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I got ready to go back to Illinois so I could pack up valuable things to bring back to California. I would miss Illinois. At least Hayden was going to move to California too.
“You ready?” Summer asked with her hands on her hips while I was sitting at the table with my head in my hands. I had one of those tired headaches. I had barely slept the night before.
“Yeah sure,” I shrugged, “I mean I am tired.”
“Honey, we all are walking around like zombies.”
“I know,” I said blinking the tiredness out of my eyes and getting up from the table with a sigh. I walked over and grabbed the small bag that I packed. It had my toothbrush and stuff like that.
We all got in the weed-smelling rental car and drove off, back to the airport. The car ride was not short nor long but felt like it was forever. We then kissed the car goodbye. Of course, I fell asleep, so they had to wake me up before we did that.
We sat in the airport for a while and talked about extraordinary things. Let me revise, Summer and Nathen gossiped. They talked about Jasmine how she was moving to California and would hopefully get a job over there. (gossiped)
“It will be strange, living in a house with another person but it’s not like you’re going to die.”
“But she used to be my music teacher,” Hayden complained to his mother.
“She also is overly sweet and doesn’t have a job or house and God tells us to care for those types of people, I think that is what Jackie always says anyway. She is the religious one, not me.”
“But mom, MY TEACHER!”
“But mom!” Summer mimicked. “Hayden, imagine how Jasmine feels, she has to live with a student.”
The plane was boarding and, of course, we almost missed the plane—one of the twins had to pee. Hayden sat by me, so we decided to talk about our relationship.
“So, are we dating?” Hayden asked seriously.
“I guess not, you know what Matthew, or my dad said, and I don’t want to upset him. He’s my dad and if I upset him, he might not be there for me.” I told him as I put up my hair in a tighter ponytail than it was.
“I want to date you and you seriously just met that creepy guy that you call your dad. I mean he is cool but there is a reason that our people don’t like him”
“And we can date each other in high school, I promise. Maybe it is for the best though if we are just friends. We can still hang out and love each other as friends. We are noticeably young, and I do not want to ruin our friendship because of something stupid. You know we are going to see each other for the rest of our lives.”
“I understand but I still love you.”
“I love you too,” I kissed him on the cheek, “Friend slash high school lover.”
I was so scared that I had broken his heart, but I did believe what I had said, it was for the best. I DO love him, and I knew that, but I also knew we were young and if we got in a fight, it might ruin everything we had and make it awkward.
“Hayden,” I started, “you’ve always been there for me. When I found my father. When Natalie bullied me and all that jazz. You were and are everything to me I want you to know that, and that is why we are just friends.”
“Lilian, I know it’s just...” He began to say, “Never mind.”
“Ok.”
I was going through a state of depression with so many hard decisions and so much truth I wished that there were at least stuff that I had learned that I could live without. I wished I could have gone back to when I had never gone to California, never been bullied, and never found out my mother ever existed. I wished that Jackie were my real mother and Sabrina never existed.
My mind was flooded with thoughts of how it was my fault my mother died, my fault Hayden’s heart was broken, my fault that everyone’s life was ruined. I hated myself for that, I hated everything for that but was wise not to hate people it was not their fault.
Tears started to run down my face, but I looked out the window to try to hide it from Hayden. The clouds look so beautiful. I like being up here with them.
When we got ready to get off the plane, I could not hide it anymore, someone was sure darn going to see that I had been crying.
“Lilian, what’s wrong?” Summer asked.
“Nothing I just fell asleep and that is why my eyes are bloodshot.” I did a little sniffle, whipping my eyes.
“No, Lilian, I’ve known you since you were a baby that is not what your eyes look like when you wake up.”
“But it is, I’ve changed.” I have changed that is not a lie.
“Lilian something is wrong you will have to tell someone some time.”
“Nothing is wrong with me something is wrong with you, for thinking something is wrong with me, oh my goodness,” I rolled my eyes. I could not risk getting caught.
“Lilian please don’t speak to me like that.”
I just ignored Summer and got in the car I completely ignored everyone. Summer and Nathen dropped me off at my house and left me to pack for a while then they would pick me up after an hour or two.
I unlocked the door and went and sat on my bed and was happy to get home, except for having to see the caution tape still stapled to my door. I sat and cried. Then Summer walked into the room, “Lilian, what’s wrong?” She had the tone of voice that meant she was all business, and I couldn’t lie.
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Something must be wrong you are crying.”
“But nothing is wrong I’m not even crying.”
“Lilian, you can tell me anything, is it Matthew?”
“No, nothing is wrong. I’ll be fine, where are the boxes?” I snuffled my nose and looked down at my feet.
“They are here, in this box you have to make them.”
“That is convenient boxes in boxes,” I gave a small little laugh finally looking at Summer.
“Yeah,” Summer said as she left the room.
I cried a little more and then put the boxes on my bed and made a few so I could pack, I was not going to pack everything just in case I went and lived with Jackie and Jason again. (Which I hope does not happen because I will miss Hayden WAY too much.)
I started to pack clothing but left a couple of pieces of clothing for the road, when we drive back to California, it took me a few boxes, but I ended up packing all of my clothes.
Then, I started to pack stuff off of my bookshelf, first the books. Next, I got into the photo album and saw pictures of me with Samantha and Allie. I just bawled I hated to see my friends that I have had all of my life had recently dumped me for my enemy. Then I took the picture out of the album and ripped it to where half was me smiling with my hair all wet in a swimsuit and the other half was Samantha and Allie. Samantha was in a bikini and Allie was wearing the same swimsuit as I.
* * *
IT HAD BEEN ABOUT AN hour of packing and Summer had come back to pick me up. I had also stopped crying and my eyes were dyed red. When Summer walked in the door, I almost punched her because I did not know that Summer was in there. Also, I do think those men had made me paranoid.
I told Summer what all I had packed and also told her that I had eaten some chips while I was packing.
“Are you ready to talk?” Summer asked sitting down on my bed.
“About what?”
“Why you were crying earlier.”
“I wasn’t crying earlier.”
“Lilian, don’t lie to me I know when you are crying.”
“As I said, I wasn’t crying earlier.”
I won and did not have to talk to her. (I walked out of the house and sat in the car. Hayden was in there and he spared me to where I did not have to talk to Summer.)
Summer got in the car and drove over to her house, she had picked up pizza before she got me, so we ate pizza. I sat by Hayden, but Hayden was still in his mood of silence and was ignoring me.
I just ate my pizza and also was ignoring Hayden because I thought that he needed alone time. I understand what it feels like to not want to talk, but when he does want to talk, I am ready.
“Ok, you two have been completely silent all day and Lilian your eyes have been dyed red all day what happened?”
We looked at each other and rolled our eyes, it is funny how we did that in sync.
“Nothing,” Hayden said getting up from his chair and walking to his bedroom. I followed him I was not going to get myself stuck with Summer again.
“Can I lock the door?” I asked quietly while looking him in the eye. This is the only thing I am allowing me to say to him.
“Sure, whatever,” he rolled his eyes at me and laid down on his bed.
I got up walked over to the door to lock it then I sat next to Hayden on his bed. I gave him a hug then started talking, “Hayden I’m sorry, I do love you.”
“I know, and I know you want to respect your father’s rule but what if he was joking?”
“I don’t know, let’s just wait. It will be smart, and I gave you my reasoning on the plane.”
“Ok, but you promise me, we can’t see other people, and on the last day of eighth grade, we will be officially dating. This right now we are unofficial like friends with benefits. I don’t know what that means but I think it means friends who hold hands.”
“Deal! By the way, I love you,” I finally smiled and walked to the door that I unlocked, “and I’m going to go to sleep on the pull-out couch in the basement.”
I was 100% terrified about sleeping in the basement, it reminded me of the day those people tried to take me and possibly kill me. I did not know why though, and it bothered me.
I had a rough sleep, waking up every hour, and having trouble falling back asleep. I got up to pee once and one of the twins woke up and followed me back to the basement.
The little girl got in bed with me and fell asleep next to me. Then I fell back asleep and slept till morning.
* * *
THAT DAY WAS A CHURCH day, which I was excited to see some of those people and say my “goodbyes” or “till next time.” I was going to miss some of them but some people I was so relieved to leave behind.
Hayden was out of his mood by the morning and was treating me like normal. I knew he still felt hurt though but knew him well enough, that he would not show it.
* * *
AT CHURCH, WE SAW JASMINE and figured out that the school had apologized to her and offered her her job back and did not provoke her license. (That would have been a long process and honestly, I don’t know anything about it.) She did not accept it because she was moving and could hopefully get a better job up there. Jasmine had her teaching degree, but she could mostly just teach special education, but she had a calling for music, so she always taught it. It seems like a very odd thing to have and Jasmine has talked to me about it before, but I don’t remember why she has it like that.
If I were Jasmine though, I would be suing. She is way too nice to do that though.
* * *
WHEN WE ALL GOT HOME, we ate (Home as in Summer’s house), and then Summer dropped me off so I could pack some more. This time I packed my stuff on my bed and the chair I had in the corner of my room. All of my stuff was mostly packed except for a few gadgets that I would pack the next day.
That day was over before it started, and I finished packing, Summer and Nathen were not done packing, but they had that whole week. So, everyone just kept packing in that household.