It’s a beautiful day.
Despite it being December in New York, it’s relatively mild. I’m walking to class in my winter coat, but I don’t need to pull it tight around my chest to keep out the winter chill.
Beyond the weather, I’m feeling good. I went to dinner with Mark and John last night and then went to sleep the second I got back to my dorm. I was still feeling the residual effects of the motion sickness pill I took on the plane yesterday morning.
I woke up feeling rested and ready to face the day. I still wish I was in Alaska, but I’m excited to be back at school, too. It’s going to take some adjusting after having a week and a half off. I can’t even imagine the assignments I’ll have to make up.
A lot of my professors gave me the work I’d miss beforehand. I emailed everyone last weekend about extending my trip and got more work to keep up with. I’m not super behind, but the semester is winding down. Finals start in three weeks.
That has me excited, too. Once I’m finished with finals, I will officially be a second-semester freshman.
Which means Mark and John will no longer be my teachers, and we’ll be free to have our relationship out in the open. I can’t wait!
Last night at dinner, we had a long talk about everything. My favorite part was hearing the guys argue about what brand of crib we should get for the baby.
I love that they’re as excited as I am. It’s adorable to see them thinking about furniture and nursery colors. We don’t even know what the baby’s sex is yet, but we’ve already decided to paint the nursery green and put animals on the walls. I found the most adorable picture of a giraffe that is going to go right above the crib. Of course, we’re also going to put a picture of a moose in the nursery. It’s only right.
I wish we could get started right now. The fraternization rule is stupid. I understand why it’s there – the school doesn’t want teachers taking advantage of students, or vice versa. However, they should make exceptions for when a real romantic connection is made. I’m not trying to finagle better grades from John. I just love him!
The lecture room is empty when I arrive for English Lit. I knew I’d be early, but I couldn’t stand being in my dorm anymore. I text Jessica to let her know I’m already here. She’s not in class, but she says she’ll be over in a minute.
Jessica arrives right on schedule, carrying two coffees. She hands one to me.
“Oh, thank you, but I can’t have caffeine. It’s bad for the baby.”
“That’s why I got you decaf!” Jessica says proudly.
“Really? You’re the best! Thank you.”
I take a slow sip. Jessica got me my favorite, a caramel mocha swirl. I can’t even tell there’s no caffeine in it. I suppose I’ll be able to tell later when I’m super tired, but for now, I simply enjoy the delicious taste.
“So, guess what?” I say.
“What?”
“I made my first doctor appointment for the baby!”
Jessica squeals. “Oh my God, that’s so exciting! Will they do an ultrasound? Will you find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“I think they’ll do an ultrasound, but mostly, they’ll just be asking me questions and running tests to make sure I’m healthy and that the baby is doing well. It’s too early to know the sex.”
“Darn. I really want to know!”
“Me, too!” I nod. “John wants to wait, but Mark is on my side. We’ll probably find out and then just not tell John.”
“Do you really think you can keep it a secret?”
I shrug. “We’ll try. I don’t know if we’ll be successful.”
Jessica laughs. “I don’t get why people ever want to wait. You can plan ahead if you know the sex!”
“Exactly! I mean, I want to make sure we get plenty of neutral stuff so the baby isn’t always dressed in pink or blue, but it would be nice to know if I can buy dresses or tiny suits.”
“Your kid will be more stylish than me!”
“That’s not possible,” I say.
“True,” Jessica responds. “What about your parents? Have you told them yet?”
I bite my lip. “No, not yet.”
“Mari, you need to tell them. Aren’t you on their health insurance? They’ll find out when they notice the doctor’s charge if you don’t tell them ahead of time.”
“I know, I thought of that. I’m going to tell them on Saturday.”
Jessica takes my hand and squeezes it. “Are you nervous? Do you want me to come with you?”
I nod. “That would be great, actually. Mark and John said they’d come, but it might help to have a friendly face in the room. My parents have never met the guys, but they love you.”
“I’d be happy to join you. Just let me know when, and I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, Jessica. I appreciate that.”
My chest feels lighter. I was really nervous about telling my parents. I still am, but at least now I’ll have Jessica to lean on. Between her, Mark, and John, I think I’ll be okay. I’m lucky to have such a great support system.
Other students start to file into the classroom, so our conversation has to get quieter. Jessica and I are sitting near the back, away from where most of the students usually sit. As long as we whisper, no one will hear us. I can’t risk another student recognizing Mark or John’s names and outing us to the school.
“Oh, hey, how did dinner go last night? You were passed out when I got home.”
I laugh. “Travel is exhausting! I barely made it through dinner. But it was amazing!”
“Did you talk about everything?”
“Yeah, we did. We made all kinds of plans. I’m so excited!”
“Details, Mari!”
“Well, to start, we decided that we’ll all move into John’s apartment. He has plenty of space for Mark, the baby, and me. Eventually, we’d like to get a house somewhere together, but for now, it makes more sense for us all to just move in with him.”
Jessica squeals again. A few of the students turn our way, so I shush her.
“You have to stay quiet, remember?” I remind her.
“Sorry! I’m just so excited. What else did you plan out? Are you getting married?”
“We didn’t talk about that.”
Jessica squeezes my hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll bring something up soon.”
I don’t know about that. How could we get married? Last time I checked, only two people could get legally married. I don’t want to have to pick between John or Mark. I’d rather the three of us be together without the piece of paper.
Will that be okay with them? It’ll have to be, I guess. That’s something else for us to talk about. I’m not too worried about it right now. We haven’t even said “I love you” yet, even though I know I’m feeling it.
“We’ll deal with that when we come to it. We made lots of other plans, though. The guys are so cute. They’re really excited about the baby; they’re putting so much thought into the nursery. John has even started baby-proofing his apartment already.”
“Aw! That is so cute.”
“Yeah, it’s adorable. We talked about something else last night, too.”
Jessica scrunches her brow. “I don’t like the face you’re making. What happened?”
“Nothing bad, I don’t think. When we were in Alaska, there was this professor, Jane Fordham. She really wants John to write a paper with her. I met her, and she seemed…off. Like there was something untrustworthy about her. Mark and John say not to worry, but last night, John said she hasn’t stopped calling him since the conference ended.”
“Wow, she really wants to work on that paper with him.”
“Yeah, it’s just weird. I don’t know what to think of her. It felt like she was…I don’t know, gathering information or something.”
“It sounds like you’re being paranoid. If Mark and John aren’t worried, then you shouldn’t be either. She seems like more of a pest than anything else.”
I hope Jessica is right. I’ve been thinking about Jane since I met her. I didn’t know she’d kept hounding John. That doesn’t make me feel good. Jane doesn’t seem like the kind of person who takes “no” for an answer. I wish John would just agree to write the paper.
I told him as much last night. He said he’d considered it, but now that I’m pregnant, he doesn’t want to add anything else to his plate. He’s going to be busy enough as it is.
“Speaking of Mark and John, where are they?”
I glance up. The room is full now, but our professor and TA are nowhere to be found. Jessica shows me the time on her phone. Class technically started five minutes ago.
I shrug. “I have no idea. It’s only five minutes past time to start, though. I’m sure they got caught up in a meeting or something.”
“You’re probably right. They’ve been gone for a week and a half, after all.”
“Exactly. We were talking last night about how much catching up they have to do. I feel bad for keeping them away an extra three days because they have that much more work to take care of.”
“I have a feeling they didn’t mind one bit.”
“That’s exactly what they said.”
“Okay, well, if they’re not here yet, let’s talk about me now.”
I laugh. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Well, while you were at dinner with Mark and John, I had dinner with Raymond and Tom.”
My eyes widen. “Really? I thought that you guys just… I mean, you made it sound like it was just sexual.”
“It was,” Jessica admits. “But I like hanging out with both of them. Seeing how happy you are with Mark and John made me wonder if we could try the same kind of relationship.”
“And? What did they say?”
“They were both surprised because they didn’t think that’s what I wanted. But we talked about it for a while, and we’ve decided to give it a shot!”
This time, I’m the one who squeals. I don’t even care that a bunch of other students look in our direction. They can mind their own business!
“Jessica! That’s fantastic. I had no idea that was what you wanted, either, but I’m glad the guys are all for it!”
“Honestly, I didn’t even know it was what I wanted. You know I’ve never been much for relationships. This time feels different, though. Maybe what has been missing in the past has been that third person. I feel like Tom, Raymond, and I round each other out.”
“That’s exactly how I feel about Mark and John!”
“You inspired me to do this,” Jessica admits. “I know I’m more adventurous than you, but I don’t think I ever would’ve given it a shot if I hadn’t seen how happy you are. So thank you.”
I give her an awkward side hug. It’s not easy to show affection in the lecture hall seats, but we make it work.
“I’m glad I could inspire you for once since you’ve been inspiring me our entire lives.”
“Look at us! We’re both in relationships with two men.”
“I know! I can’t believe it, but it’s so cool. Hey, maybe next year, we can do a double date kind of thing. I’d love for you to get to know Mark and John outside of class.”
Jessica grins. “I’d love that! We’ll make plans in January, okay?”
“Absolutely.”
I glance down at my phone. The guys are almost fifteen minutes late to class now.
It’s not like them to be late. At least, not this late. It’s usually only five minutes, and never both of them. One always shows up before the other. My palms start to sweat.
They’re just in a meeting, I tell myself. I quickly shoot them a text, asking where they are. No response.
A few students start to shuffle around.
“Where are they?” one asks aloud.
“Seriously. Can we leave?”
“I’m out,” the original question asker says. “Someone send me the notes if they ever show up.”
The guy grabs his backpack and walks out of the room. Five others follow suit, but the rest of us stay put.
“Mari, have you heard from them?”
I check my phone again. Still nothing.
“No. Where are they?”
Jessica must sense the panic building inside of me because she takes my hand. “I’m sure they’re just in a meeting like you said. Didn’t they have to talk to the department head on Sunday when you were still in Alaska? That’s probably what they’re doing now. It just ran long.”
I take a deep breath. Jessica is right. That’s a logical explanation. They wouldn’t be late if they didn’t have a reason to be.
“Did I tell you about the project I have to do for my women’s studies class?” Jessica asks in an attempt to distract me from worrying.
I shake my head. “What is it?”
“We have to make a movie!” she explains. “We’re in groups of four, and we’re supposed to write and film a skit based on our topic.”
“What’s your topic?”
“Intersectional feminism. Which, let me tell you, is not easy to write a skit about. It’s due next Friday. This is our entire final exam grade. Well, we have to write a paper to go with it, but it’s only five pages.”
“That sounds really hard. Are your group members helpful, at least?”
“Oh, yeah. I got lucky there. I was talking to another girl in my class, and she’s doing all of the work for her group. But we have these group evaluation forms to do, so she’ll get full credit, and they’ll get docked points for not helping.”
“That’s good.”
“Agreed. But anyway, I’m writing the script since I’m the only one with any kind of English or writing background. The others in my group are math and econ majors. They’re handling the filming. Would you mind checking out the script this weekend? We start filming on Monday.”
“Of course!” I say. I’m pretty sure she’s only saying this to distract me from our missing professor and TA, but I appreciate it. Besides, it’s nice to see Jessica putting in effort for one of her classes. Obviously, her tutor can’t handle this for her.
I’ve seen Jessica’s writing in the past, and she’s very talented. Her script will be the best in the class. I can’t wait to read it.
We continue to talk about our other classes until the thirty-minute mark hits. More of our classmates have been leaving the entire time, and after thirty minutes, only Jessica and I remain.
Our school has a fifteen-minute rule, so we all could’ve left when the first guy did. Basically, if a professor is fifteen minutes late, the students can leave without being penalized. I’ve never seen that happen before, though.
“Mari, I think we should leave,” Jessica suggests.
I nod. “I know, you’re right. Where are they?”
“I don’t know. Try texting them again.”
I do. This time, I text them each separately. They have “read receipts” on, so if they open and don’t respond, I’ll know. They don’t open them.
“Don’t freak out. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this, okay? Just breathe.”
That’s easier said than done. Mark and John wouldn’t just not show up to class without informing someone. If they were in a meeting, they would’ve sent word somehow that class was canceled. I check my email. There’s nothing from them there either.
“Come on, Mari. Let’s go.”
I don’t want to leave, but at this point, it’s clear that Mark and John aren’t coming to class. I gather up my things and follow Jessica out of the room.
“I should go work on tightening up my script. I’m going to head to the library. Are you going to be okay without me?”
I want Jessica to stay with me, but she never works this hard on school assignments. I’m not going to ruin her concentration now.
“I’ll be fine. I’m going to call them…try to get ahold of them.”
“Okay. Keep me posted. Love you.”
She gives me a quick squeeze before scurrying off toward the library. I clutch my books tightly against my chest as I walk back to our dorm. With every step, I feel more anxious. What if something bad has happened to them?
Mark and John are incredibly responsible people. They wouldn’t just miss class for nothing.
I pull out my phone and dial John’s number. It goes right to voicemail. The same thing happens with Mark. I leave them each a message, trying to keep my voice calm, asking them to call me back when they can.
I text them again, too. Still no response.
Where the hell are they? I’m getting really scared. Was there an accident or something? I’m too afraid to check the news.
When I get back to my dorm, I try calling them again, but it still goes right to voicemail. Why are their phones off? What is going on?
I can’t focus on anything; I need to hear from them.
My hands find my stomach. Stress isn’t good for the baby. I need to calm down.
I learned yoga once, so I do a few of the stretches I remember. My phone ringer is all the way up, so I’ll hear if they call.
They don’t call.
Something is terribly wrong. I know it.
I just hope we can get through it together. I don’t know what I would do if I lost them. I can’t raise this baby by myself.
I need them. They have to be okay.