People ask, “How do you ever think up all that stuff for a weekly radio show?” and the answer is, “Steal from your old work, and if your mind is blank, do parodies.” The Supreme Court ruled in favor of satire in Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc. (1994), saying that parody is “transformative” and is protected as fair use of copyrighted material. In other words, you do not have to pay for the privilege of making fun of people, a beautiful idea. Thus we swiped Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”:
And Larry still is sitting, pleading as I do my knitting,
Though I’ve said, “You must be kidding. You’re a bozo and a bore.”
And still he gets this feeling and his eyes roll toward the ceiling
And then suddenly he’s kneeling, weeping, facedown on the floor:
“C’mon, honey. Please, let me come back. I implore.”
And I say: “Baby. Nevermore.”
Plus the Bible stories, the Beatitudes, Ginsberg’s “Howl,” Frost’s “Stopping by Woods,” Hamlet, A Streetcar Named Desire, and famous American sacred songs:
Hands off my prostate gland
I’m not ready to go quite yet
But if you say this is it
Bring me a carton of cigarettes
I’m sorry that I quit.
The canon of the familiar is vast and it’s all available to the parodist. You can do Bob Dylan:
May you grow up to be beautiful
And very rich and slim
May God give you everything you want
Though you don’t believe in Him
May you stick your finger in the pie
And always find the plum
May you stay forever dumb.
And Paul Simon—
Hello darkness, my old friend
It is nighttime once again
I’ve been sleeping since this morning
Because this town is very boring
I am tired
Of the tedium and silence
I want violence
I love the sound
Of sirens
Parody is a game of patience. And it’s a tribute to the parodee. Only true originals can be parodied, and that eliminates 95 percent of the poets and songwriters out there. I saw a kid do a parody of me once—he was fourteen, he wore a white suit, red socks, red shoes, a big straw hat, and he spoke in a flat voice very slowly and the story he told was about vampires and werewolves. It was hilarious. Up to a point.