AUTISM SPECIAL:
Things well-meaning people say or do that can hurt an autistic person

Hesitate or lower your voice when saying the word “autism” or “autistic”

I know you are trying to be kind or discreet, but it’s like you are talking about some kind of disease. And it’s almost as bad as saying that I “suffer” with autism, or using “on the spectrum” as a euphemism. C’mon, let’s just say the word, people. AUTISTIC. There – it’s not so bad, is it? This is especially crucial if you’re still learning to love the word “autistic”. And do you know why that’s so important? Because if you’re autistic like me, then loving autism means loving yourself. And that means loving the person you actually are, not the person others think you should be.

“Are we using our autism as a bit of an excuse?”

This was an actual phrase said to me by someone. It’s bad on two levels. First of all, autism is a reason not an excuse. Secondly, why do people say we when they mean you? My mum says it’s a bit patronizing.

“You can’t say autistic. People with autism are people first.”

Surely I can use any term I like to describe myself? I already know I’m a person. I just don’t like it sounding as if autism is something I carry around with me or is a horrible disease.

“You’ve got to stop worrying so much about everything.”

That’s not very helpful. And it makes me worry about worrying, which means that the worries will never stop.

“All twelve-year-old girls get anxious.”

Maybe, but autism is something different, so if you say this to me it makes me feel like you are not listening, or like you are making light of how hard life is for me. Also when you make out that everyone feels like me, but they are just getting on with it, it is basically saying it’s my fault, and that I must just be dealing with it badly.

“No one likes doing things other people ask them to do.”

Same as above.

“No one likes change”

Same as above.

“We’re all a bit autistic.”

Oh this old gem. No we aren’t. Autistic traits are human traits, but it’s the grouping and intensity of them that makes a person autistic. When people say things like, “We’re all a bit autistic”, they’re trying to empathize and say that a lot of people struggle with things, but this makes light of what autistic people feel and go through, and I think it’s important that people try not to do that.