24. FRIENDSHIP SPELL

On July 23rd, 1996, I wrote an original friendship spell.

Fast-forward 19 years.

July 2015.

I’m 30.

I live alone in a 400-square-foot apartment, and the doors are starting to swell shut from the heat.

A few days later, I’m officially trapped.

I don’t know the exact day it started, but I found out when I tried to go buy more peanuts from the liquor mart downstairs.

I’ve got a day or two of cereal left, but if I can’t get the door open by Monday, I’ll be forced to kick the wall until whoever lives on the other side gets mad and comes over here to ask me what the fuck I’m doing. Standing on the other side of the door, they’ll be able to hear what I’m saying, and I can explain.

Behold the god of destruction…

The god of destruction is lonely.