Later that evening, Zack lifted his hand to knock on the door of Kaity's condo but hesitated.
What was he doing?
He turned away and retraced his steps down the hall but stopped again.
Had he really walked up to the door only to turn around leave like a coward?
He paced the hallway, hoping none of the neighbors saw him acting so strangely and called the cops.
Once more he found himself in front of Kaity's door but this time he forced himself to knock before he could chicken out.
Silence followed and he glanced at his phone for the time. Nine-thirty. Was it too late?
The luncheon had gone as well as could be expected with Wynonna glaring at him when she wasn't smiling for the camera. He didn't get anymore time alone with Becca at the restaurant and, by the end of the day, he couldn't stand not having the answers he craved.
A noise sounded on the other side of the door. A footstep, a gasp? He stared into the peep hole, sensing Becca on the other side. "Let me in. We need to talk."
"It's late. Eli is asleep," Becca murmured, her words muffled by the wooden panel between them.
"I won't stay long. Let me in."
Seconds passed and he could almost feel her mind churning over his words. Finally the locks clicked and the door opened.
Becca took several steps back, avoiding his gaze but no longer barring his path. "Thanks."
"You shouldn't be here."
Zack moved deeper into the luxurious condo, taking in the feminine furnishings and art on the walls. "We need to talk. Face-to-face."
"Zack, please. I'm too tired for this."
He turned and faced her once more, noting her white-knuckled grip on the doorknob and the pallor of her face. "Shut the door and I won't stay long."
Her body language screamed reluctance but she did as ordered. He stayed on the far side of the room, watching as she moved to stand behind a chair.
"What do you want?"
"Is Kaity here?" He wanted privacy for this conversation and Kaity was too curious for her own good.
"No. She and David went to a movie."
He nodded, not sure what else to do in response since he doubted she would approve of him liking that they were virtually alone with Eli asleep in a bedroom.
"Zack, what do you want?"
"Answers," he said simply. "For the last ten years I've gone through every scenario I can think of as to why things ended between us the way that they did. How we had plans one minute, and were at each other's throats the next."
She wet her lips, looking nervous and ill at ease.
"Things just... happened."
"Like what?" he asked, the words bursting out of him. "You said you were happy. That you loved me. What happened?"
"I was seventeen. That's what happened."
"Your age doesn't change what you said or what we shared. Did you mean any of it?"
"Yes, I-I did but..."
"But I wasn't rich enough? My family wasn't good enough?"
"I know it probably seemed that way but... Zack, when we were together all I wanted was to be with you. I couldn't think straight because I was so blinded by love and... lust," she added, knowing it had to be said. "But once we were apart and I began thinking about marriage and jobs and trying to live--"
"You realized I couldn't keep you in the lifestyle you were accustomed to." He heard the bitterness in his tone despite his efforts to stay calm and simply unearth the truth.
"I realized," she countered, "we both had dreams and if we stayed together neither one of us would achieve them because we would be too busy just trying to survive and feed ourselves."
Something about the way she said the words, her expression, sank the truth of them into his soul. That summer he'd been scraping for every dollar, dreaming of being a photographer but not having any experience or training. It had taken a lot of work, odd jobs, time and effort and instruction to get to where he was today. Had they run away and gotten married...
He ran a hand over his chin and face, rubbing hard to ease the ache in his jaw from gritting his teeth. "Tell me about the guy you married."
"He doesn't matter anymore. He's no longer in our lives as I'm sure you discovered since you had me investigated."
Zack faced her once more, taking in her crossed arms and the jut of her chin. "It wasn't that in depth."
"Then why did you bother to do it?"
"I wanted to know more about you."
"You couldn't have simply asked?"
He shrugged and walked over the window overlooking the pool area. "He doesn't come around to see his son?"
"No," she said simply.
Zack frowned at her lack of explanation and decided to settle in for a while. Getting the answers he wanted obviously wasn't going to be easy.
He seated himself on the comfortable couch and waited for her to join him. It took several long seconds before she released her grip on the back of the chair before she moved around it to perch on the edge. "Ever?" he asked, keeping them on topic.
"No."
"Do you receive child support?"
"No. When it became obvious that Elliot didn't... want to see Eli the way a father should, I made a deal with him. He would pay no child support and in exchange I got full custody."
He couldn't imagine giving up a child for any reason. But having been given up as a child himself, he had strong opinions about the subject. "Eli's better off with you."
"I think so, too," she said simply.
"What does Eli say about all of this?" He watched as she swallowed hard and smoothed her fingers over the material of her shirt.
The seconds stretched on and Becca jumped to her feet to move to the window where he'd stood earlier.
"Eli hasn't said anything," she whispered.
"He doesn't ask about his father? Ask why he isn't around?"
He moved toward her to better see her expression, reflected in the glass. The anguish he saw on her features caused his lungs to squeeze.
"Eli has selective mutism. He talks to me sometimes, but no one else. Ever."
Things began to make a little more sense as to why Becca and Eli were staying with Kaity instead of in the house in Rose Hill. "How do your parents do with him?"
"Not well but it could be worse. They haven't heard the official diagnosis, something else I haven't told them, but they know there's an issue."
She turned her head to glance at him, arms wrapped tightly around her body.
"I'm sorry, Zack. About everything. If you believe nothing else, please know I truly, truly never meant to hurt you. I just wanted... to do what was best for us both."
He didn't reach out on a conscious level. One second he stood in front of her and the next he pulled her into his arms, folded her against his chest. The embrace was one of shared experiences, sadness, forgiveness. Everything he'd wanted from her and needed for the last ten years.
"Oh!"
Zack loosened his hold when Becca shoved against his chest to separate them once she heard Kaity's arrival.
"You guys!" Kaity said with a gush, a huge smile on her face. "See, Bex? I told you Zack would forgive you for not telling him about the baby."
Zack struggled to process Kaity's words as he stared down into Becca's wide-eyed and fearful expression. "What baby?" The truth sank in and his knees weakened. "You're pregnant?"
This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not like this.
Becca's stomach churned and she pressed a hand to her middle, trying to stop the topsy-turvy roller coaster twisting her insides.
"Oh, no. No, she's not-- I mean. Oh, Bex, I'm so..."
Kaity's words trailed off but Becca scarcely heard her, unable to shift her attention from Zack's expression.
What else did you expect?
"I'm so sorry. I'm-- I'm going to bed," Kaity said before racing down the hallway and shutting the door with a gentle slam.
Zack continued his narrow-eyed stare, searching her gaze. Emotions flickered rapidly over his face. Confusion changing to realization and then...
"It was my baby?"
"I'm..." She had to stop and swallow and even then her voice emerged hoarse and thready. "Zack... let me explain."
"You had a--my--baby?"
He left go of her arms so abruptly that she stumbled backward, stopping only when her body bumped into the balcony door behind her. She watched him, saw every ounce of pain and disgust and anger rushing through him. "No. I mean--yes, I did, but--"
"Which is it? You can't seem to make up your mind. Are you saying you left Stone River knowing you were pregnant with my baby and you didn't see fit to tell me?"
Her heart broke all over again as the memories flooded back. "Y-yes," she whispered.
A rough sound left his chest, not quite a growl or a huff but a combination of the two.
"You didn't think I had a right to know?"
"I wasn't thinking clearly. I was completely overwhelmed. Zack... please, try to understand."
"What was it? Boy or girl? Where is he or she?" Zack muttered something unintelligible beneath his hand. "Becca, they're ten years old and I've missed their childhood."
"No," she said, leaning heavily against the door for support. "No, they're not. You h-haven't. The baby's gone. I-I lost it. Her," she corrected, closing her eyes because of the tears stinging them and the way her chest squeezed until every breath took effort. "She didn't make it. I-I have a clotting condition b-but I didn't know it then. I wasn't on medication for it so she didn't develop properly and..." She tightened her arms around her belly, remembering that last night. She'd stayed up, rocking the baby she knew she wouldn't bring home from the hospital. "She died inside of me a-at four months."
Becca inhaled shakily, her breath catching in her throat and chest, eyes dry. She'd cried. She'd mourned. Now it was Zack's turn, not hers. "I'm sorry."
"Are you? Because I think it's funny you say that since you obviously weren't sorry enough to tell me about her at the time."
The verbal blow crushed what was left of her resolve and her shoulders sagged. She deserved everything he said to her. Everything and more.
He raked a hand through his hair and paced away from her, every step seemingly more angry than the last.
"Start at the beginning."
Zack faced her once more, anguish and fury marking his handsome features.
Unable to handle the way he looked at her, she faced the window, the night sky a beautiful deep purple. "We... weren't always as careful as we... should have been." They should have abstained entirely but that was water under the bridge now. Many mistakes had been made. Too many to count.
"Obviously," he said. "Becca, why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave town?"
"I had to."
"Your parents made you? Forced you?"
She'd faced him in time to see him straighten to his full height, his hands fisting at his sides.
It would be all too easy to blame her parents and tell Zack they had, in fact, forced her to go away. They had jumped on the idea at the time, too angry and embarrassed by her behavior and the consequences to say anything else. But now that the truth had come to light, she had to be honest. Anything else would only deepen the hole she'd dug for herself ten years ago when she'd run away. "Not exactly."
"For the love of-- Becca, spit it out. What happened?"
"Daddy told me that he'd threatened to have you arrested and... that he'd offered you money to stop seeing me."
"I didn't take it."
"You also didn't tell me," she countered, "so I wasn't the only one keeping secrets."
"Not telling you that your father tried to bribe me isn't the same as not telling me I was to be a father."
"Agreed," she murmured. "But once I heard the news... It combined with the overwhelming fact I was seventeen and pregnant-- It was too much for me. I panicked. I thought... I thought about everything you'd told me, about your dreams and how you wanted to be a photographer. How much it cost and your plans to have your own studio... Daddy said it was only a matter of time before you took him up on his offer, and I believed it."
"That wouldn't have happened, Becca. Ever. Look, I understand it was a shock and you were scared. I get it, but what about later once the shock had worn off? Why not tell me then? Why didn't you call me? Come home?"
"So you would do what, get down on one knee?"
"It's not like we hadn't talked about the future."
She moved toward the couch, her legs trembling so badly she felt the need to sit down. "Zack, we daydreamed about a future but that didn't make it real. My parents would never have accepted a relationship between us, and even though I wanted to be with you, marriage... I wasn't ready to walk away from my family and that was exactly what it would have meant if I stayed with you."
Becca shook her head, all of the fear and panic filled her, just like it had back then. "I knew you'd want to do what was right. I knew you'd want to be a father because of the lousy childhood you had growing up, but how could we have survived? How could we have fed a baby and paid bills? All I had was a high school diploma and you..."
"Didn't even have that. Nor did I live up to your families' standards--or yours, apparently," he bit out. "Becca, I would have done anything I had to do to provide for you."
"Exactly. I knew you would, Zack. But that would've meant giving up your dreams and getting a job at the factory or something."
"Don't. Don't sit there and pretend you lied to me in some twisted belief it was best for me."
"But it was. I didn't want to hurt you but someone had to be realistic. We had everything stacked against us. What were the odds we would've made a marriage work under those circumstances?"
"We could have if you had only been willing to try. Instead you were too busy worrying about losing face with your parents and your country club friends because you had gone slumming with me."
Becca closed her eyes and lowered her head to her hands, her elbows digging into her knees. "No."
"Yes."
She jumped, startled when he grasped her hands and pulled them from her face. He now sat on the coffee table facing her, his knees bracketing hers, his hold on her hands making escape impossible.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't more embarrassed and scared of losing your Daddy's money than in love with me."
She blinked at his words, at the intensity of his gaze, but once more she found herself unable to do more than nod. The truth was a bitter pill, but she wanted Zack's forgiveness and telling him the truth was the only way to get it. "That...I would be lying if I said I didn't think about that, too. I'm s-sorry."
"I don't want to hear excuses."
"It's the truth. I have so many regrets, made so many mistakes. There are so many things I wish I could change but I can't. I want you to forgive me, but before you say anything you have to know everything."
She watched as Zack turned to stone. The grip of his hands hardened over hers and his nostrils flared with his breathing.
"What else haven't you told me?"
Becca swallowed hard, knowing that Zack would never forgive her for being so weak and shallow. "After Daddy told me about the offer he made to you, I thought about it," she whispered. "Zack, when Daddy and Mama found out about the pregnancy... Things were so bad. I couldn't look them in the eyes. I couldn't stand the expressions they wore. But more than anything, I didn't want to force you to give up your dreams any more than I wanted to give up mine, s-so I told Daddy I would go away to school, stay away from you, away from Stone River, if he made me the same offer. You didn't t-take the money... but I did. Zack—please forgive me."
Zack's eyes widened slightly. He leaned away from her as her words sank in. The slide of his calloused hands over her skin left fire in its wake, and she waited for his anger to erupt. For the accusations and insults to begin like they always did whenever she and Elliot fought.
Zack stood. He stared down at her a long moment then turned and moved toward the door with near-silent strides. He paused on the threshold and she waited anxiously, watching, hoping, he would speak. Say something to end the torturous thoughts in her head.
But he stepped into the hall without a word and closed the door behind him with a deafening snick of sound louder than any slam.