SATURDAY AFTERNOON TEA had become a weekly ritual, as long as Tori’s mom wasn’t on shift at the hospital. This weekend was no different from any other, except that Tori was anxious about telling her mom that Jeremy was in town. While Shelley was supportive, she wasn’t a fan of how the pregnancy had happened, during a summer fling. Neither was Tori, to be honest. It would be different if it was an accident in an actual relationship based on love and not just...lust. But they had both agreed that since nothing could be changed, it was about looking to the future.
Now she was sitting in her mom’s living room, nibbling on a gingersnap as her mom brought in a teapot and a little jug of milk, no sugar. Neither of them liked it in their tea.
Tori poured a cup and handed it to her mom, then poured one for herself. She took a sip of the hot brew and felt her muscles relax. There was nothing like a cup of tea to settle her thoughts.
“You’re feeling okay?” Shelley said, looking over the rim of her mug with worried eyes. “You look a little pale. Is your iron low?”
“A little tired, maybe. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. But everything’s fine. I go for my ultrasound in a few days.”
“When?”
“Tuesday.”
“I’m on day shift. I can see if someone will switch if you want company.”
Her mom’s eyes lit up when she said it, and Tori got the idea she was looking for an invitation. But Tori wasn’t sure she wanted company. She almost thought she wanted to go alone and have some time with the baby. It didn’t really make sense; the baby wasn’t even born yet, and she was “alone” with him or her all the time. Maybe it was just because she was overwhelmed.
“That’s okay. I’ll get pictures and everything and show you, okay?”
“Okay. If that’s what you want.” Shelley smiled and reached for a cookie, but before she could take a bite, Tori blurted out the truth.
“Jeremy’s in town.”
Shelley dropped the cookie. It hit the coffee table and sugar sprinkled everywhere.
“The Jeremy? The father?”
She nodded and focused on her cup. “Yeah. He came on business and thought he’d look me up. And found me like this.” She pointed to her stomach.
Shelley sat back on the sofa. “Oh, honey. Well, at least now he knows.”
Tori looked up at her mom and grimaced. “Yeah. That decision was taken out of my hands.”
“Maybe it’s for the best. I know it’s awkward, but I always thought he should know.”
“I know. And me too, really. I’m just...scared.”
“Scared that he’ll what? Leave you alone? Not be supportive?”
On the contrary. Tori took another fortifying drink of tea. The other day, looking at houses, that kiss... All it had done was remind Tori of how much she’d enjoyed being with Jeremy in the first place. Yes, their relationship had been mostly physical over the summer. But she’d liked him...a lot. While she hadn’t fostered any dreams of being whisked away to a fairy-tale ending, she had cherished their time together and had tucked the memories away as something very special. Her biggest fear was how to negotiate parenthood without letting her heart get involved. He was a good guy, underneath. He could have made things difficult for her, and instead he was taking his time, not making any demands. But for how long?
She was sure that at some point there was going to be a price to pay.
“You’re quiet, so I guess there’s more going on here than you want to talk to your mom about.” Shelley’s eyebrow lifted in a wry expression, but it wasn’t condemning. They were close, but Tori had never really shared all the details with her mom.
“He’s rich, Mom. Like lots-of-zeroes rich. And if he wanted to, he could make things really difficult.”
“Do you think he would?” Concern overtook Shelley’s face and her eyes darkened.
“I don’t want to think so. He’s nice. Caring, really. He hasn’t made any demands. We’re just...talking.”
“Talking is good.”
“He wants to be a part of the baby’s life.”
“That’s good, isn’t it? It shows he wants to step up. Be responsible.”
“It also means I’ll have to see him. And I wonder if he’ll change his mind about how much custody he wants. If he decides that, I can’t afford to challenge him. I’m scared, Mama.” Her lips quivered a little on the last word; she rarely called her mom “Mama.” “I love this baby already.”
“Oh, honey, of course you do.” Shelley moved over to the love seat where Tori sat. “You have to have faith, you know? You say he’s a good man. I’m sure, then, that you can work this out.”
“He is. We spent the day together on Thursday. It was fun. He said if we are going to co-parent, we need to be able to spend time together.”
“He’s not wrong.” Shelley looked at Tori a little more closely. “But is there more? I mean, there’s a reason why you got pregnant. Is that still a factor?”
“I don’t know.” She let the words out on a breath. “Yeah, I still find him attractive, and there’s still...something. At least for me. And I think for him, too. He...”
She halted. Swallowed against a lump in her throat. That kiss had been...something. More destructive to her defenses in its sweetness than any passionate overture might have been.
“He what, honey?”
“He kissed me under the lobby mistletoe.”
Shelley laughed lightly. “Sweetie, you could do worse than kissing a good-looking millionaire in the lobby.”
“Billionaire,” she corrected. “Jeremy Fisher is a billionaire, thanks to his trust fund, his business, and apparently a sister who is a genius with stocks.”
Shelley’s mouth fell open. “Well.”
“How do I prepare myself for this, Mom? I couldn’t care less about his money, but it does change things. We live in different countries and are from different worlds. And we’re having a kid together. It’s such a mess.”
Shelley reached for her hand and squeezed it. “You get through it just like you get through anything else. One day at a time, making the best decisions you know how. And then you trust everything will work out.”
“You have a lot more faith than I do.”
“I don’t think so. Just keep an open mind. And if you do everything for the right reasons, chances are it’s gonna be fine in the end.” She let go of Tori’s hand. “Now, have another cookie and drink your tea. Do you want to stay for dinner?”
“Of course I do.”
“Good. Then I can send you home with potpie leftovers.”
Jeremy switched the phone to the other ear as he sat at the table in his suite, his laptop open in front of him. “So it’s down to the one on the river, or the one with the lighthouse, yeah?”
Branson’s voice came over the line loud and clear. “I trust you, Jer. You know what I need right now.”
His friend needed time and space. “I’m worried you’ll become a long-haired, shaggy-bearded hermit who yells at kids to get off his lawn.”
A rare, rusty laugh from Branson came over the line. “I don’t like beards.”
Which was true. But still, Jeremy worried. “You’re sure there’s no place closer to the city? Or south, somewhere warm?”
“No one knows me up there. No one will recognize me. I need that for a while. And when the house outlives its purpose, I’ll sell it again. No big.”
“Then the lighthouse one. It’s a better value, and to be honest, the location is spectacular enough it should move on resale within a reasonable time frame.”
“Put in an offer. I’ll pay the asking price. And a quick close.”
“You’re going to move north during the winter. Are you nuts?”
“I need to get out of here. The house is too full of ghosts.”
Which was fair enough.
“Hey, Bran? Can I unload something on you for a minute?”
There was a pause. “Yeah, of course. I owe you a ton in therapy minutes.”
They both chuckled a little. It wasn’t like they kept score.
“So, remember the girl I told you about? From last summer?”
“Yeah, the fling. You said you were going to look her up again. How’d you make out?”
“She’s pregnant.”
When he said it all the air rushed out of his lungs. It was almost like until this moment it wasn’t really official. He hadn’t told anyone until now. Because sometimes you needed your best buddy to give your head a whack.
“Nice work, Romeo. And she didn’t tell you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Well, duh.” There was a pause. “So what now?”
“I don’t know. I won’t ignore my kid, you know? I can’t do that.”
“Of course not. And you’re a good catch, you know. The electric bill will always be paid on time.”
“I’m not sure she’s ready for New York. And I’d be bored here within a month.”
“So you split your time.”
“I guess.”
“Your mom know yet?”
“Hell, no.”
“Well, my one piece of advice is if you consider making a play for this girl, you be up front with what your family is like before it’s all settled. Don’t blindside her with it after you’ve brokered a deal.”
“Parenting isn’t like buying a house.”
Bran laughed again. “Good, I’m glad you came to that conclusion all on your own. Feel better?”
“Yes and no. But thank you. I’ll be in touch about the offer.”
“Just send me what I need to sign. I trust you.”
They ended the call and Jeremy rested his forehead on his hands for a few moments. Bran was right. He needed Tori to meet his family. And he wanted to meet her mom, too.
What an unholy mess.
He made another call and verbally made an offer on the property. Considering he was offering asking price, he was relatively sure that it would be a simple transaction. Once that was done, he ventured down to the business center to take care of the necessary paperwork. As he was sending it off, he realized this meant he no longer had to be at the Sandpiper for more than a few more days. He could pack his things and head back to Manhattan. Get ready for Christmas.
It seemed odd and empty to think about now.
“So, did your friend decide on a house?”
He startled, jumping in his seat as her voice came from behind him.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I was just thinking.” He clicked his mouse and then looked up at her. She was glowing, dressed in black leggings and heels that accentuated her long legs, and a maternity top in a blue that matched the tartan on the Christmas tree. “You look good. Feeling well?”
“I slept a lot on the weekend and read a good book. It was heavenly.”
She’d slept and he’d been doing some business in Halifax. They hadn’t seen each other at all over the weekend. “I’m glad. And yes. Unless something falls through, it’s the house in Kingsburg.”
“The one with the lighthouse!” Her eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s great. It’s so impressive.” Then she looked at him thoughtfully. “It does mean that you’ll have a good friend in the area.”
He hadn’t actually considered that before. It was true. At least for a while, Bran would be here. She would be here, and their baby. He had ties to the South Shore without ever intending to.
“It also means I’ll be leaving to go back to New York in a few days.”
“I suppose it does.”
Did she look disappointed? He almost hoped so. Plus they hadn’t really come to any conclusions.
He wasn’t sure quite what to say when her face changed and her hand went to the swell of her belly. “Whoa.”
Alarm skittered through his veins as he shot up from the chair. “Are you all right? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She looked up at him with wide eyes. “I think the baby just moved.”
He guided her to the chair. “Really? What did it feel like?”
“I don’t know. Like butterflies, kind of, but running in a line down my belly. I’ve felt similar things lately, but not this strong. Oh, my, maybe the baby has been moving and I didn’t know it!” Her face broke into a smile. “Oh, there it is again.”
She reached for his hand and put it on her top, pressed against the solid curve. He didn’t have time to react or hesitate; one moment he was standing there and the next he was crouched by her side, palm pressed against her navel. He waited, holding his breath, and then felt the tiniest flutter against his hand. “Is that it?”
She grinned and nodded. “You can feel it? I wasn’t sure it would be strong enough.”
It was. His child was in there, moving around, and his mother looked like a flipping angel, a perfect picture of motherhood. Something joyful and expansive filled his chest, while a balancing cold trickle of fear ran down his spine. This was amazing! And absolutely terrifying.
He waited, but there was no more movement, so he reluctantly took his hand away and stood again. She let out a huge breath, and then looked up into his face. “You okay? You’ve got a bit of a deer-in-the-headlights look about you.”
“I’m all right. Terrified, but all right.”
“I know. It takes some getting used to.”
“It just got really real today, I think. I told my friend Branson, too.”
She stood and went to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I’ve had a few months of pregnancy so I’m past the surreal part. You’ve got some catching up to do.”
She’d gone through finding out and dealing with the first weeks alone, and an internet search had quickly told him what she’d probably gone through. He’d found out just yesterday that the baby was probably roughly the size of a banana now.
“Jeremy?” She called him back out of his thoughts. “I’m a bit late having my ultrasound, but it’s scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Do you want to go with me?”
Pictures of his baby. His! He felt as if he were being thrown into the deep end so very quickly, but he also knew there was really no other way. “I’d like that. A lot.”
“It’s in Bridgewater. Kind of close to that first house we saw last week.”
“That’s fine. You just tell me when we need to leave and I’ll be ready.”
“Okay.” She reached down and took his hand. “It’s going to be okay, you know. We’ll figure everything out. My mom told me this weekend to have faith, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
Faith. Jeremy smiled but his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t have faith. Not in anything, or really anyone. And Tori was making a mistake if she was placing her faith in him. He could try to live up to it, but chances were he’d fail. There was a reason that he was still single at thirty-six, and never been married. The women who liked him, he didn’t like in return. And the ones he liked, he didn’t trust. The guys were right. He was a serial dater. It kept him from being lonely, without the messiness of emotions and expectations.
He liked Tori, liked her too much. And he wanted to trust her. But faith? That was just asking for trouble.
Tori had thought what she wanted was to go to the ultrasound alone, but as she sat in the waiting room with Jeremy, she was glad she wasn’t alone. And that he was there. He was the baby’s father, after all. It seemed right that they share this moment together.
“Are you nervous?”
She looked over at him. His knee bounced up and down. “I think you’re the nervous one.”
He stopped bouncing his knee and smiled sheepishly. “It feels weird. I never imagined I’d be a father.”
“Really? You never wanted a family?” She appreciated how well he’d accepted the situation, and his promises to be there, but it worried her that he might not have seen this role as part of his future.
“It wasn’t so much wanting or not wanting,” he revealed. “It’s more... I just didn’t have a great example to follow, and believe it or not, dating is hard with my money.”
She gave the obligatory laugh, but then put her hand on his knee. “It must be hard to figure out who’s genuine and who’s after your bank account. I don’t have that problem.” And then she laughed again. And hoped he realized she didn’t care about his money, either.
“Yeah, there’s that. Some women want the status. But I have my own issues. I don’t trust easily. Other people, or my own intuition. When it comes to relationships, anyway.”
“Then this situation must be driving you crazy,” she said, jostling his shoulder. “Because now there’s a baby mama in the mix.”
“You’re being awfully chill about this.”
She shrugged. “I am what I am. I can’t make you believe that I’m genuine, that I don’t want your money or that I’m out for anything. All I can do is tell you my truth. You’re the father. I can and will do this by myself if you bail. I can support me and my child, and I’ll be okay. So there’s no pressure from me on your bank account. Just room for you to be a father.”
She turned sideways in her chair and met his gaze squarely. “My only demand is that if you choose to be involved, you’re consistent and honest. I don’t want our kid always to be wondering if you’re ever coming back or if you care.”
To her surprise, his eyes softened. “I was that kid, Tori. I won’t do that to my own.” He swallowed and his throat bobbed with the effort. “I promise you I will not be that dad.”
“Then we will figure everything else out.”
The door across from them opened. “Victoria? We’re ready for you now.”
They went in together. Jeremy waited to the side while Tori got on the bed with the paper sheet beneath her. The room was warm, thankfully, and in a few moments they’d adjusted her clothing so that her shirt was up and the waistbands of her leggings and underwear were rolled down right to her pubic bone. She looked over at Jeremy and realized his eyes had widened, looking at her belly. He hadn’t seen it before, not like this. She smiled up at him, reassuringly. “You gonna be okay, Dad?” she asked lightly.
He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.”
“Okay, then,” the technician said. “Let’s get started.” She squirted gel on Tori’s belly, then began, the pressure from the probe firm. Tori couldn’t see the screen, though she wouldn’t know what she was looking at anyway. The tech made clicks here and there, saying that she was taking measurements first. Then she turned the screen around. “Okay, are you ready to see?”
During Tori’s first scan, at only eight weeks, there’d been very little to see. This time, however, was different. The image shifted, but she could make out the head, and the ridge that was the spine, and appendages. “Look at the little toes,” she whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
She tore her gaze away to look at Jeremy, who was staring at the screen in wonder. “That’s our baby. My kid.” His fingers flexed and unflexed. “I just... I can’t...”
“Do you want to know what you’re having? I can’t tell you today, but the report will go to your doctor.”
Tori looked up at him. “I don’t mind it being a surprise. Gender’s not important to me anyway.” Her only concern was that the baby be healthy. Besides, she didn’t go into all the pink and blue stuff and gender-reveal things. She’d already started decorating her tiny second bedroom with a Beatrix Potter theme, something neutral. Peter Rabbit and Squirrel Nutkin were way too cute.
“If you want it to be a surprise, then that’s fine with me,” he said.
“You’re sure?”
“Whatever you want.” A smile broke out over his face. “Wow. That’s our kid in there.”
It was the genuine smile that did it. He’d moved past the looks of alarm and panic to that of... Well, looking at him right now all she could see was joy. Relief swamped her heart as well as a feeling of...happiness? Was that possible? Their relationship was still something they didn’t talk about. Nothing had been decided about how they were going to make this work. But she remembered what her mom had said only a few days earlier. One day at a time. And today she was going to enjoy this lovely moment.
“Do you want to see the heartbeat?” the tech asked.
“Yes.” There was no hesitation from Jeremy and Tori laughed.
She pointed to a spot on the screen where the ba-bump, ba-bump flash flickered in a little heart.
Jeremy went around to the foot of the bed and sat, covering his mouth with a hand. Tori watched him as he stared at the monitor, feeling her heart slipping bit by bit. He said he didn’t trust. He’d had a loveless childhood, from the sounds of it. And yet he was capable of so much feeling. He was good, underneath it all. She truly believed that. Could she keep her feelings for him under wraps? Wait it out until they faded? Wasn’t it natural to have feelings about the father of her baby?
Even if they weren’t returned...or couldn’t lead anywhere?
She looked back at the monitor again, and the form of her unborn child there. Every decision she made had to be for the good of her baby. They were the most important thing now.
“Okay, give me a few minutes and I’ll take some pictures for you.” The tech started moving the wand again, then held it in position and hit a few keys. She tried again and started to chuckle. “Your baby’s moving around in there and won’t sit still. So much for napping.”
It took another few minutes but then it was done and the tech gave her a towel to wipe away the gel as the pictures printed. “I’ll give you a few minutes to put yourself back together.” She handed the pictures to Jeremy. “Congratulations.”
Tori wiped off the gel and adjusted her clothing, then got up from the bed and dropped the cloth in the used bin. When she returned, she stopped in front of Jeremy. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. “I think so.” He reached out and pulled her closer, so his hand was on her hip and his face was just below her breasts. He cradled her bump and then, to her surprise, placed a kiss on it. Tears stung her eyes at the tender gesture.
“Are you real?” she asked softly, putting her hands on each side of his head. He looked up and into her eyes. “You could have run the moment you found out. You could have offered to buy me off. You could have made demands. But you haven’t, and I don’t understand, and I’m... I’m afraid that someday soon there’s going to be a price I need to pay and I don’t know what it is.”
He sighed, a heavy, weighted sigh that sounded so weary she wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I’m trying to do the right thing,” he finally said. “I’m as responsible for this as you are. There is no blame and if there is, we share it equally. The truth is, that’s my child in there. I saw them on the screen and saw their heart beating. It’s humbling, Tori. I have no idea how to do this but I want us to try.”
“Us,” she said, a bit numb from what she thought he might mean.
“We’re going to be parents together. We like each other. For God’s sake, we kissed the other day.”
“You kissed me,” she clarified, though her heart thumped against her ribs.
He stood then, so she had to look up the tiniest bit. “If you tell me there’s nothing between us at all, I’ll drop the subject right now. But if there is, don’t we owe it to our baby to try?”
“If we blow it, the stakes are really high,” she responded. And yet he was so close she could smell his cologne and feel his warmth. She couldn’t lie and say there was nothing between them because there was. Both the attraction from the summer, and the depth of character he’d shown since his return. He’d been far more understanding than a lot of men might have been.
“Look. Look at this picture and tell me this little nugget doesn’t deserve us to try at the very least.”
She hesitated but couldn’t take her eyes off the ultrasound picture. And he’d called him or her a nugget. It was an adorable little name.
Jeremy cupped her cheek, then kissed her forehead. “Let me take you home. Maybe we can talk it over.”
Her home. Where she had, in all likelihood, conceived their child. Where they’d spent lazy evenings after a day at the beach. And lazy morning-afters, watching the sunrise.
“Okay,” she replied. “Let’s go home. And talk.”
Because she was really unsure about this step, and they needed to set some solid boundaries.