For Pastors and Counselors
This book is designed to be a helpful tool in your hands. Therefore, you may want to present copies to the couple you are counseling or have both parties purchase their own copy.
In premarital counseling, it will be helpful to have the couple fill out the first three chapters prior to the initial session. A lot of time can be lost in counseling when either party or both have not considered certain topics ahead of time. This is complicated even further if the couple is embarrassed with the presentation of material that they have not yet discussed together. This is especially true in the area of sexual or financial topics.
Many couples have no idea what is involved in premarital counseling. This inventory helps to eliminate some of the fear and frustration and will greatly enhance the quality of the counseling sessions. The inventory will also help to add consistency to your premarital counseling program. The couples should be encouraged to complete the various homework assignments and bring the inventory with them to each session.
In developing this inventory, I have suggested six counseling sessions prior to the wedding. Some pastors or counselors may find fewer sessions satisfactory, while others may wish to meet more often. As you use the premarriage inventory, you will find it adaptable to your particular style of counseling.
Obviously, not every question mentioned needs to be covered in the presence of the pastor or counselor. Six counseling sessions would not be enough to cover all the material in this inventory. Certain key questions may be covered, or the counseling session could revolve around problem questions that the couple encountered prior to meeting with the pastor or counselor. Use those questions that would be most beneficial to the couple you may be counseling.
Here is a suggested breakdown of the material for six counseling sessions.
Prior to the first counseling session
—Assign chapters 1, 2, and 3 to be completed
Session 1
—Discuss material in chapters 1, 2, and 3
—Assign chapters 4 and 5 as homework for Session 2
Session 2
—Discuss material in chapters 4 and 5
—Assign chapter 6 as homework for Session 3
Session 3
—Discuss material in chapter 6
—Assign chapter 7 as homework for Session 4
Session 4
—Discuss material in chapter 7
—Assign chapter 8 as homework for Session 5
Session 5
—Discuss material in chapter 8
—Assign chapters 9 and 10 as homework for Session 6
Session 6
—Discuss material in chapters 9 and 10
—Tie together any loose ends.
Additional Resources
Chapters 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 have been included as additional resource material. These chapters may or may not be used according to the needs of the couple and the counseling time that is available.
I feel that I must say a word about the material in chapter 8, “Sexual Inventory.” In this chapter I have been very frank. The questions may be too embarrassing for some pastors, counselors, or couples to discuss together. (I hope this isn’t the case.) If the pastor or counselor does not feel comfortable in discussing some of these issues with the couple, may I suggest that he or she encourage the couple to discuss them together or with a doctor. These questions have been collected from counseling sessions with married couples, who have all expressed the wish that they had faced these issues prior to their marriage.
For Teachers and Leaders
Teachers and leaders may wish to use this inventory as:
—A course outline for teaching marriage and family issues
—A source of communication questions for small groups in churches, homes, conferences or retreats
For Couples Alone
This inventory can be used with great benefit by couples who do not have the opportunity of premarital counsel with a pastor or counselor. The couple may use this as a guide to discussion in order to increase their communication with and knowledge of each other.
Married couples will find it helpful as a means to strengthen their relationship. They may also want to give this premarriage inventory as a gift to engaged couples they know.