possible.

  Tip

Hang a mobile with simple shapes in primary colors over your baby’s crib, or attach a child-safe mirror inside the crib near his head—both can be intriguing for a three-month-old. These distractions will be unsafe in the crib a few months from now when your baby can sit up or later when he tries to clamber out.

Some babies clearly have their days and nights reversed and sleep more in the daytime than at night. Light exposure can help to regulate your baby’s sleeping rhythms. Make sure he gets outside for a while during the day, preferably in the morning. Human sleep rhythms are synchronized by sunlight. Babies (and adults, too) need at least 20 minutes of natural light every day to sleep well and produce adequate vitamin D. Your baby’s skin is still very sensitive to sunburn, so limit exposure, and use a baby sunscreen for protection.

It may be that your baby naps more frequently during the day because he’s tired out by noise and stimulation. In that case, try planning for quieter afternoons, and observe your baby’s cues. Try waking your day-night confused baby an hour earlier during midmorning naps, and stimulating him to stay awake for a while in order to gradually adjust his alert-and-active period to the early evening.

Baby sleep cycles

It helps to think of baby sleep as occurring in 24-hour cycles. Even though your baby sleeps for 11 to 16 hours out of 24, it’s never all at once. That’s because your baby’s body requires regular food for energy to run his highly active system and to fuel his rapid brain growth.

 

“I used to be a night person, but I’ve got a morning baby, and I’m having trouble adapting. I’m still trying to get 8 hours of sleep, but spread over a 24-hour period instead of between midnight and dawn. I don’t always succeed.”

While a newborn’s sleep is erratic and he can’t tell the difference between night and day, a four-month-old will sleep 5 to 6 hours per night. A six-month-old can sleep 8 to 11 hours at a stretch with several, shorter daytime naps. By one year, your baby will sleep about 12 hours at a time with one 2-hour afternoon nap. One in 4 one-year-olds still wake up in the night.

Changing your baby’s sleep pattern
As you round the corner into this third month of life with your baby, you may be seeing a small light at the end of the tunnel! Between three and six months, babies have the developmental capacity to learn to self-soothe—that is, to go to sleep without you being attached to them.

Typical Hours of Baby Sleep

BABY AGE	TOTAL HOURS OF SLEEP
1 week	16½
1 month	15½
3 months	15
9 months	14
2 years	13
3 years	12
4 years	11½
5 years	11

So if your baby’s been sleeping in your bed or room, in the coming months you may want to try to transition him to his own space. However, it may take a few nights for your baby to adjust. Here are some tips for the bed-to-crib transition:

• Make sure your child is developmentally ready. If his stomach isn’t big enough to hold more than 3 or 4 hours’ worth of food, you’ll both get the most sleep co-sleeping and nursing. (For information on how to make co-sleeping safe, see in 3. Your Baby Maintenance Guide.)

• Create ambience. Make your baby’s sleeping place different from other places—dim and peaceful. Use blackout shades or thick curtains to help keep the room dark.

• Think “early.” Early bedtimes are good for babies. Even if it’s 6:00 p.m. and your baby is showing signs of fatigue, like yawning, fussing, or his eyelids are looking heavy, start the bedtime ritual. It may sound counterintuitive, but overtired and overstimulated babies have more trouble sleeping at night than those who are given the opportunity for more regular and low-key daytimes. You might think that a later bedtime will mean that the baby sleeps longer in the morning, but that just isn’t so. Most babies wake up at the same time in the morning regardless of when they go to bed.

• Start building a bedtime routine. Figure out what works for you. Try dimming the lights in the house, turning off the television, and getting everything peaceful a half hour before bedtime. Then clean up the baby, read a book to him or tell a story, have a feeding, put on a clean diaper, rub any tooth nubs with gauze, rock in the chair, and sing the same songs or play the same music every night before you put the baby down.

• Don’t nurse baby to sleep. It’ll make self-soothing harder later, and it’s bad for his emerging teeth.

• Pause before responding. When your baby awakens and makes sounds in the deep of night, don’t feel obligated to rush right in. Give him a few minutes to settle back down. He may just be moving between active and deep-sleep cycles. But if he’s genuinely hungry or has a stinky diaper, you can’t ignore that. When you do go in, keep the lights dim, feed or change, and leave quickly.

• Make morning the “quality time.” If you’re a working parent you may have the urge to keep the baby up or have him sleep with you because you haven’t seen him all day and you think you should make up for it with “quality time.” Instead, think about using evenings for your own renewal and use early mornings when your baby’s more apt to be alert for your special “together” time.

CIO Yes or No?
The debate over crying it out (or “CIO”) has inflamed many a parenting message board. Parents who are “pro-CIO” believe that babies need to be left alone to learn to soothe themselves to sleep, or else night routines will turn into hours-long production numbers and babies will never learn to sleep on their own.

The anti-CIO camp counters that if babies cry and parents don’t meet their needs, they won’t learn to trust and will therefore become more demanding and cry more than they would to begin with.

Studies do show that babies who are forced to cry it out in the first three months of life cry significantly more at one year than babies whose parents consistently comforted them day or night. But, now that your baby is becoming developmentally ready, it will be important that he learns to self-soothe. Giving the baby a chance to fall asleep does not make you a bad parent—in fact, you and the baby will both be better-rested once he gets the hang of sleeping on his own. Unless you plan to co-sleep until high school, this may mean a few nights of crying for you (and by you) until your baby gets used to it.

Ask your health-care provider if he or she thinks your baby is ready to learn to fall asleep on his own, and ask what strategies other parents have found successful. Most pediatricians recommend letting a baby cry for a certain amount of time, like 10 minutes, before going in to soothe him, and then extending that time period with each successive night and not taking him out of the crib unless he’s got a dirty diaper or a physical problem. Combine your doctor’s advice with what feels right to you.

Expect that, during that first year, your baby may seem to sleep well for a matter of weeks or even a month, and then start waking up all over again. This may happen when his body is undergoing a growth spurt, he’s trying to master some major skill, or he’s coming down with a cold. (For more information and opinions about baby sleep strategies, see in 3. Your Baby Maintenance Guide.)

 

“Instead of sitting up in bed at the first noise, I’ve learned to stop and listen. There’s a big difference between how my baby sounds when he means business and when he’s just fussing.”

Your baby’s language map

Talking with your baby actually lays groundwork in his gray matter. Your baby’s brain organizes its connections and actively creates a complex map for interpreting what he hears to help him with language and communication. Babies who are frequently spoken to develop recognition of up to 300 more words by age two than those whose parents rarely speak to them. In fact, this month your baby’s ever-growing brain is already able to distinguish several hundred different spoken words, even though it will take almost two years for him to start speaking in simple sentences.

While your baby is cooing, screeching, squealing, and whimpering, you may also hear some “ooohs” and “ahhhhs.” He’s working up to learning to use “bbb,” “ppp,” “ggg,” and “kkk” sounds later. About three months from now, he will be sounding his version of his or the dog’s name, “dada,” “mama,” “bye-bye,” and other simple words and combinations. By fifteen months of age, a typical toddler will have acquired about 10 words in his repertoire; by a year and a half, 50 words; and by two years, between 25 to 400 words. At three years of age the average child knows more than 1,000 words!

Your baby is also taking an interest when you’re speaking around him—just making telephone calls while he’s in the room may help his language skills develop (though he may fuss for your attention). And, when he’s a toddler, he’ll be able to do an uncanny imitation of your phone voice.

When you converse with your baby, try using Motherese: Speak slowly and ask the baby short questions: “Where’s the teddy bear?” Pause for the length of time it would take your baby to answer, then reply: “Here it is!” Also try taking your baby for walks in a soft carrier or stroller and narrating what you see: “Look, there’s a birdie!” “What big trees!” “Did you hear the fire engine?” Your baby will be soothed by the sound of your voice; plus, you’ll be giving your baby lots of language-building experiences.

You’ll also notice that your baby is becoming more sociable. He may stop sucking and try to look around when he hears someone come into the room and speak. He may also delight in staring into mirrors and trying to figure out exactly what he’s seeing.

Communicating with your baby
By month three, your baby will be very attuned to your face when you communicate with him. The position of your eyes will say something to him. He may gaze intently at your face when you’re lovingly holding him in your arms while nursing. Don’t distract him, though. He needs to concentrate all of his energy and attention on what his mouth, tongue, and jaws are doing. He’ll be particularly sensitive to how you use your eyes when you’re talking with him.

If you establish eye contact, he will feel that the two of you are interacting. But if you glance to one side or the other while talking with him, he’ll see the difference, smile less, and may momentarily stop looking at you altogether. It’s upsetting to a baby when his mom stops interacting. When mothers of three-month-olds were instructed to stop interacting positively with their babies and simply sit in front of them with a blank expression on their faces, their babies’ expressions turned from delight and joy into sadness, and some babies even started crying.

In similar experiments, mothers of 1-to-6-month-olds were asked to remain expressionless to see what would happen. The babies stopped reacting with their mothers, or they fussed. Some babies made “pick-me-up” gestures or twisted and turned uncomfortably in their seats. Their hearts raced, and they also hiccupped and had more spit-ups. Finally, the babies simply gave up, withdrew, and looked at other things around the room.

How language develops
Language isn’t just about words. It’s also about sounds, how words flow together, intonation, and where the emphasis is placed on words and in sentences. Although every baby develops skills, including speech, according to his own unique timetable, here are some general guidelines for how your baby’s speech will develop over the next two years. (After the first five months, be concerned if your baby fails to begin making noises and sounds or doesn’t respond to your voice.)

Weaning to the bottle

If you live in hurricane country or you’re concerned about other natural or man made disasters, nursing your baby means you’ll always be able to feed him, no matter what happens—whether the power fails, water is contaminated or unavailable, or you can’t get to a store to buy formula. If you’ve nursed in the past and you can’t access formula, you may be able to re-lactate by keeping your baby sucking for a while.

During normal times, some moms choose to nurse at least until their babies reach six months, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and many other medical and health organizations around the world. Still others elect to continue nursing until their babies reach two, or older. Every mother has to weigh her own needs with those of her baby to decide what she wants to do.

Language Development

AGE	SOUNDS
2 to 7 months	Makes vowel sounds, such as “eee” and “ooo.”
7 to 9 months	Combines vowels with some consonants: “da-da” and “ma-ma”; “bye-bye.”
9 to 12 months	Makes babbling sounds that imitate the rhythms of language.
Around 12 months	Speaks first “real” words, like “ball” and “doggie.”
18 to 20 months	Makes first word combinations.
Around 2 years	Creates first sentences.

  Tip

Even though your baby may try to hold the bottle, it’s important that you always do it to make sure she doesn’t choke.

If you’re working full-time, nursing and pumping milk can be a challenge. A lot may depend upon how demanding your job is and how supportive an environment your company provides for new and lactating moms. Rather than making nursing moms lock themselves in toilet booths to pump their milk, supportive companies provide comfortable, private places for expressing, such as specially equipped rooms in their health suites. They also provide refrigeration, and some enlightened companies even provide sterile, hospital-grade pumps to help their employees get the job done easier and faster.

   Your Pumping Rights at Work

Research shows that creating a breastfeeding-friendly environment in workplaces can decrease new-mom absenteeism by up to 57 percent. Moms are happier, babies are healthier, and productivity and employee loyalty are often increased. Some states, including Florida and Connecticut, require employers to provide breastfeeding mothers with an adequate setting and sufficient time to express their milk.

Here are some ideas for easing your way into pumping success at work:

• Educate. Talk with your boss about how breastfeeding benefits your baby, and explain how this will probably translate into lowered health-care costs and fewer lost workdays for you.

• Cite medical authorities. Note that the American Academy of Pediatrics encourages employers to support breastfeeding employees; if necessary, cite statistics about reducing absenteeism.

• Time issues. If your employer is concerned about lost time at work, offer to come in to work early or to take shorter lunch breaks to compensate for your “down” time.

• Note that it’s a time-limited issue. Point out that you won’t be taking pumping breaks forever.

Then, think about buying or renting an efficient (but quiet) pump that will allow you to pump milk both sides at the same time, and find a place where you can have time alone to do it. (Maybe you can even negotiate yourself into a private office with a locking door.)

If you discover that at-work pumping isn’t working for you, or you simply aren’t up to the extra strain and drain, weaning your baby to the bottle is usually pretty simple: Don’t stop breastfeeding abruptly, but gradually increase amounts of formula feedings over a period of weeks, and your milk production will gradually decrease and finally stop.