Chapter Two

ONCE TASH AND the girls had left, Belle sat on the couch reeling from the discussion. She already had a headache forming from the stress. She called Nikki up and asked her for dinner.

“Okay. Maybe we can catch that movie?” Nikki asked, but Belle said no, she had to talk.

“Sounds big,” Nikki said. “I’ll meet you at La Dolce Vita at six?”

Belle spent the afternoon aimlessly pottering around the house and listlessly sitting on the couch. At around 5:00 p.m., she finally got dressed for dinner. Belle put a bright red top on with blue jeans and boots. She ran her fingers through her long brown hair, put a smear of lipstick on her lips, and marched out the door. She arrived at the restaurant at 5:30 p.m. and grabbed a table. She drank coffee while trying to read a novel but couldn’t keep her mind on the story. Finally, Nikki breezed into the restaurant in a long, blue patterned dress.

“Oh, I like this,” Belle said, gesturing at the dress. “It’s new?”

Nikki smiled. “It is. I’m pleased it meets your approval, Ms Fashionista! I got it in the end-of-summer sales to meet Jason’s parents. I’m taking advantage of the last few warm days to wear it.”

“Oh, shit, that was today? Meeting Jason’s parents?” Belle had been so preoccupied with her own drama she’d completely forgotten that Nikki was meeting her boyfriend’s parents for a family lunch. “How did it go?”

“Really good. They seemed to really like me.”

“How could they not?” Belle always joked with Nikki about her confidence.

“Well, yeah. How could they not?” Nikki smiled. “No, in all seriousness, they were friendly, happy, and lunch was good. I haven’t scared Jason off.”

“That’s fabulous. Remember that time with Stefan? When you met his parents?”

Nikki and Belle had been friends since high school, so Nikki had been by Belle’s side throughout her entire relationship with Tash, and Belle had been there for all the ups and downs of Nikki’s relationships. Stefan’s parents hadn’t liked Nikki from day one of their short-lived relationship, because they still held a torch for Stefan’s ex, Dora. Interestingly, Stefan ended up marrying Dora, they heard along the grapevine.

Nikki raised her eyebrows. “I think that goes down in history as the ultimate bad parents’ reaction. I don’t think any parents would ever be so bad to a new partner.”

“You never know. But I’m pleased that Jason’s parents loved you.”

“So, the food and company is great, but what was with the urgent catch up? Sunday night, Jase and I were planning a night in watching TV and making mad passionate love to one another.”

Belle cringed. “Okay, okay. Enough’s enough.” She laughed and threw a piece of garlic bread at her friend. “But I am sorry, I didn’t even think. You were with me last night too.”

“I know. Jason will think we have a thing.”

Belle knew Nikki was joking. The idea was ludicrous. “Anyway, Tash came over today, and she wanted to talk about the embryos.” Belle explained the whole thing—about Tash and Emily planning to have another child, about the donor, and finally, about Tash’s plans with the embryos.

Nikki was clearly shocked. “Have you thought about a third child?” she asked tentatively.

“Of course I have. You know, when I was with Tash, it was all I wanted, to be honest. I thought that we’d be starting just around the time that Tash ended things. And then after we broke up, I spent so long focused on just being a mum that I figured one more wouldn’t hurt. I wasn’t dating, but I thought, well, at least I don’t have to date to be a single mum. I can just get the embryo transferred, and boom. But I was worried it would have me so tied to Tash, by using our embryos. I was worried she wouldn’t say I could. So I didn’t do it.”

“And now she’s given you that on a platter?”

“She has…”

“What will you do?”

“It’s like… It feels like…that ship’s sailed. I feel like…there will always be a part of me that wondered what if, but I’ve now moved on. I think, anyway. My career is doing well; the girls are getting more independent. I know that sounds crazy, at five and four. But this morning I slept in until nine. Can I really go back to the baby days? Or maybe I can, but do I really want to? And full time, on my own, with no partner? I’d have to really want it to make such a drastic decision. I just don’t know if I do anymore.”

Nikki looked closely at her friend. “You know, I could help you. I could hang out with you. I could visit, babysit. I wouldn’t be a co-parent, but I’d be there for you.”

“Thank you. And I really appreciate it, but it’s not the same as having someone there.”

“Well, we could even move in together? It’d still be your child, but I could be on hand to help out any time.”

“Which would be great, I’d love that, and I love you for offering, but what if you and Jason want to move in together some time? It’s not fair on you to have you in wait with me so I can live out my dream. Plus, it’d be like a pseudo-relationship, and I can’t do that to either of us.”

“Back up, though—dream. You said, ‘so I can live out my dream.’ I really think you need to do it, Belle.”

Belle looked into the distance as she thought about the advice Nikki was giving her. “I don’t think I do. But I think I want to donate the embryos.” The idea just popped into her head as they were talking, and it surprised Belle almost as much as it surprised Nikki.

“Oh. Wow,” Nikki said, her surprise evident. “Have you thought about it all? Are you certain? And do you need to talk to Tash?”

“I don’t think I need to talk to Tash. She said she’s happy for me to make the call. But I need to think over the implications for the girls, I suppose. I guess I just need to spend some time mulling it over. Truth is, I haven’t thought about it, really, until now.”

“Maybe it’s too soon to make any calls then.”

Belle agreed. She knew she would absolutely pay the bill for the April renewal, giving her twelve months to make a decision, but she also knew she couldn’t leave this hanging over her head for twelve months.

Belle and Nikki kept eating and laughing over silly chatter; then they parted ways, with Nikki excited to return to Jason’s house, and Belle returning to her empty home. She’d left the TV on, something she often did as she went out, just for a bit of comfort when she returned home. She still didn’t love arriving home to an empty house. And despite this, she actually enjoyed living alone, something she’d never done before, moving from her parents’ house into a share house with Tash and eventually buying their first home together. It was like two worlds—one week, the girls filled the house, making it chaotic, and Belle wished for quiet. Then, when the girls were with Tash, she pined for their constant chatter. She tried to be happy with the present, but Belle was always wondering how she ended up here. When she’d met Tash, she’d thought it would be the two of them against the world, forever more.