MATT HELD on to the yellow grips of the black ribbons with all the power that was left in him. His shirt was drenched with sweat, and every part of his body trembled. Suspension training had sounded like so much fun when Nick and Shane had explained it earlier that Friday afternoon.
Nick had called it “a little dangling from ropes and some easy, classic exercises on those ties.” Nothing to it! It was a modern form of torture, and the Spanish Inquisition would’ve loved these devices.
“One more push-up, Matt, gimme one more.” Shane’s voice roared in Matt’s ears.
His considerate, loving boyfriend and this relentless drill sergeant were one and the same person, however hard this was to believe. Not even Iain had ever ordered him around like Shane did during training. Thinking Iain’s name never failed at riling him up, though. With the last reserves of strength, he pulled himself into an upright position. Matt was panting, and the rest of the gym looked blurry, for his eyes refused to focus.
“Well done, champ.” Shane clapped him on his shoulder, and Matt swayed back and forth from the impact.
“If I survive this, I’ll tell you what I think about you calling me champ.” Matt had to press out every word during the short pauses his body left him before gasping for air again. He shook his drooping head, and at last, crisp vision returned.
“As long as the customer is sassy, he can train on.”
Though Matt wasn’t looking at Shane, he couldn’t miss the barely muffled chuckle in his voice. Yet there lay some truth in those words. “Have mercy on me, and give me a short break at least.”
“There’s only one exercise left”—Shane clasped Matt’s shoulder—“but as an elite life member, you earned yourself an isotonic drink on the house before we resume. Wait here for a sec.”
Matt felt so bushed he wouldn’t go far anyway, even if he tried to escape. He better bite back that comment, because it would earn him one more set of repetitions just for being defiant. “That’d be nice.”
Shane squeezed Matt’s shoulder again and let go of it. What a pity that he hadn’t kissed him instead, but not here, and not yet. Shane wanted Matt to be more secretive. He hadn’t said it in so many words, though he kept reminding him about every five minutes after the incident with the old woman to take his time with coming out.
“Can’t wait to be back.” Shane’s voice died as he walked away.
Matt had a minute or two to recuperate. This afternoon proved beyond any doubt that he and sports just didn’t go together. Like cousins who’ve only seen each other once in their lives, their meeting was awkward at best. Still, training in the gym meant more time with Shane. He had yet to decide whether spending time with this slave driver who only looked like Shane was a good thing. Hell yes, it was.
“Hey you!” a young man’s voice said behind his back.
Those exact words had started so many instances of bullying that Matt shuddered. Time disconnected as his body switched to high alert, and adrenaline surged through him. All exhaustion dropped off. He was ready for flight.
Don’t be a douche!
He was safe here. Nick tended the counter just around the corner. Shane would return any moment. Many other people trained here right now. Unlike the students at Central High, they wouldn’t look away… most probably not. Matt closed his eyes and took his time to breathe once more. He was safe here. That should become his credo. He turned around.
Two guys, sixteen or seventeen maybe, stood behind him. One of them was a head and a half taller than he was and blond. The other boy was only a tad smaller than his buddy, his hair a dark brown. Both of them were buff, showing off their muscled arms with sleeveless shirts. How much damage could they do before anyone came to his rescue? The voices in Matt’s head screamed at him to at least take a fricking step away from them, but never again would he listen to those yells.
“Hey,” Matt cawed and cleared his throat.
“You’re here for the first time, aren’t you?” the blond one asked. He was the one who had spoken first.
Matt nodded. “Yes.” Everything was all right. They only wanted to talk. His heart refused to beat slower, though, for it claimed to know better than its owner did on what to do. The voices, still making a din in his head, endorsed the heart’s assessment.
“You did awesome on the suspension ropes,” the brown-haired boy said. “I’ve trained regularly for three years with the other machines, and I just look fucking ridiculous hanging down from them.”
“You are fucking ridiculous, dude.” For this, the blond guy had to take a punch on the shoulder that looked rather painful, but he only grinned.
The brown-haired one faced Matt again. “You’re training with the Beast, right? You just have to give your best, then. No one pulls shit with him.” The grins of these two looked like identical twins, and Matt wondered if they were actually related.
“The Beast?” A befitting name for that slaver lord who had replaced Shane. The corners of Matt’s mouth curved up, and his heart grudgingly accepted that it didn’t have to burst through his chest. Best of all, the voices shut their traps and pretended to never have piped up in the first place.
“Yeah. Shane went into beast mode as a kid, and then the switch broke.” The blond boy gave his friend a smacking high five.
“Dillon. Jared.” Shane walked up from behind, holding a small plastic bottle in his hand. “Aren’t you supposed to bench press until your puny arms fall off?”
The two guys flinched, but it obviously took more to wipe the slyness off their faces.
“How much did you hear, Shane, dude?” the dark-haired boy asked.
“Enough that you’ll fucking love your next training plans, Jared, dude.” Shane’s grin bested theirs with one arm bound to its back.
“Okay, okay. We’re off to bench press again,” Dillon said. “Nice to meet you, umm….”
“Matt. Nice to meet you too.”
Dillon raised his hand. What did he want? But of course! Their high five hit hard, and Matt’s fingers cracked alarmingly. This was the first guy his age who respected him. Well, the second one counting Shane, and he would bear some pain for a feeling as epic as this.
“Knock yourself out, Matt.” Jared offered him a fist, and Matt bumped it back.
The two boys strolled to the other side of the gym, whispering to each other and laughing.
Shane moved closer to him and bowed down slightly. With lowered voice, he asked, “Did they frighten you?”
Matt’s fingers closed into fists, and the muscles in his face tensed up. Shane knew him too well not to notice what was going on. On one hand, it was awesome that he could read him with ease, but on the other hand, Shane had caught him in the act of something that he should’ve gotten over by now. “In the beginning, a little bit.” His confession turned into a meek whisper. He wouldn’t lie to Shane, however embarrassing the truth was.
“They’re nice guys and harmless.” Another muffled chuckle got stuck in Shane’s throat. “Mostly.” He laid his arm around Matt’s shoulder. “You fought down your fear, and you were even smiling at them when I returned. What more can you expect of yourself?”
Matt leaned on Shane. “I don’t want to be afraid ever again. That’s ridiculous, I know.” Only to Shane could he say such things. No one else would understand.
“You suffered enough terror for two lives. Needless to say, you’re sick of it.” Shane curled his fingers on Matt’s arm. “Yesterday, you didn’t show any fear when you owned that bitch.”
“That was different. She attacked you, blaring her bullshit, and I had to make her stop.” For Shane, it was still so easy to be strong. “Your mom said that you’re in good hands with me. I would’ve let her down if I didn’t fight for you.”
Shane’s body convulsed, and he cringed before a single snort of laughter exploded from his mouth.
So, he found the idea of Matt caring for him funny? “Why are you laughing at me?” Matt pushed away, but Shane held him in place, tightening his grip.
“For goodness’ sake, I’m not laughing at you!” Shane stepped before him and went down on his knees, fixating onto Matt’s eyes. “You don’t really think I’d do that, do you?” Worry strained the muscles in his face.
Shane wouldn’t laugh at him. He never would. The residual adrenaline from meeting Dillon and Jared had turned Matt itchy and fretful. Usually his body spent all its energy on running, hiding, and trembling. Now it used that power to flail around instead. He had struck out at the person who least deserved it. Unfortunately he wasn’t allowed to apologize for his bitching. He simply shook his head.
“I laughed because I thought the very thing about fighting for you yesterday. You only beat me to cut her down to size.” Still holding the bottle with one hand, Shane let the back of the other slide down Matt’s cheek. “I shouldn’t have laughed. It was insens—”
Matt put his index finger on Shane’s lips. A kiss would’ve worked better, though. Still not the place and still not the time. “No apologies, remember? Especially if it’s not your fault.” That also came close to an excuse. At least it eased a little of Matt’s bad conscience. He let his finger drop.
Shane nodded. He licked his lips as if savoring the taste Matt’s finger had left behind. “What do you say about skipping the last exercise and visiting the treatment room instead?”
The drill sergeant was gone, and Matt’s boyfriend had returned. He definitely liked his boyfriend better. He leered. “What a splendid idea… Beast.”
SHANE GUFFAWED. “I’d hoped you never found out about that nickname.” He could live with being called “the Beast” in the gym, accepting it as a weird compliment, but Matt thinking about him like that made his stomach grumble.
“Too late.” Matt showed his perfectly white teeth in a not so perfectly nice grin. “But don’t worry. I like the beast on… oh, my mistake… in you very much.”
The beast below Shane’s waist reared its head as Matt called out its name. Shane extended his hand with the bottle, grinning back at Matt. “Drink this. You’ll need the extra hydration and minerals.” The beast down low would have to wait a little longer. If it woke up on the training floor, he would have to deal with a lot of other nicknames worse than “the Beast.” Of course Dillon and Jared would happily provide them.
Matt took the bottle, downed it in one gulp, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What are we waiting for?” He knitted his brows. “Oh, I should take a shower first, shouldn’t I?”
“Not necessary.” The sweat only intensified Matt’s smell, and it would be such a waste to get rid of it. Shane got up. Hopefully his bulge wasn’t too noticeable yet. “You’ll have to shower later anyway,” he added under his breath.
Matt’s cheeks were flushed from exhaustion, but they turned a notch more crimson as the redness crawled up from his throat.
“This might become handy too.” Matt picked up his towel and draped it over his shoulder.
If they didn’t leave soon, someone would notice Shane’s growing boner. “How farseeing of you.” He shoved Matt forward with his hand. Not that good an idea, for the touch drained even more blood from his brain to the beast. “No questions please, but walk right in front of me, okay?”
Matt nodded, and the muscles in his neck tensed as he obviously struggled to keep a laugh in.
The ten steps it took them to leave the training area felt like more—many more—but they managed to get to the corridor leading to the spa area without running into anyone. Here they could risk walking side by side, and Shane caught up to Matt, who discarded the empty bottle into a waste bin.
“I did some research.” Matt lowered his gaze, the muscles in his cheeks working. He even looked cute when he was embarrassed.
“What kind of research?”
Matt’s head sank farther down until his chin touched his chest. “I watched—instructional videos on the web.”
This time Shane wouldn’t laugh. Mentally punching himself in the balls helped him to not crack up, but a sly little smirk was allowed, wasn’t it? “You watched porn?”
Matt yanked his head up and opened his mouth. “There are tutorials for real.” The shock on his face mixed with a lopsided grin. “Okay, okay, most of those are thinly veiled porn, but they’re instructional nonetheless.” The grin won out.
“And did you learn anything?”
Matt had pulled off the feat to amuse and move Shane in equal parts. Only Matt would come up with the idea of theoretically studying sex. He used the scientific method with geeky consequence, which was even cuter than his embarrassment and gave rise to another southward rush of blood.
“Take that look off your face!”
Since Matt couldn’t get rid of his own grin, Shane didn’t take that request too seriously.
“Have you ever entered the words ‘gay sex’ into a search engine?” Matt asked. “You get way over 300 million hits. It was hard work to look through all of those.”
“Hard work. I understand.” The images of Matt sitting in his room and jerking off while taking notes on arousal and efficiency of stimulation should have been funny. They were fucking hot instead. The beast bobbed again in his boxers.
Matt’s elbow bore into Shane’s ribs so softly that it resembled a caress more than anything else. Another attack of the beast followed, and Shane’s underwear only barely survived it.
“Feel free to mock me.” Matt chuckled. “But you’ll appreciate my hard work when I actually know how to get fucked by you.”
Shane’s cock dropped down cold. Matt talking about fucking should have made the beast go off, but it came out so abruptly and unexpectedly that his blood froze instead.
“You….” Matt swallowed. “You don’t want to fuck me?” He sucked in his lips, and the blush faded from his cheeks.
Shane stopped dead in his tracks. “It’s not about what I want, but do you really want”—he gestured at his crotch—“this up your ass?” Shane could never enjoy fucking Matt knowing he was in agony.
“I don’t want this up my ass, but I want you inside of me. There’s a difference.” Matt grabbed both of Shane’s wrists. “I watched enough porn to know that you’re huge, and I know that it’ll take patience to get you in there, but that’s what I really want.”
“They all say that, but….” Shane bit his tongue. “You don’t want to hear about the men before you.” He felt like shit. What he had said topped the list of the absolutely worst things he could break to Matt. It was bad enough to breach their no-apologies pact. “I’m sor—”
“Don’t!” Matt’s hands tightened around Shane’s wrists. “Whatever happened with those men, it weighs down on you.” He raised Shane’s hands and placed short kisses on each of their backs. “Tell me, please! I will listen.”
Shane still forgot how strong and sturdy a mind lived in this small and fragile body. His mom was right when she said that he was in good hands. He nodded. “Each and every guy who sees the monster—”
“Your perfect cock, you mean.” Matt gave Shane’s wrist a squeeze.
“Okay, my cock.” That was a good compromise, wasn’t it? “When guys see my cock, they implore me on their knees to fuck them because they never had such a big one, because it must feel awesome to have it inside, because it’s a dream come true… just fill in some whacky reason.” Guys never were sexy when they begged, but Shane couldn’t snub them. He was too kindhearted—or dim-witted—for that. Until… no, he mustn’t think about that. “Half of the head gets in at most, then the begging starts again. They cry and weep, and I pull out. Then that’s it, end of date.” Too late. The memory sneaked back, and the gruesome images floated through Shane’s mind, bringing with them the helplessness of that night. He couldn’t tell Matt about the one and only time he actually had fucked a guy, could he?
Matt wiggled Shane’s arms. “You can tell me everything.” He didn’t insist but simply invited him to go on.
However Matt got inside Shane’s head, he was glad to have him there. No one knew about that incident, not even Nick. It was about time to share it with someone, to share it with Matt. “One guy didn’t want me to pull out. I had just turned eighteen. He was in his late twenties. We met in a club but ended up in his place. That man didn’t beg. He offered me his ass, bit into the sheets, and didn’t moan once. You can’t imagine how happy I was that finally someone was able to bear me. I came, collapsed onto his back, and kissed his nape, thanking him over and over again.” Shane gaped into Matt’s eyes. He was flooding him with all those details about a fling, and Matt looked back at him without the slightest sign of disgust, only worry and apprehension. He turned his arms around and grabbed Matt’s because he needed to touch him back.
“And then?” The smile on Matt’s face was so subtle that no one except Shane would notice.
“He asked me what the heck I was doing, said I wasn’t supposed to cuddle with him but fuck him raw. I was shocked and pulled out to find blood all over the rubber.” It had been one of the most haunting and terrible things that he’d seen in his life, only surpassed by what Hayden had done to Jer. “I panicked, but he just laughed. He said next time we should forget about the lube, and I shouldn’t pound him like a pansy but destroy him for real.” Shane closed his eyes and inhaled before the memory could choke him. “He even offered me a hundred bucks if I forgot about the condom too. I ran from his place.” Only half-dressed and even leaving his jacket behind, Shane had just wanted to get out. Fortunately, he had had the presence of mind to take his wallet and phone with him, yet he had never returned to get the jacket.
With a jolt of his hands, Matt freed his arms and slung them around Shane’s waist, pressing his small body against him with all the strength he had. Shane closed his arms around Matt in return, watching out not to hurt him.
“That’s so terrible,” Matt whispered, the warm air of his breath wafting through the fabric of Shane’s shirt.
Matt’s head left his stomach, and Shane opened his eyes, looking into friendly blueness.
“I don’t want you to fuck me because it’s some kind of freaky trophy, and I definitely don’t want you to destroy me. I want you to fuck me because I yearn to be with you in any way possible. I know you’ll be so careful and patient with me that we’ll make it the most wonderful moment ever.”
Matt’s candor became a physical thing, a flow that surged over Shane. Those memories had churned up darkness in him, but it couldn’t exist in the presence of that kindness. He would fuck Matt someday. It would happen. And it would be wonderful.
“Just be patient with me too.” Shane bent down to peck Matt on his lips. He couldn’t care less whether anyone saw them. The sweet taste bypassed his brain and shot directly into his cock.
Matt pressed closer. “Oh, the little beast isn’t patient at all.” The grin returned to his lips. “There are many more things from the instructional videos that piqued my scientific curiosity. It’ll take some time to gather enough data on those before we should consider the fucking experiment.” Matt turned around in Shane’s arms and faced away from him. “To the lab!”
The feeling of Matt’s back rubbing against his cock made a visit to the treatment room more urgent than ever. Shane raised his arms, seized Matt by his armpits, and lifted him off the ground a few inches. “My legs are longer. We’ll get there faster if I carry you. All for the sake of science!”
“For science!” Matt chuckled, and his body fidgeted.
Shane sprinted off, carrying the most understanding and compassionate boyfriend in the world. His arms had never held more precious freight.