CHAPTER 4

Cat Appreciation Group Chat

Tally: hey, is anyone there?

Jade: hi tally – I’m here

Gory: and me. how you doing?

Tally: bad day. You?

Gory: amazing! I made a huge leap forward in the search for water on other planets and then I won a race in my porsche and after that I invented a new and unique meal.

Tally: so you watched videos on YouTube, played on your Xbox and put something gross on a piece of toast?

Gory: busted! except I put a piece of bread between 2 pieces of toast and made a bread sandwich toastie and it was delicious, thanks very much.

Jade: mine was ok. sorry that yours wasn’t tally ☹ want to talk about it?

Tally: no

Jade: ok. How about I send you a photo of my cat then? she’s looking really cute today.

Tally: layla is moving to america

Jade: oh tally, I’m so sorry

Gory: that sucks

Tally: I don’t know what I’m going to do. she says that I should stick with Lucy and the others.

Gory: you said the other day that you hate hanging out with that group though

Jade: maybe this is your chance to find other people

Gory: yeah – maybe some nicer people?

Jade: isn’t there anyone at your school who’s nice? What about aleksandra – she seemed lovely when we met her at camp last year?

Tally: …

Jade: tally?

Gory: I liked Aleksandra – she was funny

Tally: we don’t really talk any more

Jade: oh. well there must be someone?

Tally: no. but that’s ok cos I can just hang out on my own and do my own thing. that’ll be ok, won’t it? it’s what both of you do.

Gory: I mean, it’s what we used to do, sure

Jade: since the camping trip we’ve kind of hung out together

Gory: it’s great! nobody bothers hassling you when there’s more than one of you.

Tally: oh

Jade: but you’re going to be fine, tally. honestly.

Gory: you definitely will. you can totally handle layla moving away.

Jade: you’re braver than anyone I’ve ever met

Tally: I’m not brave. I just don’t have a choice.

Today’s Newsflash

Layla, my best friend in the whole wide world, is leaving the school. I haven’t had time to process or even think about how I will cope without having someone to hug in the morning without feeling self-conscious, or to help me with my maths or to show me where something is around the school. It’s not something I’m ready to come to terms with yet, well, at least not mentally. I am writing a song about it, though, which usually helps me accept things. One of the lines in my new song is:

People come and go, but memories stay for ever, If they are right they will come back, so never say never.

I’m sort of relating to the famous quote I’ve always loved: “If you love something let it go, if it loves you it will return, if it doesn’t then it was never yours.”

Thinking about stress

Mrs Jarman once taught me this idea of thinking about all my stresses filling a bucket and eventually overflowing. But today on the way home, my Nike backpack felt so heavy that it made me come up with a new idea. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the BACKPACK OF PAIN.

The backpack of pain starts off as a cool new backpack on your back, all light and empty. But it gradually starts filling up throughout the day and some days I wake up with it already full. What fills it? Everything that causes me stress. This might be anything from too many demands placed on me, to loud noises or really strong smells. When my backpack gets full, it really, really weighs me down, and if I don’t find a way to empty some things out of it, I can collapse under the weight of it all. On some days my backpack feels really small and tight and so it gets full really quickly. This happens on days when I’ve not slept much, or when a horrible situation has been going on for a long time, and on other days it feels like it’s been stretched bigger and I can fit more in without it feeling too heavy. Things that stretch my backpack are when I’m not feeling under much pressure – like when I’m on holiday, and there aren’t many demands on me. At those times, things that would immediately cause me stress, like an itchy top, or a food I’m not mad keen on, suddenly don’t seem to matter nearly so much. I can tolerate more at those times.

Ten things that help me empty my backpack when it gets too heavy for me

1. Talking to friends like Layla or Jade or Gory. They always make me feel better.

2. Writing and playing songs – it gets all my bad feelings out.

3. Hanging out with animals – dogs and horses especially. They are so non-judgy and accepting and they don’t pretend to be something they’re not.

4. Watching soothing videos on my iPad. Recommendations below.

5. Doing something mindful, like doodling or sewing or a jigsaw.

6. Writing down what I’m feeling, and then trying to turn it into positive self-talk. When I was worried this week about going to school, I wrote myself a note and left it by my bed so I could read it when I woke up the next day: I am bold, I am brave, I can beat this.

7. Focusing on looking forward to nice things that are happening, or thinking back about things that have made me happy in the past, such as special days.

8. Treating myself to something that feels like I’m being kind to myself, like a long, bubbly bath with hot chocolate and listening to Taylor Swift.

9. Being around nature. Taking Rupert for even a ten-minute walk in the park can help. If I’m really trying to stop thinking about worries I ask myself to focus on what I can see, hear and smell while I’m walking.

10. Doing something really familiar that brings back nice memories and makes me feel comfortable. This could be cuddling Billy, my favourite teddy, or rewatching a movie or TV show that I loved when I was a kid.

My top five types of relaxing videos

1. Calming ones like guided meditations to the sounds of the sea. These help me focus on positive words instead of my worries.

2. Satisfying ones like someone playing with slime or peeling glue off their hands or cutting wood with a special machine.

3. Informative ones with quiet but interesting voices like David Attenborough’s wildlife programmes. (I fast-forward any animal-dying parts.)

4. Sensory ones. My dad introduced me to a really old programme he used to watch as a child – it has a man called Bob with loads of hair who does paintings with a scrapy knife and a scratchy brush, who speaks in a really nice way, gentle but enthusiastic and friendly. He turns blobs of paint into amazing mountains and trees. That one appeals to all my senses so much!

5. Funny ones. I can watch dogs looking at themselves in mirrors or a cat saying, “Oh, Long Johnson,” for hours! They are adorable and lift my heart.