Separated Divorced Widowed?“You’re just like your mother!” “You act the same way your father does!” These common statements are heard time and time again. In many respects, we are a product of our environment because our family backgrounds do affect our lives.
The way our parents treated us many times affects the way we will treat our spouses. Family traditions or the lack of traditions will influence our future marriages. The social and financial status of our childhood years play an important part in our adult thinking.
How much do you know about the family background of your future marriage partner? Are there potential problem areas? It has been said that when you marry, you marry the family. How well do you know your future spouse’s family? Are you accepted by them? How well do they know you?
Answer the following questions and then discuss them together. Your discussion may trigger other family background questions which will help you gain deeper insights into each other and your families.
1. How old were your parents when you were born?
Father______________ Mother_____________
2. List your brothers and sisters in order of birth (include yourself):
| 1. | Age |
| 2. | Age |
| 3. | Age |
| 4. | Age |
| 5. | Age |
| 6. | Age |
3. Were your parents ever:
Separated Divorced Widowed?
How old were you at the time?
My parents’ divorce affected me by:
Who raised you?
Father Mother Other
4. My parents are still living: Yes No
5. My parents’ occupations are:
Father
Mother
6. I would describe my parents’ marriage as:
Very happy
Usually happy
Middle-of-the-road
Sometimes troubled
Very poor
7. I feel the leader in my home was:
| Father |
Mother |
Neither |
| They fought for leadership |
||
8. Describe your relationship with your:
| Father | Mother |
| Affectionate |
Affectionate |
| Accepted |
Accepted |
| Tolerated |
Tolerated |
| Rejected |
Rejected |
| Persecuted |
Persecuted |
| Other |
Other |
9. Describe the discipline style of your:
| Father | Mother |
| Domineering |
Domineering |
| Strict |
Strict |
| Firm but kindly |
Firm but kindly |
| Permissive |
Permissive |
| Indulgent |
Indulgent |
| Other |
Other |
10. I would describe my childhood as:
| Very poor |
Sometimes troubled |
| Middle-of-the-road |
Usually happy |
| Very happy |
Other |
11. My parents think my marriage will be:
12. My parents’ opinions toward my fiancé are:
13. Regarding my marriage, the parents of my fiancé think that:
14. The type of relationship I have with the parents of my fiancé is:
15. I see the following potential trouble points with my in-laws:
16. When I encounter difficulties with my in-laws, I will:
17. I think the following traditions and family traits of my family will affect my marriage:
18. If I have to live in the same house with my in-laws for a period of time, I will:
19. When my in-laws give advice, I will:
20. I have the following questions about in-laws: