Seb watched Joe leave. He truly did have a lovely arse, and Seb admired the way his muscles moved beneath his tight suit trousers.
“Wow.” Just one comment from Dom. “You’ve got it bad, man.”
Seb turned to him. “What am I doing, Dom? I want him; I really want him. He lights me up like nobody else. When he hugged me earlier, I felt like I was home. His smile, those gorgeous blue eyes. I want him in my bed, maybe even in my heart.” Seb looked away. He didn’t want Dom to see how much this upset him.
“If it means anything, I think he has it bad for you too. He watches you when he thinks you’re not looking. He looks at your mouth when you talk, follows your every move. It’d be a shame if it never came to anything. But I know you, Seb. You’ll never make a move when there’s another involved, and I don’t blame you for that. Problem is, when he marries Clare, where does that leave you? Is it worth it, do you think? Do you want to put yourself through this?” Dom looked at him questioningly.
“I think I need all the friends I can get at the moment, and that’s how I’m going to treat him—as a friend, as difficult as it might be.” He glanced over to see Dom’s reaction. “Do you think I’m wrong? Do you think I should step away? I think once summer’s here and the studio closes for a while, we should go on holiday. What do you say? You and me, Dom.”
“Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. We’ll travel to somewhere exotic, swim with sharks, skinny dip in warm seas, fuck as many willing men as we can find. You’ll soon forget him once you’ve found a cute twink willing to suck your cock every time you look at him.”
“Seriously, you have some weird ideas, but they have merit. I like it.”
The only thing was, Seb didn’t think it was going to be that easy to forget Joe.
At six thirty, Seb was waiting outside his apartment, Rocco on his lead sitting next to him. Would Joe show, or would he stand him up?
He checked his phone, but no messages or missed calls. Not even a minute late, and he was panicking.
He pulled out his phone again just as Joe’s car pulled into the car park. Seb tried to look unaffected and managed a small wave.
Rocco seemed as excited to see Joe as he was, pulling on the lead to get to him as Joe stepped out of the car. He opened the back door of the car as Seb walked towards him. Joe bent to fuss over Rocco, rubbing his ears, and the dog licked his face with excitement.
“Hey, that’s enough, Rocco. Will he be alright in the back of your car? You don’t mind?”
“It’s all good. I’ve put a blanket on the seat, and I’ve bought a seatbelt attachment so he can be secured in the back. Is that OK?”
“Thanks, that’s great.” Seb was stunned. He couldn’t believe how thoughtful Joe was. Seb coaxed Rocco into the back of the car, fastened his seatbelt, and then got in the passenger seat as Joe started the car.
“I usually have the air conditioning on, but we’ll open the windows today, give him some air. Are you still OK with the beach? We can be there in about half an hour.”
“The beach is fine. Do you mind?” Seb asked, gesturing to the stereo. “Can I connect my phone and play some music?”
“No worries, as long as you play something decent. None of this modern stuff, I’m not good with that.”
“What, you like seventies or eighties music?”
“Well, eighties at a push, but the seventies is a bit early for me.”
“Here, this is my current playlist.” Seb pressed play. “You’ll like this one, guaranteed,” Seb said with a smile.
Sia’s Cheap Thrills blasted out of the speakers. Seb threw his head back and laughed as Joe groaned. This was going to be fun.
As the playlist continued, playing songs from all the decades, Seb sang along and Joe joined in with the ones he knew. He didn’t have a great voice, but it was good to see him so relaxed, and Seb couldn’t remember when he’d last had such a good time.
They eventually reached their destination, and Joe parked the car. Seb jumped out and made his way to the back of the car to let Rocco out. He opened the bottle of water he’d brought with him and put some in Rocco’s bowl. Rocco drank greedily, more water dribbling out of his mouth than he swallowed.
When he’d finished, Seb put the bowl back in the car, got out his backpack, and took Rocco’s lead.
“Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.” Joe held out his hand, and Seb looked down expectantly. “Can I take the lead?” Joe asked.
Seb stood still for a minute in utter shock until he realised what Joe wanted.
“Erm, yes, of course.”
He handed Joe the lead, and they walked along side by side; neither one of them said anything.
“This is nice. We should do it again.” Joe bumped Seb’s shoulder as he said it.
“We should. It’s great to be out of the city. I love the beach. Reminds me of home.”
“Where is home?”
“My parents are from Israel. When I was four, we moved over here to the south coast, a place called Fairlight, not too far from Hastings. My parents live on the east coast now, but I haven’t visited in a while.”
“I know you have a brother; you mentioned him. Any other siblings?”
“A sister, Becky. She’s currently studying Psychology at university. She got the brains out of all of us.” Seb smirked. “Ben got the charm. What about you?” Seb asked. “You’ve talked about a sister before.”
“Just me and Jayne, and you know she’s married with kids. There’s my mom and dad, Pam and Chris, but that’s about it, really.”
As Seb looked across at Joe, he could see the joy in his face as he talked about his family.
“Do you want kids, Joe? Is that something you and Clare have talked about?”
“Not really. I’m thirty-six, and Clare’s thirty-four already. I know that’s not too old, but I don’t know if she wants to give up her career to have children. I wouldn’t mind. I love my niece and nephew, and I often wonder what it’d be like to have kids of my own. What about you?” This time Joe turned to look at Seb, but he looked away.
“Not really on the cards. I’m a gay man with no partner and nobody on the horizon. I suppose surrogacy would be an option, or adoption, but I’m not at that point in my life. I’ll console myself with just teaching them. Some of my pupils are enough to put you off kids for life.” Seb laughed as he said this, anxious to change the subject. He didn’t want to think about Joe and Clare starting a family. It gave him a strange feeling in his chest that he wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge yet.
“Let’s head to the shore. We can let him off to run in the sea.” Seb took the lead from Joe and made his way across the sand.
As they got to the water, he let Rocco off. The dog ran into the surf, and Seb got his ball out of his bag to throw for him.
The next hour was spent with them running across the beach, Rocco getting wetter and wetter and Joe and Seb getting more out of breath. Breathing hard, Seb put the lead back on, and Rocco shook himself, water spraying everywhere.
“Oh my God, did you bring a towel?” Seb asked. “I forgot to put one in for him, and you’re not going to want him in the back of your car like this.”
“It just so happens,” Joe said as he opened the boot, “I did put one in, but I was thinking we could take a walk along the front and get some food first before going home. Fish and chips OK?”
“Sounds great, let’s go.” Seb held the lead again, and Joe sauntered alongside him, hands in his pockets.
“This has been great, you know,” Joe started. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to relax like this. So much pressure at work at the moment and the wedding plans?” Joe snorted. “Don’t even get me started on those. I’ll be glad when it’s all over.”
Seb didn’t know what to say to that. It was almost as if he wasn’t looking forward to getting married, but Seb wasn’t comfortable bringing it up. When he looked at him, Joe was frowning.
“Hey, it can’t be that bad, can it?”
Seb thought he heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded like ‘if only you knew’, but he couldn’t be sure.
“I’ve had a good time too. Things have been hard these past couple of months, what with the stalker and Natalia leaving. It’s been a welcome change to get out.”
They eventually reached a small fish and chip shop just on the seafront, and Joe went inside to get some for them. He bought a sausage for Rocco, and they sat at the table outside to eat, the little tables and chairs mostly empty. Even though it was June, it was still cool at night, especially on the coast, a brisk breeze chilling the air. Seb ate most of his food and sat back in his chair, closing his eyes. Tonight had been good. Getting out with Rocco and Joe, of course, had been just what he needed.
Seb opened his eyes and looked over at Joe. He was staring out to sea, a faraway look on his face.
“Penny for them,” Seb whispered softly.
Joe swept his gaze to Seb. “I don’t think we have enough time. Maybe another day.” Joe smiled ruefully as they looked at each other, their knees touching under the table, neither moving away.
“We’d better make our way back. It’s getting late, almost ten.” Seb stood and Joe followed, Rocco walking between them.
The drive home was quieter, Seb had connected his phone again, but there was no singing this time, just soft, chilled music, perfect for night-time driving.
They hardly spoke on the way back. Joe seemed lost in his thoughts, and Seb had to admit to feeling a little subdued. The joy of being in Joe’s company was fading as they neared home. This couldn’t be, and that made Seb sad.
“Is something wrong?” Joe asked as they pulled up outside the apartment.
“Just tired,” Seb lied. How could he tell the man that he wished this was real, that they’d be going into their home together, sharing kisses, sharing a bed? But it just wasn’t going to happen.
“Would you mind if we didn’t meet tomorrow? I think the pressure of the weekend must be getting to me. I just want to have a night in. I hope you don’t mind.” In reality, Seb couldn’t face Joe again so soon. Dom was right. It was going to hurt him more if he continued this charade. It was breaking his heart.
He stepped out of the car and opened the rear door. Rocco woke and slowly ambled out of the car, worn out from his long run. Joe had got out at the same time and carried Seb’s bag to the door of the apartment.
“I loved tonight, Joe. Thank you for taking us.” He opened the front door, but before going in, he reached up and kissed Joe on the cheek, lingering longer than necessary. “Goodnight, Joe.” When he turned back to him, Joe was already at the car. He looked back at Seb, a small smile on his lips. Seb raised his hand in a wave and quietly closed the door.
He got a drink from the fridge and checked on Natalia. She was fast asleep. He locked the front door and made his way to the bathroom where he relieved himself and cleaned his teeth. He stepped into his room and undressed, dropping his clothes on a chair. That done, he crumpled on the bed, tears falling from his eyes and as thoughts of Joe and what they would never have ran through his mind, he fell into a dreamless sleep.