CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

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I’D FINALLY DIED AND somehow snuck my way into heaven.

It was the only explanation for what just happened.

I dared not move.

I was too shit-terrified of breaking whatever hallucination this was. Because it had to be a dream. This couldn’t be real. That couldn’t have happened. No fucking way would she ever initiate sex between us. And not just initiate but participate so vocally, so physically, with her entire godforsaken soul.

My heart raced, speeding up instead of calming down after the best release of my life. The longer I lay with her flopped on my chest in a bath beneath the stars, the more I panicked.

This reminded me of the book I’d read, the one responsible for me dragging a bath out here in the first place. The lovers in those pages had fucked beneath the moon. They’d napped together and whispered their devotion and then they’d climbed out, hand in hand, to chase their destiny.

I swallowed hard.

I wanted that.

So fucking much.

But no way could that happen...could it?

When I dared to look down, my eyes drank in the sight of Gemma sprawled over me—her knees wedged against the side of the bath, her breasts above the waterline, and her head lolled to the side and resting against my throat.

My T-shirt had floated up, exposing most of my belly with its padlocked chain, my jeans were barely shoved down my thighs, and my cock twitched rhythmically, as if checking it was still inside her, still locking us together, still preparing to stay in a dream rather than return to reality.

Slowly, she raised her head and looked at me. Her hazel stare was pure molten lust and satisfaction. “Hi...”

My heart skipped a beat.

She was stunning when she was sated. Loose and languid, looking deliciously well fucked.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

This isn’t real.

I’d snapped.

I’d finally snapped and couldn’t wake up.

I didn’t want to wake up.

“Are you okay?” She twisted in my arms, causing us to disengage, leaving my chest hollow and achy. Lying over me, she cupped my face with her hands and stared at me so kindly, so sweetly, I felt fucking tears try to crawl into my eyes.

If this was real...if this truly happened, I honestly didn’t know how I’d ever go back to being who I was.

This changed fucking everything.

Every moment, every day, every year of my life was now hers.

A wave of possession, obsession, and absolute fear rose for this gorgeous girl who looked at me as if I meant something. Meant something to her.

Even after I’d soiled her.

Even after I’d captured her.

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, doing my best to stop my heart from cracking and bleeding out of my chest.

“Hey.” She reached up and pressed a delicate kiss on my lips. “Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it. Get out of your mind, Kas, and look at me.”

I braced myself and did what she commanded. “This truly happened?” My voice was no better than an animal. Gruff and halting, inarticulate with disbelief.

She nodded and smiled almost shyly. “This truly happened.” She settled back on my chest, her breasts squishing against my muscles, her flawless skin highlighting just how many scars carved mine.

“Do you like that, little Kas?” A blade drawing initials into my pec. “You’re now my property. See?”

“Ah, you bleed so pretty, little pup.” Levin dragged a paintbrush through my latest wound. “I might just have to take up painting and use your blood as ink.”

“Kas...Kas.” Lips on mine, and a scent that I’d always associate with Gemma now. Moonlight and papayas and woodsmoke.

She wrenched me back.

I slammed the doors shut.

I sucked in a breath as memories tried to suck me deep.

No way.

No fucking way.

If I let them have me again, I’d hurt her.

And I would rather kill myself than ever raise a hand against her again.

She was too good.

Too kind.

Too perfect.

Far, far too perfect for the likes of me.

“I have to go.” Pushing her off me, I struggled with the weight of my soaking jeans, doing my best to haul them up while trying to climb out of the tub.

She sat in the sloshing water as I almost fell headfirst into the dirt. Dirt that’d turned to mud thanks to all the water we’d displaced while rocking.

Holy shit, we’d slept together.

Not through coercion or threats. It wasn’t commanded or unwilling.

We’d both wanted it.

Both lost ourselves to the best thing I’d ever experienced.

Was it the best for her too?

Had she been with others who made her feel this way?

A growl rumbled in my chest, full of sick possession. The thought of anyone going near her now? Fuck me, I’d tear them into motherfucking pieces.

She was mine.

Mine and...I’m not mentally stable enough to claim her.

Backing up, I zipped up my jeans and pulled down my clinging, wet T-shirt. “I...I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

Gemma blinked with wary eyes as she sat in the middle of the bath.

The strangest sensation of being tethered to her rippled through me. An invisible rope from my heart to hers, so much stronger and unbreakable than the chain binding us together.

“Wait for me. We’ll go in together,” she said quietly, standing in the bath and revealing her stunning body. Water sluiced down her flat stomach, droplets dripped from her pubic hair, her breasts still held shadows from my fingers where I’d fisted her.

I stumbled backward, my cock swelling all over again.

This woman was an aphrodisiac. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of her.

“Help me out. We’ll get dressed and spend the night together.” She smiled sweetly, and I almost buckled to my knees in devotion.

God, I wanted that.

Everything she said sounded incredible. We could snuggle by a fire. We could read a book. We could make a meal and watch the sun come up and talk. Talk like friends, like lovers, we could laugh and share and fuck and—

My mind went utterly blank.

I blinked as my world was erased to nothing but white. A blinding white light that swept away every sense, time, and location.

I didn’t know how long it lasted, only that it came and went like a switch. A flash and a crash, making me trip to the side as color and sound, smell and feeling all slammed into me again.

Gemma stood before me, her hands on my cheeks, her face worried. “Speak to me. Say something—”

I backed up, blinking and trying so damn hard to remember why she was naked, how we’d gotten outside, and—

The bath.

I drew her a bath to apologize.

We slept together.

I gulped.

Christ, how had I forgotten that part? Even for a second?

“Kas, tell me what just happened.” She planted hands on her hips, twisting in the mud, tracking me as I darted around her to grab the towel that I’d put aside.

I hadn’t done a very good job of cleansing her. Even now, I could see a sliver of my cum mixing on her thigh with the droplets from the bath. I’d dirtied her all over again. She needed another wash.

But my mind was done.

My eyes were heavy.

My thoughts were sluggish.

I needed to sleep.

And soon.

And I couldn’t be near her when I passed out.

“I need to go inside. On my own.” I shoved the towel into her hands. “Take this.”

My broken arm killed, the cuts on my knuckles stung, my mind was a scrambled mess, but the sudden pain and hurt in her eyes was what drove a fist into my heart and wrenched it clean out of my chest.

“You don’t have to go.” She clutched the towel as if it offered answers to my mood change. “We have so much to talk about and—”

“Not tonight.”

She flinched. “Why? What just happened? You spaced for a good couple of minutes. Did you have another...flashback?”

I shook my head, fisting my hands. “No. I’m just...I’m tired.”

“Well, we’ll go to bed then. It’s late, after all.”

I gave her a pained smile. “I promised you were safe tonight.”

“And you kept that promise.”

“And I wouldn’t be able to keep that promise if we went to bed together. To sleep.”

She stiffened. “I don’t think you should be alone.”

“And I don’t think it’s wise for you to be near me when I crash unconscious.” I stepped toward her only to step right back. If I touched her, I might not have the willpower to do this. “I think it’s best if we sleep apart, don’t you?”

She bit her lip, her eyes racing with thoughts.

Agreement. Denial. Followed by reality.

Sleep for me would come at a price for her. And she’d already paid far too much.

Finally, she sighed. “Where will you go? Which room?”

“The dorm.” I squeezed the back of my neck, my hand coming away wet. “I can’t sleep in any of the other rooms.” I grimaced, giving her honesty because that was what she deserved. “They were guest rooms. I, ah...I can’t relax in them, not after what they did to us.”

She braced her shoulders. “I’m the same. That’s why I chose the conservatory. It’s the only place I like. The bedrooms give me the creeps.”

I chuckled, but it came out morbid and sad. “Maybe next summer, we’ll just sleep outside. That would be better.”

I cringed against the flicker of surprise on her face. A lot of incredible things had happened between us tonight but the mention of another season, another year spent living with me had shown where her thoughts still resided.

She might’ve accepted me, but she hadn’t accepted that this was her home now.

She will.

We have time.

“Sleep outside, but not together,” she murmured, avoiding any mention of how many years I intended to keep her chained to me.

“No, not together.” I sighed and stepped toward the house. “Good night, Gemma. Thank you...for everything.”

She shrugged and shook out the towel, wrapping it around her. For a moment, she looked as if she’d argue and follow. I honestly didn’t know what I’d do if she did. But then she swallowed and arched her chin, bowing her head regally. “Good night, Kassen. I hope you sleep well.”

I nodded.

I drank her in one last time.

And then, I walked away.