Your new baby’s skin is very thin, almost translucent, and you may glimpse blue veins underneath it. All babies, regardless of their race or ethnicity, appear lighter-skinned at birth, then gradually their skin color develops. For several weeks, fair-skinned babies will look more blotchy or mottled than babies destined to have darker skin.

Your baby may have reddish marks on his forehead, an eyelid, or on the nape of his neck that darken when he cries. These are known as stork bites or angel kisses, and are simply blood vessels that show through the skin. They will begin to fade as your baby’s skin thickens during the first year. It’s normal for babies—especially those who arrive after their due dates—to have cold feet, and to have peeling skin on their wrists, hands, ankles, and feet.

Darker-skinned babies sometimes have bruise-like marks, called Mongolian spots, on their lower backs or buttocks. These, too, fade over time, though in some cases they never disappear entirely. Many babies are born with birthmarks. Some will completely disappear, and others will gradually fade but never go away completely. Most are harmless, but a few types may require medical attention. (For more about birthmarks, see in 6. Medical and Safety Guide.)

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Your baby may have been born with a full head of hair, but he could also have arrived completely bald. Some babies, especially preemies, come with fine, dark, downy hair called lanugo across their shoulders, down the spine, or on the tops of their ears. Babies born with curly hair, may have a rich mop of hair that looks much thicker than it is because of its curly texture.

As your postpregnancy hormones change, you’ll probably start to shed hair and so will your baby, but the number of hair follicles he has remains constant throughout life. Hair texture changes as your baby matures, and it becomes thicker over time. Blonde babies don’t always stay fair-haired; their hair may darken over time and look browner because it’s thickened.

Gender differences

Because of the rush of hormones at birth, babies of both genders are born with enlarged, reddened genitals. They become more proportionately sized in the days after birth. There may be a slight discharge, sometimes bloody, from your daughter’s vagina, but this is normal and occurs as a result of the hormones, too. Babies of both genders may have puffy-looking breasts and can even secrete fluid from their nipples during the first weeks of life. This so-called witches’ milk is also the result of the massive dose of hormones babies get at birth.

Changing your baby

The most important thing to know about changing girls is to always wipe from front to back. Otherwise you risk transferring fecal bacteria (E. coli) to the urinary tract, which can make your daughter more vulnerable to painful infections there.

You don’t need to take any special care to clean the vagina, other than wiping with a damp washcloth, and there’s no need to “detail” folds with a swab.

A white substance, called smegma, naturally collects in the folds of the vagina, and it’s beneficial and necessary. If poop gets into the vaginal folds, wipe from front to back with a warm, damp washcloth or baby wipe, or, if the umbilical cord site has healed, dip her bottom in a warm bath.

Penis Care

If you chose not to circumcise your baby boy his penis will not require any special care, just wash with water and a washcloth. Never try to pull back your baby’s foreskin to clean underneath it. It won’t fully separate and be retractable until your son is about two years of age, and trying to do so could damage his penis area and lead to infection.

By the time your son’s foreskin starts to loosen on its own, he will be old enough to retract it himself. Once that happens, you can show him how to gently wash himself with plain, warm water without soap.

If you had your son circumcised, by the time you get home from the hospital, the site should not be bleeding. Avoid touching the area, and only clean it if it gets poopy. If that’s the case, clean the site by dripping water gently on it and patting it dry. Apply petroleum jelly (Vaseline^®) to the tip of the penis at every diaper change to keep the incision from becoming stuck to the diaper as it heals. Your baby’s circumcision should heal on its own in 8 to 10 days. In the meantime, call your baby’s doctor if the circumcision site begins to bleed, oozes, smells foul, and/or your son doesn’t urinate for 8 hours or more. (For more on diapering your baby, see in this chapter.)

Responding to your baby

The idea that babies could be “spoiled” by being picked up too often was started by a rather unlovable doctor at the turn of the century who warned mothers to leave their babies in their cradles for fear they would get used to being coddled and demand more.

Numerous studies have shown that cuddling babies doesn’t spoil them. In fact, parents who refuse to be responsive to their babies end up with babies who ARE spoiled— who are overly dependent and clingy later on. That’s because they’ve failed to meet their babies’ deepest need to feel secure and responded to.

Scheduling when a baby feeds, instead of answering him when he signals he’s hungry is also a big mistake and sometimes leads to failure to thrive (FTT) syndrome.