Although I sat at my computer alone, this book was not a solo-act. This book would not have been possible without the support, advice, and assistance of many people. Writing about sex is easy compared to adequately expressing my gratitude to the people who helped make this book possible.
The people who deserve the utmost gratitude are the ones that need to remain nameless: the women who allowed me to use their stories in this book. Thank you for allowing me to use the intimate details of your lives to help change the lives of others.
Special thanks go to Ali Balzer, my research assistant. Your incredible attention to detail assured the accuracy of every study and statistic cited. In addition, our time working together was a pleasure!
Thanks go to my agent, Jack Scovil. You made the publication of this book possible through your enthusiasm and perseverance. Similar gratitude goes to my editors at Adams Media, Paula Munier and Wendy Simard. Your enthusiasm for the topic and your keen vision both made this book possible and improved its appeal and quality.
This book began many years before I had an agent or an editor. Almost ten years ago, Mary Kay Blakely agreed to help me learn how to adapt my academic writing to the popular press and in the process edited a personal essay about my experience with low sex drive. This essay became the foundation for this book. Mary Kay also gave graciously of her time to help me make a videotape when Adams Media was considering signing me on as an author. Thank you, Mary Kay, for helping me at these two critical junctures of when I wanted to learn to write differently and when I wanted to publish this book.
Two other author-friends deserve much gratitude. Thanks go to Mike Stadler for teaching me about what goes into a book proposal and supporting my initial efforts at writing one. Everlasting appreciation goes to Steve Weinberg, who provided tangible and emotional support every step of the way. Steve, you showed me the kindness of a stranger by taking me under your wing in my book writing endeavor and became a cherished friend in the process.
I am lucky to have friends who not only enrich my life by their presence in it, but who supported me in writing this book. To Karen Rivo, thank you for the conversation that convinced me that I had something book-worthy to say. To Eve Adams and Susan Kashubeck-West, thanks for the conversations about sex that added laughter to my life and enhanced my enthusiasm to write this book. To Cathryn Pridal, thanks for all the times you told me I could do this, even when I didn't believe it myself. Thanks also for the many hours you spent talking and reading, in order to allow me to benefit from your deep bank of scientific and clinical knowledge on the topic of sex therapy. To my peer supervision group and dear friends, Shelly Ossana and Debbie Wright, thanks for your patience when I needed to take a several month furlough from our group, your clinical advice, and your help with the final parts of this book. Several treasured friends were willing to read either chapters or the entire draft of this book and give honest feedback; my gratitude goes to Luanne Andes, Judith Goodman, and Anne Jacobson. Thanks also go to Jessica Middle-ton and Holly Smith-Berry, once strangers and now women I look forward to continued connection with, for reading this book in its entirety and giving me enormously helpful feedback.
Two very special people also read every word I wrote (sometimes in multiple drafts) as I was writing and gave extraordinarily helpful feedback along the way. To my sister and best-friend-for-life Sari Mintz, thank you for making time in your very busy schedule to read my drafts. Thanks also for all the intimate talks, throughout our lives, about sex and everything else. My mother, Renee Mintz, has been both my most enthusiastic cheerleader and my most honest critic, making me a better person and this book a finer product. It is an understatement to say this book wouldn't have happened without you. Thank you for the vast time you spent and your wholehearted investment in editing drafts. It was obvious that you cared about this book as much as I did! Even more fundamental, I thank you for raising me to believe that I could have a career and a family. Thank you for raising me to believe I could achieve my dreams. Thank you for raising me to believe that sex is something I should enjoy fully and be comfortable talking about. This book represents the intersection of all of these teachings. And, Dad, I smilingly say that except for the latter of these three messages, all this gratitude goes to you too. Talking with you more deeply and more honestly about sex and life in general has been a highlight of these last few years.
To my wonderful daughters, Jennifer and Allison, thank you for putting aside whatever concerns you might have had, and saying you were okay with me writing a book about sex. By doing so, you helped me to pursue my dreams, something I most fervently hope that both of you do in your lives. Thank you for putting up with me sitting for unending hours with my laptop at the kitchen table, trying to strike a balance between being there with you and writing this book — sometimes not too successfully and not too graciously I am sure! Most of all, thanks for always being the joys of my life who I love beyond words.
And, to the love of my life and soul-mate, Glenn Good, thank you for both supporting my dreams and being a grounding force in my life. If you could teach the husbands of all the tired women in the world how to effectively and openly talk with their wives, as well as how to spend time with them, encourage their selfcare, touch them, and have trysts with them, this book would be unnecessary. Thank you for living the advice of this book with me. Thank you for helping this tired woman to enjoy both true love and passionate sex.