“How is she?” Nico asked, tentatively approaching Suri standing at the edge of the rock shelf. Suri washed her hands of Rasia’s blood.
“She refractured her ribs and needs to stay off her leg, but she’s Rasia.” Suri shrugged. “She poisoned herself with gonda venom and somehow survived. She’ll be fine.”
Nico sorely regretted her actions. Jih was out there in the clutches of scavengers, and Rasia was currently lying unconscious in a bedroll and unable to communicate any information. Nico turned to join the others by the campfire and paused when Suri bit out in a whisper, “Why is your hate for Rasia justified? How is my dislike of the Tents any different than your dislike of her?”
“It’s different.”
“I’ve known you since we were buds, Nico. You’ve always hated Rasia. Long before she ever met Kai.”
“It’s not comparable, Suri. You hate an entire group of people you don’t know and won’t give a chance. I’ve tried to get to know Rasia. I’ve tried to give her chances. I’ve tried to be understanding. But she makes being the better person so hard. I’m not going to claim that I am perfect. You’re right, I should not have allowed Rasia to drag me into another one of her games, but I’m trying to be better. And you are better, too.”
Suri finished washing the blood from her hands and turned away from Nico. “Maybe I’m not.”
Nico wanted to continue arguing, but Suri had retreated. With a sigh, Nico dragged herself over to the campfire, into the shade of the lean-to they carried up from the windship. Under the shade, Kelin and Zephyr talked in low tones while Azan hummed a tune with his head in Kelin’s lap.
Nico faced them all nervously. She feared their reception and how they would react to such a destructive display of her magic. But Azan looked up, with that handsome smile of his, and offered the bag of jerky he was snacking from. Azan was the only one not tired of the dried meat yet.
“Thank you.” Nico reached for a jerky strip and dropped down with a sigh.
“You were pretty badass,” Azan offered.
Nico scoffed at that. “Rasia was injured, running on scant drums of sleep, and did not have the use of her best weapon. It’s hardly anything to celebrate. I let her get under my skin, again.”
Nico glanced over at Zephyr, ashamed. He had tried to stop her, but she had been too angry with Rasia to hear him. Nico expected judgment, but Zephyr asked, concerned, “How are you feeling?”
“Cold,” Nico said.
“I didn’t mean your magic.”
Nico wasn’t sure her answer was any different. She hunched and bit her lip when Zephyr wrapped his cloak about her shoulders. “None of us are perfect, Nico.”
“I hate who I am around Rasia. I’ve tried hard my entire life not to turn into tah and be feared for my magic. And I genuinely try, but she always brings out the worst in me.”
“I don’t have magic, and the Grankull fears me all the same.” Zephyr shrugged.
“That’s not comparable, Zephyr. My anger threatens to flood our entire way of life. My anger ruins crops and livelihoods. My anger drowns people. I almost let it win this time. I almost killed her.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I almost did.”
“I’m not scared of you,” Azan said. “Because I know you, and I know you would never want to hurt anyone on purpose. Back at the oasis, when you gave me a choice to stay or follow you, I chose you. I have three older jihs, and they all are more skilled and better than me at everything. But you always made sure I felt part of the team. Like I matter. You’re a good Ohan.”
Nico found herself warmed by the words. “Thank you, Azan. Still, I want to say sorry to all of you for giving in to the worst of me.”
“It was the best of you,” said a fifth shadow.
They all turned to Rasia standing before the lean-to. Nico’s jaw tightened at the sight of her. The bruises of Nico’s fingers blossomed around Rasia’s neck. Rasia squinted at Nico. “For the first time, you’ve given me all that you’ve got, and it was pretty damn amazing. Now, stop moping around. We’ve got your jih to save.”
Nico could only stare at Rasia, uncomprehending. Nico didn’t know if she expected Rasia to be angry or scared of her after what Nico had inflicted, but of course Rasia never did what Nico expected. The fact Nico might never understand Rasia settled like a stone in her chest. Nico didn’t have to understand Rasia.
“Let’s save my jih.”
Nico stood and faced Rasia. Nico had hated Rasia for a long time. Long before the Forging, back when they were half-shrouded buds. Nico could never understand why Rasia seemed the only person in the world who didn’t want to be her friend. Perhaps that rejection had colored and altered Nico’s vision since. It had kept her from seeing Rasia as someone who genuinely cared for Kai. Nico and Rasia themselves might never be friends, and that was okay. It was okay.
Hate never dies.
You let it go.