Google search: What does it mean to be captain?
A person who is at the head of or in authority over others; chief; leader. The position of captain is given to those athletes whom the rest of the team respect and trust to lead the team in the right direction.
Right direction? What was the right direction? Do I ignore the situation and pretend like it never happened or do I call him out and drop him this far into the competition? Huss was our goal kicker and our fullback who had been on fire the last couple of games, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I didn’t want to play alongside a traitor.
We were one week out from the Grand Final against Hunter and his rotten team. They were the only undefeated team in the comp, and with the additional week given to us, we needed to prepare and train harder than ever before.
I tossed and turned all weekend and ignored the WhatsApp messages from the boys, especially from Huss.
Huss: Is everything alright?
Huss: Why aren’t you answering my calls?
Huss: Want me to drop some food off?
Huss: If you’re not doing anything, come
past. Big Haji wants to see you.
Aaron: He keeps asking me if I know
something. Just bloody talk to him.
My family were out at San Souci beach and I told them that I had some extra homework from Mr Archie that I needed to do before the final. I was flicking through the channels on the TV, trying to find something to get my mind off the situation, when Feda came home. She walked straight over and switched off the television and stood with her arms crossed.
‘Call him,’ she said. ‘I don’t care what it is or what happened, just do it.’
‘Trust me, even you would axe him.’
She sat next to me. ‘Aaron called me and told me everything.’
How did he even get her number?
‘And you still want me to talk to him?’
She shook her head like I was missing the point. ‘He deserves a chance to at least explain himself.’
‘What is there to explain? He leaked videos like the snitch he is and now everyone’s on my back like I’m the bad guy.’
I stormed out of the house. I didn’t want to share my burden with Jamila but I needed to see her.
We met at our usual spot by the ducks at Wiley Park. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked me after I’d spent ten minutes glaring at the ducks.
‘Nothing. Just tired.’
She traced her finger down my cheek. ‘Tell me. You’re going to have to face it at some point.’
I closed my eyes and lay my head in her lap. She ran her hands through my hair like she was gently pulling the words out of my brain. I told her in detail about how all along the traitor was right under my nose and I didn’t even realise it.
‘I know you won’t like what I’m going to say, but Aaron and Feda are right,’ she said. ‘If you’re this hurt and in this much pain over Huss, then you owe it to yourself and your friendship with him to at least give him a chance to explain.’ She leaned her face closer to mine. ‘I mean, they even give murderers a chance to plead their case.’ I moved some hair away from her face. ‘Go and speak to him.’
I rang the doorbell a couple of times at Huss’s flat until he buzzed me in.
‘Hey, Tariq,’ someone called. Mr Gabbar, Huss’s African neighbour, rolled anything that could be smoked and was the first to tell you everyone’s business in the street. ‘If you need any people to take care of those men in suits, you just give Uncle Gabbar a call.’
Huss had sent me a few more texts wanting to ‘get something off his chest’. I figured he had spoken to Feda or Aaron and had decided now it was time to confess and face the music. I was walking heavily up the stairs when Mariam and I crossed paths. She had an empty saucepan in her hand and was just as surprised to see me.
‘I was just getting mum’s pot back,’ she said, her eyes a little nervous. ‘Anyway, I have to go. See ya.’
I greeted Big Haji in her bedroom and kissed her hand. She looked feeble, her body had shrunk and she had grey spots on her face. ‘Salaam, Tayta.’
She lifted her head like she was about to kiss me, then pulled my ear instead. ‘Why you not see me, huh? You think I won’t smack you cos I have heart attack?’
I sat with her a little while and could hear Huss in the kitchen opening and closing cupboards. He eventually walked in with a small tub of medications, and, one pill at a time, he gently placed them in her mouth and held the cup of water to her face.
We waited in silence until Big Haji fell asleep, then sat in the living room.
‘You want a V?’ It was the first thing he’d said to me since I’d arrived.
‘No, thanks. I can’t be long.’
A lie. I had all the time in the world but the more I thought about the damage those videos caused, the less of my time I wanted to give him.
‘I know you’re angry with me,’ he began, rubbing his sweaty palms, staring at the ground. ‘But I can explain.’
‘Then explain,’ I insisted.
‘I didn’t know it was going to be this serious. I didn’t know it was going to lead to this.’
I sat up. ‘You serious? Is betrayal that easy for you?’
‘Tariq, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought you were over her,’ he said, finally looking at me. ‘She kept coming around to see Big Haji and because you and I were fighting a lot, I just sort of started to like her accidentally.’
I shook my head. ‘What? Over who? What are you talking about?’
His eyes now widened, like it was so obvious. ‘Mariam? We’ve been seeing each other, but if it makes you this angry, wallah, I’ll axe her now.’
I stared at him.
‘Isn’t that why you’ve been ignoring me?’ he asked.
I sank back into the couch. ‘I know it was you that sent the videos to the news.’
He rubbed his face a few times. In that moment, I believed that my best mate Huss had betrayed me.
‘After everything we’ve been through, after seeing us work like dogs to keep the school open, after seeing all the seniors, your brothers, stressed out because of their HSC, do you even feel bad?’ The more I heard the words out loud, the more I felt the volcano in me about to erupt. ‘You’re off the team. And not that I owe you any favours, but I won’t tell Mr Archie or Mr Ahmed. You will.’
I got up to leave but he stood in the doorway. ‘Please, Tariq. Let me explain.’
‘Move out of my way, Huss. I don’t want to hear your bullshit.’
‘For the sake of Big Haji, please don’t kick me off the team,’ he pleaded once more.
I grabbed him by the shirt. I wanted to make him feel the pain I felt. I knew I couldn’t do it as me now but old Tariq was still alive somewhere. ‘No wonder your dad walked out on you. Who would want a snitch as their son?’
I wanted him to fight back. I wanted him to yell and scream so I could release more of my anger towards him, but he didn’t.
Instead he stared at me, his eyes big and empty and his body weak in my hands. He slid down against the wall and looked up at me like a lifeless doll.
‘Please, Tariq. Don’t do this to me. It’s all I have now.’
‘You did it to yourself,’ I shot back at him.
And Huss, who never cried when he could throw a punch instead, began to sob.
I heard his cries echo in the stairwell as I walked out of the building. I had thought that if I released my anger and made sure Huss felt like crap, somehow, I’d feel better.
But I didn’t.