JEREMY KNELT BEFORE Tori and tightened up the laces on her skate. “Is this too tight?”
“No, it feels just right.”
He gave the ends another tug, then tied the knot and bow. “Okay, then. Give me your other foot.”
Skating at Rockefeller Center was something he’d done as a kid. While his mom had come to the city to shop, their nanny at the time would take them skating and then off to some other adventure—and lunch—since dragging three kids around had cramped his mom’s style, and his brother and sister weren’t old enough to be left to their own devices. There had always been a trip to see Santa Claus, too. He’d loved that at first; his siblings had been much older and had rolled their eyes. Some years he couldn’t remember; he’d been too young. Another, though, he’d asked for some video game system while sitting on Santa’s lap.
Christmas morning arrived. No gaming console. His mother had been quite put out at him when he’d complained, and said how was she to know he wanted it? Maybe because he’d mentioned it only a million times and put it in his letter to Santa.
Despite that unfortunate memory, today actually brought back a lot of good ones, including lacing up skates and the hot chocolate that was to follow. Besides, as a kid, the last thing he would have wanted was to be dragged from store to store.
“Jeremy? You okay?”
He lifted his head and met her gaze. “Yeah, sorry. Just got caught up in a memory and forgot to keep tying.”
“I hope it was a good one.”
He smiled and tugged on the laces. “It was. I came here a lot as a kid.” He gave the bow a final jerk and sat back. “There you go. All set.”
She waited as he put on his own skates. “I did not expect this for a surprise today.”
“It’s not Christmas without the tree here and skating. And hot chocolate.”
Tori pulled on thick mittens. Today she wore the older jacket that zipped up in front, which was better for skating. But she wore a new hat, he realized, and grinned. It had a hole in the top, and her dark ponytail came out and trailed down the back of her head to her neck.
Adorable was the best word to describe her right now.
“You all set?”
She nodded and held out a hand. “Let’s do it.”
The ice was smooth and the air crisp as they took their first gliding steps. “Be careful,” he warned. “I don’t want you falling down.”
She laughed. “I’ve been skating since I was three years old. Don’t worry about me.” Then she twisted a little and pretended to look at her bottom. “And besides, I have lots of cushioning at the moment.”
She didn’t. She had curves and perhaps her figure had softened since last summer, but he found it even more alluring. Last night he’d marveled at the feel of her against him, around him. The softness of her skin and her sighs. He was in serious danger here. Thank goodness she was considering moving, because he wasn’t sure what he would have said if she’d flat out refused. It wasn’t just the baby, now. He wanted her with him.
She was right. The apartment was monochrome. His life was monochrome. Until she’d arrived and brought all the color and life with her.
He gave her hand a small tug, and she did a little flip so that she was skating backward and now facing him. But he held on firmly, slowing them until they were stopped. And then he slid the few inches needed to have her puffy jacket pressed against his.
“Jeremy?”
He kissed her then, on her cold, soft lips, absorbing the taste of her, the scent of her skin, the gentle pressure of her belly against him. He wasn’t into showy PDA, so he let her go after a few seconds, but her eyes glittered and her cheeks were rosy.
“What was that for?”
“For being you. For agreeing to come here. For putting decorations in my apartment. For everything.”
Goodness, he was feeling all sentimental and mushy, but he wouldn’t always be able to hide his feelings, would he? He was sure she wasn’t in love with him. She hadn’t exactly leaped at the idea of moving here to be with him. But she cared, and he knew she would do whatever she thought was best for their baby. And that made her damn near perfect in his eyes.
“You’re welcome. Not that I did anything.”
“You’ve done more than you know, sweetheart.”
“Come on. Let’s skate. We’re just standing here like idiots.”
He laughed and took her hand again, and they skated around the rink, enjoying the winter air and the holiday energy and the benefit of physical exertion. They took a break for a bit and Tori took pictures of the giant Christmas tree and the statue of Prometheus.
“It’s amazing at night, all lit up,” he said, one arm around her waist as she leaned back against him. “But on a Friday night? Busy.” He gave her a small squeeze. “Maybe next year we can come back, at night. And bring the baby, too.”
The moment he said it something huge opened up inside him. Next year at this time, they would have a seven-month-old baby. They’d be a family. He thought about what Tori would look like, their child in her arms, breath cloudy in the frosty air, and his heart turned over. This was the right thing. He was sure of it.
“Oh, Jeremy.” She sighed and leaned against him. “Are we gonna be okay? Can we really do this?”
He turned her around and looked her square in the eye. “Of course we can, and we will. Because we both know what’s really important.”
Her eyes shone, and she gave a sniff. “I’m falling for you, Jeremy. And scared to death because of it. I don’t want to screw up the future for our baby and I don’t want to set myself up for heartbreak. I’m terrified.”
He didn’t want to examine his own feelings too closely. Love wasn’t something he did or really wanted. Love was what really hurt, and he wanted to be happy with Tori. But he could offer other assurances, couldn’t he, without getting himself in too deep? “You can count on me, I promise,” he said, and pulled her to him in a hug. “I’ve never done this before, you know. But I’m going to give you my best.”
“That’s all anyone can give,” she said, her voice muffled against his jacket. “And I’ll do the same. And we’ll rely on each other, won’t we?”
“Yes, sweetheart, we will.”
She nodded against him and he closed his eyes as he rested his cheek along her thick hat. She was so honest and kind and willing to think the best of people. He never wanted to do anything to break the trust they had. He’d do anything to protect her and the baby. They were the most important thing now.
She gave a mighty sniff and pulled back. “Oh, I’m such an emotional wreck,” she laughed, looking slightly embarrassed.
“No, you’re not. If you didn’t care so much, I wouldn’t l...like you so much.”
He’d almost said love. It had been right there, on the tip of his tongue, and he could tell by her wide eyes that she’d caught the slip. He couldn’t say it, he couldn’t give her false hope for something he wasn’t capable of giving. What was most important was not repeating his parents’ mistakes.
Which reminded him of the following night. The one thing he had left to do was take Bran’s advice and take her to Connecticut. He didn’t really want to; these days his interaction with his mother was only at special occasions. Still, if Tori was going to understand him, and his feelings about parenting, and if he wanted to have a future with her as well as his child, she had to know what she was becoming part of. Anything else wouldn’t be fair.
“Let’s skate some more,” she suggested, and he shook off his thoughts and smiled at her. Her face was so alight with childish enthusiasm he couldn’t resist.
“Okay, but I’m skating backward so you can skate forward and hold on to my hands.”
“Overprotective much?”
“Indulge me.”
She wiggled her eyebrows. “Okay. Maybe I’ll indulge you later, too.”
Now that she was starting to drop her guard, he was in even more emotional danger.
They started to circle the ice. Once, he nearly freaked because Tori let go of one hand, then did a half turn so they were both skating backward. It almost felt as if they were...dancing! Then with a laugh, she turned again, faced him, gave a push forward and slid under his arm.
“What the heck are you doing?”
She giggled. “Dancing with you!”
“Be careful.”
“I’m always careful!”
In the end, though, it was Jeremy who caught an edge and felt himself go. He was holding her hand and forgot to let go; as he tumbled to the ice, he took her with him. He landed on his hip and he heard her breath leave her body with an “oof.”
“Oh, God! Are you okay?”
She was sprawled on top of him, and she started to laugh. “Other than having the air knocked out of me? I’m fine.”
He scowled. “Don’t laugh! You scared me.”
Her face grew tender as she looked down at him. “You gave me a soft place to fall,” she whispered, and he was a goner.
If he had his way, he would always be her soft place to fall.
After skating, they had hot chocolate and cookies, and then they walked back to his apartment. His hip hurt a bit, but he was more worried about Tori. “I’m just tired,” she insisted, but he wasn’t so sure. Skating had probably been a bad idea. What if she’d fallen on her belly? What would have happened to the baby?
“Do you have any cramping? Any pain anywhere?”
They reached his building. “Stop fussing. Seriously, I just need a nap. I’m fine, and so is the baby.”
He wasn’t convinced, but he wasn’t going to take chances. Once inside, he tucked her into his bed and called a doctor.
When the doctor arrived, he went in to wake Tori. She was lying on her side, her lips open, a little bit of drool clinging to the side of her mouth. She’d taken out her ponytail and her hair lay in a dark tangle on his pillowcase. Had she been right? Was she just tired? Still, it never hurt to make sure everything was okay.
“Tori?”
“Hmm?” She squeezed her eyes shut tight, and then opened them a little. “What time is it? How long did I sleep?”
“About an hour and a half. I called a doctor to come see you.”
She rolled over to her back and frowned. “You called a doctor? And he’s here?”
“She’s here, and yes. I was worried. You got so quiet. You did have a fall, you know.”
“Oh, Jeremy, you didn’t have to do that. If I’d had any cramping or anything I would have said.”
“Will you let her check you out anyway? It’ll make me feel better.”
She sighed. “Since she’s already here, sure.” She pushed herself up to sitting. “Let me put myself together first.”
He handed her the elastic from the bedside table and watched as she deftly put her hair up again. Then he handed her a tissue. “You might have drooled a little.”
“So attractive,” she grumbled. “Okay, send her in. I still can’t believe you got someone to make a house call.”
What was the sense of having money if he couldn’t use it to help the mother of his baby?
He waited outside while the doctor spoke to Tori; he’d made the decision to call but he did respect her privacy. He paced the hallway instead, wondering if there were dangers to the baby that Tori couldn’t feel, chastising himself once again for taking her skating in the first place, not thinking of the dangers. Instead he’d been arrogant, thinking he’d keep her from falling when he’d been the one to take the tumble.
If anything was wrong, it was his fault.
Ten minutes after she went in, the doctor came out again. “Mr. Fisher, would you like to come in?”
Oh, no.
Tori was sitting up on the bed, a smile on her face. “I told you,” she said triumphantly. “Nothing wrong.”
The doctor gave her an amused look. “You still have to watch for anything abnormal, okay? And call if you start cramping or spotting.”
“I will. Promise.”
“So you’re okay? The baby’s okay?”
“If you don’t trust me, will you trust her?” Tori nodded at the doctor, who was looking rather amused at the whole situation.
“She’s had no cramping, no bleeding, heartbeat’s steady, and she’s felt the baby move. Everything seems fine. But it’s always better to be safe than sorry.” The doc smiled. “She said you broke her fall.”
“We wouldn’t have fallen if I hadn’t tripped,” he admitted. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, heavens,” Tori said. “It’s not your fault. You can’t keep me in Bubble Wrap for the next four months.”
“Are you sure?”
She patted the bed. “Come sit here and listen.”
He sat on one side of the bed while Tori scooted down. She’d taken off her sweatpants before sliding under the covers for her nap, so she just had to pull her shirt up as the doctor reached for a handheld machine.
“It’s a portable Doppler,” Tori explained. “So you can actually hear the heartbeat this time.”
His own pulse took a jump. He’d calmed a bit when he’d been assured everything was okay, but now anticipation had his heartbeat accelerating. He still had the ultrasound picture tucked away in his wallet. And he’d seen the little heartbeat on the monitor before, but hearing it...
It took only seconds for the doctor to find the beat and turn up the volume, and a rapid thumping sound touched his ears.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it, Dad.” The doctor turned the unit around so he could see. The number was 137 and the sound coming from it was his baby’s tiny heart, beating inside its mother.
Tears stung his eyes and he blinked rapidly. He wouldn’t cry at this moment. But he wanted to, his relief was so great. “That’s the best sound in the world.”
“Yup.” After a few more seconds, the doctor removed the tiny wand and Tori used a cloth to wipe away the blob of gel.
The sound was gone, but he could still hear it in his head.
“Now, I’ve told Tori to take it easy for a day or so, just as a precaution, and the fact that it’ll make you happy.”
She was right it would. “Forget about my mom’s tomorrow. We don’t have to go.”
Tori sighed. “I’m perfectly capable of going to a stuffy cocktail party for a few hours. And to be honest, I’d rather get this over with.”
He couldn’t blame her.
“Don’t back out using me as an excuse, Jeremy.”
“Fine.”
The doctor merely chuckled in the background as she packed up her things.
“I’ll walk you to the door,” Jeremy said, erasing the scowl from his face. Besides, Tori was right.
It would be good to get it over with.