22

 

 

Jen slid into the chair across from him, looking tanned and healthy and happy. “Oh, sorry I’m late,” she said with a breathless smile. “Last-minute catering party in Beverly Hills. Had to supply all the plants and deliver them and then got back to the apartment with just enough time to shower and change. So how are you?”

Charlie laughed. “I’m doing pretty well. I have to say California agrees with you. You look great.”

Jen seemed to sparkle even more right before his eyes. “I met someone,” she whispered.

“Someone?”

“You know…. someone.”

“Oh,” he said with a knowing grin. “Someone. Who is he?”

“His name is Jeff and he’s a screenwriter. Can you believe it? He writes for the movies!”

“Interesting,” Charlie remarked, looking around the expensive restaurant for their waiter. Everything about Los Angeles seemed expensive to him, especially the hotel he was staying in. He should have rented an apartment, like Jen, but he didn’t think he’d be staying over a month. It just took time to make the right contacts. “Where did you meet him?”

“He came into the nursery to buy a plant and I helped him.”

A waiter appeared at their table and asked for their drink order. He asked for a Guinness and Jen ordered her usual Sprite. “Okay, so tell me about him. I’m still a bit protective of you, you know.”

“Oh, Charlie—can’t you tell I’m fine? Better than fine. I love it here. I love working outside, being surrounded by nature. A whole lot better than sitting in an office processing mortgages. Now, for my man—”

He grinned. “Your man? Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.” She did look wonderful, dressed in a short skirt and a white top that showed off her tanned shoulders. He was glad she was so happy.

“Well, not yet, but who knows,” Jen answered with a theatrical raise of her eyebrows. “We have our first date tomorrow night. He’s got blond hair—like who doesn’t out here—blue eyes that seem to look right into my soul, and dimples—the cutest dimples when he smiles.”

“And where is he taking you?”

Her eyes widened, as though he was acting like her parent. “Dinner, and I don’t know where yet. He’s calling me later tonight and we’ll discuss it.”

“I’m happy for you, Jen. Have fun.”

“I’m sure I will. Now, what about you? What have you been doing?”

“Besides talking to my investment broker? Not much. Studying my driving manual.”

“When do you take the test?”

“Next week.”

“Looks like you’ve been shopping too. That’s a new suit.”

Shrugging, he said, “I can’t wear the same one all the time.”

“You look very successful, Charles Garrity,” she said, as the waiter brought their drinks. “And pretty handsome too,” she added in a whisper.

“Why, thank you,” he answered, laughing at her antics. She certainly was in a good mood.

They ordered their dinner and sat back in comfortable silence—that is, until Jen asked her question.

“Have you called her yet?”

He stared across the table and frowned. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not ready. I haven’t really figured anything out yet.”

“Well, what is it that you need to figure out? I can help you.”

He shook his head and sipped his Guinness.

“You love her, right?”

“Yes, I love her.”

“She loves you?”

“I believe she does.”

“So what’s the problem? I know it’s a cliché, but doesn’t love conquer all?”

“I don’t know, Jen. I just don’t know.”

“You are so frustrating, Charlie Garrity! If it’s not her and it’s not you, then what is it?”

“There’s more to it than that,” he muttered, looking out the window to the tall skyscrapers. It still amazed him every time he saw them.

“The car seat!”

He turned to look at her. “What?”

“There’s a baby, a child. I completely forgot about it. That’s what it is, isn’t it?”

His frown deepened as she added, “Come on. I finally figured this out, didn’t I?”

He didn’t say anything.

“So you can’t accept her child. Sounds kind of shitty to me, but knowing you, you must have a good reason.”

“Drop it, Jen.”

“No, I’m not dropping it,” she stated emphatically. “After all this time, we’re finally getting somewhere. What is it, Charlie? What’s holding you back? It’s not like keeping it all to yourself has helped you work through it.”

He didn’t say anything, feeling all the hostility coming back to the surface. He didn’t want to dissect this now, in a restaurant.

“Well?”

“The child is related on his father’s side to my enemy.”

She stared at him for a few moments, as though stunned. “Excuse me? Your enemy? Who the hell has time in this day and age for enemies? What century are you from?”

“The last one,” he muttered through gritted teeth. “You don’t know anything about this.”

“I know that you’re wasting precious time with talk about enemies, like it’s some grudge you have to carry with you the rest of your life. Damn, Charlie. Life’s too short for that.”

He nodded, hoping to dismiss her. “Fine. Thanks for your advice.”

She smiled at him, as though knowing exactly what he was doing. “Listen to me. You think I don’t know about enemies? Think again. You know why I order Sprite now every time we’re out?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “’Cause I don’t drink anymore. I stopped the night you talked to me about driving you to California. My old man is a drunk. So was my mother. And I was headed the same way until you walked into my life. I know what it’s like to hate and to try and deny it. I hated my father. I hated him for what he did to my mother. She drank herself to death just to get through the day with that sonofabitch. I grew up knowing my parents hated each other, blamed each other for their miserable lives, and then he blamed me because my mother got pregnant and he missed his chance in the big leagues playing football because he had to marry her.

“Then after she died, he tried to do the same thing to me, to lay his guilt all over me, so I moved out when I was seventeen. But not before I learned how to medicate the pain away, just like they did. I learned how to hate from them too, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pass it on to my kids. I don’t have time to hate anymore, Charlie. I’ll bet my parents learned it from their parents and it probably goes back generation after generation. Somebody’s got to stick their heels in the ground and say it stops with me. I’m not going to make the same mistakes. Because you know what? Life really is too short to waste time and energy hating anyone. Think about what it takes away from you, what it costs you. Is it worth your freedom? Your happiness?” She stopped and picked up her Sprite. “Anyway, that’s what I’ve learned.”

He was stunned. He didn’t know what to say to her, how to respond to her outburst of emotion.

“Shocked you, huh?”

He nodded. “I’m so sorry, Jen. I never would have thought you’d grown up like that.”

“Why would you? Take a look out there, Charlie,” she said, pointing out the window. “See all those people? You think any one of them is normal? Normal’s the illusion. We’re all working on our stuff, whatever that might be, but we sure try like hell to pretend we’re as close to normal as possible. Look, all I know is life is tough enough without adding the weight of hate to it, ya know? Lighten up, my friend. Start enjoying life again. I know of one woman in New Jersey who would really appreciate it.”

“How did you get so smart?” he whispered, in awe of her wisdom.

She giggled. “I told ya. I watched Oprah and then did some independent reading.” She sipped her soda. “And I’m not so smart, Charlie. If anything, I’m finally trying to be real, though I have no intention of laying any of this on my screenwriter just yet. Time will tell if he can handle it.”

Their dinners arrived, as though on cue, and Charlie watched as Jen began eating with enthusiasm. His own appetite seemed to have disappeared as he digested everything his young friend had said. Where was all his hate getting him? What was it serving? It suddenly dawned on him that this way it was almost as though Mitch had managed to take away what was important to him again. Because of Mitch he was no longer with Suzanne.

He could feel a tiny crack in the wall of protection around his heart.

“You’re not eating.”

He looked up from his plate. “I’m thinking.”

Jen smiled. “Good. I hope you’re thinking about calling her.”

“Not yet. There are some things I need to do first.”

“Like what?”

“Like get legal. I need a passport.”

“A passport? Where are you going?”

“I’m not sure, but I don’t like the idea that I can’t get out of this country without one. There are so many laws now.”

“You’ve always needed a passport, so what’s new about that?”

“You didn’t always need a passport, Jen. Take my word for it. It’s just going to be tricky to get one for me, but I’ve found that money can ease the way if you make the right contacts.”

“Charlie, you’re not on the run, are you? I mean, you’re not wanted by the law, or anything. I know I asked that back in New Jersey, but—”

“No, I’m not wanted by the law,” he interrupted with a chuckle. “Am I on the run? That could be true.”

“You’re running from yourself, huh?”

“You just love being right all the time, don’t you?”

Shrugging, Jen stabbed a floret of broccoli and said, “I’m not always right. Wouldn’t that be boring? I’m just hitting the mark with you ’cause you’re easy. I told you when we first met, you’re one of the good guys, Charlie. You just needed a little tune-up to remember that yourself.”

Now he laughed. “A tune-up?”

“Sure. We all get out of whack from time to time, don’t we? It helps if someone else can see us, like an observer. Someone who’s not emotionally involved.” She pushed her plate forward and leaned her arms on the table. “See, I don’t have a stake in how your life plays out, except as your friend. I can see what you’re too bogged down in emotions to realize. Now you can take my observation and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Or… you can examine it and see how it feels inside of you, and then run with it. Your choice. The only difference it makes with me is that I’d like to see you happy.”

He sighed deeply. “You’re a good friend, Jennifer McGee.”

Her grin was almost tender. “So are you, Charlie. Now when are you going to call her?”

The phone rang and Suzanne stared at it for just a moment as her heart clutched tightly in hope and expectation. Slowly, she picked up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Suzanne, hi. It’s Laura. I’m returning your call. What’s up?”

“Hi.” She suppressed the sigh of disappointment, wondering why she still believed in her heart that Charlie would contact her. It had been well over a month now and all she’d received was silence. “Thanks for calling me back, Laura. Fortunately, this has nothing to do with law. It’s about a good cause.”

“Well, that’s a relief. What is it?”

“It’s called Renewal. They collect clothing to help women re-enter the job market, to dress professionally for interviews. So I’m calling all my professional friends to see if they want to clean out their closets.”

“I’ve heard of this,” Laura said. “Sounds worthwhile and I’ve been putting off cleaning out my closet for over a year.”

“Oh good, so then you might have something? I can pick it up, or you could drop it off here. I’ve already collected quite a bit and I’m about to make a trip over to Philly to the women’s center.”

“Give me a few days and I’ll drop off whatever I can.”

“Thanks, Laura. It really is a good cause.”

“No problem. Gives me an excuse to do some overdue housecleaning. So how are you? How’s Charlie?”

She inhaled and said, “I’m doing well.”

“And Charlie? How is he?”

Suzanne paused. “I hope he’s doing well. He left over a month ago.”

“Wow. I didn’t know, Suzanne. Are you all right?”

“I guess so,” she answered. “I’m keeping myself busy.”

“Well, call me if you need someone to talk to.”

“Thanks, Laura, but I’m okay.” Not wanting to continue this thread of conversation, she added, “So you’ll drop off the clothes by the end of the week?”

“Sure. Oh, and did you hear? Kevin is now living in Florida.”

Suddenly, she became alert. “Florida?”

“Yes, his lawyer notified me last week. All your payments should still automatically be deposited in your checking account.”

Suzanne wasn’t even thinking about money. “I can’t believe it. He’s in Florida.”

“Suzanne, I have another call. Do you want to hold?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll see you at the end of the week.”

She hung up the phone and slowly walked into the sun room. She sat down in a chair and stared at Matty, lying on a blanket playing with the dust motes that were illuminated by a ray of sun. Kevin was in Florida? Did he go alone? Was Ingrid with him? Was he living with his parents? She hadn’t seen or spoken to Ingrid since they met at the creek.

Suddenly, as she sat watching her child, it all played out in seconds across the screen of her mind.

If Kevin and Ingrid had never done what they did, would she have been at the water at that exact moment to pull Charlie out of it? Would they have ever met? Would they have ever become friends? Would she have experienced such a profound love with the most extraordinary human being to ever come into her life?

She didn’t know, but she felt like it all happened perfectly.

She hadn’t been really happy married to Kevin. How could she be, when he’d always loved another? Yet she knew she would have stayed in the marriage if Kevin hadn’t told her the truth. She would have continued to try to make it work, all by herself, trying to fix everything, when it had always been beyond fixing. Now she was out of it.

Why, if she really thought about it, without all the tangled emotions, she was actually grateful to Kevin and Ingrid for the roles they had played in her life. Without them, she might never have met Charlie. She might never have known what it was to be loved by such an incredible man.

Was this forgiveness?

She wasn’t sure. She only knew it felt right. It was as though a heavy weight had been removed from her heart. She could breathe easier. Her muscles were less tense. She felt like it was all finally making sense. She had needed the push to get out of a situation that no longer served her. In truth, it hadn’t been serving her for some time. So a bomb exploded, a big bomb to get her attention and to move her past her fears. And what had she found on the other side when the debris cleared?

Love.

Incredible love.

“Hey, Matty,” she called out as she stood up and walked over to her son. “Let’s go for a ride in the car.”

Within minutes, she and her child were out the door.

She knew where she was driving. A part of her thought surely she must be nuts. Probably anyone else who heard about it would think she was over the edge, but she found she didn’t care any longer what anyone else thought of her or her life. She had spent too many years worrying, hoping that she would appear normal. Almost laughing at the thought, Suzanne turned down the familiar street.

She parked at the sidewalk and looked up to the farmhouse. It was empty. She could tell by the darkness inside, the way the flowers were dying from lack of attention. Once she had loved this place, envisioned a future there, and now it was just a shell, empty and cold. Sighing as she left the past behind her, she shifted the transmission into drive and headed for her next stop.

Less than ten minutes later she slowly drove up to Ingrid’s home. Her car was parked in the driveway. Suzanne shut off the ignition and took a deep breath. Ingrid’s house looked pretty unloved too. Her spring plants were dead and she hadn’t replaced them. “Well, Matty, it looks like we’re about to make a surprise visit.” She gazed into the rearview mirror and grinned at her son, before opening her door and getting him.

She held Matty to her chest as she walked up to the front door. Biting her bottom lip, she rang the doorbell and waited. But she didn’t care if it seemed crazy. Something within her had been urging her here.

The door opened and Ingrid looked shocked to see her on her doorstep. She also looked like she had been through hell and back. Her hair was in streaks and could use a washing. She looked like she had slept in her sweatsuit.

“Hi,” Suzanne said with a tight smile. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask how you’re doing.”

Ingrid tried to smile back, but her chin trembled as she muttered, “He’s gone.”

“I heard. Something told me you didn’t go with him.”

Shaking her head, Ingrid held open the door. “Do you want to come in?”

“Okay. We can’t stay long. I… I guess I just wanted to see if you were all right.”

“All right?” she asked with a sarcastic laugh as she closed the door. “I don’t know if having the father of your child leave is…” She stopped speaking and stared at Suzanne with a horrified expression. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Suzanne actually laughed. “It’s okay, Ingrid. I know exactly how you feel. What did he do? Run down to mommy and daddy to nurse him while he licks his wounds?”

“He said he couldn’t take the pressure any more. I guess I’m pressure and having another child is pressure, but I think it was losing that money that did him in.” She led Suzanne into her kitchen. “Want a cup of tea?”

“Not really. We can’t stay,” she answered, shifting Matty to her hip.

“So, this is Matthew,” Ingrid whispered, sniffling as she came closer.

“This is Matty,” Suzanne whispered, smiling down at her son as she presented him. “He’s my angel child.”

Ingrid leaned closer, her face inches away. “Hi, Matty.”

Her son reached out and grabbed a handful of Ingrid’s hair and tried to take it into his mouth. “Matty! Let go,” Suzanne warned, prying his tiny fist apart. Laughing, she added, “Okay, so maybe he’s not always an angel child.”

Ingrid smiled as she smoothed her hair back into place. “He’s beautiful. He’s also going to have a half sister. I found out last week.”

“A little girl,” Suzanne breathed, finding it remarkable that she wasn’t resentful any longer. All of that had miraculously disappeared when she realized she was grateful, instead of hateful. “Congratulations.”

Ingrid’s eyes started to water again and she rubbed her fingers against them. “I don’t know what to do, Suz. I’m all alone and—”

“Oh, sit down, Ingrid,” Suzanne said with a hint of impatience as she and Matty sat at the kitchen table. She waited until Ingrid sat across from her and then added, “You’re going to pull yourself together, that’s what you’re going to do. Not for you. Certainly not for Kevin. But for that child inside of you. You’re a mother now. You don’t have time to allow this depression to take hold of your life. You’re going to have a baby in a few months, Kevin or no Kevin. And you’ll do it.”

Ingrid wiped at her nose with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “If you think I’m depressed, you should have seen him. He stayed in bed for days and then started blaming me for all this, saying if it hadn’t been for me his life wouldn’t have been ruined.”

Sighing, Suzanne said, “It wasn’t ruined. He has plenty of money.”

“He hates to lose, Suzanne.”

“Yeah, well, that’s life. We’ve all got to learn that lesson sometime. It’s time for Kevin to grow up, and running back to his parents isn’t exactly mature now, is it? The real question might be why you want him in your life. Don’t you want an adult?”

“I… I love him.”

“Really? Or is it habit, or you think you’ve been through so much you have to make it work? Come on, Ingrid. I’ve known you too many years to believe you ever could be happy with a man who isn’t responsible for his actions and his choices.”

Ingrid didn’t say anything, so Suzanne continued. “Look, it makes no difference to me. The reason I came over here when I heard Kevin took off was actually because I wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

Laughing, Suzanne nodded. “I know it sounds crazy. Two hours ago I would have thought so too. But it suddenly hit me that without you and Kevin doing what you did, I still would be married to that man and… well, quite frankly, in your position, trying to fix everything just so his life runs smoothly. Everything revolved around his moods. I cringe now when I think of it. I was almost hostage to them, hoping he’d be in a good one when he came home at night. I didn’t have to live like that, but I was so blinded by this image of a family that I would have made myself miserable and murdered my soul trying to do it.”

Ingrid just stared at her, as though shocked by her words.

Suzanne figured she might as well say it all. “By your choices, I was forced to make some of my own. It was terrifying at first, but when I calmed down I found I liked who I was without Kevin. I liked the peace that eventually came into my life. And I’m eternally grateful for the love that came into it too.”

“Are you saying you forgive me?” Ingrid asked hopefully.

“I don’t know about forgiveness. I’ll have to think about that in more detail. I’m not a saint. I’m doing this for me, not for you or Kevin. Because it makes me feel good about me. All I know is that I’m not angry with you any longer. If I feel anything for you right now, it’s compassion.”

“Pity,” Ingrid mumbled, starting to cry again. “I am pathetic.”

“Ingrid?” She waited until Ingrid looked up. “Shut up.”

Ingrid stared at her.

“I don’t pity you. I feel compassion for you. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. And I’m telling you, you’ll make it if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out of this house. Why don’t you have any flowers planted yet?”

Ingrid’s eyes widened. “Maybe because I’ve had a few things going on here and gardening was put on the back burner?”

“Go get your purse.”

“Why?”

“Matty and I are taking you out of this house. We’re going to pick up a few flats of bedding plants and then get our hands into the earth.”

Ingrid was shaking her head. “Oh, I don’t know if I’m up to it yet and—”

“Look,” Suzanne interrupted. “You can sit in this house and become a pitiable woman, doing God knows what to that poor life inside of you, or you can come with us back into the sunshine and let mother nature begin to heal you.” Standing up, she added, “It’s your choice. Just make one.”

As Suzanne watched Ingrid rise to get her purse, she realized she didn’t know what it was that was prompting her to open up once again to Ingrid. Maybe it was the power of healing old wounds. Maybe it was compassion. Whatever it was, she only knew it felt right.