The key to watching and enjoying the Tour de France is getting your head around all the terminology involved. For the uninitiated, listening to commentators talking about riders bonking, cracking, being dropped, giving the elbow, hitting the wall, tar surfing and pedalling squares can be like trying to make sense of a couple of Londoners talking cockney rhyming slang (but without the urge to slap them around the face for sounding like Jamie Oliver). There is a world of phrases and expressions that make no sense to anyone but the cycling community, and even then some still require a bit of creative thinking — my favourite is a ‘yard sale’, which describes a crash where the cyclists’ belongings are strewn out along the street like a front garden–based bargain hunt.
Knowing your Grande Boucle from your gruppetto or realising the flamme rouge is not a groin condition caused by wearing lycra for too long will undoubtedly enhance your enjoyment of the Tour — or at the very least make you not sound like a wet-behind-the-ears neo-pro — so fill up your bidon and check out the beginner’s guide to road-cycling terms.
Abandon: The point when a rider leaves the race, through injury, mechanical problems or general knackeredness. Some pros see abandoning as a sign of weakness and refuse to throw in the towel regardless, such as Eddy Merckx, who rode to the finish of one race with a broken jaw. ‘I had to continue for the sake of the race, for honour and my teammates,’ said ‘The Cannibal’.
Attack: To accelerate quickly from the pack to create a distance between yourself and the other riders. Not to be confused with attacks perpetrated by spectators, who have used nails, tacks, fists and a variety of wooden hitting instruments to express their dislike of certain riders.
Autobus: Consisting of sprinters and spent domestiques on the mountain stages, the autobus rides somewhat collectively with the intention of getting everyone to the end of the stage before the cut-off time. The non-climbers of the bunch typically struggle on the ascent and then go hell for leather on the descent to bring themselves back to the group. See also: gruppetto.
Battle scars: Permanent road-rash markings, often shown off by riders in a one-upmanship-like manner, like war veterans comparing shrapnel wounds.
Bidon: A pretentious word for ‘water bottle’. Try not to confuse it with another French word that sounds similar, or you might be taking refreshment from a porcelain bowl designed to wash your old-fashioned tea towel holder.
Bonk: Although it’s also a popular term used by UK tabloids to denote sexual intercourse, in cycling it’s used to describe a rider running out of energy on a long ride.
Boxed in: To be surrounded by riders on all sides, denying a racer the space to move ahead. This is a particularly problematic situation for sprinters in the final few kilometres of a race.
Bread and water: More popularly known as the Spanish ‘pan y agua’. A bread-and-water rider is one who doesn’t partake in doping, preferring to follow the Corinithian values of getting all they need from just water and bread. (Note: this is more of a figurative phrase, as it’s hard to be competitive while racing with a bottle of Evian and a loaf of wholemeal in the back pocket of your jersey.)
Breakaway or break: A small group, or single rider, who manages to create space between themselves and the peloton.
Broom wagon: A van (which, in the olden days, actually had a broom attached to it) that drives at the back of the race to ‘sweep up’ any struggling riders who have fallen behind the cut-off limit. Nowadays, most riders are spared the ignominy by being able to jump into air-conditioned Skodas or Jags if they can’t take the pace.
Bunch sprint: A large group of riders heading to the finish line at high speeds, with each team trying to form a train to lead their top sprinter to victory.
Commissaire: The race marshal, usually following the riders in a Skoda and looking very serious. They’ve been known to have the odd bidon thrown at them from time to time.
Crack: When a rider has run out of energy, he is said to crack, e.g., ‘Look at Contador, he’s cracked with one kilometre to go!’; not to be confused with the non-performance-enhancing drug of the same name.
Dancing on the pedals: A term used for a particularly light-footed climber who, when raised out of the saddle, looks like Fred Astaire on wheels.
Delgado, to do a: To arrive late for a race, much like reigning champion Pedro Delgado did at the Prologue of the 1989 Tour. He was so busy signing autographs for adoring fans he lost track of time and, when he finally turned up, the clock had already ticked off two minutes and forty seconds. D’oh!
Directeur sportif: French for ‘sporting director’ or team manager of a cycling team.
Domestique: Translated directly from French it means ‘servant’, but in cycling the term is not demeaning. In fact, domestiques are one of the most crucial parts of team racing during Grand Tours, as these riders support, protect and work for their team leaders, forgoing personal ambitions for the good of the team’s goals.
Drop: If you’re doing the dropping it means you suddenly ride away from an opponent who can’t keep up with your extra pace; if you’re being dropped, you fall out the back of the peloton or a break because the tempo is too high.
Elbow, give the, or to flick the elbow: When a rider flicks their elbow out to the side, it means they want the person behind them to overtake. Usually done when riders are working together and they’ve done their turn, or when the front-runner has no more energy and they’re signalling that their work is done.
Feed zone: The cycling equivalent of the part of town where all the drive-thru Maccas and KFCs are situated. The feed zone is a designated part of the course where team support staff hand out musettes with food, drink and energy gels. Racing etiquette dictates that no attacks should take place in the feed zone, as racers naturally slow down to pick up their doggy bags.
Flamme rouge: A red marker that denotes the ‘one kilometre to go’ point of a race, usually hanging over the top of the road, attached to an inflatable arch. Sounds far more romantic than its description, eh?
GC: General Classification, or the overall standing of a stage race based on cumulative time. Riders will either ride for stages that suit their riding style or ‘for the GC’.
Grande Boucle: French for ‘big loop’, it’s another name for the Tour de France as, especially during the early years, it tended to follow the hexagon shape of the country in a single loop.
Gruppetto: The bunch of riders who make up the back of the field on the mountain stages, usually the sprinters and rouleurs that struggle in the high stuff. These riders will usually work together, united in their collective suffering, to stay ahead of the cut-off time on each stage. See also: Autobus.
Hammer: The imaginary tool that is ‘put down’, denoting a cyclist who is riding hard away from his opponents, e.g. ‘Wiggins really put the hammer down on that uphill stretch.’
Hit the wall: To run out of energy during a race. An actual wall is not usually hit.
Holding the wheel: When a rider is just behind another, taking advantage of their slipstream. It can denote someone who is riding strongly to keep up with a rival, but it also can be used negatively, in the sense that a rider is saving energy by using another to shield and drag him along. See also: wheel sucker.
Lanterne rouge: The title given to the last rider to finish the race, named after the red light that’s at the back of the last carriage of a train. When hope is lost, some riders flirt with the cut-off time to try and win the award.
Maillot jaune: French for ‘yellow jersey’. Usually used by journalists and writers with no knowledge of French who have already written ‘yellow jersey’ in a sentence and need to find an alternative word to avoid repetition. Browse this book for examples.
Magic spanner: When a rider takes a cheeky lift by hanging on to the team car as the mechanic leans out pretending to adjust the bike’s seat. Similar to the ‘sticky bottle’, when a rider holds on to a water bottle being handed to them for a little too long in order to get a pull from the team car.
Meat on the road, to leave some: To leave some of your flesh on the tarmac after a spot of tar surfing.
Musette: A cloth shoulder bag filled with energy-giving foods that riders grab in the feed zone, which is then discarded, only to turn up on eBay as ‘Authentic Vincenzo Nibali Nosh Bag from La Vuelta’. Also the name of a great cycling cafe in downtown Vancouver, packed to the brim with top memorabilia and lattes in Bianchi-coloured mugs.
Neo-pro: A first-year cyclist.
On the rivet: When a cyclist is riding as fast as they can, usually with their bum perched forward on the pointy end of the saddle. Back in the ‘olden days’, saddle leather used to be affixed by rivets all the way along the outside edge.
Palmarès: The cycling version of a CV, this is the list of the races a rider has won, e.g. ‘Dear Mr Brailsford. Please find enclosed my cover letter and palmarès in the hope you may consider me for the position of Team Sky bicycle rider.’
Panache: A rider who shows particular style while riding. For example, heading off on a solo attack with more than half the stage still to go. Not to be confused with the cheap French perfume men used to give their spouses for Christmas in the 1980s.
Pedalling squares: When someone is not riding fluidly or with any rhythm, usually due to fatigue, with their pedalling style looking like the chain ring is square rather than round.
Peloton: From the French meaning ‘platoon’, the main group of riders, who bunch together collectively to save energy during the majority of the race. Also known as the ‘pack’, the ‘bunch’, and ‘all those stronger buggers disappearing in front of me’.
Prologue: The start of the race — except it actually isn’t. It’s a short individual time trial before a stage race to decide who wears the leader’s jersey on the first stage.
Pull: To take a turn at the front of the race, setting the pace and driving the peloton forward while others follow your slipstream, e.g. ‘The rest of Team Sky chuckled like schoolboys when Froome admitted he hadn’t had a pull in a while.’
Queen stage: The stage in a race that features the highest peak; it is usually used to denote the hardest stage, too.
Road rash: Skin scrapage caused by falling off a bike at high speed, e.g. ‘Ooh look Cadel, your butt cheeks have matching road rash.’
Rouleur: A rider who is considered a good all-round cyclist. Rouleurs prefer the Classics, such as Paris–Roubaix and the Tour of Flanders, to long, mountainous Grand Tours. Slovakian rider Peter Sagan, who won three stages and the green jersey in his first Tour in 2012, is tipped to be the next great rouleur. Also the name of an excellent (although slightly pretentious) cycling magazine that indulges in pages of great black-and-white photography and frame porn each edition.
Sit up: After a rider gives a particularly long pull on the front, or just can’t take the pace of the race, they’re said to sit up, sometimes rising noticeably by putting their hands on the top of the handlebars.
Soigneur: A member of a team who provides all manner of support: equal parts masseur/psychologist/agony aunt/cheerleader/food preparer and, in the darker days, dope supplier.
Tar surfing: The act of crashing where a part of your body glides along the tarmac like a surfboard on a wave. Indulge in enough tar surfing with your head and you end up sounding like Keanu Reeves in Point Break.
Time trial: Raced against the clock as an individual or in teams, time trials are typically on a short course, with each rider leaving at fixed intervals. Also known as the ‘Race of Truth’, as it usually reveals a cyclist’s true ability to ride solo in a pressure situation.
Tête de la course: The rider who is leading the race, if they are ahead of the peloton. Literally translated from French, it means ‘head of the race’.
Train: A group of riders from the same team who ride in a line to drive the pace of the race. Particularly effective during a bunch sprint, where a team can protect their star sprinter with numbers and then catapult him from the last man’s slipstream towards the line for the win.
Toenails: Something early riders had none of. French rider Henri Pélissier, winner in 1923, once said: ‘And your toenails: I’ve lost six out of ten. They fall off one by one, on each stage.’
Wheel sucker: A rider who sits behind a group or another rider, taking advantage of the draft but not taking a turn at the front themselves.
Work: Riding on the front and sharing the workload of riding against the wind, e.g. ‘Michael Rogers did a lot of work for Bradley Wiggins today.’ Also known as taking a ‘turn’ on the front.
Yard sale: When riders crash and leave every item they’re riding with — helmet, glasses, computer, water bottles — strewn out on the road, reminiscent of a yard sale.
Yellow jersey: The coloured shirt given to the leader of the General Classification of the Tour, so both spectators and viewers at home can better identify them in the peloton. Also known as the ‘maillot jaune’, it used to sport the signature of Henri Desgrange until 1983, when race organisers realised it was an obvious ploy to recognise a significant part of the Tour’s history and replaced it with a sponsor’s logo.