I have a crick in my neck from sleeping on the floor next to my mom’s hospital bed, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Not that I have anywhere else to go. I hear a rustling. Imagine the gentle smoothing back of my hair.
I look up. See my mom’s eyes flutter. Focus.
She’s here.
The smell of her. The softness.
I reach out to touch her. To know she’s real. I stand up so I can reach her. My hands hold her cheeks like a mug of hot tea. The vision of her blurs through the tears in my eyes. Like she’s swimming in me. I’m swimming in her.
“Ruby.” Her own eyes go blurry with tears. “Oh, Ruby. I was so afraid I’d never find you.” She looks at me. At this bed. At this room. At how serious it all is. At how close something bad seemed. “I was so afraid I’d lose you, too.”
“Never.” She has loved me fiercely, but been too afraid to let anyone in since my dad. Until Coach. Because loving too hard meant accepting the risk of losing it.
“Are you okay?” she asks. “Where have you been?”
“I was hurt. I was in the hospital.”
She gasps. Reaches out for a hug. I go to her and she pulls me in. “The hospital? This hospital?”
“A different one.”
“How did you get there? Who took care of you? How did you get here?” Her voice is muffled against my hair.
I tell her everything. About the rubble. About Charlie. My rescue. Nurse Cathy. Luke and Ava. “But I’m okay.”
“Ruby,” she says, “you were so mad at me—”
I lean back. Look her in the eye. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened. I should’ve explained how I was feeling. I think you’re brave. It must be scary to fall in love after you fell in love once and lost everything.”
“Oh, sweet girl. I didn’t lose everything. I got you.” She tears up. Puts her hand to my cheek. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t find you again.”
“I found Coach,” I say.
“We found each other,” he says.
I can see the peace on my mom’s face. Like she has all she needs right here right now. And I can see how much Coach cares. About my mom. About me. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay if he’s in our living room on Sundays and on our couch on Christmas. I’m okay if he’s in our house and in our lives. I’m okay if he comes with my mom to drop me off at college and meet at the airport when I fly home in the summertime.
I’m okay.
We’re okay.
I have only a little bit of time left before I leave for college. I don’t want to spend that time fighting with the people I love. I don’t want to fight with my mom and I don’t want to fight with Leo. I don’t want to fight with Mila, either. I hope I get a chance to tell her that.
I wish Charlie would’ve had the chance to do the same with his parents.
I need to focus on spending the time I have with the people I love because I’m meant to go away soon. To move on. And after that, my mom is meant to be here with Coach.