Navi
"Bryson, really, I don't dance!" I laughed as I backed away, bumping into other sweaty, pulsing bodies.
"You can't sing like you do and not dance." He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him, into his arms, against his chest, and I wanted to like it. I knew other girls watched him and practically drooled. But I hadn't gotten over the shock of seeing Alec. Of Alec's hand on my wrist. His eyes watching me across the room.
If I was anything except vulnerable, I would have played it up. I would have thrown myself all over Bryson and tried my best to make Alec jealous. That's what I was supposed to do in situations such as these, right? But I couldn't do it. All I wanted to do was leave, to run all the way back to Alaska, or failing that, at least to the coast with my swords so I could kill things.
Actually, if we're being honest, all I really wanted to do was throw myself all over Alec.
He hates you. He hates you. He ruined your reputation. I tried really hard to remember all the guys who followed me around school, thinking I was easy because of Alec's rumors. I tried to remember how I wanted to hit him with my truck or tear him apart with Kali and Golly. Of all the nights I cried while my mom stroked my head and told me it would get better. Of the strict rules I made with myself not to look at him, not to even think his name.
"Hey. I think one of your roommates is passed out in the corner."
I jumped, knowing the second he touched my arm that it was Alec and not anyone else in the room. There was heat there, something that made me instantly want to curl myself against his chest and stay there. I looked up, got caught in his blue eyes. Swallowing hard, I tried to tear myself out of his gaze as his lips curved in a slow smile.
"She's over there." He motioned with a slight tilt of his head and I nodded quickly, finally free.
"Terrie. Of course she's already passed out in the corner." I stumbled past him, my hand brushing his hand, and I was assaulted by ten thousand memories of my fingers twined through his. I yelped and escaped into the crowd, grabbing Konstanz as I went by.
"Seriously, what are we gonna do with her? She can't hold her liquor and she passes out every time we take her anywhere." Konstanz groaned as we knelt next to Terrie.
I tugged her skirt down so she wasn't showing the whole party way too much skin. "We'll just take her home."
Konstanz looked disappointed and I realized that maybe I was the only one who desperately wanted to escape. Where was an asuwang attack when I needed one? I sent all kinds of internal, desperate vibes to Elizabeth, hoping she'd show up and tell me it was time to go. "I'll just take her—"
"No, you can't lift her by yourself. I'll help you."
"Or," Alec said, kneeling next to me, "I can carry her to my room and she can sleep it off until you guys are ready to go." The entire side of my body seemed to vibrate with an electrical energy at his nearness. I swallowed hard and tried to hide my suddenly shaking fingers.
Konstanz beamed at him like he'd just saved the world. I wanted to bury my head in my hands and cry. But I refrained. Because I'm super tough like that. "That works, too."
"Navi, there you are. Is there a problem?" Bryson asked, his shadow looming over us.
I looked up and plastered on my best apologetic smile. "Just a passed out friend. Sorry to desert you."
He opened his mouth to respond, already holding out a hand to help me up or point at Terrie or something else my poor, frazzled mind couldn't process with Alec so close, those dark blue eyes watching me, and I couldn't breathe, couldn't think—
"Bryson, we're out of beer!"
Bryson turned away and Alec blew out a breath. "I got this. You just make sure she's not showing… anything… she might regret later." He scooped Terrie up like she weighed as much as a bag of cotton balls. I scurried around him, tugging her clothes into place and cursing the fact that she liked her skirts so short. People barely noticed as he carried her across the room. "Can you get the door?" he grunted.
I nodded. "This one?" I reached for the first door but he shook his head, motioning to the next one over.
I got the door open, and there was no one inside, thankfully. I hurried to the bed and pulled the covers back, then got myself out of the way. He laid her down and I helped pull the comforter back over her. And then I realized I was in his bedroom. With him. My cheeks flamed and I was infinitely grateful I hadn't turned the light on. At least he couldn't see me blush like I was some hormone-driven teenager.
"There. Now let's hope she doesn't puke in my bed. That would suck." He stood back and watched her suspiciously.
"She doesn't usually do that 'til the next day." I started to leave but he grabbed my wrist, and my blood pressure rocketed through the roof.
"You okay? You seem… nervous."
I could lie. I could tell him I was fine. Or I could half-lie and tell him that I was uncomfortable in crowds. But I hung my head in defeat, staring at the floor and our feet so close together. "Honestly? It's nerve-wracking being here with you."
He chuckled, low in his throat. I'd forgotten how completely, devastatingly sexy he was. "I'm right there with you, Navi."
Ouch. I brushed my hair out of my face and nodded, too quickly, like a rag doll with a loose neck. "I'll leave. I don't want to—"
"Don't go."
My heart stopped.
"But I thought—"
He ran a hand over his face and peered at me through his fingers. "Stay. Talk to me. Tell me what you've been doing since graduation. I don't know anything about you anymore." He dropped his hand and he looked so vulnerable, like asking me to stay was baring his soul.
And I nodded. "Okay."
He sat down on the carpet I'd just been staring at, leaning his back against the bed, and I sank to the floor next to him. He took my hand, his finger idly tracing the tattoo on my wrist, and I thought this couldn't possibly be happening. This boy, this boy I had hated and loved, whose memory had absolutely driven me insane for the past four years, was holding my hand like we hadn't had the most infamous breakup in our entire high school.
"What do you do now?" he asked, glancing up briefly to meet my eyes before he went back to the tattoo.
"I'm… a probation officer. Sort of."
That caught his attention and he looked up again, eyebrow raised. "You're a probation officer."
"Sort of." I changed the subject. "Still doing the electrician thing?" Like I didn't already know.
He smiled, acknowledging my subject change and raising me another. "Yes. Is this the only one you have?" He held up my wrist, and I shook my head.
"No. Three more. One on my back and one on my rib cage. One on my foot."
His eyes skimmed from my wrist to my rib cage and I sucked in a breath. He wasn't actually touching me but it was so intimate. Like he could see through my soft pink sweater to my very soul… or at least to the tattoos underneath.
And I was blushing again.
"You've changed." It was a statement, not a question, and I didn't know how to answer that.
"I had to. Life changes us."
He inclined his head. "How's your family?"
It was such a different path than I'd been expecting that I could only blink at him for several seconds. "That good, huh?" He winked.
The world stopped moving.
Catch up, brain! "Yeah." I smiled, struggling to keep my thoughts from racing all over the room. "They're good. My mom is… retired." Yes, she'd hung up her swords and bid her army goodbye a few years ago. "My dad is still taking over the world, one tactical training center at a time." It had been a few weeks since I'd seen them. Too long. When I could die on an almost nightly basis, I really should make more of an effort to see them regularly.
"What made you follow your mom's line of work? She was always so stressed out she wouldn't even talk about it. I figured you'd go into something more low key."
Ah. I'd forgotten my mom had fed him the probation officer line, too. But this one, at least, I could answer honestly. "It is hard to talk about it. People don't understand. It's scary. But the way it changes lives, the way it saves souls… there's nothing like it."
He tipped his head to the side, studying me. His eyes were dark, dark blue, the irises rimmed with black. They looked like colored contacts, but I knew they weren't. And those eyelashes—so thick and so long and so black I was jealous. He kept his hair much shorter than he had when we were together. I used to love to tangle my fingers in the blond streaks, but now it was close cropped. Not finger-tangling material. "How are your parents?" I asked, trying to tug my thoughts away from the way I'd catch my hands in his hair and pull his head down toward me—
"They're good. They still don't regret adopting me, so there's that." He grinned.
"That's always a bonus." I nodded wisely. He'd been adopted as a baby. His parents had always been very open about it, telling him when he was ready they'd help him find his biological parents if he'd like. As far as I knew, he'd never been interested.
"When we were together, I thought you were the most gorgeous girl in the world." His voice was soft, so low I could barely hear him over the throb of the music making the walls shake. He stared hard at the tattoo on my wrist. "But you—somehow you managed to get even more beautiful. Alaska was good to you."
I almost sobbed. He had no idea how many times I'd imagined him saying something like that to me. Or anything even remotely sweet, actually. In all my fantasies, though, I'd never formulated a response because we'd always been kissing by now. But that wasn't happening so a response was necessary. What, exactly, did a girl say to that? "Thank you."
He smiled—not a grin, but slow and sexy so my heart melted and my blood roared in my ears and I wanted to crawl into his lap. "You—you look good, too."" I sounded strangled. His grin broadened and he leaned forward, tugging on my wrist, pulling me closer.
I panicked.
"When I walked in and saw you standing there, I almost turned around and left." Not what I'd meant to say, but he stopped leaning toward me. His smile died and he frowned. "I mean—I didn't think you'd want me here… And I didn't know–" I stopped, blew out a frustrated breath.
"That was my fault. I'm sure nearly running you over yesterday probably wasn't the welcome back you deserved."
I nodded, laughing. "Yeah, let's go with you almost ran over me and not the other way around."
"So you saw me then?" His eyes lit, teasing.
"In that big ole truck? Pretty hard to miss." I twisted my fingers together, peering up at him through my bangs. "Are we—do we not hate each other anymore?" He sat up, studying me, and I hurried on, in case we did and I just hadn't realized it. "Or do we still, but we're in a temporary truce for the sake of the party. Or—"
"I never hated you, Navi. Not ever."
"But high school—"
"We were young and stupid. We made mistakes."
Well, he'd made mistakes. He'd told everyone I'd cheated on him. I'd actually been killing demons, not sleeping around, but I suppose it was an honest misinterpretation on his part.
And I couldn't even explain.
"I saw you." There were tears in his eyes and his hand was shaking. "I saw you go in. In the middle of the night." He pointed in the general direction that he must have thought the house was I'd gone to the night before. I could correct him, tell him the house was actually the other direction, but I sensed this wasn't the time.
"Alec, it isn't what you think."
He ignored me. "And then I asked Konstanz, and she said there's no way, so she went with me and we followed you." He looked at me with so much betrayal, so much pain in his face. I would have sold my soul right then to take that pain away. But I couldn't. It wasn't my soul that was at stake here. It was so many others.
"We followed you to one house. And then another house. Four, Navi. Four guys in one night. All this time—" His voice broke and he ran a hand over his face, staring up at the ceiling. "We've been together for three years. Did you just get bored? Am I not enough?"
"Alec, it isn't like that."
He lowered his head, staring at me now instead of the ceiling, his dark blue eyes pleading through the tears. "Then what is it, Navi? Please tell me what it is."
And I couldn't. Because if I'd told him I was an agent for lost souls, that I had an army to kill demons but I'd failed and the demons had made it into the city and blended with society… it would open his eyes, and then the demons I hunted would hunt him. And I'd be breaking an oath. I'd sworn to protect those souls, and his. No matter what.
"I'm sorry, Alec. I can't. Please." Now it was my voice breaking because he'd started to shake his head and back away, "Please just believe me. Just… I would never do that, Alec. Please," I sobbed, but he turned around and shoved his way through the crowd that had gathered around us. And I never spoke to him again.
"Where'd you go?" he asked, jerking me out of that awful memory.
I swallowed, trying to settle back against the mattress we leaned against, but I was just a tad too short, so it dug into my neck. "I was lost," I said quietly. His hand came up, his knuckles brushing against my cheekbone as his eyes devoured mine.
He opened his mouth and I was hanging on his every word—except he didn't get to say them. "Navi! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Bryson's spiked head popped through the crack in the door, obliterating what little light there was. So he pushed the door wide open and nearly blinded us both.
"Terrie passed out. We didn't want to leave her alone in case she was sick." I pointed to the bed, feeling ridiculously guilty even though all we'd done was talk. Bryson looked hurt, too, like I should feel guilty.
"Well everyone's been asking for you. I've been bragging about that voice of yours so much we're thinking a little impromptu karaoke is in order." He raised his eyebrow.
All I really wanted to do was spend the rest of the night, in the dark, talking to Alec. But I shoved myself to my feet and held out my hand, tugging him up with me. He glowered at Bryson like he was thinking the same thing I was, but I hopefully I hid it better. As I passed, I grabbed Bryson's wrist. "You're gonna sing with me this time, right?"
If I was gonna be put on the spot, I was taking him down with me.