Chapter Twenty-One

BELLE WALKED INTO the kitchen and grinned at Georgia, who had her twenty-four-week scan earlier that day.

“Hey,” Georgia said.

“I’m so pleased for you that things are looking good.”

“Nothing’s changed, though. I’ll still probably need a C-section.”

“Maybe, but a C-section isn’t the end of the world. I know it’s not the ideal for you, but the most important thing is that the baby arrives safely.”

Georgia’s eyes filled with tears. “I know. And after all I’ve been through, you’d think the birth is the least of my concerns.” She shook her head. “It’s stupid to even care. I have no idea if your mum had a vaginal birth or C-section with you, for starters.”

Belle didn’t offer up that her mum had had two very easy vaginal births. “True. In the end, it doesn’t matter.”

“Ugh, I sound like such a princess. Logically I know it doesn’t matter, but I really wanted it to work out the way I’d imagined it all.” The tears started flowing now, and Belle just wanted to fix things for her. She wished they had a crystal ball and could see into the future so that they could prepare. Georgia flipped the corn fritters sizzling in the fry pan and tried to hide her tears. “Anyway, I’ll deal with it if it happens.”

“Georgia, you don’t have to hide how you’re feeling with me. I know you’re upset. It’s best to let it out. I think it’s best to deal with your feelings about this now, so that if you do end up having a C-section, you’ll be prepared.”

Georgia started to sob. “I’m so emotional; I don’t know why.”

“Because you’re pregnant. I cried so much when I was pregnant. I’m surprised you haven’t been a blubbering mess every day.” Belle stepped forward and embraced Georgia, who fell into the embrace. Belle stroked her long brown hair, and then held her by the waist and pulled her back to look at her. “Promise me you’ll talk to me, though?”

Georgia nodded. “You’re amazing. I couldn’t do any of this without you. I bet you didn’t think you signed up to being my support and housemate when you agreed to donate an embryo,” she said, laughing through her tears.

Belle smiled, and then went to kiss her on the cheek, but Georgia moved at the last minute, and Belle’s lips touched Georgia’s. Georgia frowned in confusion but looked intently at Belle. Responding to the intense look, Belle kissed Georgia again, but this time directly on the lips, and passionately. Lust overcame her and she kissed Georgia as if her life depended on it. Georgia responded, making Belle feel weak at the knees—she’d always thought that expression was strange, but that kiss blew her mind.

Finally, after minutes of being lost in one another, Georgia pulled away, frowning at Belle. “Belle, I’m not… I’m not… This was a mistake.” She looked overwhelmed and the tears started again.

Belle felt the pain of rejection, and instant confusion. She guessed Georgia was saying she wasn’t interested, or maybe that she wasn’t attracted to females, but Belle couldn’t understand how she could think that and kiss her the way she’d just kissed her. An awkward dinner followed, and Belle went straight to her bedroom after dinner but did not manage to get any sleep all night.

She was out in the kitchen making a coffee early the next morning when Georgia sheepishly came out to the kitchen. “Belle,” she said, awkwardly. “I’m sorry that I made you think…I…well… The scan went well, and I’m feeling good. It makes sense I go back home. Give you some space.”

How could Belle have been so stupid? “No, it’s all right. I won’t…”

“I just think for both of us, the space could be good. I’ll go home today, but we’ll stay in touch.”

Stay in touch? And with that, out walked the most amazing woman Belle had ever known. Through her stupidity, she had lost both her best friend and the baby she was carrying. She’d lost the connections with Georgia’s family she’d made—she loved Jo in particular, but Georgia’s mother, aunty, and the rest of the family seemed great too. Belle had looking forward to both of them becoming part of each other’s extended families once the baby was born.

Belle sat on the couch and put her head into her hands. This was exactly the reason she’d not dated, not let herself become vulnerable to someone, and certainly the reason she’d never allowed herself to develop feelings for a straight girl. This pain she felt, this extreme longing, and this sadness were exactly what she hoped to never feel again. How could she get through all of this? She didn’t want to admit her stupidity to Nikki, or Alex, or anyone for that matter. Certainly not her mother or Tash, who could both rightfully say “I told you so,” but never would. Why had she put herself at risk again? There had been red flags, but she’d plunged in anyway.

*

THE NEXT WEEK felt like it was never going to end, but things picked up once the girls arrived on Friday afternoon. Amazingly, Belle managed to have moments where she briefly forgot what had happened with Georgia, and in those moments, she felt like life was almost normal again. But soon enough, Belle would feel a nagging feeling, and suddenly she felt like the biggest idiot. How had she misread the situation so much to kiss her? She knew the issue was that she hadn’t been thinking in the moment—she had simply reached out to try to make Georgia feel better, and she’d done what came naturally.

She was attracted to Georgia, but if she could take it all back and they could have salvaged some kind of friendship—as frustrating at that could be—she’d rather that. Now she’d lost everything. Now she possibly wouldn’t even get to meet Georgia’s baby, and she wouldn’t ever get to spend time with Georgia, whom she adored spending time with. Even if Georgia took pity on her and let her meet the baby, or even be part of the baby’s life, things between them would never be the same again. She had lost an incredible friendship.

*

THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY rolled around, and Belle dropped the girls to school. It was now Tash and Emily’s turn to have their week with the girls. Though it wasn’t what she’d ever have chosen and still came with mixed feelings, Belle usually enjoyed her week of me time. It was always nice to look forward to the breather from intense solo parenting. This time, though, she was anxious about the long week of being alone that stretched before her. She tried to distract herself, catching up with friends, going for a long walk, reading a book in the bath. It was hopeless, though. Time would be the only thing that would help her get Georgia off her mind. She just wondered how long.

The following week with the girls was very busy with birthday parties, play dates, and soccer matches. It felt like the whole week was crammed with after-school and weekend activities, and that pleased Belle just fine. While she normally might have been a little overwhelmed by the crazy week, she appreciated it as a distraction. On the Thursday night, soccer training was cancelled because of the rain, so they took advantage of it and had homemade pizza night. It felt heart-warming and belly filling—a real soul food activity. They settled in for a movie in front of the television. Snuggling under blankets, Belle’s phone buzzed. Georgia. All she wrote was:

Hey Belle, I hope you’re going okay. I’m sorry about how things went between us. Would love to catch up some time.

A pity text.

Belle put her phone down and tried to concentrate on the movie, but she’d now lost what was happening. The girls hadn’t noticed.

She picked up her phone again and re-read it.

She put it down again and ended up having an early night once the movie had finished and the girls were in bed. She didn’t get much sleep, though.

The next day, she dropped the girls at school—handover day once again. As she left the school, she decided it would be rude not to text Georgia, but she didn’t know what to say. She simply wrote:

Hope you’re going well.

She hit send before she had time to rethink it and made her way to work.