We are sitting in a stark white office with very little decoration. The only thing I notice are certificates in little frames that hang on the wall behind the desk, and a fake green plant perched in the corner. My Mum reaches over to take my hand in hers. “It’s all going to be fine. You’ll see,” she says, but her voice cracks just enough to make me not believe her.
Several, painfully quiet, minutes later the doctor comes in, and sits down. I feel like I am going to burst into a million pieces. Her voice is low, and authoritative, but nothing she says really registers. I can only catch a clip here, or a phrase there. The one thing that brings me back to the room is the tight squeeze of my mother’s hand in mine before she releases it.
“So, I’ll let you make the decision. At least we have options, Colleen.” The doctor says, before she rests her hand on my mother’s shoulder. “We’ll do our best to beat this one.” Then she’s gone. My mother breaks out her tissues from her bag and begins to sob into one. My arms reach around her instinctively, holding onto her, tightly.
In this one moment I feel like if I don’t let go, she’ll stay, and be fine. That I can protect her, but she pulls away too soon, and my own walls feel like they are about to crumble. “Well, I guess I have some things to think about.”
“What can I do? I’ll do anything,” I answer.
Her hand touches my face, gliding down my cheek slowly. “You’ve already done it. Just being here is enough.” She picks up her bag from her lap before she rises, and straightens herself out. “Ethan, can I tell you something without you getting upset?” She asks looking down at me.
I stand, immediately facing her. “Anything.”
“I know you’re scared for me, and I am too, but it will be all right. So don’t worry about me.”
“You don’t know that.” My eyes fall down to the floor. I can’t look at her for fear that my own tears will start to fall.
“When your Dad died, I wanted to go with him.” She lets out a light laugh. “If this came back when he passed, then I would have let it take me, but I want to live. I’m going to fight this.” Her hand reaches the door knob, but she stops and turns. “Besides could you imagine what your father would say if he saw me walking through those pearly gates?”
A small laugh bubbles out of me before finally looking up at her. “He’d probably kick you out.”
“He would indeed. He will help me get through this, because I know as much as he would love to see me, and I him, we’re both not ready for that.”
The indescribable feeling to hold her takes over, as I yank her from the door, pulling her to me. “You’re the best, Mum. Please let me help you with anything you need.”
She steps back out from my hug. “The only thing I want from you is to have faith, and not be stupid. Peter called me last night. Don’t fall down that trap again, son.”
I want to kick Pete’s arse for telling her about last night, and only hope he hasn’t mentioned that he knows about her cancer. “I’ll do my best,” I assure her.
The next day my cell shrills too early for Sophie to be calling. But, every time that it does ring, I hope it’s her voice that I hear on the other end. Pete’s number pops up.“What do you want, Pete?”
“What kind of person answers the phone like that?” “Sorry.” “No worries, mate. You didn’t come home last night. Everything all right? My mind wanders briefly to last night. My mum and I played scrabble for hours together, never once mentioning the word cancer. I detest scrabble, but my mum loves it. “It’s fine. I stayed another night to keep my mum company.”
“I figured. Hey, could you meet me for lunch today? I have something I need to talk to you about?”
“Sure. Where?” “Our usual,” he answers in a surprised tone that I’d even have ask where to.
“I’ll be there at noon. Don’t be late.”
Heading down to The Three Greyhounds for a quick bite is something we try to do at least once a week. As I am making my way toward Greek Street, my mobile buzzes in my pocket. A picture of her face lights up on the screen, bringing me to a stop. I haven’t talked to Sophie for two days. It’s rare we go without speaking everyday, but she’s been busy with school and Valerie, and I’ve been busy with my mum.
“Hello, beautiful.” “Hey,” she answers back. “What are you doing right now?” My mouth instantly turns into a smile just hearing her voice. “I’m actually on my way to meet Pete. What are you doing, love?” “Nothing. Just finishing up last minute packing and stuff. I miss you, and can’t wait to see you.” “You too, Sophie. Listen, I’m just getting to the pub so can I ring you in an hour?” I hate rushing her off the phone. Truth is I’d been dying to see her, hold her, touch her, but I am also scared to death for the very same reasons. I want to be the perfect guy she remembers, and it frightens me that I may no longer be that guy. It’s not that I don’t want to be, it’s just that I’m not sure I can be with everything that’s going on.
“Oh, sure. Tell Peter I said hello.” I hate to hear the disappointment in her voice. Part of me wants to blow off Pete, stay on the phone with Sophie just to listen to her ramble on about anything. “Will do. I’ll ring you later.”
I don’t wait for her to hang up, I shut my phone and stuff it back in my pocket. Sometimes we play that stupid game of “you hang up-no you hang up first thing,” which usually I love to tease her with, but I can’t concentrate knowing Pete wants to talk to me about something. Since his Mum is my Aunt, I feel like she may have insider information on my mother’s condition, and perhaps she has confided in Pete. I worry that my mum’s cancer is more serious than she’s let on.
Pete is sitting toward the back. I make my way through the pub to join him. Two Guinness are already waiting on the table. “Cheers, mate,” I say, before taking a sip of my beer.
Pete looks nervous, so I hesitantly ask, “So, what did you want to talk to me about?” He fumbles inside his coat, reaching for something, he hasn’t even looked up at me yet. I watch as he pulls out a little black box from his coat pocket, causing me to almost fall out of the booth. This is not what I imagined happening today. He can’t be serious? Not her? Not forever? She isn’t bloody right for him.
“I’m asking Claire to marry me. I love her and I wanted you to be the first to know.”
“You’re sure? Marriage? Claire?” I lean across the table and whisper, “Are you insane?”
He crosses his arms, leaning back, glaring at me. “Don’t sugar coat it, mate,” “Christ, I’m sorry.” I sit back. “I just wasn’t expecting this.”
“Well, you’d better get used to it.” He takes a long swig of his pint. “So, of course you know who I’d like to stand by me.”
My lips curl up into a smile before answering, “You don’t need to even ask. I’ll always stand by you.” Pete marrying Claire has never been in my plan book. Not that I really have one, but it definitely isn’t her that I see with someone as good as Pete. Something hasn’t been right. He has to know she isn’t the one for him. Even I can see the change in her. How the hell can he miss it? However, I know he wants me to be happy for him, so I plaster on a fake smile, and say, “Congratulations, Pete.”
Pete smiles broadly. “There’s one more thing. I have a surprise for you. That’s the real reason I asked you to meet me.” Great! Another surprise. What the hell is he going to spring on me next?
“Well, get on with it?”
His face breaks out into an ever wide smile as he looks past my shoulder. I twist just in time to see Sophie walking toward me, looking like a piece of heaven, if heaven even exists. A minute later she’s in my arms, and I feel the need to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. “What are you? How are you here?” I whisper in her ear.
She kisses my cheek quickly before peeking over my shoulder, smiling at Pete. “Peter and I planned this a few weeks ago.”
My eyes meet Pete’s. “A few weeks ago? And you didn’t tell me.”
Pete sips his beer, finishing it, then stands. “Now what kind of surprise would that be?” He pats my shoulder as he walks around me before he lifts Sophie off her feet. Even though I know there is nothing romantic about their embrace, a pang of jealousy runs through me.
“We managed to pull it off, Soph. I never thought you’d be able to keep it from him.” He places her back down, so I don’t hesitate to pull her close to me again. My arms wrap around her waist, I place my chin on top of her head, just holding on to her.
“So little faith,” she says, in a teasing voice. Her hands cover mine, then she rests them on top, squeezing them lightly. She lets her head tilt to the side before she winks up at me.
I hug her closer to me, and she fits perfectly, like the last piece of a puzzle before it’s complete. Her hair smells just like I remember, as I breathe her in.
“Well, I’ll let you two lovebirds catch up.” Pete starts to walk away, but turns, “I know you’re probably tired, Soph, but dinner is on me tonight.” He looks back to me, “Say eight at our place.”
“We’ll be there.” I kiss the top of her head, and yell out, “Hey, Pete! Thanks.”
He turns toward us one last time, grinning before he walks out of the pub. These are the kind of things that he does that makes me fiercely loyal to him.
Taking her hand in mine, I turn her to face me. The desire to feel her lips is so consuming that I forget where we are. When our lips press together, the rest of the world stops, and I feel insanely at ease for the first time since I found out about my Mum. It’s not until I hear the drunken cat calls coming from across the bar that I manage to take a step back. My hand brushes her cheek as I stare into her eyes. “Let’s get out of here,” I whisper, pulling her with me, not waiting for an answer.
“Where are we going?” She asks, giggling.
“I don’t care. Just somewhere we can be alone. The flat. Pete has University.”
“Okay, but I left my bags in Peter’s mom’s car, don’t let me forget them later.”
As she wraps her arm around my waist, I wrap my arm around her shoulder, guiding her toward the flat. She stops, shutting her eyes, taking a huge breath in. “I love this city,” she says, smiling with her eyes still closed.
Right now, I can’t agree more.
Pete is always at school, or with Claire these days, so the flat is empty when we arrive. I pull her directly into my room, locking the door. Wasting precious time is not something I like to do when it comes to Sophie, and I think she can see it in my eyes since she doesn’t question anything. She just follows. I shrug my jacket off, tossing it on the armchair by my desk. She does the same, then kicks her shoes off. Sophie moves away from me to sit on the edge of my bed, resting back on her elbows. My body instantly covers hers, and our lips meet with a ferocity I had almost forgotten we have for each other.
Her body is warm and inviting as I trace every little inch of skin on her. I want to remember this moment since we seem to have so few. She’ll be here for just over five months and even if she is beside me every night, it will never be enough. Her heart is racing, I feel it through her shirt, her pulse mimicking mine. My hand slips underneath to touch her bare skin. Her fingers start to unbutton my shirt as I begin to lift hers. When her mouth leaves mine for that brief second, she laughs.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s nothing. Come closer,” she demands, wrapping her hands around my neck. I can’t quite figure out how I can get any closer than I already am, but I press myself to her, and I can feel her trying to suppress a smile as I kiss her mouth. My body takes over, and before I even know what has happened we’re both in our birthday suits panting for air. It was very fast. Too fast. I almost forgot how good her skin feels, the way she smells.
Her fingers slip through my hair several times causing me to shiver. My hand runs down her arm and back up again several times. Every freckle on her shoulder is glistening with sweat as I kiss them. I can spend hours kissing them. They have to be the cutest bloody freckles anyone can have, so I let myself linger a few seconds longer.
“You let your hair grow long,” she notices.
“So did you,” I respond. Her hair is longer by a few inches. I can get lost in her hair alone.
“I like it,” she adds, weaving her fingers one more time, pulling me back down to her. If I can stop time right now, this would be the precise moment I’d want it to stop. My life is perfect for this brief magical moment. There’s no cancer, no death-just two people in love.
My eyes flick to the clock, even though I don’t want to come up for air. “We’d better get up. Unless you want Pete or Claire catching the two of us shagging.” Her eyes lock with mine as her hands grip my face, giving me one long kiss that sets me back on fire.
Screw it.
I flip her over, my mouth makes a trail down from her chin to her belly button. Her hands yank at my shoulders, in an attempt to pull me back up. “Someone is going to be back soon. It’s getting late. Where’s the shower?” She asks, scooting away from me.
The clock reads just after six. We’ve been wrapped up in each other for over five hours. Indeed, time truly flies when you’re having fun. “We need to be ready by eight, so maybe we should be good citizens and conserve water?”
A knock at the door, alarms both of us that we’re not alone. “I know you’ve both been in there shagging all day. You coming out any time soon?” Pete yells out.
“No,” I tickle her to make her laugh. “Now leave us alone.” Sophie continues to laugh uncontrollably as I tickle her longer.
“Stop!” Her breathing is ragged, her hair a mess, but she still looks beautiful.
Sophie looks like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar as she steps out of my room. I had already peeked out, Pete’s door is shut, so I rush her out and into the bathroom. She bites her lip, smiling slightly as I try to go in with her. “I’ll only be a few minutes.” I refrain from joining her, even though I need to hold onto the wall to stop myself. She is here. In London. In my flat. I feel happy again. At least for now.