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At dinner, I decided not to tell Jackie or Jason about the song lyrics. In fact, I barely talked to them at all that night. I think they thought it was my way to cope with trauma, but I just did not want them to hear my song. So, to not risk it I didn’t speak to them.
That night was the first night I had slept in my bed after the crazy guys. It was difficult, I self-diagnosed myself with PTSD. I woke up a few times trenched in sweat; I’ll get over it though. Those guys are in jail and it feels like it never even happened. Well, it feels like a very far-fetched story. Like, a story that would never have Lilian Collison in it.
Anyway, I woke up and it was Saturday morning, except I had plans for today.
Hayden came that morning, I really don’t know why but I believe it probably had something to do with what happened.
“Got plans today?” Hayden asked me considerately.
“Going to the library to work on that song, hopefully, we will get it finished,” I replied.
“Oh, ok.” He sounded down.
“Why?”
“I don’t know I was just wondering,” Hayden replied, “Wait what if Ashley isn’t there?”
“Nothing, I’ll be stuck at home, anxious about this song; what are you doing tonight?”
“Probably nothing. Though, I will be here almost all day.”
“Oh, I’m bored,” I changed the subject.
“Same but excited it’s Saturday.”
“Yeah, but what really is Saturday?” I chuckled.
“Today! Saturday is the day between Friday and Sunday.” I smiled at him for being sarcastic. We were sitting on my bed, caution tape still on my window. He looked at my lips. The moment felt serious, “You know I like you right?”
“Yeah, I mean I would hope so, your kind of my boyfriend and my best friend.”
“Do you like me?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Random thoughts.”
“Oh.” Hayden never had random thoughts; he was always so sure of himself. I smiled in my head and tried not to let it show. He really likes me; this means I have power over him!
He put his hand on my knee, my gosh he is going to kiss me, and he did. My insides felt very floaty. I am such a bad person; I was too much in shock to kiss him back. This gave me more anxiety than when I saw the intruders. Like I thought I had PTSD!
It turned awkward very quickly, “Hayden, what was that for?” I asked when he pulled away.
“It’s because I love you,” he said, “and I realized that I can’t say anything before I kiss you. You will mistake it for a hug,” he smiled, he was embarrassed but he tried not to show it. Probably because I did not kiss him back.
“I love you too,” I said, my cheeks were bright red because I definitely was not expecting a kiss. I looked around to my door just to make sure that there was no one at my door then I kissed him on the cheek.
“See you later, Lilian!” Hayden said, he was a tomato. I am happy I make him blush— that means I have power over him, though I blush and get all fluttery around him too. It must be love.
“Ok bye.” He left my room and I decided that I was going to go to the library to meet Ashley.
Skip forward to when I got there, I stayed there for a long time and she had stood me up. She may have forgotten. Anyway, I was there for a long time and she never came.
* * *
I WENT TO MY FIRST class where I daydreamed like normal, I did not really enjoy my first class, but I was really good at it, so I was surprisingly getting an A.
The first period was over, and I went to get books for my second period, which was math, I hate math! Ashley was in my math class, but Ashley was not there today. Samantha and Allie were also in my math class, but they still would not talk to me. Which was ridiculous, real friends would not do that.
In math, we learned about negative and positive numbers and that was my weak point. Well, my weak point is math this is like my weak, weak point. The math teacher was pleasant and nice company, she liked to help students that needed help, she noticed that my weakness was negative numbers and she loathed that. She needed to help me so that I would do extraordinary in the future. (She and Jasmine were teacher besties, so they probably talk about students together and my name is probably brought up positively.)
“Lilian could you please stay late after class?” the math teacher asked.
“Sure,” I replied blandly. It made me nervous.
“Ok. Thanks.”
There were a few nasty little chuckles from the back of the room where Samantha and Allie were sitting. I gave them the stink eye. Then the bell abruptly rang interrupting Ms. Flores. Everybody shot up out of their seats like a bullet and rushed out of the classroom. I stayed sitting at my desk, Ms. Flores did not speak until everybody left her classroom. She respected privacy. I like that about her.
“Thanks for staying back,” Ms. Flores started in a truly kind voice, “I am going to give you a few worksheets to do this week because you have failed the last few assignments. If this keeps happening, we will likely get you a tutor after school, or you could come into my room in the study hall for extra help.”
“Ok,” I replied in my sweet little voice. My FAKE sweet voice. This made me kind of mad, having extra work in my least favorite class. I’ll probably start coming into her room for study hall anyway because Mr. Eric is sort of irritable. I mean I love this teacher (not as much as I love Jasmine) but I hate she gave me extra homework.
“You may leave now, and you will be late for your next class, tell your next teacher where you came from and that I ran out of hall passes, if they have a problem with it, they can take that up with me.”
I was late for my next class, just as she said, and got an office referral from the substitute in that class because she would not listen to what I had to say. Word probably does get around by teachers and subs too. So, I walked into the office angrily and gave the secretary the referral. The secretary pointed to a chair and told me to wait for about five minutes.
I rolled my eyes and slumped into the chair; I began to slowly drift off into a daydream about my awkward first kiss. That would be one to tell my kids one day! Then Mr. Sweetie walked out of his office and asked the secretary if there was anything new. The secretary handed him my office referral and Mr. Sweetie took me to his office. I sat down and decided to listen to what the evil beast had to say.
“Lilian, I know that there have been some problems going on at your house, but this behavior is not going to be tolerated. Now, what happened, why were you late for your third hour?” Mr. Sweetie asked trying to play good cop bad cop, which he was failing at because I did not need a cop.
“Yes, I was late for third hour, but I can explain: Ms. Flores asked me to stay behind to work on math, third hour is her prep,” I replied.
“Lilian, I understand but that is what study hall is for. Something has changed in you, you used to be overly sweet and kind, but now you just have changed.” He paused, “Her prep is fourth hour I wish you would just stop lying already. Lilian, stay put while I go get a detention slip from the secretary.”
I did not want to stay so I escaped through the door leading to the teacher’s lounge and escaped into the bathroom. Where I cried until I heard the bell ring. There was only one more class before lunch, so I figured I ought to go.
Even though it was music. Music IS my number one stressor right now. Ashley was still not there it was obvious my song was not going to get done in time. Then put my detention on the top of all that jazz. Life is so stressful when you are a sixth-grade delinquent.
* * *
MUSIC WAS ALMOST OVER. Then over the intercom, it said, “Could Lilian Collison please come to the office, Lilian Collison.”
Everyone stared at me and watched as I left the classroom. I walked over to the door slowly opened it and started my way to the office. I could feel Natalie’s evil eyes on my back.