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After tossing and turning all night, it was finally morning and I got out of bed to the smell of bacon. My grandmother was cooking a lot of food for breakfast, Jackie and Jason were coming to get their bags so they could go to the special hospital with Jacob Thomas. I guess she wanted to make a good last impression.
She thought that she could surprise them with some big breakfast. To be honest, she surprised me the most. I was very tired when I got up from tossing and turning, though I did not complain.
I sat down at the kitchen table waiting for grandma to notice me. She was humming a song while she fried the eggs, throwing them up and down like they do in the movies.
“Lilian you’re awake!” grandma said finally turning around to see me.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” I replied.
“I couldn’t either,” my grandma sighed, I could tell by the circles under her eyes. “What’s wrong?” She asked looking at my glum expression.
“I miss people.”
“Like, who? Jackie is coming here for a little while and I can always go get Hayden.”
“Ha, very funny.”
“I can go get him.”
“Oh, you were being serious.”
“Yeah.”
I waited at the table in silence for a while waiting for Nona to get done making the food. Jackie had called and was on her way from the hospital along with Jason. They had got a taxi. Taxis are cool. Yellow cars in general are cool.
Nona had got the food ready just before Jackie and Jason had made it over. Summer came too. She decided it might be the last time she sees Jackie for a long time. We ate breakfast, talked for a while, and then it was time to pack and get ready to go back to the hospital. I helped Jackie pack and asked her the question I had been asking everybody, “Do, you know who my father is?”
“No, why would I?” Jackie answered concernedly. Why was this so offensive? They must know who my father is or something.
“Do you have any ideas?” I asked desperately knowing something was up.
“Well... I have one idea.”
“What is it?”
“You know Summer?”
“Yeah, is she, my dad?” I retorted sarcastically making a joke.
Jackie laughed then replied, “No but I think her brother might be.” That is disgusting, that makes Hayden and I cousins.
“Who is that?”
“His name is Drew.”
“What about Matthew?”
“How do you know him?” She started talking really fast, “I don’t think so, he might be. He was around during the time she died, not really nine months before. They were always pretty close in high school, but they had some falling outs and would go for long times not really talking at all.”
“Ok, what if I tell you I look like Matthew.”
“How do you know him?” Jackie repeated.
“I saw him at the store.”
“Oh, how do you know it was him?”
“Grandma told me, she also introduced me. You guys seem to really hate each other. I saw grandma act like a total child.”
* * *
WE FINISHED PACKING and said our goodbyes. Nona had begun to cook lunch after they left, which was around eleven O’clock. It was the day before Halloween, so we got ready to hand out candy but that did not start till six O’clock. I had already eaten a lot of candy and was feeling really sick.
I was bored but went upstairs and looked at my mother’s old books. I could not help but keep looking at that name, Matthew, wondering who he actually was—deep down inside. I found another notebook, with a label on it saying, ‘my diary’. This one sounded very juicy. I opened it up excitedly only to find the name Jackie in it. I seriously thought I would find who my father was.
I was disappointed that it was not my mother’s, but I decided there might be some stuff in Jackie’s diary about Sabrina.
The first page did not say much and was of little importance.
Dear Diary,
I believe I lost a great friend today; her name was Callie we have been besties since 1st grade, I think it is ok though. 7th grade is tough I hate Social Studies. Everything about school sucks. I hope my future children get to know how much they are going to love kindergarten and hate junior high. Ah, it always gets worse when you get older.
I kept reading and found something important,
Dear diary,
Wow, I hate my sister right now. Sabrina has this new boyfriend named Eric he is such a bad guy, I hate him so much he is changing Sabrina, she is not herself. I am probably overreacting, but Sabrina has been acting strange and I only know about Eric because Jenny told me. Jenny is Sabrina’s best friend and I approve of her. They are only in fourth grade, but Eric is not, he is older than me he is a freshman! Jenny and Sabrina have been creating trouble for themselves. Dating freshmen and hanging out with Brooklyn Farris a girl in their grade that can get them whatever Jenny and Sabrina want. I am going to tell my mom if she does not break up with him. I already threatened both Sabrina and Brooklyn.
I knew that Eric and Sabrina had probably been broken up after that day, but I wondered if he was my dad. Now I had three possible people that could be my dad, Drew, Matthew, and Eric. I got one of the notebooks that my mother had had for school and went to an empty page. I wrote three names in the notebook, Drew, Mathew, and Eric.
I wrote for about an hour about each guy and how they knew my mother. I needed to tell someone about my evidence about each one and wanted more proof. So, I ran downstairs, so I could ask my grandma about having Hayden over.
“Grandma, can Hayden come over?” I asked.
“Lilian, he is coming over tomorrow while Summer takes the twins trick or treating,” She answered.
“So, that means he can come here tonight as well?”
“I don’t know if Summer and Nathen are taking them tonight as well as tomorrow though. If so, he may be able to come.”
“What about now?”
“Give him some family time.”
“Ok, but please.”
“Fine,” Nona said rolling her eyes and grabbing her fancy phone.
Nona called Summer, and they talked for a bit while I sat at the kitchen table. Waiting and waiting for an answer.
When Nona finally got off the phone I asked, “What did she say?” anxious to know.
“Well, she said yes but he is looking at their new house right now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it is a big house—I wish I could afford something so fancy like that— three stories and a huge basement.”
“Why so huge?”
“Well, some lady is moving into the top floor I believe they said her name is Jasmine.”
“Oh, I know her.” I smiled this made me so happy. Jasmine is my favorite.
“You do?”
“She used to be one of my teachers. She was the best! I love her and I miss her so much because of a stupid kid.”
“That is what I have heard, I also heard that her parents aren’t around anymore so they can’t keep paying for her house after that accident with the student. I guess Summer and Jackie took Jasmine under their wing after that happened. They are really good friends now, so Summer is helping Jasmine get back on her feet and relocated.”
“That is a lot to do for a friend.”
“Yeah, but you know how sweet Jackie and Summer can be. Also, you can visit her and Hayden whenever you want because they are only going to be a few streets away.”
“That is nice, when can we go see this nice huge house?”
“Soon.”
“What do you mean by soon?”
“Heck I don’t know, soon means soon, ask Hayden.”
“Hayden isn’t here.”
“When he gets here, silly goose.”
“Ok.”
I waited for about an hour doing nothing but looking in notebooks. I finally got really bored just looking out the window for my friend, then he arrived in their ugly rental car. I assume they will bring their real car down here or sell them and get new ones.
When he knocked on the door, I was sitting at the table counting my fingers over and over again. I jumped, went over, and opened the door.
“Hayden, you are finally here,” I said in a high-pitched voice that made him jump.
“Yeah, I know we are moving, and we got carried away looking at the new house. By the way, can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure,” I let him in and led the way upstairs to Sabrina’s old room to show him all the stuff I found that day.
As sudden, as we got up there, I got Jackie’s diary out and looked in it to the page about Eric. Then I turned around and sat on the bed next to Hayden, “Read this,” I told him.
“Ok,” when he got done Hayden said, “Lilian, why did you give this to me?”
“What if he is my dad?” Referring to Eric.
“He is not, your mom was in fourth grade,” Hayden rolled his eyes.
“What if.”
“What if what? Lilian if your mom wanted you to know who it was, she would have told people. Maybe she told him, and he did not want you? Lilian, I am sorry, but you need to consider all of these things.”
“There are three possible people, Matthew, Eric, or Drew,” I ignored him. He was going to help me with this no matter what.
“I thought you came to California to visit your grandparents not to find your dad,” he was getting irritated. I did not care.
“Yeah, I know but can I find him too,” I had a lot of hope.
“Lilian, I know you don’t want to hear this but stop looking. He is probably some scumbag off the streets. Your mom sounded like a whore.”
Now that made me appalled. I brushed the comment off though because Hayden needed to help me.
“What if he has other children and I have half-brothers and half-sisters, but I will never get to meet him because I don’t know who he is.”
“Lilian, I don’t know, maybe you should stop looking just in case....”
“What?”
“Maybe your father knows but doesn’t want you.”
“I don’t want that to be true.”
“It’s just a thought I mean I don’t want you to find him, he does not want you, and you stay in your room 24/7 only eating and never leaving.”
“That is very precise. I would never do that; I might miss you if I’m in my room 24/7.”
“Might?”
“Will.”
“That sounds better.”
“I love you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, do you love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Are you lying?”
“No.”
“Lilian, do you love me?”
“Yes, I love you but I’m a good actor.”
“Whatever.”
“Do you want to stay and hand out candy?”
“Yeah, tomorrow do you want to come over and watch scary movies?”
“Ok, sure. What if I don’t like scary movies.”
“Then we can watch something else.”
“I do like those movies, though.”
“If you really want me to help you find your dad I will.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Now, what are we going to do for the next three hours?”
“I don’t know. Oh, want to look for any more clues or anything that can tell us who your dad is?”
“Like what?”
“Books.”
“On the bookshelf?”
“Yeah!”
“Ok, at the grave my g-ma said she had this book Sabrina wrote for me, it was like a little diary.”
“Ok, go get it.”
While Hayden stayed in the room, I ran downstairs to ask my grandmother for the book. My grandmother was on the couch, sitting next to Bill watching TV. I asked her for the book, and she gave it to me not even asking questions. I got it then ran back upstairs.
Hayden and I did not talk while we looked for clues. I read the first page which was the introductory of it which was also on the gravestone.
The next page in it was the day I was born.
July 19, ——
Dear Lilian,
You were born today, seven and a half pounds and exactly 17 inches. Wow, you put me through so much pain, but it was worth it. It is only me and you in this huge world no one else matters to me. Lilian, I love your smile and your tiny body brings me so much joy. Jackie and your grandma are here keeping us company, soon they are going to go home. Later on, Drew is going to come. He is such an amazing guy I hope that he comes out soon so the world will accept him, but he may change his mind on that subject and end up being a wonderful father one day.
I got up after reading that and walked over and showed Hayden. Hayden read it and said, “He is gay, he is not your dad.”
“What if.”
“I don’t think he is your dad he is gay,” Hayden gave a pathetic giggle.
“He might be.”
“I doubt it and plus he is my uncle so that would make us cousins.”
“That is weird since we are a thing”
“Do you want to not date but date till we find your dad?”
“That makes absolutely no sense, and yes.”
“It does too.”
“Does not.”
“Whatever, get back to looking for clues,” He sounded like a mother.
We spent the whole three hours looking for clues, we did not find anything important, but we found out Drew and Sabrina were best friends or surprisingly good friends.
“Hayden and Lilian, are you going to pass out candy, or no?”
“Yes, coming!” I yelled down to her, “Hayden, let’s take a break we learned a lot today. We can come back later.”
When we got downstairs the first trick or treaters were there. We refused to give them candy though because it was Carlee and Harley. I ended up pushing Hayden out of the way because I could see Summer’s tempting anger.
Hayden jokingly hit me on the arm for giving them candy. I looked at him and shook my head.
We watched from the porch as they left. Nona and Bill live on the edge of town, so we probably will not get visitors also with their awfully long lane.
* * *
SO THEN, AFTER A TOTAL of two in thirty minutes, we decided to go inside and if someone knocked on the door we would come. I believe that there were some Una cards waiting for us inside.
Hayden and I sat at the kitchen table eating the candy and playing our favorite game when there was finally a knock on the door. We both jumped.
Then, I went to go get it and Hayden grabbed the almost empty candy bowl. I examined the man; I knew who he was. I just had to remember the name.
Oh, how could I have forgotten? It was Matthew! Matthew looked like he had just seen a ghost (Ironic it’s the day before Halloween!), “Where is your grandmother?”
“She is inside, do you want to come in?” I asked being a good host to my possible father.
“Sure, that will be fine, I need to talk to your grandmother.”
“Ok, sit down at the table I will go get her.” There was my bossy side.
I did as I said and went to go get my grandmother out of her room where she was reading a book along with Bill. They both came to the kitchen to communicate with Matthew.
“Why are you here?” Nona asked irritated.
“I need to talk to you.”