Chapter Seven

THAT EVENING, AFTER work, Belle sat down with her pizza and glass of Coke and logged on to the computer. She frowned as she read the email in her inbox.

Hi Belle, this might come out of the blue, but I’m a member of Brisbane mums too. I know that sounds weird—you probably know I’m not a mum—but that’s the reason I’m writing. For a few years, I’ve been trying to get pregnant. First, with my ex (Michael), and then on my own. Well, I’ve thought about writing this since I saw your post on Sunday night. I’ve kept starting and deleting this message. Finally, I decided I have nothing to lose. I know you said you haven’t decided about the embryos, but if you do decide, I wondered if you might be happy to consider donating to me. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I’d be happy to be in your life as much or as little as you wanted if you were keen, and it all worked. Anyway, I’m talking too much, I know. Think it over, happy to chat, and please don’t feel any pressure. I’m sure you’ve possibly got other people in mind, and if you don’t, I’m sure you might not want someone you know. Or maybe you want someone you know better than you know me, or maybe you’d rather donate to a couple. Anyway, I better stop here. I was going to say just ignore this message if you don’t want to discuss, but maybe just let me know you’ve received it, otherwise I’ll always wonder. Just a simple “received, thanks” will be all I need to know, and I’ll leave you alone. Sorry for this out of the blue message, and hope you’re going well. Georgia.

Belle finished reading the email, and then sat back into her chair, sighing audibly. She started to breathe deeply, baffled by what she’d just read. Belle and Georgia had met years ago—seven?—at an event hosted by Belle’s sister, Alex. From memory, Alex and Georgia weren’t even that close, but Belle and Georgia had clicked and added one another on Facebook that evening and occasionally ‘liked’ each other’s statuses, but that was pretty much the extent of their friendship. Every so often, they’d seen each other at an event of Alex’s, or the local shopping centre, and always chatted easily. Georgia often liked the photos of the children that Belle shared, but now she was asking to become the parent to the children’s biological sibling. Belle had no idea how to feel—she’d already decided that embryo donation wasn’t for her, but that was because she couldn’t trust the recipient. Would donating to someone she knew change her level of trust? Could she actually bring herself to donate her embryos to someone she knew, even though they weren’t close friends? She guessed she could trust her more than a stranger off the street, but what if she ran into Georgia and her child or children at the shops, or at a function, just like she had run into Georgia over the years? Would that be a good thing, or an awful thing? Belle couldn’t tell. This was something she’d have to talk over with Nikki, and maybe with Alex, too, although Belle hadn’t even told Alex she was thinking of donating the embryos.

Sensing the anxiety in Georgia’s message, Belle wrote an email back to her the next day:

Hey Georgia, lovely to hear from you, and sorry to hear of your struggles. I just wanted to let you know I’ve received your message and am considering. I’m not even sure what I will do, but that’s not about you, it’s just I’m only at the research stage, so trying to decide if embryo donation is right for me. If it is, I’ll definitely let you know, and I’ll let you know even if I decide it’s not. I hope to get back to you within the next two weeks. I hope you’re going well, otherwise. I’m having a lazy day here, which is lovely. Belle.

Over the next week, Belle pondered what the best plan was. She pictured a baby born to Georgia—a little girl, just like her biological sisters, or even a little boy. She talked to Nikki, and finally she caught up with her sister, Alex. Alex was both surprised, but also excited. Although Alex was childfree by choice, she was an Aunty Superstar and loved babies. “Ooh, another little niece or nephew,” Alex said. “That’s so cool.”

“But that’s the thing.” Belle brought Alex back down to Earth. “It wouldn’t be your niece or nephew. It would be Georgia’s baby.”

“True. Maybe you should have a third child,” Alex suggested flippantly.

“I don’t really want to be a single mum to three children. Maybe you should have a baby.”

“No way. I’m happy, thank you very much.”

“Then, keep your opinion about my procreation to yourself. I’m not having another baby. I have no interest in having a third child.” As she spoke to Alex, Belle realised that she had definitely now moved on from the idea. Now she was definitely content with her two children, which seemed like a good place to be in if she was going to donate her embryos.

“What would Mum and Dad say?” Alex asked. “Do you think it would upset them?”

“Why would it? They’re my embryos.”

“Oh, because it’s their grandkid.”

Belle shrugged at that. “They can have feelings about it, but the embryos are mine to do what I want with,” she said.

“You’re a braver woman than me,” Alex said. “I hate upsetting them.”

“Oh, no one likes to upset their parents, but I’ve spent my life pleasing everyone else, including Tash. Finally, I’ve been given complete control to decide what to do with these embryos, and I’m not going to let Mum and Dad’s opinion influence my decision. It’s hard enough to decide what to do.” Belle and Alex’s parents were actually lovely, albeit a little old-fashioned. They had coped remarkably well with Belle’s coming out and everything that came with her teen relationship with an older girl at a Catholic school. They’d coped with the two of them moving overseas, and although they’d had initial reservations about children being raised without a father, they’d been very excited when Belle and Tash had announced they were expecting. Once the children were born, they fully embraced both mums as the children’s mothers, and they’d since supported Belle 100 per cent as a single mum. On the other hand, they did care a little too much about what other people thought of them and worried a little about people’s ‘perceptions’ of their daughters, something that Belle cared little about.

“Put it this way,” Belle said to her sister. “If Mum and Dad were disappointed that you weren’t having kids, would you have them just to make them happy?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, think of this as the same, but different. I need to live my life.”

Alex pondered this. “Okay, I get it. So, will you do it?”

“Well, tell me about Georgia and your friendship with her. What’s she really like?”

Alex confessed that she didn’t know Georgia much more than Belle did. They’d met at a conference. “She teaches early years, from memory,” Alex said. “Primary, anyway.” Alex was a high school English, drama, and society teacher, and hoped to become a principal in the next few years, so was doing leadership courses all the time. “I met her at some resilience in education thing, I can’t actually remember. It would have to have been about ten years ago. But you know Georgia, she’s easy to click with. She’s friendly. And so we hung out a few times, and that was when Facebook was huge, and so I added her on that. I suppose not much different from when you met her. But I’ve invited her to a few things, and she’s invited me to some of her big events—she has a nice family. I’ve seen her at a few education things over the years. I thought she was like me in the kids’ stakes, not a mum by choice. I suppose I assume everyone without kids is happy like me, though.” Alex frowned. “She was married. Michael? Mark? Mick? I can’t remember.”

“Michael,” Belle confirmed, remembering more from the email than anything else.

“Yeah. He seemed nice too. I met him. I was surprised that they broke up. I wonder if it was the infertility now.”

Realising she was probably sharing something confidential, Belle panicked for a moment. “Please don’t say anything to Georgia or anyone about this. Don’t say that you know she’s wanting a baby.”

Alex slapped her sister’s hand softly. “As if I would. Gosh, I’m not that insensitive.”

Belle asked Alex whether she should do this. Alex thought for a moment and then said, “I can’t tell you what to do, and I don’t know what’s it like to desperately want a kid, but I guess, if you have embryos you don’t need, and there’s someone who would love to become a mum, well, I guess it would be a really nice gift.”

Belle agreed, and Alex continued. “It seems to be win-win. You make the embryo decision, Georgia gets to be a mum, and that baby gets to be born.”

“But what if Georgia gets pregnant and I can’t stand it? What if I’m jealous? Or…what if she has the baby and I’m heartbroken?”

Alex sighed. She didn’t have the answer ready for Belle immediately, but slowly she began to speak. “Well… I guess… I guess it’s like any matters of the heart. There are no guarantees. There’s risk. There’s a chance you’ll get hurt…but what’s the alternative? You don’t take a risk?”

Belle sat in silence as she absorbed this.

“I’m not really a risk taker,” she finally said. “I don’t even date because I don’t want to endure a Tash situation again.”

“Hey, I’m not giving anyone advice on romance,” Alex said, laughing. Her dating history wasn’t anything to write home about. “All I’m saying is, you can protect yourself for the rest of your days, or you can plunge in. Take the risk. It might be the greatest gift you can ever give someone.”

Belle felt tears spring to her eyes. “True. And I don’t actually want another child, so I have to remember it’s a choice between giving someone something they want or…not.”

Alex nodded.

“So, I guess I’ll go home and tell Georgia.”

Alex screwed up her face and raised her hand in protest. “Not so fast. You’ve bought yourself some time, you said. Give it a bit longer. Live for a week with the acknowledgement that you’re giving Georgia the embryos. See how you feel over the next week. Does it sit right with you? Think about it constantly. Imagine her pregnant. Imagine seeing the Facebook post that she’s had the baby. Imagine running into her and her mum, or her and a new boyfriend at the shops, happy with her baby, or angry with her toddler having a tantrum. How will you feel? Really give it that thought before you cement the decision.”

Belle looked at her younger sister. “That’s really great advice—thank you.”

“No worries.” Alex gave her sister a quick wink. “Not so silly after all, am I?”

“Absolutely not, Alexandra,” Belle said in her posh voice she put on when using her sister’s proper name that no one ever used, other than their parents.

“Thank you, Annabelle,” Alex responded in turn, and the two sisters laughed.