I clearly remember
Over fifty-five years ago
The day you welcomed me to your circle.
I clearly remember
We were children then
The laughter, the staring and standing back.
I clearly remember
Walking into the classroom
The slow-motion turnaround
The eyes wide open, mouths aghast
The bullies giggling and whispering
How the room suddenly smelled stinky
Like shit, they say.
In the lunchroom sitting alone with my Tupperware of adobo and rice and spoon and fork
Backs turned toward me
Scraps of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, ham and cheese and iceberg lettuce
Flying past me, some even hitting my face
Staining my dress.
My favourite dress that reminded me of home, so colourful and bright in its rich patterns.
Stained.
I clearly remember my first crush
Oh he was a handsome blue-eyed blond
Taking my breath away every time he passed by.
When one day he finally noticed me
Him smiling, looking straight at me
My world no longer lonely
My world no longer pushed aside
My world of hope
Dashed
When he tripped
Me
I, falling flat on my tummy
Knocking the wind out of me
My hands breaking the fall, knees and palms scraped on the schoolyard’s icy gravel
My favourite dress soiled. Ruined.
Forever hidden in the back of my closet.
As a reminder.
And again
Left alone.
I clearly remember
The laughter, the pointing, the staring and standing back
Walking into the classroom
The slow-motion turnaround
Eyes wide open, mouths aghast
The bullies giggling
I jumped right back to my feet
From the thumbtacks they left for me to sit on
My chair
Smudged with mud.
I clearly remember
Saying to myself
Welcome to your new life
You will have to fend for yourself
To stand up on your own
To keep holding your head high no matter what
All this …
Until today
As you run toward me
Bright-eyed
Arms wide open
I can only surmise your smile under your mask
That only old friends can be
Until today
When I put my hand out
To stop you from coming closer
Because
I clearly remember
You.