HELEN TRIED READING, but it didn’t distract her or take her mind off her harsh words with Leigh. She finally got up to fix another cup of tea, even though that would certainly keep her up all night. When she did so she noticed that Leigh’s light was on. She wasn’t having much success getting to sleep, either. She had a moment of guilt. The girl was pregnant—she didn’t want to upset her, cause a problem with her pregnancy.
Then she reminded herself that Leigh was a successful physician who made a good living and had no big debts. One of the reasons for that was she’d lived her entire life in Helen’s house, paid for by Helen. Helen helped her pay for college, and what student loans Leigh had acquired Helen helped pay off. Oh, there was other help—the contract signing bonus from the hospital for her ER commitment. But of course Leigh had worked very hard to make all that happen.
Leigh had probably learned to work hard from watching Helen, hardly noticing where the lesson came from. She’d had her struggles in med school, residency and practice, fighting that failure of confidence that comes to everyone who takes on a big task, but she had been so resilient. So strong. Helen was happy to prop her up and comfort her when she needed it. In fact, it made her feel good to be able to do that for Leigh.
Where was her resilience now? This issue was between Leigh and her baby’s father. Oh, if Leigh found some reason that life with Rob would be terrible, of course she’d be better off staying independent of him. But Helen was no fool. She couldn’t count the number of times in the past few months that Leigh had spent her lunch hour or evening with Rob and he left a glow on her cheeks that was unmistakable.
But Leigh’s expectations had crossed the line. Was she spoiled? Helen didn’t think so. That Johnny Holliday might’ve left a scar but Rob Shandon was such a cut above she was frankly surprised Leigh hadn’t run off and married him the instant she found out she was pregnant.
She had trouble believing that Leigh actually thought Helen would become her nanny!
Being a writer, working at home and often in her pajamas, Helen was accustomed to people thinking her work wasn’t real work. No matter how impressed they might be when Helen made the bestseller list or won an award, her casual nonwriting acquaintances seemed to think she could create a complex story in her spare time. But Leigh had never been that person. She’d been trained to understand how much discipline was required, how dedicated Helen had to be. And how hard the work could be. She’d seen Helen during those hair-pulling deadlines or those crazy revisions when she had to rip the book apart from page one and didn’t have a bloody clue how to fix the sow’s ear of a mess she was supposed to turn into a silk purse.
But here was her darling Leigh, pregnant with the child of a man she loved, and she was afraid to embrace him. Did she learn that from me, as well? Helen asked herself. Because Helen hadn’t found it easy to fall in love. Of course she was a little short on time, given all her jobs, commitments and bills to pay.
But then she met Sully. He was such a lovely surprise. An adorable, funny and wise man who lived simply and was honest to the bone. They had nothing in common yet had found an odd and special way to appreciate each other. Sully didn’t consider himself smart but he was. He was intuitive and wise. His humor was smart and dry and she lived for his jabs, like him telling her he liked that crazy hair she woke up with. She was a woman of a certain age. She’d rather have a compliment like that than a dozen roses. It meant he truly saw her as she was, didn’t have some unrealistic expectation of her.
How many years would they have together? Even if it was only a year, she was ready to sign on. She felt nurtured when she was with him and she could nurture in return. Some of her friends might think they were an odd pair. But she loved him. He was very easy to love.
But she had a niece—her child, really—in a fix. Helen didn’t know how to help her resolve her issues. Leigh needed a long-range view of what family life was supposed to be, a realistic view of what commitment should be. Helen was no expert but she thought a steady, dependable man, a good man with whom you had balance and tenderness, was a solid bet. And there was obviously chemistry! Those two could heat up a room when they were together. It had taken them about a week to make a baby. It gave her the shivers.
Was Leigh paying attention? He’d raised a couple of sons so fatherhood was no mystery to him. He was well-loved throughout town and beyond.
Helen lamented that she might not be the wisest or most experienced parent but she could think of only one approach. If it didn’t work, she’d likely be spending her twilight years changing diapers, supervising potty training and driving carpools.
She began folding her clothes. The sun was not yet up. She got one of her suitcases and opened it on the bed. It didn’t take long before Leigh was standing in the doorway.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Oh, I hope I didn’t wake you. I’m packing up a few things.”
“Why?”
“Well, I think I should get out of your hair for a while. This business of how to take care of the baby isn’t between you and me. It’s between you and Rob. Do you find him trustworthy?”
“So far,” Leigh said. “I’m sure he’s a good man. It’s just that I thought Johnny was a good man...”
“You can let yourself off the hook for that, Leigh. He was the only boy you’d ever loved and you were so young. You idealized him. I think he showed his true colors soon after he left. I know you were devastated, but I always worried you would be. Let’s forget about him for the moment. I don’t know everything about your relationship with Rob but I know it’s a passionate one. I approve, by the way. A man and woman who are raising a family deserve passion. Love like that brings you together when times are hard and it’s inevitable there will be some hard times. Everyone has them. It appears he’s a very good father. Be sure you don’t ignore that fact. It’s critical.”
“Where are you going?” Leigh demanded.
“I’m going visiting, sweetheart. Probably to Maureen’s again, since she has that empty guesthouse. I was planning to talk to you about this but I was waiting until you got your situation settled. I didn’t want to abandon you, but I see I’d better. You’re depending on me to rescue you and I can’t. I’m sixty-two. I have a lot of energy still and I’d like to spend most of it on myself. Raising you was a great gift to me, but you’re a grown-up now and you have to make a grown-up decision about how you and Rob are going to move forward. Eventually I want to stay with Sully. It turns out we’re in love.”
“You’re what? But that’s crazy!”
“It is, a little. It’s also very nice. So you see, I won’t be far away when the baby comes. You’ll come to the Crossing, I’ll come to town, we’ll have dinner, we’ll talk on the phone like we always have. You need to put your mind to your future.”
“Helen, I love Sully, but he’s an old man!”
Helen was silent for a moment. “He’s not that old. And we have a very good time.”
“You have nothing in common!”
“I think you’re right,” Helen said. “Yet it’s amazing how much we find to talk about. I’m dreading winter, and if it’s awful, I’ll head for someplace warm. Sully knows I like regular travel—he understands that I’ll have trips now and then, conferences and visiting friends. It’s going to be an adventure.”
“Is it just that you want me to get married? Is that it?”
“Oh, heavens, I don’t care. Do whatever suits you, but the two people who made that baby should raise it. Not you and your old-maid aunt. So figure it out.”
“How can I when my old-maid aunt is running out on me?”
Helen smiled and touched Leigh’s soft cheek. “You can do it,” she said. “But I’ll be a phone call away. And, of course, when the baby comes, I’ll be with you. If you want me.”
“What in the world are people going to say about you moving in with Sully?” Leigh cried.
“Well, if I cared, I could probably guess. But I don’t care. And you know Sully—what are the odds he gives a shit?”
“What does Maggie say?”
“That’s not my problem but I’ll tell you this—Maggie likes me. The last time I saw her she said I put a little color in her father’s cheeks.” Helen laughed. “I never expected to meet a man like Sully and want to spend every day with him. He said the cabins are all heated and I should invite my girls to visit. He said he’d cook and clean and we could have a little writers’ retreat. Isn’t that sweet?”
“I’m going to be sick,” Leigh said sarcastically.
“Well, shame on you,” Helen said. “Don’t be so selfish. Everyone deserves their own brand of happiness and we’ve found ours.”
“And so are you getting married?”
“Oh, hell, no,” Helen said. “Why would we bother with that? We have our own grown children and grandchildren, our own retirement funds, our own jobs. He tends the Crossing. I write. And we laugh so much, it’s wonderful. I’ll miss him while I’m away so I hope you get yourself straightened out quickly.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
“Believe it,” Helen said. “You’re on your own. And I love you. I’ll talk to you in a few hours. I’ll let you know where I land.”
Leigh muttered something about a crazy old woman and Helen couldn’t help it—she chuckled under her breath. She didn’t feel that old. She felt young actually. She felt thirty-five. She had mentioned Sully to a couple of her girlfriends and they were anxious to meet him. She knew they would love him.
And Leigh would have to plan her life. Her safety net was about to walk out the door.
Helen left most of her things at Leigh’s house because it was pointless to make a major move. She had packed enough essentials to last a few weeks. If that didn’t kick Leigh in the butt, she wasn’t sure what would. Then she went to the Crossing to tell Sully she was leaving.
“Really?” he asked. “You’re leaving me? Now?”
“Just for a little while,” she said. “A few weeks, maybe...”
He put his arms around her. “No, Helen,” he said, holding her closely. “Please. Don’t leave. Stay with me. You’re going to end up here, anyway. And I love you.”
“Oh, Sully, do you think that will be enough of a shock to get Leigh moving?”
“More than enough,” he said. “It’ll prolly get the whole damn town moving!”
“And if you find you’re not quite ready for a roommate?” she asked.
“This few weeks with your girlfriend isn’t necessary,” he said. “There’s plenty of room for your things. And you’ll be making your point. I just barely got you back.”
“I suppose...”
“Try it with me,” he said. “I’ll be polite, do my half of the chores and cook. I’ll keep you warm and make you laugh. I’ll read your books and live with your twisted side. And you can harvest the garden till we’re down to dirt.”
She sighed and put her head against his chest. “It is what I want.” She looked up at his smile. “I hope you meant it when you said you want me to stay. And if it’s an inconvenience, I can go visit friends. But I’m not going to live with Leigh again. I may visit her but I think my being such a constant roommate in her life is preventing her from moving on.”
“Helen, you can have my whole house.”
She laughed. “Maybe I can use the extra drawers in the guest room but your bathroom cupboard is full of stuff.”
“I’ll burn it,” he said. “Can I make you some breakfast?”
“That would be wonderful. I was awake all night. I had a showdown with Leigh and then couldn’t sleep.”
She sat at his kitchen table. While he turned a couple of eggs over in the pan, she told him the whole story.
He laughed. “Before Maggie met Cal, before my heart attack, she decided to take a leave from her practice and thought she’d come here to hide out. She had a mess going on—she’d broken it off with that useless guy she was seeing, she was being sued—and she ran home. I was thrilled, but I couldn’t let on. If I told her that, she’d never leave. And I knew she had to face the difficult reality, stare her problems in the face or they’d never go away. I wished she could stay forever but then all that medical training would be wasted. Turned out to be a good thing she was here. She was on hand for my heart attack.”
“I’m not here for one of those,” Helen said. “Sully, does Maggie know we’re an item?”
“She does. And I made her promise to keep watch that you don’t end up playing nurse to some sick old man.”
“Oh, Sully! I have a feeling you’re going to outlive us all. I’m just happy to have some fun right now.”
“Would you like a morning walk?”
“I don’t think so,” she said. “I think what I need is a morning nap. I’m exhausted. Trying to wiggle out of being the babysitter for the next generation has me worn out.”
“Don’t you have murdering to do this morning?”
“It’ll just have to wait.”
“Is Leigh angry?” Sully asked.
“Uh-huh. She called me a crazy old woman. That’s going to come back and bite her in the ass.”
“Why’d you do it, Helen?” he asked.
“I love Leigh more than life itself, but when I realized she was planning on me being her main support when the baby comes, I knew I’d been too much at her beck and call. She relies too heavily on me, even when we’re apart. It’s really not my job anymore. So I pulled the rug out from under her, just like you said. We’ll see if she falls or flies. It might take a while. She’s disgruntled. And blaming me.”
“Are you going to be happy here?” he asked.
“It’s what I’ve been wanting to do,” she said. “I was just waiting for my niece to get her life together. Just so you know, I’ve never been tempted to live with a man before.”
He reached for her hand. “My life has changed so much in just a few months,” he said. “I never saw myself with a woman. And such a quality woman. I hope Maggie tells her mother. Phoebe will just shit.”
“Underneath it all, you’re vindictive.”
“Just with Phoebe,” he said. “Did you bring those polka dot pajamas?”
“I did.”
“I can’t wait till bedtime,” he said.
Leigh had an unhappy morning. She worked her way through a couple of chest colds, an allergic reaction, false labor and an asthma attack, staying focused on her patients. Connie Boyle brought his little son in with a barking cough. “That doesn’t sound good,” she said. She listened to his chest, wrote a prescription, ordered a chest X-ray at the hospital in either Aurora or Breckenridge and suggested using steam to help loosen his congestion. “How are Sierra and the baby?” she asked.
“They’re doing great, except that Sam likes to get up in the night with the baby, and since I’m back at work, she’s sleep deprived. We’re both sleep deprived. You know you’re running on fumes when I get more rest at night at the firehouse. But this won’t last forever.”
It wasn’t long after Connie left that Cal came in with Elizabeth. “Fever,” he said. “I consulted the doctor, who is in Denver, and she said I should ask you to check her ears.”
“Bingo,” Leigh said. “Ear infection.” And she wrote out another script.
And next, Rafe Vadas and all three of his kids came in, three runny noses and one croupy cough. “I guess it’s Father’s Day at the clinic,” she said. “All the fathers are bringing in the kids and all the kids spend time together. I wonder where it started?”
“Our house, I bet. And Lisa is working today. These kids are like little petri dishes, just breeding germs. And sharing them! I bet Lisa and I will have it by the end of the week.”
“Extra vitamin C for you,” she said.
Between patients she sat in her office, door closed, to think. Eleanor knocked on the door, poked her head in and asked if she was feeling all right. “I’m fine, thanks for asking. Sorry I’m a little cranky. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Maybe we can get you out of here a little early so you can have a nap.”
“If possible, that works for me.”
She was thinking about Helen and forcing herself to have a more pure memory. She remembered going out on a date—with Johnny, of course—and coming home at midnight to a dimly lit house with the glow of the computer screen and the sound of clicking keys. Sometimes that computer was active past midnight and again when Leigh got out of bed in the morning. Did Helen love her writing? Certainly! Was she scrambling to make money because she wanted Leigh to go to college without depending on too many student loans? Absolutely.
She remembered Helen nodding off on the sofa with a book in her lap and thinking, Well, at her age... At her age? She worked two jobs until Leigh was twenty-eight and had finished her residency. All those years of Leigh’s growing up, Helen worked all the time. Then three things happened—Leigh finished school and began working, at a handsome salary in a Chicago ER. Helen’s books became popular—most of them bestsellers. And Helen could retire with a pension. Yet she kept writing three to four books a year.
Helen still worked every day. Every day. Some days were shorter than others, but it was still every day. And sometimes it showed on her that she was tired. She would say her brain was soft from the work.
And I assumed she would become my babysitter, taking care of my baby while I worked. I am the devil.
Eleanor tapped on the door and opened it, holding a brown paper bag. “Someone from the pub brought this and dropped it off. Did you order something?”
“No. What have you got?”
“I didn’t look. Here you go.”
Leigh opened the bag and saw a plastic take-out carton that appeared to hold half a club sandwich and salad. There was a note on top. Just want to make sure you and the baby get lunch. Can I take you to dinner tonight? Rob.
“He is the sweetest man,” Eleanor said dreamily, closing the office door.
“Sweetest,” she said, opening the plastic container and biting into the sandwich. Her favorite—turkey club with bacon and avocado.
Her mind was very much on Helen as she kept doing the math. Helen had been a teacher in Naperville for six years and had just purchased a small house in a respectable neighborhood when her younger sister showed up on her doorstep, pregnant, and moved right in. Leigh thought about what it would have been like in her world had a younger sister moved into her house. Leigh, in her first job as an ER doctor, getting the worst hours, could not have taken on a pregnant eighteen-year-old, then a baby that cried all the time. She could not have come home from work and taken on an infant, helping with those night feedings and floor walking.
When her mother was gone and it was just Leigh and Helen, she sat at the kitchen table coloring or doing spelling words while her aunt graded papers until bedtime. She went with her aunt to every gathering of friends, the little tagalong, because there wasn’t money for sitters and Leigh only stayed behind if the Hollidays could take her for the evening.
Leigh tried to imagine her daughter; she tried to imagine spending thirty years being her mother, best friend and financial support and then having her daughter pregnant and expecting that Leigh, at the age of sixty-four, would agree to devote another thirty years to raising the next one.
She texted Rob that she hadn’t slept well and was tired. She asked if they could stay in. He texted back: If I promise to get you home early, can you give me a couple of hours? I have something to show you.
Then, as an afterthought, she thanked him for the lovely lunch. She felt like she should be punished for the way she’d been behaving.
She thought maybe a little walk and breath of fresh air might help even her mood, plus she could stop by the pub and get a few seconds of Rob’s time to ask where he wanted to go and what time she should be ready. And she realized she hadn’t even told him that yesterday she felt the baby move.
She was almost to the pub when she glanced across the street and there, in front of the beauty shop, was Johnny Holliday in what looked like a very private conversation with Alyssa, the beautician. She was leaning against the wall between the shops and he was leaning against her. His face was close to hers and he casually toyed with her beautiful long hair with one hand while the other was braced against the wall. The sight surprised her so much she stopped walking and just stared.
Then she laughed. Had she really let the memory of this faithless man-child create doubt in her mind about Rob Shandon? And that was just one of her many ridiculous notions in the past couple of months.
She went into the pub. She saw the assistant manager, Kathleen, behind the bar and that’s when she remembered Sid and Dakota had moved to Boulder where she would be teaching and Dakota would be a student. And she hadn’t even said goodbye.
She asked Kathleen if Rob was around.
“He stepped out. He said he had errands. He didn’t say what, but he’s taking Finn to Boulder this weekend and it’ll be a big move. When we took our daughter to college, we nearly had to rent a trailer for her shoes! Boys aren’t as bad, I think. But still...”
This weekend. She’d been thinking about other things. This was an important milestone for Finn and she’d hardly given it a thought. She was going to have to get him a special send-off gift.
It was high time she stopped thinking only of herself. She thanked Kathleen and hurried back to the clinic. The waiting room had only two people and she looked at her watch. “Do I have a few minutes?” she asked Eleanor.
“Sure. They both have appointments for after one. Take your time.”
She hurried to her office and called Helen’s cell. “Auntie,” she said. “Have you landed somewhere? Are you in San Francisco?”
“Actually, when I came to the Crossing to say goodbye to Sully, he convinced me to stay. So I’m not far away if you have a crisis. Please don’t have a crisis. I’m feeling very tired.”
“Auntie, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“I’m not angry with you, sweetheart. There’s no apology necessary. But I’m glad I came out to Sully’s. This is what I want.”
“I was being so selfish,” Leigh said. “Of course you should do whatever feels right. I just want you to know, I’m sorry.”
“Listen, we argued for a long time but a couple of things were left unsaid that I want to be clear about. I will always be there for you. Should some disaster befall you and your options are few, I will always devote myself to your welfare and to the baby. And I’m very anxious for the baby. I’m becoming a grandmother. Watching Sully with his little ones when they’re here makes me so happy. I look forward to helping with the baby. Just remember, I have a job. I also have a relationship and my own life.”
“I should have been thinking about that from the beginning. I’m so glad you’re only as far as the Crossing so I can see you often. Helen, I’ve been a real idiot lately. I hope I haven’t always been that self-centered.”
Helen laughed. “You are not that way, sweetheart. You’ve always been a generous and giving person. I’m sure a lot about a surprise pregnancy makes a person panic and get a little crazy.”
“You have no idea. I’m embarrassed on a lot of fronts right now. But I have patients waiting. I’ll talk to you a little later.”
“Would you like to join Sully and me for dinner?” Helen asked.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. Rob wants to take me somewhere. And he promised to get me home early—I’m completely worn out! Let’s never do that again. If I overstep, just hold up a hand and tell me I’ve gone too far!”
“I’m sure that won’t be necessary.”
“Aunt Helen, I took you for granted,” she said softly. “I remember how hard you worked, how much you did for me.”
“It was the joy of my life,” Helen said. “And now I take credit for you. And the other thing that was left unsaid. I love Mr. Sullivan. He makes me happy. And my books terrify him—it’s the most perfect relationship.”
Leigh laughed. “I love him, too,” she said. “Who doesn’t love Sully?”
“Go back to work, Leigh. No worries. But I think maybe it did us a favor. We both need to move on in a more positive direction. I’m glad you pushed me. I dreaded telling you.”
“You did?” she asked.
“I did. I could tell that, even though I was spending almost every day and most evenings with Sully, you had no idea...”
“You’re right. I knew you had a special friendship. I didn’t know it was that special.”
“It’s that special,” Helen said. “Now get back to work and let’s talk later.”
“I love you, Auntie.”
Leigh sighed heavily. Thank God for Helen. She was so reasonable. So thoughtful. And now, so much in love.
She stood from her desk and opened her office door to signal that she was ready to see patients and who should be standing there with his hand raised to knock but Rob. She jumped in surprise.
“You startled me,” she said. “Why are you here?”
“I went to the pub and Kathleen said you were looking for me. You all right?”
“Excellent. I just wondered what time we’re going out and what I should wear. I was going to text you but there’s been a lot going on.”
“Casual and as soon as you’re out of here and can change. Will you text me when you’re home and let me know how much time you need to change?”
“I will,” she said, leaning toward him for a kiss.
He smiled and accepted. “That’s nice,” he said. “We’ve been too busy lately.”
“We should change that but I think we have to get Finn to school before our schedules lighten up.”
“I’m taking him on Saturday.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“It’ll only take the day,” he said. “He’ll be anxious to get rid of me so he can start enjoying college life.”
“Promising,” she said. “Now get out of here so I can finish up.”
She grabbed his hand and walked him out. The look on his face said it all—he was surprised and welcomed this change.
They got to the waiting room and Johnny Holliday was leaning on the reception desk trying to talk his way in. She saw the two men in the same space for a moment and was amazed by the difference. Johnny looked like a boy compared to Rob. Johnny was good-looking but Rob took it up a notch—his shoulders were broader, his frame taller, his color more rich and tanned. And that was only on the outside—he was a good father, a friend with integrity, a man of his word.
“Hello, Johnny,” Leigh said, hanging on to Rob’s hand.
“Leigh! I came by to tell you I got the job in Colorado Springs, so we’ll be seeing more of each other.”
“Rob, this is an old neighbor from Chicago—Johnny Holliday. We grew up next door to each other. Johnny, this is Rob.” She turned her eyes up to Rob. “My fiancé?” she said, as if in question. Rob lifted one corner of his mouth and nodded.
“Nice to meet you,” he said, not letting go of Leigh’s hand.
“I’m happy for you about the job. Alyssa will be so happy. I’m sorry I don’t have time to visit. Congratulations. Eleanor, I’m ready when you are.”
She turned and went back to the exam rooms.