‘It’s probably nothing to worry about; we all have our off days,’ Oliver told her later that morning after he had examined Joseph. But deep inside he was concerned. He felt that the swelling on Joseph’s head was growing once more and wondered if he should speak to his friend in London again to see if there was anything more that could be done.
‘But it’s not just today that he’s been unsettled. He’s been like this for a few days now,’ Nessie told him worriedly and when he didn’t reply she went on quietly, ‘There’s nothing more you can do for him, is there?’
He hesitated for just a fraction of a second but he had never lied to her before and couldn’t bring himself to start now.
‘I don’t think so, but I will speak to my colleague in London again if you’d like me to.’
She shook her head as she held back tears. ‘I think we both know there’d be no point, don’t we? But could you tell me what to expect if he … When anything happens.’
‘Hopefully when the time comes he’ll just go to sleep.’ Oliver had to stop himself from taking her in his arms. He knew how much she doted on the little boy. In fact, he’d become very fond of him himself in the time he’d been caring for him.
‘And he won’t be in any pain?’
‘Hopefully not.’ Oliver folded his stethoscope and placed it back in his bag. He then handed her a small phial full of clear liquid. ‘Just give him a few drops of this in a drink when you think he might be uncomfortable.’
‘More laudanum?’
‘Yes, I promise it’s safe when used properly.’
‘Thank you.’ She dropped it into her pocket, keen for him to be gone now. She had purposely not told him about Marcie leaving but she knew that he was bound to find out sooner or later, as would his mother, and then she’d have a visit from her no doubt.
‘Right, I’ll be off but you know where I am if you need me. Shall I see you at the soup kitchen this evening?’
‘No!’ She shook her head. ‘I, er … have a few things to do this evening so Molly’s going to go in my place. Truthfully, the women are running it so successfully that they don’t really need me there now. They’re more than capable.’
‘Thanks to you.’ His face softened. She really didn’t seem to have any notion of just how much all the things she had done had improved the local people’s lives.
She managed a weak smile as he bade her goodbye, longing to feel his comforting arms around her.
Later that afternoon, Reuben returned from making enquiries at the station. ‘The chap in the ticket office said someone matching Marcie’s description bought a ticket to London early this morning,’ Reuben confirmed. He was suffering all manner of guilty feelings now as he thought back to how he had treated Marcie when he had found out that she was having Joseph. Marcie had tried to hide her pregnancy, but his mother had noticed when she became too large to hide it any longer. And then all hell had broken loose. His father had demanded that she be kicked out onto the streets for bringing shame on them but her mother had been determined to stand by her. Soon after that, their father had left them and deep down Reuben had always blamed Marcie for that. But it was too late to put that right now and, somehow, he was going to have to live with himself.
‘London!’ Nessie looked horrified. ‘But how will we find her there? London is a big place. It’s full of pickpockets and whores from what I’ve heard of it. What if anything happens to her?’
Reuben ran his fingers through his hair distractedly. ‘She’ll be all right,’ he soothed, although he didn’t entirely believe it. ‘She’s got money and not all areas of London are bad. Marcie’s got a good head on her shoulders. And hopefully she’ll come home eventually. It’s no good us trying to find her. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. It’s a big place and she could be anywhere.’
Glancing about he asked, ‘Where’s George?’
Nessie explained about the wet nurse Molly had found who was willing to feed him through the day then went on to tell him her concerns about Joseph.
‘All you can do is what you’re doing now, give him lots of love,’ he sighed. ‘I wonder now if the reason he’s always been a bit slow has anything to do with the fact that our dad fathered him?’ he asked carefully.
‘I doubt very much if the tumour would be anything to do with that. That’s something that could happen to anyone, but you could be right about him always being a little behind other children his age,’ she admitted. ‘We’ll never know now. We just have to make him as comfortable and happy as we can for whatever time he has left, poor little mite.’ Tears gathered in her eyes again and Reuben did his best to console her. He knew how much she loved the child and dreaded to think how it would affect her when the worst happened.
Molly appeared then with a smile on her face. ‘George is as snug as a bug in a rug wi’ a nice full belly tucked in the crib wi’ Alice’s little ’un. So you get yourself ready now an’ go an’ have a bit o’ time to yourself. It’s a grand day an’ a bit o’ fresh air will do you the world o’ good. Joseph will be fine here wi’ me, won’t you, me little chap?’ She tickled him under the chin.
Nessie left the house soon after. It was, as Molly had said, a beautiful clear day if a little chilly. The leaves were just beginning to start to flutter from the trees and as Nessie left the town behind her she began to feel slightly better. She hadn’t realised how much she’d missed the open fields and the countryside since moving into the town. After a time, she removed her bonnet and took the pins from her hair enjoying the feel of the wind on her face. As she approached the cluster of cottages where she had lived with her family she saw Mrs Hewitt outside her back door feeding a sheet through the mangle.
The old woman beamed at the sight of her. ‘Why, blow me down wi’ a feather, this is a nice surprise,’ she said, straightening. ‘I were just about to go in an’ get meself a nice warm drink. It’s getting chilly out these days. Come on in, it’ll be warmer inside.’
As Nessie followed her she saw a cluster of children playing in the dust outside her old home and she hastily looked away. There was no point in thinking about the past. What was done was done and it was time to think of the future. But it was what the future held that was troubling her now.
Once inside Mrs Hewitt’s little cottage the old woman swiped a fat tabby cat from the seat at the side of the fireplace and hurried away to make some tea.
Then, placing two cups on the table in front of Nessie, she asked, ‘So, to what do I owe the honour of this visit then? An’ don’t say nothin’ cos I can see by yer face that somethin’s troublin’ you, lass.’
Nessie stared into her drink as the tears that never seemed to be far away flooded down her cheeks again. ‘Marcie has gone,’ she sobbed. ‘She couldn’t take to her baby so I’m left with him and Joseph to look after as well as work and I can’t stay at Andre’s for much longer, especially now that Marcie has gone and I’m left there on my own with him. The gossips are loving this already, so goodness only knows what they’ll say now, so I also have to find us somewhere else to live.’
‘Is there no alternative?’ Mrs Hewitt could be very sensible.
‘Well …’ Nessie faltered. ‘Andre has asked me to marry him.’
‘I see, so what’s the problem? He’s a kind, fine-lookin’ man from what I’ve seen of him. A catch for any girl.’ When Nessie didn’t answer, Mrs Hewitt nodded. ‘Is it because yer don’t love him that yer hesitatin’?’
Nessie nodded miserably as the older woman took a long swig of her drink. ‘Could it be that you ’ave feelin’s fer someone else?’
Another nod was her answer.
‘An’ is this someone else someone yer can’t have?’ She saw by the girl’s face that she had hit on the truth and she sighed before saying wisely, ‘Sometimes we don’t allus get what we want in this life, pet. Perhaps yer should consider Andre’s offer? He’s a good man an’ you an’ the little ’uns would have a good life wi’ him an’ want fer nowt. Just think on it, eh? Yer do like him, don’t yer?’
‘Oh yes,’ Nessie answered quickly. ‘Andre is lovely and we get on very well.’ She didn’t, of course, tell Mrs Hewitt of Andre’s sexual preferences.
‘Well, there yer are then!’ Mrs Hewitt lifted her swollen feet onto a stool and took another long swig of her drink. ‘There’s many a lass married a man she had no feelin’s for an’ ended up lovin’ him. Love can creep up on yer when yer least expect it. Just think on it, eh?’
They went on to talk of other things then and when Nessie left she was in a thoughtful mood.
When she got home she found Andre rocking Joseph on his knee and she was surprised to see a fine wooden crib standing to one side of the kitchen.
‘I bought it for George,’ he explained, following her gaze. ‘He is getting too big for the drawer now and I did not like to think of him being uncomfortable.’
Once again, she was deeply touched at his kindness so taking a deep breath, she said, ‘Andre … does the offer you made me … of being your wife still stand?’
He looked mildly surprised. ‘But of course.’
‘Then …’ She licked her dry lips and rushed on before she could change her mind. ‘In that case I would be proud to accept it.’
And it was done and now she knew that there could be no going back.