This is what going to Oz feels like.
Becca stared at her ex-husband, the swirl of the room and the thickness of her sweater bringing so much heat that sweat broke out on her forehead. "You... what?"
"None of that now, Elliot," her mother chided. "There's plenty of time to talk later when you and Becca are alone. In the meantime, let's just celebrate the fact that you're with us. Right, Becca?"
Becca closed her mouth and tried to gather what was left of her scattered wits, aware that Zack watched her every move.
When she didn't--couldn't--answer, her mother widened her too cheery smile and waved a hand toward the table and the wait staff ready to take their orders.
"Shall we?"
Elliot grasped her elbow in a gentle but firm grip and made it clear he was going to escort her. She refused to make a scene, so she went along with his urging toward the table. "You didn't say hello to your son," she murmured along the way.
A glance up into Elliot's features revealed his dislike of the reminder but he managed what seemed to be a genuine smile at Eli once they reached the table. Elliot pulled out her chair and once seated, he plucked Eli up and bounced him gently in his arms.
"Hey, kiddo. Have you missed me?" Elliot asked his son.
Eli blinked at his father, not responding otherwise. She wanted to remind Elliot that his son might have missed him more if he'd actually spent quality time with Eli before abandoning him, but bit her tongue to keep the peace. She didn't want an audience, most especially not their son, if she and Elliot were going to have words. The fact that he showed up out of the blue now? Here? Wanted them back?
Elliot's mouth tightened at his son's lack of response but he lowered Eli gently onto the waiting booster seat beside of her, taking the chair on the opposite side of Eli. Normally Elliot always left her to handle Eli on her own, but this time he placed their son between them and the surprise of it wasn't unpleasant. Could he have really changed? Come to his senses?
And if he had?
"Zack, would you take some pictures of us gathered around the table," her mother asked. "I think that would be lovely."
Becca shot a quelling glance at her mother, realizing suddenly what her mother was up to. The invitation to join them at the hotel had to have come from Wynonna.
"Of course," Zack murmured, opening his bag to get his camera.
Zack stood at the end of the long table and prepared to take the photos when Elliot placed his arm around Eli's chair, his hand atop her shoulder. She stiffened at his touch but short of scooting away there was little she could do but pin a smile to her stiff lips.
Dinner proved to be trying and awkward. Throughout the evening Elliot continued to brush his hand against her shoulder or neck, and no amount of glaring at him made him stop. He turned on the charm, too, and she got a glimpse of the man she'd fallen in love with. The one who'd treated her well and worked hard, the one who'd made their life good.
Before destroying it.
The dinner was superb but she had little appetite and pushed her food around on her plate. Every time she looked up she found Zack watching her, his expression dark.
The group left the table to relax in the restaurant's library lounge. The smell of books and leather filled the air, bringing back memories of her playing in her father's home office as a child while he worked on briefs or prepped for court cases.
"I'll watch Eli while you two go for a walk," Wynonna said. "It's so beautiful here at Christmas. You simply must see all the decorations."
Becca opened her mouth to protest but quickly thought better of it. She needed to talk to Elliot. Needed to know why he'd really shown up here and what had prompted his change of attitude.
Elliot took her arm once again and guided her toward the door of the lounge. She felt Zack studying her every step of the way.
Once they exited the restaurant, Elliot wrapped her hand over his arm and led her toward the sparkling lights and sounds of a waterfall. The hotel was breathtaking during the day but at night... The lights twinkled, carols played softly in the background and everywhere she looked Christmas gleamed shiny and bright.
"I'm sorry," Elliot said, drawing her attention back to him. "I need to say that first."
"Sorry for what, exactly?" If he was indeed sorry, she needed to hear the words.
"I'm sorry I got so messed up that I put them first. Before my family, my life."
"You told me they were your life."
Elliot winced. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you shouldn't have. So what happened? Why are you here?" She extracted her arm from his and walked to the railing, staring at the beauty around her with unseeing eyes.
"Your mother invited me. I... ran into her and told her that Mason isn't my son after all. That I regretted leaving and I dreaded the thought of spending the holidays alone. She said I should meet up with you here."
Becca closed her eyes briefly, the news not bringing the relief or pleasure it probably should have. "Mason not being your biological son still doesn't mean you didn't cheat on me in the first place. You lived a whole other life while you were married to me. Years, Elliot. And then you chose them."
"I regret it. I do. I was scared, okay? Eli... I couldn't handle him not talking. It got to me. That's why I worked so much and..."
"Cheated? You're blaming your son for the fact you couldn't stay faithful? Seriously?"
Elliot ran both hands through his hair before lowering his arms to his sides.
"I messed up, okay? I was out of my head with work and stress and grief. We fought all the time. You know we did."
"I deserve someone who can be faithful and honest with me at all times, no matter the circumstances."
"Do you want me to grovel? I will. Becca, please. Give me a second chance. Let me make it up to you."
"And how do you propose to do that?" She stared into Elliot's face, still handsome and strong, the angles of his cheeks and jawline giving him a very Roman look. Women stared when they saw him, and together, she knew they had made a striking couple. None of which mattered when it came to living day-to-day as husband and wife. Looks faded but character remained. Could she ever trust him again?
"I don't know yet, but I'll figure out a way. Becca, please. Let's start over again. We can date. Whatever you want. Will you give me another chance?"
The other bridesmaids were asleep in the two bedrooms, but Becca had curled up on the couch in the sitting area to stare at the wall and try to make sense of it all.
A soft knock sounded on the door, startling her. Who would be knocking at this hour?
She tiptoed to the door, uneasy with the thought of Elliot wanting to talk again so soon, and glanced through the peep hole.
Zack stood on the other side and as she watched, he turned to walk away.
Becca hurried to unlock the door and open it. "Zack?" She fumbled with the tie on her robe, securing it with trembling hands. "Is something wrong?"
He'd turned at the sound of his name, his gaze dark as it slid over her frame and left a tingle in its wake.
"I'm sorry to bother you so late. I...hope I didn't wake you."
"No. I wasn’t— What are you doing here?"
Zack shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks.
"Your ex... He wants to reconcile, doesn't he?"
She crossed her arms over her front in an attempt to self-comfort. "He does."
"And?"
And? "I told him I would have to think about it."
"I see."
"I didn't say yes."
"You didn't say no, either," Zack countered. "But I'm going to make things a little easier for you by taking myself out of the running."
"What? Zack..."
"I saw the way you welcomed him back."
"I wasn't going to make a scene in the middle of the restaurant."
"You didn't have to. But you could have moved away when he touched you. You could have immediately said no when he asked you to reconcile. The fact that you didn't says more than you think. I'm not going to be the guy waiting to find out if I'm good enough. Not this time."
She sucked in a sharp breath. Her feelings for Zack had grown so much in the small amount of time she had been back in Stone River and she'd thought he felt the same. But if he did, how could he give up on them so easily? "So that's it? You're done? You're walking away again?"
"Not again— this time. You walked away the first time, and I refuse to stand around while you do it again."
"My mother invited him, Zack. I didn't know Elliot was going to be here."
Zack took a step closer before he stopped, looking as though he'd hit a wall and bounced back a step.
"You said it yourself--you have a life in Charleston that you're not sure you want to give up. He's part of that life, not to mention Eli's father. I was angry at you for denying me that right but I would be a hypocrite if I did the same to him."
She closed her eyes, squeezed them tight against the burn. How could everything be so messed up? "Zack... Just give me time to think. Please."
"That's exactly what I'm doing, Becca. I'm giving you time and space so you can be with your husband. Once the wedding is over we will never have to see each other again."
The next day Zack snapped a photograph of a particularly beautiful Christmas arrangement when he heard a familiar laugh. He followed the sound with his camera, zooming in on the beautiful brunette immediately.
Becca knelt next to Eli on the waiting area for the indoor boat launch and tickled Eli with the red-hatted moose he carried. When Eli smiled, Becca laughed again and the sight filled Zack with bittersweet emotion.
"She's beautiful when she smiles."
Zack turned, surprised to find Becca's father standing close by. How had he approached without Zack noticing?
He didn't respond, unsure of what to say to the man since agreeing might not be in his best interests.
"Eli wanted a souvenir and a boat ride before we left."
"That's understandable. That boat is a kid-magnet."
"I think Rebecca used it as an excuse to go off with Eli on her own. Her eyes were red this morning, like she'd had a sleepless night," her father said. "It's good to see her smiling now."
"She has a lot on her mind."
"Agreed. Elliot and her mother very much want Rebecca to reconcile. I was told you've taken yourself out of the picture."
The man moved closer to where Zack stood, a file in one hand and his briefcase in another.
"I don't know that I was ever in the picture," Zack murmured, "but it seemed like the thing to do."
"It's something a gentleman would do for the woman he cares for."
Another laugh caught his attention and he returned his gaze to Becca. The boat had pulled up to the launch and emptied, and the line in front of Becca and Eli started to move as the next group of passengers climbed aboard. "Is there something you want to say?"
“Ten years ago I gambled on something. The odds were in my favor and I knew without a doubt I was right, knew I'd win. But time has proven me wrong and when I'm wrong, I'm man enough to admit it.”
Zack stiffened, his elbows digging into the railing on which he leaned.
"You had everything stacked against you. Bad home life, criminal record. You were a young punk kid who couldn't keep himself out of trouble and all I saw was you taking advantage of my baby girl. I thought I knew exactly where you'd end up. I figured it was only a matter of time."
Zack didn't look at George Waites. Couldn't. His hands gripped the camera so tightly his knuckles whitened.
"I see people in my courtroom again and again because they can't let go of the past long enough to build a future, but somehow you've managed to do that. That means I lost that bet I made years ago."
Eli was next in line, his mama behind him. Becca held onto one of Eli's small hands, urging the shy child forward whenever he hesitated.
A man hustled down the ramp toward the boat. It took Zack only a second to identify Elliot before the man jumped line, his voice echoing up to where Zack stood as Elliot cited wanting to ride with his wife and son and thanking the people allowing it to happen.
Within a matter of seconds the last of the passengers boarded the boat and the ride began with Eli sitting on his mama's lap, Elliot beside of them with his arm around Becca's shoulders. They were the very image of a happy, well-to-do family.
"But I still want what's best for my daughter," George murmured.
"I understand." The words rolled from Zack's mouth but the lump of anger and pain and heartbreak made them rough.
"I hope you do." George handed Zack the file. "I'm counting on you to do what's right for Becca and Eli."
Zack watched the man walk away before glancing down at the file in his hand. One flip of the cover revealed his name and several photos of him taken from a telephoto lens.
He snapped the file closed and shoved it into his open camera pack. He wished more than anything he could toss it in the trash but that single glance had made it clear the file contained every kernel of personal information on him George's PI had been able to dig up.
All the personal progress, all the training... all of his success. None of it mattered. He was still the kid from the wrong side of town, unworthy of Judge Waite's daughter.