Seb had been home for just over a week now. He’d told his parents about the stalker, about the photos and the messages. They’d understandably been upset that he hadn’t told them about this before and they’d hovered, constantly asking if he was OK or if he had heard any more. He knew his parents were concerned for him, but he just wanted to be left alone with his heartache.
Fortunately, there’d been no further contact since he’d changed his telephone number. He’d spoken with Dom and Natalia almost every day, and they had nothing more to report either. He purposefully hadn’t asked about Joe after the first time Dom had mentioned he’d been to the studio the day he left. He couldn’t bear to think about what he’d lost.
Dom had told him he’d been upset, crying no less, and even though it pained him to think of Joe hurting, he had to protect his heart. He told him he didn’t want to hear anymore; he was trying his best to forget. He spent most of his time helping his parents in the garden, walking Rocco, and Skyping with Ben and Becky. He worked out every day, doing yoga and dancing, and he’d even taken up running, but still he felt like he was slowly going mad. He’d initially thought to stay for two weeks, and he was thinking that was going to be his maximum.
Seb had yet to tell his parents about Joe, although they knew something else was wrong. He hadn’t confided in them, but he couldn’t disguise his hurt and often found himself gazing into the distance, brooding over Joe and their one and only kiss. His heart hurt, even more so than when Daniel had left him.
He needed to snap out of this. Clare was pregnant, and Joe was the father. He was stupid to think that in all the time they’d known each other, Clare and Joe wouldn’t have had sex. He wasn’t naïve.
His current feelings of heartbreak quickly morphed into annoyance, not really at Joe but certainly at Clare, himself, and the situation. He’d known better than to get involved with someone already in a relationship, yet he hadn’t been able to stay away. He’d fallen for him anyway. Didn’t make it any easier to swallow, though.
A couple of days into his stay, he had a Skype call with his brother, Ben, and his boyfriend, Harry. He had to end the call when his jealously got the better of him, seeing how happy they were together was more than he could cope with. He’d been so close to having it all only to have it snatched from his grasp. He vowed to call his brother and apologise, he couldn’t believe how rude he’d been.
After the call he retreated to his room and lay on his bed for hours, Rocco at his side. His dog hadn’t left him since they’d arrived. He seemed to sense Seb’s morose mood. Seb tried not to wallow in self-pity and knew he needed to snap out of it. They’d shared one kiss, one fantastic, meaningful kiss, and that was it. Only it wasn’t, was it? It was the weeks of meeting up, the night at the beach, the weekend they’d spent together where Joe had confessed his attraction, and all the other things that made up their complicated, beautiful relationship.
He’d unwittingly ended up in a love triangle, and he hated knowing he was the one that would be left alone, his life as much of a mess as when he lost Daniel. Crying wouldn’t solve anything, but he couldn’t stop the tears that flowed and soaked his pillow.
“What am I going to do, buddy? I was so fucking stupid, got so drawn in—only to have it snatched out of my grasp like that. I think we should go ahead and book that holiday, don’t you, boy?”
Rocco looked up at him and licked his face.
“I don’t suppose you do, though, because if I go with Dom and Hayden, there’ll be no one to look after you, baby. I’ll have to put you in the kennel.”
Rocco looked at him. Even his eyes looked sad. Was he missing Joe too?
Later that evening, Seb called his brother again, but this time, Harry didn’t join the call.
“What’s going on, Seb? I know why you’ve gone to stay with Mom and Dad, but that’s not all that’s wrong, is it?” Ben looked worried.
Seb had already told him about the stalker when he’d told his parents, but he hadn’t mentioned Joe. Now though, he felt he needed to speak to someone about him.
“I met someone. A guy named Joe, just my type. Tall, attractive, blond, the most incredible blue eyes, and sexy as hell.” It hurt Seb to even think about how he looked.
“How did you meet him? He must be pretty special to catch your eye. You haven’t been interested in anyone since Daniel.”
“I know. There was just something about him that drew me in right away.” Seb turned away from the screen in case Ben saw his tears. “It wasn’t just that he is good-looking. He has a great personality, a sense of humour, he’s so gentle with Rocco, and you know anyone who treats him right is good in my books. We met at the studio when I was teaching him and his fiancée—maybe ex-fiancée, I’m not sure now—a dance for their wedding. He asked me for extra lessons and I agreed.”
“Do you love him? I’ve never seen you this way about anybody before. Your eyes light up when you talk about him.” This made Seb look back to the screen at his brother. He wanted him to see the honesty in his face.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. I think if we’d been given the chance, I would have loved him. He confessed that he was attracted to me last weekend.” Had it only been a week ago? It felt like a lifetime. “I told him I was attracted to him too, but we agreed that until he’d told Clare, his then-fiancée, that it was over, we wouldn’t go any further with the relationship.
“He called me on Monday to say he’d told her and that it was over.” Seb gave a bitter laugh. “We were free to start whatever we wanted. He knew about the stalker, knew everything that had happened, and he understood when I said I wanted to go away. We were going to keep in touch while I was here.”
“What changed? Why aren’t you speaking now?” Ben looked puzzled, and Seb felt the same if he was honest. How had it all gone so wrong?
“I went to see him at his office the day after he’d broken up with her to tell him I was going away. As I said, he understood, and before I knew it, we were kissing—our first proper kiss. Then Clare walked in on us. She called me ‘a little gay dancer’ and accused us of having an affair whilst he was still with her. It wasn’t like that. You know what I’m like, Ben. I hate cheating, and the thought of doing that to anyone sickens me. Then she dropped the bombshell. She’s pregnant.
“I was fucking stunned. Maybe I was too naïve, assuming they weren’t having sex; I don’t know. I suppose it was wishful thinking on my part. She wasn’t going to let him go and threatened both of our careers. I couldn’t let her do that to me, Ben. The studio is my life, Natalia’s too. We’ve invested so much into it, and I couldn’t stay with Joe if there’s a baby involved. That wouldn’t be fair on Joe or Clare.”
“Do you think she’d really have gone through with that? She sounds like a real bitch.” Ben was so understanding, no judgement, no recriminations.
“You’re not wrong there. She went into complete psycho mode, screeching like a banshee. The problem is, Joe is an upstanding guy, and I know that he’d pick her and the baby over me. We’d talked about kids before, though, and he’d said they’d never even discussed it. He either lied to me or this pregnancy was unexpected.”
“So, what did you do? What did Joe do?” Ben was frowning now.
“We both just looked at each other. Neither of us said anything, and Clare just raged the whole time about how she’d ruin us. I just ran, ignored Joe’s calls and blocked his number.”
“Why did you do that? What makes you think he doesn’t want to take it further with you and not with her?” Ben was playing devil’s advocate, and it was hard to put into words why he’d run.
“Weren’t you listening?” Seb snapped. He had the good sense to look ashamed and apologised for his outburst. “He’s bisexual, so the whole wife, children, house, that’s what he’d want. Who wouldn’t? He’s not for one minute going to want me. What can I offer him, Ben?” Seb’s old insecurity about not being enough was starting to resurface.
Seb told Ben what Dom had said about Joe chasing after him after he left. How he’d gone to the studio to talk to him and how upset he’d been.
“Sounds to me like you might have jumped the gun there. You should have stuck around, see what he had to say. He might have surprised you.”
“It doesn’t matter now. I’m here and he’s there, probably playing house again with Clare.” Seb despaired at the thought. He didn’t want to imagine them as a family, not when it was what he wanted with Joe.
“Wow, I’ve never heard you sound so bitter, Seb, and let me say, it doesn’t suit you.”
Seb could tell that he’d upset Ben, but he couldn’t stop himself. His envy over his brother’s relationship started to spill out again.
“It’s easy for you to say that. You’ve found what you want. From the way Harry looks at you, it’s obvious he loves you. I want that too, and I’m scared I’m going to end up on my own.”
“Honestly, Seb, I think you need to speak to him and find out once and for all what’s happening. You owe it to yourself. If he’s with Clare, then you can move on, and if he isn’t, you may still stand a chance.”
“I don’t know. For now, I think I’m just going to stay here for a while, lick my wounds and stay low. I don’t want to go back too soon. I’m hoping that the stalker will forget me and back off. I’ll be staying here for at least two more weeks. Will you be coming to visit whilst I’m here? I know Becky said she could make it now university is almost done.”
“Hopefully. Do you mind if I bring Harry?” Ben looked hopeful, and Seb knew he shouldn’t hurt his brother with his own stupid jealousy.
“Of course not. I need to vet him anyway before you tie the knot.” Seb tried to lighten the mood. “That’s what big brothers are for, and I’m sorry I acted like a complete arse earlier. I was just feeling jealous.” Seb managed a small smile. “Have I told you I love you and I’m glad you’re here to talk some sense into me?”
“I just think you should give Joe a chance. Listen to what he has to say.”
“I’ll give it some thought. See you next week and apologise to Harry for me.”
Ben said he would, and they said goodbye.
After the call, Seb felt a little better. He’d apologised to his brother, and Ben had given him something to think about. Maybe he had been too hasty, jumping to conclusions.
He would call Dom tomorrow and see how things were back at home.
So, that was what he did. He’d called him and talked about how things were, but he didn’t bring up Joe and neither did Dom.
Ignorance was bliss, or so he thought, but he couldn’t get Joe out of his head. There was no way he was going to split up their little family, though. He wasn’t an unkind, vindictive person. He’d let Joe go and try to at least live half a life if it meant not having Joe in his. He’d survive this. He had before and he would again.
The problem was it hurt Seb to think what his life would be without Joe now. They’d spent days together for the last few months, and the connection he’d felt to Joe was real. Honest.
Resolved to try to forget him, he stayed with his parents for just over three weeks until he knew it was time to go home. Natalia was due to be moving out, and he had to go back. He had duties and obligations, and he wasn’t about to let his friends down.
He said goodbye to his parents and started the slow journey back to his life. He was never going to let anyone close to him again. He didn’t think he’d survive another heartbreak.