There were two waking Rasias. The one who woke lazy and slow after Kai had fucked her brains out, and the other one, the Rasia who immediately woke alert and grabbed for her swords. On this morning, Rasia’s swords were far away on the windship, but Kai certainly opened his eyes to the latter. Kai didn’t know how long she’d been awake, but he had no doubt she’d been listening and taking stock of the situation.
Behind where Rasia and Kai lay, Kelin and Azan talked over the morning campfire while stirring grain for breakfast. As usual, Zephyr slept heavy, and his familiar snores reverberated like first drum at rising dawn. Kai knew Nico was staring at them, her eyes burning into his back and waiting to strike the moment he and Rasia moved.
“You turned around,” Rasia accused.
“And I’d do it again,” Kai defended. “Nico saved your life. She’s the only one who could have.”
“Considering she’s been staring daggers at me, I assume she knows.”
“She knows.”
Rasia clicked her tongue. “We’ll eat breakfast because that shit smells good, but then we’re sailing on.”
“You almost died, Rasia. We can afford to take a break.”
“You turned around, which means we’ve lost two whole days.” Rasia scrunched her face. “How long have I been out?”
“We haven’t lost as much time as you think. I magicked us here. Grew wings, then lifted the entire windship. You wouldn’t have missed it if you weren’t too busy dying on me.”
Rasia cracked out a laugh. She smiled at him, eyes melting warm as she scanned his face, then pulled forward.
Kai raised a hand to block the kiss.
“I don’t favor vomit for breakfast.”
Rasia snorted. She attempted to leverage on her forearm to get upright. At her visible struggle, Kai helped her sit up, and a shadow immediately loomed over them. Nico glared down at the two of them, hands on her hips.
The slap last night had startled Kai. He’d never seen Nico strike anyone in anger. Nico prided herself on her self-control, and Kai hated that he was the one who’d cracked it. He was pissed at her for hitting him, a line Kai didn’t think Nico would ever cross, but if Rasia had died, if she had died . . . he would have been glad that Nico had. It was a messy tangle of emotions he was too tired to deal with. But Nico wasn’t giving him the choice.
“You’re awake. Good. We need to talk.”
“Rasia needs to rest right now, jih,” Kai said.
“I don’t need no rest,” Rasia declared.
Rasia pressed a hand down on Kai’s shoulder to pull herself to her feet. She wobbled. Her legs folded, and Kai scrambled to catch her. She fell, curling like a snake into his lap. Rasia stared over his arm and blinked at the pallet of hair in the bedroll. She reached a slow hand up to her head and watched strands of her hair fall away in surprise.
“Oh.”
“Kai is correct. She does need to rest,” Suri said as she rushed over, tone angled sharply at Nico. Kai frowned and looked between the two friends. Suri crouched to check Rasia’s heartbeat through her neck. “Rasia, your body has suffered significant trauma. Please, lie down.”
Those weren’t words Rasia accepted easily. He felt her frustration coil against his chest. Rasia didn’t like to show injury, and didn’t like to feel helpless, especially in front of those who raised her hackles.
It didn’t help when Nico demanded, “How did this happen? How could you have been so stupid?”
“It’s my fault,” Kai said, facing the brunt of Nico’s wrath. “I forgot to pull out.”
“You forgot to pull out?” Nico echoed in utter disbelief. “Rasia almost died last night! The Grankull would have had both of your faces, all because you forgot to pull out?!”
Suri asked, calmer and more professional. “Is that the only time? You’ve only had vaginal sex once?”
Kai blushed, embarrassed to talk about sex in front of his jih. Rasia had no such reservations. She shifted in Kai’s lap and defended, “Technically no, but the other times we used gonom.”
“Gonom?!” Nico slapped herself in the face. She peeked through her fingers and looked over her shoulder to make sure the others hadn’t heard her outburst. She hissed. “If anyone reports to the Grankull that you are illegally in possession of gonom, your Forgings are over.”
“Are you going to report us?” Rasia challenged.
That vein at the top of Nico’s forehead pulsed.
“Besides . . .” Rasia shrugged. “It’s all gone now. I drank all of it the first time we had sex. I didn’t have much to begin with.”
Nico froze. Suri’s eyes widened in horror. That was the moment Kai knew he was missing something.
Suri said, “Rasia, that is not how gonom works. You don’t drink it the day you have sex and that’s it. For it to be effective, you need to drink it every day. You haven’t been having safe sex at all.”
Kai stopped breathing. Fuck. Jih was right. He was stupid.
“How does that make any sense?” Rasia moaned.
“We learned this in school.”
“I didn’t go to fucking school! Excuse me if it’s not all that intuitive!”
Nico clutched at her head, probably giving herself one of those stress headaches. Nico pointed at Rasia and accused, “You don’t even care. You’re not even apologetic.”
“What do you want me to say, Nico? That yes, we fucked up. What does it matter anymore? It’s gone.”
“All of this is your fault! If you hadn’t seduced jih in your twisted game of revenge against me, none of this would have happened.”
“The fuck you talking about?” Rasia laughed. She laughed so hard she threw up. She coughed out acidic bile into the grass. Kai pressed a supportive hand to her back.
“I’ll brew her some tea,” Suri offered. “It’ll help stabilize her stomach. Then she needs to eat.”
“She needs to have some self-control and stop hopping on every dick she sees.”
Kai’s brows rose. Even Nico paused, as if realizing she said that aloud. She didn’t take it back but only dug in her heels further. Rasia was more than happy to attack bite for bite.
“Last I checked, being his jih didn’t give you the authority to tell him where to wet it.”
“I hoped he’d at least have the self-respect enough not to stick it in a public cesspit.”
“This pussy is amazing!”
“That’s what all tent whores claim.”
“Excuse you, he got it for free.”
“No one would want it if it weren’t.”
“ENOUGH!” Kai barked between them, standing.
Nico’s mouth clacked shut in surprise. Yes. Kai and Rasia messed up, and Kai was willing to atone for that, but he was so tired of their petty fights. Rasia was not going to get any rest as long as Nico was in the vicinity.
“You want to talk, Nico? Let’s talk. You and me. In private.”
“Fine.” Nico turned on her heel. Kai followed her up the mountain trail to walk straight into the conversation he’d been avoiding the entire Forging.
Nico stopped and rubbed at her temples. It was a Nico thing. She was the only one in the family who got such headaches, but she reminded Kai of tah when Nico crossed her arms and cut him with that sharp, cold anger. Kai approached her with his own temper, hot and quaking.
“Let’s get a few things straight, Nico. One, Rasia did not seduce me. Two, I was not manipulated. Three, I know this might be hard to believe, but Rasia doesn’t spend every vibration of the day devising ways to ruin your life. She is not the villain you always make her out to be.”
“Kai, if she truly cared about you, she would have waited to have sex until the Naming Ceremony. Why do you think she didn’t? She’s using you.”
“You’re doing it again. You’re imagining schemes where there are none. Rasia didn’t wait because she’s the most impatient person I’ve ever met. That’s it. Doesn’t mean she cares for me any more or any less.”
“No one puts someone they truly care about in this position.”
“I put myself in this position!” Kai snapped. “I am equally at fault. I should have known better too.”
“How could you have known better? You wouldn’t have known anything about gonom or sex. We’ve never—”
“We’ve never talked about these things because you didn’t think I’d need to know,” Kai finished for her. “Because Ava-ta is dead and no one thought to teach me, so I relied on Rasia to know what she was doing, but she didn’t. My ignorance does not excuse my actions, as it does not excuse Rasia hers. We are both equally at fault. We both messed up, but Rasia almost died to fix it. She would have died if that meant one of us could walk away from the consequences alive. She saved my life.”
“After she’s the one who put you in danger in the first place! Like the lake. She might have pulled you out of it, but she’s the one who pushed you in. One of these days, there’s going to be a mistake Rasia won’t be able to fix, and I refuse to see you as her casualty. We are going home, Kai. We are going to hunt our gonda and we are going home!”
“No!”
Nico rubbed at her forehead and took a deep breath. She shifted strategies and said softly, “You like her. I understand how a first flame can feel all-consuming, but life is full of flames, Kai. I assure you there is someone out there who is better for you, who will take care of you and treat you like you deserve. You shouldn’t have to settle for Rasia because you believe it’s all you’ll ever get.”
Kai hissed at that jab. “Why is Rasia worth less than some future hypothetical that might never happen? You have never given Rasia a fair chance.”
“I’ve given Rasia all the chances! Time and time again, she has thrown them in my face. How am I supposed to trust either of you after Rasia turns up half-dead and seeded in your arms? I had stopped chasing you. I stopped, because I thought you responsible enough to make your own decisions. How am I supposed to trust you now?”
“It. Was. A. Mistake.”
“YOU DO NOT HAVE THE LUXURY OF MAKING MISTAKES! The Council has been clamoring to kill you since you were born! You can’t afford to mess around as if there aren’t any consequences! One wrong move, and you’re dead! This is exactly why Rasia is so dangerous. You’re not thinking, Kai. This whole Forging has been a disaster since the moment you met her.”
“Meeting Rasia was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Because of her, I want to slay a dragon. I want to be more than just a scribe and a life of empty pages. I want to try out for the kulls and be a windeka. I want Kenjinn Ilhani to see my face. I’ve never, in my entire life, gotten anything I’ve wanted. I want this.”
Nico tightened her jaw and told Kai the awful truth. “You don’t get to have this, Kai. You can’t walk this world the same as everyone else. Your actions are judged more harshly than everyone else. While everyone else’s mistakes cost an apology, your mistakes cost you your life.”
“Then I decide what mistakes I spend my life on! I choose Rasia. I choose the only chance I’m ever going to get to be someone and do something worthwhile.”
“Wake up, Kai, and stop living in Rasia’s world! It isn’t yours! You are never going to slay a dragon. You are never going to pass the kull tryouts. You are never going to be a windeka.” Her voice watered on her own words. “Kenji-ta is never going to give you the chance you deserve. Those things aren’t for you.”
One strong wind.
Ever since the lake, Kai had been trying to make up his mind on which way he wanted to go. Kai’s jaw hardened. His eyes tightened. He’d prove Nico wrong or die trying if she was right.
Kai stormed away. He descended the trail and curved into camp. He approached Rasia, who sat bent over washing her mouth out with charcoal. She looked at him as she approached, teeth black, and immediately tensed for a fight. Kai bent down and pulled her into that kiss. Kai had always kissed Rasia as if he’d never get another chance. He thought of her like wind, ample to blow away at any moment, but this time Kai stamped her lips with possessiveness, as if able to deny Death the power to touch her ever again.
Kai crouched down, and without question or hesitation, Rasia hooked her arms around his neck. Kai hefted her onto his back and carried her past the serving plates of porridge, past Suri’s unfinished tea, and Zephyr’s unsurprised expression.
Kai rushed Rasia over to their windship and up the stairs, then sat her down against the railing. He lifted the anchor and dug the oar into the ground to turn the ship. Right into Nico, standing in the way to stop him.
“I’m not letting you leave!” Nico threatened. “Get off that ship right now! I won’t hesitate to use magic to stop you.”
Kai pressed down on the steer.
He took a breath before Nico did. Nico’s eyes widened and pressed her hands to her throat, choking on air. She fell to her knees gasping, and Kai steered around her.
Kai sailed on.