4

 

 

He didn’t even know why he was running. It was just an instinctive compulsion, but now he felt his legs weakening. He knew he couldn’t keep this pace much longer, yet it was beyond his reason why he couldn’t seem to get away from this area. Every path he took led him right back to the same damn bridge. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.

Near exhaustion, he began to cross the bridge once again as the night air chilled the droplets of sweat on his temples. Gasping for another breath, the tightness in his chest forced him to stop and lean on the thick, aged trellis beam for support. The cry of an owl repeated, “Who? Who-who?” over the pounding of his heart and he closed his eyes. Rest. That was all he wanted, but when would it come?

Suddenly, the sound of bootheels on the boards behind him broke his trance. There was no time to turn before the shot rang out and hot pain entered his skull. It was at that moment he felt as though he’d been yanked out of himself and was now viewing the scene like a cinema flicker.

He saw the limp body crumple and tumble over the side of the bridge. He watched helplessly as it hurled toward the moonlit water. His mind raced with surreal theories and caught on one. That can’t be me, he exhaled in denial. I can’t die. No, no, no, his mind repeated in echoes. “Heaven have mercy, I’m dead!” Charles gasped.

Feeling as though the last breath had been punched out of him, his body stiffened, and he winced against the brightness. There was such intense light around him, he nearly feared blindness should he open his eyes fully to see. His heart continued to pound rapidly and his palms dripped of perspiration. Then he felt something soft and cool beneath his fingertips. It was cloth. Smooth and clean, he discerned, and then he sensed the same comfort around his bare skin. He inhaled slowly and deliberately.

Where am I? he wondered as he gathered the courage to open one eye. Blinking a few more times, he began to focus on the white coverlet draped over him. His gaze followed it down to the humps of his feet in front of the dark, polished walnut footboard of the bed. He wiggled his toes beneath the fabric.

“A dream. It was just a dream,” he breathed out with relief. Swallowing the dryness in his throat, he looked around the room to gather his senses. He saw his familiar shirt hanging on one of the bedposts in front of him. His trousers were folded neatly and placed on a chair cushion with his boots tucked under it on the floor. “Where the hell am I?” he repeated aloud.

Charles rubbed his eyes in an effort to gain some more clarity. Leaning back on his hands, he allowed the morning to unfold around him. A fresh breeze came in through the open window and the songs of morning birds filled his ears. He shook his head for the thought that was playing in his brain. This was no kind of heaven he’d ever been told about.

He reached for his shirt and, in a flash, he recalled having washed it the night before. Pulling it down, he looked for the stains of blood he remembered scrubbing. Not a trace remained. Pausing for a second to consider another possibility, he reached for his temple. “Ow,” he flinched. The wound was real. That’s when it began to sink in rapidly.

Memories rushed through his head so quickly; Mitch and the bridge—the gun—the deed—jumping and nearly drowning—being pulled from the river by a woman—driving a fantastic automobile—going to a hospital—a baby being born—

“Oh, damn!” he exclaimed aloud, while throwing the covers back. “Suzanne!” His eyes darted around the room for a timepiece. Leaping off the bed while pulling his arm through a sleeve, he continued to search for a clock. “Damn it, what’s the time?” he rasped.

It had all come back to him. He was supposed to pick up Suzanne at the hospital. Grabbing up his trousers, he shook them out of habit and then thrust a foot through a pant leg. Snatching up his socks, he began mumbling while pulling them on.

“None of this makes any sense. How does something like this happen?” he asked half to himself, half to the empty room. He shook his head in disbelief before adding, “Time travel?”

Yanking on his boots, he stood up and stamped one heel on the floor to fit it snugly against the leather hardened from a soaking in the creek. Then, after cinching his belt, he pondered his own question. Don’t think about it now, Charlie. It will all, somehow, make sense later.

I doubt it, he mentally quipped.

“I’m losing my mind,” he snapped after realizing he was actually conversing with himself. As he began to leave the room, he caught his reflection in a wardrobe mirror. He stopped and stepped back to view himself more thoroughly. In a vain attempt to tame the cowlick on the back of his head, he spoke aloud again. “You certainly look as crazy as a coot, Charles Garrity.”

About twenty minutes later he was walking toward the hospital doors. He felt proud of himself for, even as a man on the brink of insanity, he’d remembered how to operate the automobile and find his way back to the hospital. His confidence lessened very slightly as he looked around at the busy place. Now to navigate once more through this madness.

Just do this and get back home, he reassured himself. Funny how that word replayed itself in his mind. Home. Surely Suzanne’s large farmhouse wasn’t his home, and yet it was the only place that offered sanctuary right now, for his own was seventy-five years away and so far as he knew no longer existed. He realized how much he owed the remarkable woman who had saved his life. If this is where he found himself, no matter how he got here, then he was determined to make the best of his situation. Fit in. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Do whatever it takes until you can find your way back… The words kept repeating inside his head.

Pushing the button for the maternity floor, he smiled at the older woman who got into the elevator with him and clutched the flowers he had gathered quickly from Suzanne’s front garden. He thought it only right that she leave this hospital with flowers in her hands.

“I see we’re going to the same floor,” the older woman announced.

Charles smiled again, shifting the small bag of clothing for Suzanne.

Obviously wanting to make conversation, the woman added, “So tell me, what did you have?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“A boy or a girl?” the gray-haired woman asked with a chuckle, as though amused by his confusion.

“Oh, a boy,” Charles answered, not feeling he needed to explain to this woman all the details.

“My daughter just had her fourth. Another boy. They certainly are a handful,” she said in good-natured voice. “Are you prepared?”

“Prepared? He’s just a wee babe,” Charles replied, glancing up to the blinking numbers and once more marveling at the difference in elevators from his time.

“Oh, this must be your first,” she announced with a knowing grin. “I guess you’re never really prepared.”

Charles was grateful when the door opened to their floor. As they walked out of the elevator and he was about to say good-bye to the woman, she reached out her hand and gently touched his sleeve.

“Be patient,” she advised with another smile. “Both with your son and your wife. Don’t be surprised if your wife suddenly gets the blues. Lord knows, I wasn’t prepared for that myself. Patience is the best way to handle it.”

“The blues?”

“Postpartum blues. Why, I thought all you young people knew everything.”

Charles mumbled, “Yes, of course. Postpartum blues.” What the hell was that?

“Well, congratulations on your son’s birth. I wish you and your family a lifetime of happiness.”

Startled by the woman’s words, Charles simply nodded and said, “Thank you. And congratulations on your new grandson.”

The woman smiled once more and turned in the opposite direction. Charles slowly turned toward Suzanne’s room and straightened his shoulders. The way that woman just assumed he was the father of this new family really rattled him. It wasn’t his role to play. In fact, he’d barely gotten a handle on how to be the man he’d always wanted to become when he’d been snatched away from his life and thrust into this one.

Walking down the hallway, he bit the inside of his cheek as things he’d done in his past flashed through his mind. Making a small fortune in bootleg whiskey was one of them. He shook the thought out of his head. All he had to do today was get Suzanne and Matty to their home. He’d figure out the rest later.

When he opened the door to her room, Charles stood for a moment and his breath caught in his throat. Suzanne was sitting in bed, nursing her son. Rays of sunshine fell across them, and he thought she looked almost angelic as she smiled down at Matty.

Glancing up, her grin widened. “I just knew you’d come back,” she declared in a whisper.

He cleared his throat and walked farther into the room, allowing the door to close quietly behind him. “Of course I would,” he whispered back. “Didn’t I tell you I would be here this morning?”

She nodded and gently used the back of her fingers to stroke the infant’s cheek. “I wasn’t even worried, Charlie. Did you find everything?”

“I think so,” he answered, putting the bag onto a nearby chair. He stood for a few moments, just staring, until Suzanne looked up at him. “These are for you,” he announced, and thrust his hand out in her direction. Although he could barely even see any bare skin with a cloth diaper resting on Suzanne’s shoulder and draped over her chest, still he was embarrassed.

“Aww,” she murmured, holding out her hand to him as he stepped closer to the bed.

Averting his eyes from the intimate scene before him, he focused on her hand as he placed the flowers in them. “They’re from your garden.”

“How perfect,” she whispered, sniffing a yellow blossom.

As she looked up to him again, she handed the flowers back and asked, “Does this embarrass you?”

“Embarrass me?”

“Yes. Breast-feeding Matty.”

She just stared at him with those big blue eyes, waiting for his answer, and Charles was even more confounded when his gaze seemed drawn to Matty’s tiny mouth tugging on Suzanne’s breast. “No, it doesn’t embarrass me,” he lied in a rough voice, for his throat was tight with a surge of emotion. None of it made sense to him. Why was he so moved to see her nursing her son?

“Good,” she proclaimed, slowly shifting the baby to her shoulder and adjusting the yellow hospital gown to cover herself. Gently patting Matty’s back, she added, “’Cause if we’re going to be living together for a few days, you’ll have to get used to it.”

He just nodded stupidly and looked to the bag on the chair. “I found that car seat in the nursery, the one you told me about last night, but for the life of me I don’t know how it works. I just left it on the backseat of the automobile.”

Suzanne swayed slightly as she continued to pat her son’s back. “That’s all right, I’ll figure it out. Now, do you want to hold Matty while I get dressed?”

He could actually feel his body tense. “You want me to hold him?”

She giggled slightly, as though his reaction was amusing. “Of course. We’re a team here, aren’t we?” Her brows suddenly narrowed. “Unless you want me to call a nurse to take him? Charlie, are you afraid of the baby?”

Charles shook his head, as though the thought were ridiculous. “Afraid… of a baby? Of course not. I’ll take the wee lad.” He’d held the child last night, so he could certainly do it now.

Suzanne seemed pleased by his answer as he held out his hands.

She gave him the diaper. “Here, put this over your shoulder first and then you can burp him while I get dressed.”

Charles placed the cloth on his shoulder and Suzanne carefully handed over Matty. The baby made soft mewling sounds and curled his little body tightly at the disruption, making tiny fists with his hands and drawing up his knees. Placing the infant to his shoulder, Charles noticed that Matty soon relaxed as tiny breaths sounded close to his ear. He felt a little silly as a rush of pleasure surged through his body and he immediately began patting Matty’s back while Suzanne tried to rise from the bed.

He reminded himself that he was indebted to Suzanne and would do whatever she asked in return for her kindness. He couldn’t even imagine what might have happened to him had she not come along and taken him into her life.

“Ouch…”

His attention was drawn to Suzanne as she clutched the metal railing of the bed.

“Are you all right?” he asked, wanting to hold out his hand to her, yet afraid to let go of the baby.

She nodded as she slowly, carefully, made her way past him to the chair. “Just a little sore. I had a baby yesterday, remember?”

“How could I forget?” he asked in return, and was pleased when she glanced up at him, for she was smiling.

“You know, Charlie,” she began, as she picked up the bag of clothing, “in spite of everything that’s happened to me, I am probably one of the happiest women alive right now. I can’t wait to bring Matty home.”

Charles simply nodded as Suzanne took tiny steps toward a small bathroom. “Take your time,” he spoke softly out to her back. “Matthew and I are doin’ just fine here.”

She turned around at the doorway and stared at him for a few intense moments. It looked to him as though tears were gathering at her eyes as the tip of her nose suddenly got red.

“I can see,” she murmured, and then took a deep breath and closed the door behind her.

He patted the baby’s back and thought he heard a tiny burp, but not being positive he continued. “You sure lucked out when it came to picking a mother, young fella,” he whispered to the infant while still staring at the closed door.

Thirty minutes later they were all in the elevator. He was holding the bag and flowers and Suzanne, clothed in a cornflower blue dress, was seated in a wheelchair holding her son as a young nurse stood behind her. No one spoke during the short ride down. When they came to the admitting desk, the nurse stopped wheeling Suzanne and turned to them.

“If you bring your car around to the front, Mr. McDermott, we’ll wait here.”

Charles merely blinked at the woman.

“Charlie?” Suzanne called out. “Can you get the car for us?”

He simply nodded once before walking toward the exit.

Suzanne let out her breath as she followed him with her gaze. Clearly, he was upset being called her husband’s name, yet why try and explain anything when they were minutes away from making their escape? She felt a twinge of guilt for allowing everyone to think otherwise, but now was not the time to examine how she had deceived the hospital staff. Charlie had brought her purse along with clothes for her and the baby, so they were prepared for anything, plus she’d taken care of all the insurance red tape when she’d done the preadmission forms last week. Funny how it all was working out. She didn’t need Kevin at all.

Just thinking of her husband made Suzanne hold her son tighter to her heart. She would have to notify him of Matty’s birth, but she just didn’t want to see him yet. All she could think about was taking the baby home and getting settled in peace and quiet. Bless Charlie’s heart for everything he’d done for her.

“He seems like a really good baby,” the nurse murmured, looking down at her sleeping son. “What’s his name?”

“Matthew. Matthew Charles,” Suzanne answered, smiling at her precious child dressed in the white designer outfit she’d bought for him months ago. She’d known it was extravagant to pay so much for something he would soon grow out of, but her heart had melted at the detailed white-on-white stitching at the collar and the almost tissue-fine cotton of the gown and hat. The soft white receiving blanket that came with the set was wrapped around him and Suzanne touched his tiny fingers, watching as they curled around her own. She was in love. So deeply in love. “Am I prejudiced, or is this baby just beautiful?”

The young nurse laughed. “Yes, you’re prejudiced… and yes, he’s beautiful. With a husband as handsome as yours, you’d have to have beautiful children.”

Suzanne froze, trying to banish Kevin’s image from her mind. The young woman wasn’t talking about Kevin. She thought Charlie was her husband. Again, guilt assaulted her as she thought of her many lies of omission. Her mind told her Kevin was the liar. He had lied to her for over a year… maybe more than that. What she was doing was to protect herself. And she had even greater reason now, she affirmed with a loving glance at Matty.

“And speaking of your husband… here he is.”

Startled, Suzanne’s head jerked up, half expecting to see Kevin storming in the front door of the hospital. Instead, she saw Charlie walking calmly toward them.

The nurse came behind the chair again and began pushing her and Matty to the door.

“The automobile is waiting,” he announced to the nurse.

Suzanne almost grinned at his serious tone. Just a few more minutes and they would be away from this place and she could relax. As they left through the doors, the sun shone directly on Matty and he started sneezing.

“Oh my,” Suzanne murmured, holding her hand up to cover his face.

“It’s not unusual,” the nurse counseled as they stopped in front of the car.

“He’s not allergic to sunshine, is he?” Suzanne asked.

The young woman laughed. “Actually, it is an allergic reaction, but it will stop soon. Don’t look so worried. It’s nothing to be concerned about. Now, let me have him while you get into the car.”

The nurse held the baby while Charlie helped her stand. Taking a deep breath of clean air, Suzanne looked into the back and saw the car seat. “Oh, I have to fix that,” she announced, and Charlie immediately opened the door.

“Just tell me what to do,” he said, reaching in and holding the seat.

“You have to turn it backward and fasten it with the safety belts.”

He turned it backward, then grabbed a belt and pulled on it. Holding it in his hand, he started to weave it through the seat and then looked up to her. “Now what?”

“You hook it, buckle it to that side.”

“Buckle it?”

“New fathers,” the nurse said with a chuckle.

“Here, allow me,” Suzanne suggested, seeing that Charlie had absolutely no idea how to buckle a seat belt. He moved away from the door opening and she reached in and fastened the car seat. “Now, we’re ready to take him home.”

The nurse handed her the baby and Suzanne carefully placed Matty in the seat. She made sure he was secure and then sighed deeply as she faced the young woman. “Thank you for all your help,” she said sincerely.

“You’re very welcome.” The nurse stood back and smiled at them as Suzanne slid gently onto the front seat. “You make a wonderful family. Good luck.”

“Thanks again,” Suzanne murmured, not daring to look at Charlie as he shut the door and walked around the front of the car. She waved at the nurse and then watched as Charlie opened the door and got inside. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s all right, Suzanne,” he muttered, inserting the key and starting the car.

Obviously, he knew why she was apologizing. It must be terribly awkward for him when everyone assumed he was not only her husband but also Matty’s father. She watched as he shifted into drive and then turned her head and saw the nurse wheel the chair back into the hospital. As they left the building, Suzanne glanced once more at the man next to her. “You certainly seem much more comfortable driving today.”

He smiled slightly. “I’ve had a bit of practice.”

“Really, Charlie, I can’t thank you enough for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Shrugging, he said, “You don’t have to keep thanking me. It’s the least I can do. You saved my life, remember?”

“God, that seems like a lifetime ago. Was it just yesterday?”

“You’re right,” he answered, applying the brakes as they approached a stop sign. “For me, it was a lifetime ago.”

Hearing the tone of his voice, she wanted to reach out and touch his arm, yet held back. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me last night… about… time traveling.”

“And?”

She marveled at his ease as he pulled out into the traffic. It was like a totally confident man was now behind the wheel of her car. “Well, it’s not something I ever thought was possible, but I will admit you do make an interesting case for it. I don’t know what is possible anymore. I never thought I would be bringing my child home from the hospital without his father even knowing he’s been born. I never thought my best friend would betray me. I believed in so many things and they proved false… so, I’ve decided to keep an open mind. Like I said last night, we’ll help each other figure out our lives… okay?”

He nodded. “Okay, but I will make myself useful. I’m no freeloader. Whatever you want done, Suzanne, I’m your man. I don’t mind hard work.”

I’m your man.

The words repeated inside her brain and she shook them out as Matty made a noise behind them. Turning her head, she realized she couldn’t see him. “I hope he’s all right back there.”

“It’s not far to your house. He’ll be fine.”

As if in protest to that announcement, the baby began to cry and Suzanne fidgeted in her seat. “I wish I could hold him, but it’s the law to keep babies in car seats.”

“A law?”

“Yes. You could get a ticket if the police see you holding him, plus it’s really unsafe to carry a baby in the front seat.”

“I’ve never heard of such a thing as a mother not being allowed by law to hold her own child.” He shook his head.

“A lot of things have changed in the last seventy-five years, Charlie.”

“I should say so. I saw a store with a big sign that sells liquor. Obviously, there is no longer a prohibition on alcohol. And this morning I saw a woman with green hair running on the side of the road in pretty scandalous attire.”

In spite of Matty’s crying, Suzanne chuckled. “That was a jogger and I’m sure the green hair was… well, a fashion statement of some kind. Despite all our laws, there is still freedom of expression.”

“That was some expression,” he answered, concentrating on the road.

Suzanne smiled at his serious mood. She had no idea where he came from, if his story was fact or fiction, but she knew that she could trust him, and trust was something very precious in her life right now. Suddenly, listening to Matty’s cry, she felt an odd tingling at her breasts and was shocked to discover that the front of her dress was beginning to stain a darker blue.

“Oh no,” she muttered as she stared in shock at the ever widening circles.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, darting a quick glance in her direction.

She watched his eyes widen as his gaze connected with her dress and she immediately crossed her arms over the front of it. “Nothing,” she muttered in embarrassment. It was one thing to nurse her son calmly in front of him, but to have her breasts leak whenever Matty cried was quite another! “Can you step on it?” she pleaded, looking at the speedometer. “You can go five miles faster.”

“I’m trying to be careful,” he said, pushing down on the accelerator. “But I can see we have a bit of an emergency here.”

“Right,” she mumbled as tears came into her eyes. She tried reaching back behind her seat to touch Matty, yet his cries became even louder. How could she have been so happy only a short while ago in the hospital and now it seemed that everything was falling apart?

When they pulled into her driveway, she gulped down her tears and breathed a sigh of relief. Matty hadn’t stopped crying the entire way home. She wondered if he was all right. What if it wasn’t just hunger? What if something was really wrong with him? What did she know? She’d gone to all the classes, but they’d stopped at delivering the baby. No one told her what to do when she got him home. Maybe she should have stayed the extra day at the hospital instead of insisting that she be released as quickly as possible. They would know, the nurses would know. She was on her own and she hadn’t any idea of what to do, except feed him and clean him and love him and— She stopped the mental anguish when she realized that Charlie was out of the car.

She opened the door by herself, not waiting as Charlie came around the front. Easing her way out, she hissed with a sudden burning pain at standing upright.

“Suzanne, let me help you.”

Aware of how she must appear, she shook her head. “Don’t look at me. Just open the back door so I can get Matty.”

“What do you mean, don’t look at you?”

“I mean don’t look at me,” she reiterated, trying to shield herself as she passed in front of him. Unlocking the straps, she lifted her son to her chest and soothed him while his cries were interrupted by a quick sneeze as the sunlight hit him full force. She shielded his face with her hand and berated herself for not being a more attentive mother.

“Suzanne, it’s all right,” he said as he closed the door.

She swallowed down fresh tears and nodded as she looked up at her home. It seemed like such a long time ago that she’d run out of it in sheer terror. “Let’s go in.”

He held her elbow as she slowly walked up the steps. When they were on the porch, she waited as Charlie unlocked the door and held it open for her. Once inside, she sat down on a rocker by the French doors and unbuttoned the front of her dress. “I’m going to feed him,” she announced, praying that Charlie would go away.

He did. “I’ll empty the automobile. I should leave Matty’s seat there?”

“Yes. Leave it,” she called out to his retreating back. As her son latched onto her breast, she felt such a strong surge of emotion rush through her body that she simply couldn’t stop the tears. She had a son, but no husband. Her best friend had slept with him. Her life was out of control. Her body was out of control, and her only friend at the moment was a man who claimed he had time traveled! How much more insane could it get?

She sniffled and whispered, “I’m sorry, Matty. I wanted so much more for you.”

Matty didn’t seem to care as he nursed contentedly.

Suzanne felt like a failure. She hadn’t even minded at the hospital that she had to wear a maternity dress home. Her belly was still swollen and soft, but now she didn’t know if she would ever get her figure back. Her breasts were also swollen, bigger than they had ever been in her pregnancy, and she felt like a cow that needed milking!

“What else can I do, Suzanne?”

She turned her head and saw Charlie standing there in the foyer with her flowers and her bag, and she burst into fresh tears. Unable to stop them, she covered her mouth with her hand and just sobbed.

“Suzanne! What’s wrong?” He put the flowers on the hall table, dropped the bag to the floor, and rushed to her.

She couldn’t speak. Her throat was closing so she just shook her head.

‘Tell me. I can help.”

“You can’t,” she managed to say, and turned her face to the French doors as sobs racked her body. Matty pulled away from her breast and she hurried to cover it with the damp material of the dress. “Here,” she said, thrusting her son out to the man. “Take him… please.”

Charles immediately took Matty away from Suzanne and just held him out between them. “What’s wrong?”

Suzanne merely shook her head and pushed herself up off the rocker. She kept shaking her head and her hand, as though she couldn’t stop crying. “I’ll be all right,” she sobbed. “I… I just need to change, to pull my act together.”

“What can I do?” Charles demanded, holding Matty to his chest, as the infant seemed to pick up the emotions of his mother and joined her in crying.

“Nothing. No one can do anything,” she wailed over the noise and walked out of the room toward the stairs.

Charles simply stared at Suzanne’s back as she slowly climbed each step away from them. He shifted Matty to his shoulder and started patting his back. “We’re on our own here, lad,” he murmured, still shocked by Suzanne’s actions.

Didn’t she say in the hospital that today she was one of the happiest women alive? What had happened? And then he remembered that older woman in the elevator and her advice.

“I guess this is post-something blues, my boy. Patience. All we need is patience.”

Matty answered with a quiet satisfied burp and immediately stopped crying.

Hey, was it possible he was getting the hang of this?