DREAD BOGGED JESSE’S STEPS AS HIS BOOTS CRUNCHED on the rock path leading to Mariella’s father’s barn. Tobias’s glum mood and initial silence, followed by his venting, had bothered Jesse all day. Despite his efforts to cheer up Tobias before lunch, his best friend had never changed. Maybe he could find a way to cheer up Tobias now, before they headed home for the evening.
The scent of rain wafted over Jesse as he glanced over his shoulder. Ariana sat down on the porch glider and then leaned over to talk to one of their friends. The ties from her prayer covering flittered around her shoulders as she nodded.
Before they climbed into the van to head back to Gordonville, she’d changed into a green dress and pulled her hair up under a prayer kapp. She was attractive no matter what she wore, but he already longed for another sight of her long, thick braid and the wisps of dark hair falling around her face when she was swimming in the lake. Since he wasn’t permitted to take a photo of her, let alone own a camera, he did his best to commit how she’d looked to memory.
Turning, Jesse hurried into the barn. The aroma of animals mixed with moist earth invaded his nostrils as he walked past the stalls, looking for Tobias. When he reached the back of the barn, he slipped out through the side door and headed around to the back. He stopped short when he found Tobias leaning against the barn wall, holding a translucent glass bottle with a clear liquid sloshing around in it. Was that alcohol? No, it couldn’t be. Could it?
Jesse blinked. “What are you doing?”
“Relaxing.” Tobias held up the bottle, which was already half empty. “Would you like some?”
“What is that?”
“Vodka.” Tobias took a long drink and then cleared his throat as he swiped a hand across his mouth. “It’s the gut stuff. Have some.” He held the bottle out to him.
“No.” Jesse approached him, his thoughts spinning with a combination of anger and confusion. “Have you lost your mind?”
“Nope.” Tobias took another long draw.
“Give me that before you get sick.” Jesse reached for the bottle, but Tobias snatched it away from his grasp. He tucked the bottle behind his back and glared at Jesse. “You said you didn’t want any, but don’t spoil my fun.”
“Spoil your fun?” Jesse gritted his teeth, amazed Tobias had found a way to sneak a bottle out here. “Do you realize how much trouble you’ll be in if Mariella’s dat catches you back here drinking? He’s the bishop!”
Tobias snorted. “Please. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m just doing what I have to do to unwind. I don’t get much chance to relax, so I need to enjoy it while I can.”
Jesse rubbed his temples and flattened his lips together. In the eighteen years he’d known Tobias, ever since they were six years old, he’d never seen him behave so irresponsibly. The man standing in front of him was someone he didn’t recognize. What would Ariana say if she found Tobias drinking alcohol? Worse, how would their father react?
Tobias’s expression darkened. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Jesse took a deep breath in a vain attempt to curb the anger and frustration gripping him. “Is this about your dat? I’m trying to understand why you’re behaving this way. But I can’t—”
“Of course you can’t understand me. Your life is perfect.”
“Perfect?” Jesse shook his head. “No one’s life is perfect.”
“Ya, I suppose that’s true.” Tobias studied Jesse, a sardonic smirk spreading across his lips. “It must get tiresome for you to have to hear your dat compliment you for your hard work and skill all the time. Honestly, Jesse, how do you put up with all that love and appreciation, day in and day out?”
Jesse balled his hands at his sides and fought to keep calm despite his best friend’s biting words. Be patient. It’s the alcohol talking, not Tobias. “You didn’t say today at the lake, but did you have an especially bad argument with your dat yesterday or this morning?”
Tobias snorted again and then rested the bottle against his thigh. “Would it make any difference if I had?”
“It would explain why you’re acting this way.” Jesse leaned against the barn wall beside him. “I know you’re upset with your dat right now, but you’re doing the best you can. Don’t let it get to you. Things will get better.”
Tobias narrowed his eyes. “I came out here to be alone. I don’t need your platitudes and empty words.”
A muscle ticked in Jesse’s jaw as his patience wore thin. He had to get the bottle away from Tobias and then get him into his buggy before he was too drunk to walk, let alone guide the horse home. He couldn’t possibly tell Ariana that Tobias had been drinking. She’d be furious, and the last thing Jesse wanted to do was ruin this special day. She’d been looking forward to it for nearly a month.
Jesse leveled his eyes at Tobias. “It’s time for you to knock it off. You’ve wallowed in enough self-pity. Get it together.”
“I told you. This is how I unwind.” Tobias lifted his chin.
“This is how you unwind,” Jesse said the words as their meaning clicked into place in his mind. “Are you saying you drink often?”
Tobias averted his eyes, staring at his shoes.
“Give me that.” Jesse grabbed the bottle from Tobias’s hand and started spilling the contents onto the ground.
“Stop it!” Tobias fought him, pushing Jesse out of the way before reclaiming the bottle.
With a murderous glare, Tobias replaced the top on the bottle. “You act all high and mighty, but you have no idea what it’s like to argue with your dat every day. When you get home this evening, your dat will welcome you with open arms and ask you how your day was. Mei dat will tell me I spend too much time with mei freinden, I don’t work hard enough, I’m not a gut example for mei schweschder, and the list goes on and on.” His face twisted. “You and your bruders are everything your parents ever wanted, but I ruin everything I touch.”
Jesse held up his hands as sympathy replaced his anger. “I’m sorry your dat makes you feel that way, but this isn’t how you deal with your problems. I tried to tell you this afternoon at the lake. You need to talk to your dat and work things out.”
Tobias gave a bark of laughter. “Sure. It’s that easy with Marvin Smucker. You’ve met him, right?”
Jesse sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. There was no talking to Tobias today. Thunder rumbled in the distance and a light mist of cool rain trickled down Jesse’s arms. It was time to change his goal. Instead of convincing Tobias to stop drinking, he needed to focus on getting him home.
“It’s getting late. The best thing you can do is get home before you’re too drunk to help with chores.” He held out his hand. “Give me the bottle.”
Tobias hesitated.
Jesse studied Tobias as his frustration returned. “What are you going to tell your schweschder when she sees a bottle of vodka in your hand?”
Tobias blew out a sigh and picked up an empty paper bag from the ground. “Let me put it in my buggy, and then we’ll hitch up the horses.”
“And what if your dat finds it?”
Tobias huffed and then handed the bottle to Jesse, who emptied it.
“I’ll take care of it.” Jesse took the bag and shoved the bottle into it. He’d toss it into the back of his buggy and dispose of it before he got home. Then he turned his glare back to Tobias. “What are you going to do about your breath? It’s a myth that vodka produces no smell.”
Tobias smirked and pulled a pack of chewing gum from his pocket. “I got it covered.”
Jesse gripped the paper bag as he studied his best friend. Lately he’d noticed Tobias chewing gum frequently. Did he have a drinking problem? Thunder clapped above them and the rain became heavier. “We need to get going.”
Tobias took a step and then stumbled before righting himself. He turned toward Jesse and held up his hand. “I’m fine.”
“Maybe Arie should take you home.”
“I’m fine,” he repeated with a growl. “Let’s go.”
Jesse’s shoulders tensed as he followed Tobias to their waiting buggies. He tossed the paper bag into the back of his buggy, and Tobias started helping him hitch up their horses. Worry surged through him. He had to get Tobias home safely. Sleep would do him some good. Jesse could tell Ariana and her parents that Tobias wasn’t feeling well. Maybe Jesse could blame it on too much sun, and Marvin would be too distracted to notice the truth.
Jesse stole glances at Tobias, who only stumbled once more. Thank goodness he wasn’t completely drunk. Now he had to figure out how to get him home.
Ariana joined them just as they finished hitching the buggies to the horses. With her beach bag slung over her arm, she held a beach towel over her head to shield her prayer covering from the rain. “The rain is a nice break from the heat.”
“Ya, it is.” Jesse tried to smile, but his lips refused to comply.
She tilted her head to the side. “Is everything all right?”
“Ya.” No. He pointed toward Tobias, who was leaning against his buggy. “I was thinking you might want to take Tobias home since he’s not feeling well.”
“He’s not feeling well?” Ariana’s eyes widened as she rushed over to her brother. “I was worried about you when you disappeared from the porch. Was iss letz?”
Tobias shot Jesse a glare before addressing his sister. “I’m fine. You can ride with Jesse.” He hoisted himself into his buggy.
Jesse rubbed the back of his neck as a feeling of foreboding overtook him. He’d wanted to find a way to convince Tobias not to drive his own buggy, but Tobias’s stubborn streak had won out again. He forced a pleasant expression when Ariana turned toward him.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“Ya.” Jesse turned toward the porch and called to Mariella, who was standing on the porch and still talking to a few friends. He waved and thanked her before climbing into the buggy.
“It was a gut day,” Ariana said.
He looked into her eyes and some of his worry eased. “Ya, it was.” He guided the horse down the long driveway toward the road, and Tobias followed.
“I’m so glad our parents agreed to allow us to spend the day with our freinden.”
“I am too.” Out of the corner of his eye, Jesse saw the reflection of Tobias’s horse speeding up in his side mirror. “What is he doing?” he mumbled.
“Was iss letz?” Ariana turned, craning her neck to look out the back of the buggy. “Why is Tobias going so fast?”
“I’m not sure.” Jesse sat up straighter and looked past Ariana as Tobias’s buggy came into view beside his. “What are you doing?” he called. He peered into the mirror, checking for cars. “I thought you were going to follow me.”
“Let’s race!” Tobias yelled with a wicked grin.
“Are you narrisch?” Ariana exclaimed.
As Tobias’s horse took off running, Jesse prodded his horse in an attempt to catch up to Tobias. He had to stop him before he got hurt.
“Jesse!” Ariana yelled, squeezing his bicep. “Slow down!”
Slow down? Jesse kept his focus trained on the buggy in front of him. He had to concentrate on what he was doing, not try to explain it. Even if Ariana didn’t know her brother had been drinking, wasn’t it obvious he couldn’t let Tobias race ahead like this?
“Jesse, please!” Her voice broke.
Rain pelted the buggy’s windshield as the two horses galloped down the two-lane road, Tobias’s seemingly at near breakneck speed. Ariana held on to Jesse’s arm, her fingers like a vise digging into his skin.
As they approached a sharp turn, Ariana’s voice resembled a sob. “Please slow down. Please!”
Afraid now that he, too, was indeed going far too fast for the road conditions, Jesse slowed down, gripping the reins. Fear coursed through him as he kept his eyes on Tobias’s buggy.
He’s going to crash if he doesn’t slow down!
Tobias’s horse took the turn too fast and the buggy wobbled. And then as if in slow motion, the buggy teetered just before the driver’s side slammed down onto the road. The horse reared and then struggled to drag the buggy around the corner.
Jesse’s blood ran cold as the buggy scraped its way down the road with the rain pounding from the darkened sky.
This has to be a dream. No, it’s a nightmare.
Like that stormy night when he and Tobias were only sixteen.