CHAPTER TWELVE

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“WHAT THE—” I SWOOPED upright, my head swimming, sleep clinging to my thoughts. “What are you doing?!” My voice slurred, my reactions slow like syrup.

“Did you enjoy playing queen of the castle?” Kas snarled, his fingers working quickly around my ankle. “I hope you did because now it’s time to go back where you belong.”

I struggled. “What are you doing?!”

I tried to pull my leg out of his control.

And then I saw the leather cuff being buckled around my ankle.

“No!” I threw myself forward, limber from years at contorting myself on boulder faces, pushing ligaments to their extreme. “Don’t you dare!” Grabbing his hand, I jerked his fingers away, leaving the buckle still undone.

Triumph filled me only to die a useless death as Kas launched himself at me.

I wasn’t expecting it.

I’d spent almost two weeks at his bedside, nursing a man who could barely move without grimacing and passing out from pain. His explosive savagery caught me unaware, shoving me onto my back and planting a fist between my breasts.

Automatically, I wrapped my hands around his wrist, fumbling over the splint, recognizing the pain in his eyes from using an arm that wasn’t whole. The second my touch locked around his heated violence, he shivered.

His eyes went black, his shoulders bristled, the spark of tinder ignited, coaxing a flame from embers, shoving us back into the forest fire that never failed to roar between us.

I couldn’t catch a proper breath—partly from the pressure of his fist on my sternum and mostly because of the unmistakable need drowning in his stare.

“I suggest you yield,” Kas growled. “Don’t make me knock you out like you did me.”

“I didn’t knock you out—”

“I’ve never liked liars.” His fist spread out over my chest, splaying burning fingers over the swell of my breasts. “My second suggestion is you shut the hell up.” His eyes flashed as his thumb touched my nipple.

Accident or not, I shivered like an idiot.

Really, Gem!?

Common sense swiftly shut down any inklings of lust. I tightened my hands on his splinted wrist. “Let. Me. Go.” I added heat and anger with a fair dose of haughtiness. “I won’t ask again.”

“Keep asking all you want. You’ll just keep getting the same answer.” He bent over me, his nose kissing mine. “The chances of you being free again are zero.”

I gulped at the raw honesty on his ferally handsome face. The blatant cruelty in his bottomless, hollow-hallowed eyes. If I hadn’t witnessed him breaking apart in this very room, if I hadn’t washed his brow free from nightmare-sweat, and curled up beside him as he’d screamed in the dark, I would’ve shrunk into nothing and accepted that this was how I died.

This man could snuff out my life with a single finger.

He believed he owned me.

Unfortunately for him, I’d seen his secrets, I’d listened to his suffering, and I couldn’t be afraid of someone who desperately needed to be understood. To be given a chance to work through his torment. To trust someone to help instead of hurt.

That was the main problem.

The biggest one I’d surmised while he’d woken in fits and spurts over the past week. He’d suppressed far, far too much. He’d swallowed every shitty memory, ignored every scar—he’d hidden his true self so deep, deep inside him only layers existed now.

Violent layers.

Bloodthirsty and desperate, ungovernable and disturbed layers.

All of them could snap and hurt me, I knew that. But I was also willing to gamble that the sweet man who’d begged for happiness last night and the boy who’d kissed me last week were still inside him, quiet and unlistened to, kneeling in the wasteland of his past.

“We need to talk.” Doing my best to keep my temper, I arched up and looked over his shoulder. “As equals.” Kicking my leg, I tried to jostle off the unfastened leather.

Rearing off me, he grabbed my knee, digging his fingers around the sensitive joint. “Hold still.”

I ignored him, kicking as much as I could with him pressing my leg into the blankets. “Look, you’ve just woken up. Truly woken up for the first time in almost two weeks. I get that this is probably overwhelming. I can’t imagine what sort of horrors you’ve been reliving while lying here. But you have to trust me—”

“Trust you?” He laughed so coldly, so darkly, my shivers turned to terrified quakes. “I’ll never trust you. Two weeks? You say I’ve been in and out of consciousness for two fucking weeks, and you think...what? That I’ll bow at your feet in gratefulness for keeping me alive?” His fingers dug deeper. “You’re the one who did this to me.”

“I didn’t do this to you. Not at all. I’m trying to save you!”

“So you deny being the reason I have the worst fucking headache and can’t keep my thoughts straight?”

“No, I’m not denying that. You fell.”

He laughed. “Fell, huh?”

I winced but pushed onward. “I might have had a role to play in your current agony, but I’m also the one who looked after you.”

“Did I ask for a nursemaid?”

“No, but you certainly needed one!”

“Only because you threw me off the goddamn cliff!”

“It was an accident!”

“Yeah, right.” Shifting on his knees, he reached for my ankle again.

“No, wait.” I sat up, trying to push him away. “You don’t have to tie me up.” I licked my lips, forcing myself to add. “We have so much to discuss. I’m-I’m not going to escape.”

“That’s what you think I’m afraid of?” He rolled his eyes, hissing under his breath as he swayed.

“If not that, then why—”

“You’ve taken all the liberties you’ll ever take with me.” Shaking his head, he snatched and fumbled with the cuff.

“Stop that.” I kicked. Hard. “I didn’t take any liberties. I cared for you! I told you I’m not going anywhere because I would never leave someone who needs help.”

“Help?” He snorted. “Yeah, you’re the one who needs help.” He was prepared for my fight, his fingernails latching into my delicate flesh, holding me firm.

“You need me more than I need you, believe me.” I kicked again, sucking in a breath at his grunt of pain. The pain of his broken arm. “Don’t do this. Stop it. Just calm down for a second.” Habits born from the past ten days split me with two desires. He was my patient. I was in charge of his welfare. But he was also being a total jackass who needed reminding that I wasn’t someone he could trap.

Not again.

“Hey!” Launching upright, I fought him. “Just listen to me. That isn’t necessary!”

He shifted, putting his body between me and my leg, something gold flashed in his fingers.

“Stop it!” I kicked and wriggled. I scratched his naked back and did my best to push him off...but it was too late.

I felt the imprisonment before I saw it. Condemned with the tightening of leather, the click of a buckle, and the snap of a padlock locking into place.

The moment the leash was around me, he backed off.

He dropped my leg, shoved himself away from me, and drew his knees up while sitting on his ass. With a groan, he dropped his head between his legs, breathing hard, suffering thanks to his concussion.

I flatly refused to feel sorry for the bastard.

I let all my anger, my tiredness, and my need to go home infect my voice. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I fumbled at the cuff around my ankle, yanking on the padlock. “Give me the key. Let me go this instant.”

He pursed his lips, his skin graying.

He didn’t reply.

I sat stewing, rage hissing through me. “You can’t do this. Not after—”

“Stop moaning for one bleeding second.”

I bristled. “I’ll stop when you do the right thing and let me go.”

He glowered at me under his brows, his jaw clenched and long hair wild around his cheeks. “Just like you did the right thing and pushed me off a cliff?”

Stiffening, I stuck my nose in the air. “I already told you. I didn’t do it intentionally.”

“Oh, no?” He grimaced, trying to grin but still too sick to master it. “Could’ve fooled me. My body feels as if you did your very best to kill me.”

“I’m sorry, okay. Eternally sorry for what I caused. But do you honestly think if I tried to kill you, I’d still be here?” I crossed my arms, grateful for the warm sunlight pouring into the library. Dust motes danced in the pinkish rays, glittering on bronze bindings of ancient books. “I dragged you inside, you idiot. I—”

“You felt guilty for killing me, that’s all.” He dug his good hand into his hair, massaging his head. “Nothing more.”

“Gah, you’re the most infuriating, pig-headed idiot I’ve ever met.”

He shrugged as if he didn’t care what I thought of him.

The urge to attack him flowed in my veins.

I’d gone to sleep with him wrapped around me, protected and safe. I’d woken to him dragging me out of sleep and once again treating me as his prisoner.

Argh!

I glanced at the cuff.

I should’ve run when I had the chance.

Both of us breathed hard, ignoring each other.

With quietness came a smidgen of propriety. I forced myself to remember all I’d learned about this man. The book of fables on prison-style single beds. The scribbles on the walls from children who’d been used to satisfy monsters.

If anyone was entitled to act like a bastard, it was Kas.

I just had to use the calm approach and not let him scare me into aggression. Dragging my legs up, I sat in a cross-legged position, cursing the bite of leather, and ignoring the fact that he grabbed the leash as it slithered over the blankets when I moved.

He clutched it tight, an unwanted but highly obvious link between us.

It seemed Kas had finally woken.

His mind wasn’t playing tricks on him, and his concussion had receded long enough for him to remember who I was. As far as he recalled, I’d trespassed, gotten on my knees for him, allowed him to fuck me in the rain, then dragged me back to his lair like a beast.

Silence reigned between us, screaming with tension the longer we stewed in mutual dislike.

I’d wished for this day to come. Begged for the moment he was lucid enough that I could leave and get help. But now that he was back to his old self, I remembered why I didn’t like him very much. Why we fought like enemies. Why I’d done my best to guard myself against him.

I’d almost forgotten how monstrous he could be.

Almost.

Well, he’s done a spectacular job of reminding me.

“I won’t put up with this, you know,” I muttered, keeping my eyes on the blanket bunched in my fists. “This is the thanks you give me for looking after you? If it is, it’s no surprise that your family didn’t come back—”

Oh, shit.

What happened to the calm approach?

Slowly, he tipped his head up, his entire body going alarmingly still. “What did you just say?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...” I huffed, allowing honesty to infuse my apology. “You’ve made me angry. That was harsh. Way, way too harsh. I don’t know why I said that. That isn’t me at all.” I snorted under my breath. “It seems you bring out the worst in me, but that isn’t an excuse. Especially knowing what I know—”

Gem, quiet for God’s sake!

His head tilted to the side like a dangerous raptor. “Know what exactly?”

Wonderful.

I was determined to die today.

Bracing my shoulders, even though all I wanted to do was bury under the blankets, I replied, “I know enough.”

His eyes narrowed to slits, hiding his endless pain. “Know enough about what?” He shuddered, swaying on the spot, his forehead furrowing as he fought to stay awake.

My heart bolted into my ribs. How much should I tell him? What would trigger him? What would help?

“Well?” he snapped.

I frowned, watching him closely. His color switched from sickly gray to horrifying green. He didn’t look well. Not at all. “Perhaps...perhaps you should lie down. You shouldn’t force anything. You’ll only make your recovery harder. You’re awake now, and that’s good news. It means you’re healing, but you shouldn’t rush it.”

His throat rippled as he swallowed hard. “Tell me. What exactly do you think you know about me?”

Before I could forbid my mouth from speaking, I once again put my damn foot in it. “I know you don’t trust me, but if you just pause for a moment, if you take note of what I’ve done, you’ll understand that all your secrets are safe with me. I didn’t hurt you while you were unconscious. I haven’t taken advantage of you. I took no liberties whatsoever. I’m not like them. I promise—”

“Not like who?” His voice went deceptively quiet. Too quiet. Like a knife hidden in velvet. He tugged the leash, jerking my leg from my cross-legged position. “Tell me.”

My eyes fell on the cuff around my ankle. Thick and robust, the leash wasn’t a toy or part of a kinky bedroom kit. The leather wasn’t soft and pliable—definitely not the flimsy type for tame sex games between a happy husband and wife. The aging brown was stained with dark copper splashes; scratch marks marred its historic smoothness.

My stomach turned over. “Is...is that blood?”

Kas nodded as if I’d asked about the weather. “Of course. All of ours combined into one sinister smudge.” His eyes were cold and empty. “Now, tell me what I want to know. Otherwise, your blood can join the smudge too.”

I wrung my hands, glancing across to the sideboard where the ruined dinner I’d cooked the night before sat abandoned along with the kitchen blade I’d kept for protection.

Fat lot of good it did me across the room.

I had an awful, awful feeling if I told Kas what I knew, it wouldn’t work in my favor. He wouldn’t see it the way I did. That he had an ally now. I was on his side. I wanted to help him work through his trauma and—

“I’m sick of waiting.” Lashing out, he grabbed my wrist with his good hand, twisting my skin nastily. “Speak.”

My hand automatically latched onto his, trying to pry him off. The contact between us heated and hissed, hot with chemistry, sparking with electricity that refused to make sense.

“You had dreams, okay? You were...you were in and out of consciousness.” I made eye contact with him before looking back at our linked hands. “Occasionally, you’d wake as someone else. No, not someone else. You were still yourself, just at different times in your life.”

His fingers loosened around my wrist, trembling as he pulled away. “Go on.”

“You...at one point, you thought I was Quell.”

“What?” He froze, shaking his head as if his concussion sucked him backward. “No, I—”

“You called out to your family. You told them to run. That you’d...take care of things.”

He choked, holding up his palm. “Enough. I’ve heard enough.”

Scooting upright, I sat on my knees, the leash once again following me as I moved. I knew I shouldn’t. I should honor his wishes to stop. But the desire to help smash his walls and make him realize he was safe was too strong. The sooner he trusted me—the quicker he faced his memories and found happiness—the safer I would be too.

“I don’t think you’ve heard enough at all. I think you’ve suppressed a hell of a lot of stuff from your past. Stuff that’s slowly killing you. What you lived through here...in this place?” I exhaled hard. “God, I can’t imagine the pain, the despair, the horror you all went through.”

His head shot up. “You don’t know shit.”

“I agree with you. No one should have to go through what you did. But you also can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You’re shoving it away. It’s there, inside you, but instead of facing it, you bury it. You would rather—”

“Just because you heard some insane mumblings from a guy who has the worst fucking concussion in history—while he was asleep, mind you—doesn’t reveal the truth. It’s not real. None of it is real. You’re mistaken.”

“If it’s not real, how do you explain the books?”

Once again, he went horrifyingly still. “What books?”

I gulped, wishing I’d never started this. I wasn’t just playing with fire; I’d drenched myself in a can of gasoline. “The Fables by Stuart Page. Morals for all occasions.”

The immediate change in him terrified me.

He shut down.

His eyes went blank, his jaw went slack, his body swayed as if he was about to pass out. I wanted him to. He needed to rest. This was too much, too soon. I’d overstepped and been far too hasty.

Way to go, Gem.

Shifting toward him, I touched his thigh, his arm, his cheek.

Up close, I was wrong that his stare had gone blank. It hadn’t. The opposite was true. Black thoughts all crammed inside, obsidian memories, charcoal agony, and a lifetime of tar-coated torture. It was crowded in there. Far too congested with darkness to ever hope he could be pulled into the light.

God, what have I done?

I’d pushed him off a different cliff this time.

His mind was free-falling, tumbling, tangled with evil abominations of his past.

Cupping his cheeks in both my hands, I had to do something to put an end to those soul-sucking shadows inside him. For a man who’d been touched against his will so much, I refused to kiss him or use affection that could come across as demands.

Instead, I stroked his scruff and ran my thumbs over his dry lips.

Kindness.

Give him kindness.

“Hey...it’s okay. Just...come back to me. Go back to sleep. You’re safe. I promise on my life that you’re safe. I’m not leaving, you have my word. I’ll go collect some food, alright? I’ll cook for you. I’ll come back with a feast, and we’ll have a picnic on the carpet. We can talk. How does that sound? Nothing more. You can trust me with everything you are. All you have to do is go to sleep. I’ll pick some delicious cucumbers and grate a few carrots, and I’ll even try to cook some french fries like you did that day. Unless you have a request, of course. I’ll make whatever you want. Name a vegetable, and it’s yours.”

Something switched inside him.

A trigger I’d somehow stupidly activated.

Rearing back, he swatted my hands off his face. “Vegetable?” His lips twisted into a snarl. A fury cloaked him, fierce and brutal—a menacing fervor I hadn’t seen since the first time we met—when he’d stood naked at the bottom of the stairs and flew like a demon to kill me.

Grabbing my shoulders, he used me as a crutch to trip to his feet before jerking me to stand before him. Shaking me, he barked, “Is that how you’ve been feeding me? By raiding my goddamn vegetable patch?”

“I—” I scowled. What was the big deal? The food was planted to eat, wasn’t it?

“Answer me!” He shook me again, his rage growing blacker, thicker with each heartbeat. “Don’t fucking tell me you’ve been helping yourself. That you’ve eaten things without any thought to winter. Tell me!”

I jiggled in his furious hands as he trembled and shook me. I held on to his arms, gripping both good and broken. He shouldn’t be moving. The splint could only do so much and only if he stopped using it as if the bones weren’t trying to knit together.

“How could you?!” He shook me harder, my head bouncing on my neck. “What did you think you were doing here, huh? That you were being my savior? That each meal you fed me, each time you listened to me crying out like some pitiful creature, you were doing something good? My own personal guardian fucking angel. Well, I have news for you, Gemma goddamn Ashford. You might have just brought me back to life, but you’ve killed me this winter. You’ve killed both of us!”

The room spun. Stars danced on my vision. “Stop shaking me.” I twisted, trying to get out of his hold. “Kas, please—”

He froze.

He dropped me.

He blinked as if I’d spoken a different language.

And then, I saw my mistake.

Kas.

I called him by his name.

His slave name at least.

A name he hadn’t given me himself.

Oh, shit.