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July 19th, my 12th birthday, the day of the memorial, the 11th anniversary of Sabrina’s death. Today is the day.
The day began with me waking up with a sad expression, but I was excited that the day I had always wanted to come was here. My father woke me up and gave me a cake for breakfast. He gave me a small gift, a little box. I opened it and it was a phone.
“Thanks, dad!” I spoke.
“You’re welcome, daughter.”
“I love you, father!”
“I love you too, Lilian.” I will not be needing that. I am going to miss all of this.
At that moment, the doorbell rang, and Matthew went and answered it. Jackie, Jason, Jacob Thomas, Nona, and Bill were at the front door. They were invited the night before by Matthew to surprise me on my birthday. Well, that is what I assumed.
They all definitely surprised me, especially Jackie and Jason. I did not think that they would come to town for the memorial or my birthday, but they have never missed one of my birthdays. They are more of my parents than anyone. I hugged them, and they sat down and ate cake with Matthew and me.
Nona and Bill had given me money, and Jackie and Jason gave me makeup. I got to hold Jacob Thomas for the first time. He was cute and I loved him, but I knew that I was going to leave the world that night and that was including leaving behind him. Unless I killed him too but I’m not a murderer.
I enjoyed playing Una with my family, for the last time and thought of how I missed Hayden. Hayden was going to be there though just not until that night.
Soon it was time for lunch, they took me out for lunch, and I ordered my favorite, chicken nuggets. I caught up with Jackie and Jason and we told each other mostly everything except for the fact that this would be my last day to live. I was happy though that one of my last meals was chicken nuggets.
After everyone ate, we all went our separate ways for the rest of the day. Matthew and I went home so that we could get ready for the memorial party. I hung up pictures of my mother and purple streamers. I also hung-up purple butterflies. The house was absolutely beautiful when we got done hanging stuff up around two.
Then we went to the basement, to get a table. We carried the table up the stairs then set it up. We put chips and salsa on the table and heated up some food so that we could eat. I knew that the time kept getting closer and closer. I had taken some ibuprofen pills so I might be numb when I died. I think I took like six.
“Do you want to cancel this and just celebrate your birthday?” Matthew asked me concernedly because he noticed that I was feeling down. I think I was high.
“No, we need to have this,” I replied sternly, “I need this just as much as you do.” I really need this. I really need to leave this horrible world and never come back.
“Ok, if it gets to be too much for you let me know and we can cancel the party.”
“I don’t think it will get to be too much for me, I am a strong cookie.”
“Ok,” he said.
We got done eating and I cleaned off the dishes. Soon it was 6:50 and there was the first knock on the door, it was the Ross’s. Nathen was carrying a crockpot with taco meat in it, then Hayden was carrying a bag with taco shells, Cheese, Sour cream, Lettuce, and Tomatoes. Summer was carrying an envelope with my name on it.
Summer gave the envelope to me and I opened it. It was a birthday card with twenty dollars in it.
“Thank you, Summer!” I said as I flung my arms over Summer’s neck, she kissed me on the head then I let go.
“You’re welcome.”
There was another knock on the door this time it was Bill, Nona, Jacob Thomas, Jason, and Jackie. They had brought another cake. Everyone talked for a while and had some really good conversations. Then I decided that the ceremony should begin. Well, I was pretty much done with life and this is how it should go.
I asked everyone to have a seat at the table we had set up in the living room, “Thank you, everyone, for coming today, I would like to start this off by saying something. We are all gathered here today because of a tragedy that happened eleven years ago. My mother, Sabrina Collison, took her own life and I feel it is right that we should think of her tonight by eating some of her favorite foods and looking at some of her pictures.” I paused, “You may get food and look at pictures now.”
Everyone got up to go get some food, they formed a line and one by one walked and got a taco and some chips— the cake was for later. I was sitting at the table next to Hayden and Matthew. It was silent for a few minutes then I stood back up and said, “Can we go around the table and saw stuff we miss about Sabrina?”
“Yeah sure, I will start,” Matthew began, “I miss her smile and her humor.” This gave me goosebumps.
“Me next,” Summer said, “I miss how we would go on our shopping sprees for baby clothes.” I rolled my eyes when she said this because I remembered the letter to Summer.
“I will go,” said Jackie, “She was my sister and though we fought a lot, we were always there for each other.”
“My turn,” Nona said, “I miss how— there are too many things to choose from. Oh, I have got it! She was one of my favorite people in the world and I miss all of her.”
“Next would be me, I guess.” said Bill, “She wasn’t a bad person she had a few flaws, but she was ok.” Bill’s not a big talker.
“Nathen and Jason, you guys didn’t know her, so you don’t have to speak.”
“I would like to speak,” said Jason, “Yeah, I didn’t know her, but I hate how she took her life and left her sister a mess.”
“Thanks for speaking.” Lilian said, “Is everyone done?”
Everyone nodded as if they were done, so Nona and I stood up and started cutting the cake. One by one everyone got a piece of cake. I looked at the knife and decided that was the knife I was going to use. I was going to have some cake in my heart but at least the cake is good and sweet.
After everyone got a piece of cake, I sat down and started eating. I inhaled the cake as quickly as I could. Then I asked if I could be excused. They said that I could be. So, I got up from the table, grabbed the knife, walked to my room grabbed the letters, walked to the bathroom, and washed off the knife. I actually decided it should be clean when I stab myself. Though, cake in my heart sounds appealing.
“Matthew, will you come here for a minute?” I asked nervously.
“Yeah sure,” he replied, “you know you can call me dad, right?” He walked and saw a glimpse of me and was paralyzed.
“What are you staring at?” I asked like a snob.
“Holy smack, Jackie, Jason, come here!” He paused, “Lilian you don’t want to do this!”
“Yes, I do, I need to see my mom, and by the way, Jackie and Jason aren’t enough people. Call for everyone that is why I invited them.”
“Lilian put the knife down!” Matthew said as if he was talking to a dog who was about to eat his homework.
“But why, I’ll wait to start the story for everyone to get here,” I paused, “You know how convenient it is watching your daughter die the same way your girlfriend died?”
“Lilian, please put the knife down,” Matthew was practically in tears.
“Let’s start from the beginning, Nona, shall we?” I looked at my grandmother who was bawling, “Nona, Nona, Nona, you were always and still are quick to blame. You always treated my mother like she was second best, Jackie was always first, here is your letter,” I dropped the letter on the ground then slit my arm, “funny how my mother was so very much loved. Right, no wrong she wasn’t loved till after she died.”
“Lilian I can explain please don’t kill yourself!”
“You should have explained it to my mother and why would you even do that to her you were practically a bully and you blinded me, you are a big, old, fat, liar. There is also nothing to explain.” I looked at Jackie, “You also had me blinded, you said that my mother was the reason that you two stopped talking, you never said it was because you were a bully to her and talked behind her back. My poor mother in a big world all by herself!”
“Stop Lilian!” Jackie said, “Your mother was...”
“Was what? I know she was telling the truth why would she lie to me? Why would you guys lie to me all my life, my mother was a lie!” I slit my arm again.
Jackie was crying and everyone else seemed to have tears as well.
“Next is you, Bill, I have your letter right here! When all she needed was you, you told her that she needed counseling, and guess what a counselor is? It is just someone that listens. Why were you not there for her? She did the drugs for attention, not peer pressure.” I took another pause and slit more of my arm. I was starting to feel groggy and in pain but had to continue and fight through to the end when I am to die. “Why did you people lie? And you of course you Summer your family attitude about life I read a letter for you Winter and Drew they are all about how mean you are. You people are backstabbing idiots!”
“Lilian, you need to stop, I’ve already called the police,” Summer said trying to sound calm.
“I will be dead by then, like mother like daughter!” I said, “The last person on my mom’s list is you, Matthew! She loved you! You never stopped her from killing herself you all are so stupid not seeing the signs and I take my life in honor of my mother she was alone in this big world and she had no one and you all had each other. Does anyone have anything to say before you watch me die?”
“I loved your mother, Lilian. Everyone did, I don’t know what happened to make her believe that she had to do this.” Almost time to stab right in the heart.
“Everyone puts on their fake face some people tend to believe their fake face is their real look.” I replied to my father, “Also Hayden, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I love you, high school lover! Goodbye.”
“I love you too, Goodbye I guess, please stay here for me though! I don’t want to deal with these people alone.” Hayden said and had tears running down his face, “Or, kill me too.”
“I could never. You deserve life,” I put the knife back by my heart and got ready to stab. I could not look Hayden in his puppy dog eyes. The beautiful eyes that I have been looking into all my life. The friend, the lover, the jokester, the meany. He was, is, the love of my life. Now, I am going to leave him. Leave him forever and ever.
Bill took a brush from off the side of the counter in the bathroom and threw it at me. It hit me in the head I dropped the knife on the ground, and I fell to the ground, unconsciously.
The authorities arrived and I was sent to the hospital.