CHAPTER 6

FEARLESS EATING

Robert’s wife insisted that he have a check-up when he turned fifty.

I hadn’t been to the doctor for nearly ten years, and now I know why! She ran a bunch of tests and told me that I have “metabolic syndrome.” Apparently I have high blood pressure and prediabetes. I looked it up on the Internet and it scared me because my father had diabetes and had a stroke. I found a diet that is supposed to cure it. I was able maintain a low carb diet—you know, no “whites” like bread, sweets, rice, potatoes—for about three months until I couldn’t stick with it anymore! I’ve been bingeing on the stuff ever since. I’ve started sneaking food when my wife’s not around, but I’m not fooling anyone, including myself. I feel so out of control.

You’ve learned techniques to help you distinguish between triggers and physical hunger. When you’re hungry, you get to decide what to eat.

WHAT DO I EAT?

At this point, if we gave you a list of allowed foods and portion sizes to choose from, you’d be right back where you were on your last diet. But like Robert, many people have difficulty finding the balance between eating well and eating restrictively. The blurring of the line between mindful eating and restrictive eating is the difference between a work of art and a paint-by-number. Either way, you end up with a nice picture—until you get up close to take a look. Is your picture of health constrained by rigid lines and predetermined colors? Or does it express your individuality, preferences, and lifestyle? Compare mindful eating to restrictive eating.

Mindful Eating	vs.	Restrictive Eating
In charge		In control
Nourishment		Diet
Fuel		Calories
Quality		Points
Healthy		Skinny
Aware		Preoccupied
Conscious		Consumed
Mindful		Vigilant
Information		Dogma
Guide		Rules
All foods fit		Good or bad
Balance		Perfection
Variety		Temptation
Moderation		Deprivation
Choosing		Earning
Deciding		Rationalizing
Flexible		Rigid
Hunger based		By the clock
Comfort		Portion sizes
Physical activity		Penance
Introspective		Smug
Effortless		Willpower
Trust		Fear
Learning		Failing
Self-acceptance		Condemnation
Enjoyment		Guilt
Pleasure		Shame
Freedom		Bondage

Listen to Your Self-Care Voice

Some decisions are made based on emotion, while other decisions are made based on facts and logic. Decisions made without considering both states of mind can be troublesome. A decision based on emotion without logic is often impulsive and can leave you with regret, because you haven’t considered the facts, details, or consequences. Decisions made by logic, without emotion, may leave you feeling mechanical, lonely, and devoid of pleasure. Your self-care voice can help you make balanced decisions about many things—including eating.

To access your self-care voice, you must tap into your innate wisdom by going beyond emotional reactions and logical analysis. Decisions made this way are sometimes described as a “knowing” or a “gut” feeling. Interestingly, researchers have found an area in the stomach with a web of nerve endings referred to as the enteric brain (brain in the stomach). In fact, you are tapping into this wisdom when you practice your Body-Mind-Heart Scan.

Self-Care and Food

Food decisions based on self-care will naturally balance eating for nourishment and eating for enjoyment. Develop your wisdom by taking into consideration what you want and what you need:

Robert says his wife Linda seems to have a strong self-care voice.

Linda eats one of her three favorite breakfasts every day: oatmeal with nuts and berries, yogurt with granola and fruit, or two poached eggs on whole grain toast. But if we decide to go out for breakfast, she’ll order a waffle or eggs benedict. Linda doesn’t really like fast food but she loves a great hamburger. When I was on the no-white diet and we’d go out for burgers, I’d order mine with cheese, take off the bun, and substitute a side salad for the French fries. Linda would order a combo but eat less than half of her fries and not even finish her burger. I would never dream of leaving any food behind; in fact, it was all I could do to keep myself from snatching the rest of the fries off her plate!

Linda gets crabby when she’s hungry so she always keeps snacks handy. She likes fruit, nuts, and hummus with veggies. We take turns cooking and both make sure we have a balanced meal for our family dinner. We don’t always have dessert but she has a thing for chocolate and always has some in her purse or home office cabinet so she can eat it whenever she wants to.

Notice how Linda makes her decisions about what to eat. She has a breakfast routine that is nutrient rich and easy. She saves the less healthy, more labor-intensive meals for an occasional breakfast out. She enjoys a burger and fries when she wants, but doesn’t feel compelled to finish them. They are both attentive about putting together a balanced meal for their family. Linda has a variety of healthy snacks on hand—but also eats chocolate when she wants it!

The most effective way to make permanent healthy lifestyle changes is to learn to eat according to your body’s signals and to eat as healthfully as possible without feeling deprived. This balance can be achieved when you use reliable nutrition information in making your food choices, while still retaining the freedom to eat what you love without judging yourself or feeling guilty. Choosing food this way meets your natural needs for nourishment and enjoyment.

Although Linda doesn’t overanalyze each of her decisions, they can be summarized by three questions:

1. What do I want?

2. What do I need?

3. What do I have?

You can use these questions to help you make food choices that are healthful and satisfying.

WHAT DO I WANT?

Most of the time when you’re hungry, a specific food, flavor, or texture will come to mind. As you get used to listening to your body’s signals, you’ll begin to recognize what type of food or taste will match your particular hunger at that time. Robert gave us a good example of why this is important.

I was a little hungry and I really, really, really, really wanted some of the chips Linda bought for my sons’ lunches. They were stashed way up on a shelf because she doesn’t want us eating them for snacks. I’ve been trying to stay on my diet, so I decided to eat vegetables instead. I felt good about my choice, but not satisfied. Next I ate some of Linda’s yogurt with some berries. That just didn’t cut it, so I ate a handful of raw walnuts. They were good but I was craving salty-crunchy. After Linda went to bed, I took one of the little bags of chips from the shelf and all but inhaled it. I felt like I had already blown it so I ate another one, and another, and before I knew it, they were all gone! Panic set in, so I drove to the store to replace the chips. I ate two candy bars on the drive home and threw the wrappers away in the garbage can outside to hide the evidence. I felt a little sick and a lot guilty. I thought, “Well that was stupid! I could have had a bag of chips when I actually hungry and wanted them, and avoided the binge.

Satisfaction is not just physical fullness. Satisfaction comes from enjoying the food you eat. When you don’t eat the food you really want, you may overeat other foods then eventually get around to eating what you wanted anyway. But when you match the food you choose to what you’re hungry for, you’ll experience greater satisfaction and more enjoyment—with less food.

If a specific food doesn’t come to mind, try to identify what you’re hungry for by asking yourself these questions:

•What taste do I want—sweet, salty, sour, spicy, or bitter?

•What texture do I want—crunchy, creamy, smooth, or juicy?

•What temperature do I want—hot, moderate, cold, or frozen?

•What type of food do I want—light, heavy, or in-between?

•Do I want a certain category of food—protein, vegetables, or bread?

•Is there a specific food I have been craving?

Listen to what Robert had to say when he experimented with this concept.

When you said, “Ask yourself what you want,” I knew all I would want was carbs, carbs, and more carbs. And I did, at first. I was surprised when I suddenly craved a salad! By the end of the month, I was eating salmon, Linda’s hummus, and something called quinoa. I loved seeing what I’d want next.

Like Robert, most people eventually gravitate toward balance, variety, and moderation when they begin to ask themselves what they really want.

Eat What You Love

Let’s face it. Food is wonderful. It’s truly one of life’s many pleasures. Enjoying food is only a problem if it’s your primary source of pleasure.

The purpose of letting go of restrictive eating is to remove the false sense of value you place on certain foods. In essence, by letting go of the guilt, you eliminate the power that certain foods have over you. Amazingly, your desire to overeat them usually diminishes.

The key to eliminating guilt is to give yourself unconditional permission to eat any food. This means you place all foods on an even playing field where the choice to eat cake evokes no more guilt than the choice to eat an apple. In order to eat without guilt, strive to do the following:

•Stop thinking of certain foods as “good” and others as “bad.”

•Eat what you really want, paying attention to your body’s natural signals.

•Eat without having to pay penance, as in, “I’ll eat this today, but I’ll diet the rest of the week,” or “I’ll eat this now, but I’ll have to spend more time exercising tonight.”

Change Your Internal Dialogue

Even when you know that deprivation has led to overeating in the past, you may still be afraid to ask yourself what you’re hungry for. If you’ve been stuck in a eat-repent-repeat cycle, you may doubt that you can freely choose to eat what you want without losing control. But remember, as you learn to eat mindfully again, you no longer have to be in control. You are in charge.

What does your restrictive voice say that can get in the way? Your beliefs and thoughts ultimately cause you to make certain decisions. By recognizing when your restrictive voice is derailing your intention with fear-based thinking, you can begin to think more fearless, empowering thoughts. Let’s look at some examples.

Fear-Based Thoughts vs. Fearless Thoughts

Fear-based: I won’t make healthy choices.

You may be worried that if you ask yourself what you want, you’ll always want sweets, fried food, or other foods you’ve tried to avoid. Initially, that may be true, especially if you’ve felt deprived.

Fearless: I enjoy a variety of healthy, satisfying foods.

Once you let go of the guilt about eating certain things, you’ll gradually discover that you want a variety of foods to help you feel healthy and satisfied. Once you stop labeling foods as good or bad, you can develop a greater appreciation for the taste of fresh healthful ingredients instead of seeing them as diet foods. In addition, you’ll notice that you feel better physically and emotionally with a balance of nutritious foods, and your body will actually begin to crave them.

Fear-based: I should feel guilty when I eat what I love.

Many popular food and diet ads feed into the fear that eating for pleasure is sinful and that you should eat only foods that are “guilt free.”

Fearless: I eat what I love, and I love what I eat.

In the long run, you’ll be more satisfied if you choose a variety of foods you like and allow yourself to enjoy them without guilt.

Fear-based: I really shouldn’t be eating this.

You are just giving yourself pseudo-permission if you don’t really believe you can eat certain foods. When you choose a food you think you shouldn’t, instead of fully enjoying it, you’ll be planning to pay penance by exercising more, skipping a snack or a meal, or eating light the next day to make up for it. Since you never really gave yourself permission to eat what you wanted, you’ll continue to feel out of control, you’ll overeat or binge, and you’ll punish yourself for it—the eat-repent-repeat cycle.

Fearless: I choose balance, variety, and moderation in my eating.

Give yourself unconditional permission to allow all foods in your diet. If you repeatedly overeat a particular food, notice what you are thinking and feeling. You may be in a subconscious Restrictive Eating Cycle and setting yourself up for a binge. All foods can fit into a balanced diet, so allow your common sense to guide your food choices by using the simple principles of balance, variety, and moderation.

Fear-based: I’ll use the Hunger and Fullness Scale to control my eating.

Feeling guilty if you eat when you’re not hungry or judging yourself for eating past a 5 or a 6 is no different than dieting. This form of restrictive eating can lead to the same eat-repent-repeat cycle.

Fearless: I am in charge of all my decisions, including when I eat.

When you want to eat, ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” knowing that you can choose to eat whether you are or not. Since being in charge means taking responsibility, you’re free to choose to eat or overeat if you want, as long as you acknowledge the possible consequences and decide that for a given situation, the consequences are worth it.

Fear-based: I can’t trust myself.

You may believe you’re addicted to certain foods and feel afraid that you won’t be able to stop eating them if you start. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy because once you have even one bite, your mind automatically prepares for a binge. Depriving yourself of certain foods gives them power over you; in fact, it causes the strong cravings in the first place. This lack of self-trust often comes from a history of cycling between overeating and restrictive eating.

Fearless: I trust myself to eat in a way that nourishes my body, mind, heart, and spirit.

When you know those previously forbidden foods will always be allowed, the urgency to eat them in large quantities eventually diminishes. Research has shown that people get tired of eating the same kind of food over time, even foods they love. Following the steps outlined in “The Grey Area: Fearless Eating” allows you to experiment with different foods and decide what foods you’ll choose to eat based on how you respond.

THE GREY AREA

FEARLESS EATING

Are there foods that you’d love to be able to eat without guilt or without bingeing? If so, the following strategies for fearless eating will help you rebuild trust in your ability to listen to your body wisdom. These steps will help you try out one previously forbidden food at a time and eat it regularly until it loses its magic and goes back to just being delicious. Move through the steps at a pace that’s comfortable for you.

•Make a list of your forbidden, scary, or trigger foods—foods you enjoy but generally restrict yourself from eating.

•Choose one of the foods from your list and give yourself full permission to eat it when you’re hungry and you really, really, really, really want it. This is the Four Really test.

•When you’re hungry and decide you want that food (it passes the Four Really test), buy, prepare, or order one serving.

•Eat the food mindfully, without distractions, and focus on the aroma, appearance, flavor, and texture as you eat. You’ll learn more strategies for mindful eating in the next chapter.

•Does the food taste as good as you imagined it would? Sometimes you’ll discover it isn’t as good as you thought it would be; you may even decide not to finish it or that you won’t bother with it in the future. If you love it, continue to give yourself permission to buy or order it whenever you want.

•You may decide to keep enough of that food in your house so you know it’ll be there if you want it. For some people, however, keeping certain foods in the house can feel too scary. In that case, promise yourself you’ll purchase and prepare only as much as you’ll need for one sitting or you’ll go to a restaurant and order it when you want it.

•Don’t be surprised if you want that food frequently at first; that’s normal. Relax; the cravings will decrease when you realize the food is no longer forbidden.

•This strategy is also helpful if you find yourself obsessing about a particular food.

•When you’re ready, choose another food from your list and practice the process again.

•If you find yourself overeating certain foods, ask yourself, “What was I thinking when I was eating it?” Restrictive or scarcity thoughts like, “I shouldn’t eat this,” or “I’m going to eat it all in case I don’t get another chance,” can continue to drive overeating. Remember, you’re in charge now, so replace those thoughts with more powerful, fearless thoughts.

•Repeat these steps regularly to banish the fear that you’re not in charge of your eating.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want, you’ll notice that food quickly loses the power and strong attraction it once had. You’ll begin to trust that you can choose from among all the wonderful food choices available when you’re hungry. You won’t have to stock up in anticipation of your next round of self-denial. Amazingly, you’ll also find that you make more balanced choices and feel more satisfied.

WHAT DO I NEED?

Food decisions are neither good nor bad, but clearly, some foods offer more nutritional benefits than others. As you consider what food to choose, ask yourself, “What does my body need?”

Food fuels your body. It’s wonderful to enjoy the food you choose, but keep in mind that the main purpose for eating is to provide your body with the energy and nutrients it needs to function at its best. Since your body is the finest, most complex machine ever created, it performs best and lasts longest with top-of-the-line fuel.

Nourish Yourself

Food can be used to your advantage when you learn to balance eating for nourishment with eating for enjoyment. The following strategies will help you with that process.

Remember, you have a choice. When making decisions about what you’ll eat, instead of using words such as should, shouldn’t, can’t, have to, must, ought, always, or never, use words that indicate a choice such as could, can, may, prefer, and sometimes. For example, “I can choose to eat (fill in the blank) if I want it” or “I’d prefer to eat a salad” or “I’ll make healthy choices for myself, but I’ll make them because I want to, not because I have to.”

Choose food based on balance, variety, and moderation. All foods can fit into a healthy diet; you get to choose what you’ll eat. Ask yourself what else you have been eating and what you are likely to eat later. Examples of helpful questions include:

•Have I eaten a variety of fruits and vegetables today?

•Do I eat enough protein or not enough?

•Do I feel tired when I eat too many carbohydrates in one meal?

•Have I been practicing balance, variety, and moderation over the last few days?

MINDFUL MOMENT: Nutrition information is a tool not a weapon.

Your answers to questions like these will help you decide which foods you could choose to meet your nutritional needs.

Make small, gradual changes. Let go of all or nothing thinking. Healthy eating is simply the result of all the little positive decisions you make.

Learn about nutrition. Use nutrition information to make informed decisions, not to deprive and punish yourself or to make you feel guilty. Surprisingly, once you know how one appealing food compares to another, you’ll often find yourself preferring the more nutritious food.

Without a doubt, science will continue to discover new and important information about nutrition and health. In fact, things are changing so rapidly in this field that even credible information from reliable sources may evolve and change over time. Find accurate and authoritative sources for nutrition information to keep up-to-date.

Be sure to examine how the information you learn applies to your life. Just because you hear or read something doesn’t automatically mean you need to make a change. If you are unsure, your health care professional or a dietitian can help guide you through the maze of all the nutrition information that’s available.

Consider your personal health needs. Take an honest inventory of your health. What specific issues do you need to consider when deciding what to eat? Think about the following issues and talk to your health care professional or a dietitian for specific recommendations if needed:

•Medical history (especially diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, risk of cancer);

•Family history (especially diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease);

•Allergies and reactions to certain foods (for instance, rashes, fatigue, digestive problems);

•Your health goals (for instance, fitness or prevention of chronic disease).

Be willing to try new foods. You just might surprise yourself! It can take several tries of a new food to acquire a taste for it, but some of your favorite foods may be things you thought you wouldn’t like. Don’t persist in forcing yourself to eat foods you don’t like, however, since that can backfire.

Make it taste great. Enjoy balanced choices by focusing on fresh foods, appealing combinations, new flavors, and interesting recipes. For example, learn to prepare healthy foods in exciting, delicious ways and learn to prepare your favorites in healthier ways by adjusting the ingredients or cooking method.

Look for healthful alternatives. Ask yourself, “Is there a healthy choice that will meet my needs without leaving me feeling deprived?” For instance, could you be happy with frozen yogurt instead of ice cream this time? While eating out, could you decide to skip the appetizers and just enjoy the main course, order a great salad instead of a burger, or share your favorite meal? Make it a habit to choose more healthful foods unless you feel you really need to eat a particular food to feel satisfied.

Keep an awareness journal. You may find it helpful to keep a journal for a while to help you recognize patterns and identify areas that you want to improve. Many of the people we work with initially say they hate the thought of journaling because it reminds them of a diet. The difference, however, is that an awareness journal is used to make connections between what you eat and how you feel (and for that matter, how you feel and what you eat), rather than tracking and accountability. Perfection is not necessary; you’ll learn something about yourself even if you journal intermittently. You’ll find a great Awareness Journal at www.AmIHungry.com.

Become aware of how you feel after you eat. Notice how long certain foods stay with you, whether you feel more energetic or sluggish after eating certain foods, and whether any foods cause uncomfortable symptoms. To put this into practical terms, here’s what Robert noticed.

I had been up late the night before working on a project and had a snack around midnight, so I wasn’t hungry when I woke up in the morning. I skipped breakfast and just had coffee. I noticed I was hungry around 9. Since I was going out for lunch, I didn’t have any food with me. I wandered into the break room and grabbed a donut. I can eat what I want, right? An hour later, my hunger pangs were back, so I returned to the break room and had another donut. By eleven, I noticed that I was irritated; physically uncomfortable, and couldn’t concentrate. What was going on?

Throughout the morning Robert had eaten low-fiber foods high in sugar and fat with an insignificant amount of protein. As a result, his blood sugars were spiking and dropping. If Robert continued this pattern of eating, it would go on all day. So he began to experiment with his breakfast and snacks.

Now even if I’m not hungry when I wake up, I bring my breakfast with me so I’ll have it when I’m ready to eat. I’ve also learned that rather than just having crackers or fruit—or donuts—for snacks, I feel much better and stay satisfied longer if I eat cheese with wheat crackers or have peanut butter on an apple.

A little knowledge about the effects of fiber and protein, combined with the wisdom that comes from experience, put Robert in charge of managing his health, energy, mood, and hunger.

MINDFUL MOMENT: You are in charge of having food available to eat when you are hungry.

Resist restrictive diets. Without a doubt, you’ll continue to hear about many wonder diets that promise amazing results. You may even be tempted to try one. Before you do, carefully examine the premise and science behind it. Remember this rule of thumb: If it sounds too good to be true, it is! Robert shared this lesson.

I finally felt like I was in charge of my eating and I was feeling so much better. When our family started planning a vacation to Hawaii, I figured I could drop about 15 pounds on a medical fast that was advertised in the paper, then go back to mindful eating on vacation. About two weeks into the liquid diet, my eating disorder was back with a vengeance. I’m back to mindful eating again and we signed up for a family membership at the Y when we got back from Hawaii.

Be open to dietary guidance and more structure if needed. There’s nothing wrong with making a decision to follow a specific dietary plan—after all, you’re in charge. It’s sensible to explore new ways of eating that are sound and make sense, as long as your thoughts don’t become restrictive.

You may have a medical reason for following a specific dietary plan or find that you prefer more structure. Just be sure to let hunger, satisfaction, and common sense guide you. Another good rule of thumb is this: If you can’t imagine eating a certain way for the rest of your life, don’t bother doing it for even a day. Robert used the structure of mindful eating to help him manage his prediabetes.

I knew I’d never go on such a restrictive diet again. But I wasn’t going to ignore my health issues. I decided to try using the Mindful Eating Cycle to guide me instead. What a difference! I learned a lot more about carbohydrates and realized that they weren’t the enemy. I can still enjoy my carbs when I really want them, but since I have prediabetes, I need to limit the total amount of carbohydrate I eat at each snack or meal. I’m eating lean protein, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains—and French fries or chips occasionally when I really want them. My doctor said all my numbers have started to improve so we’re going to recheck them in three months.

(To learn more about mindful eating with prediabetes or diabetes, read Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes: A Mindful Eating Program for Thriving with Prediabetes or Diabetes.)

When it comes to eating for health, being in charge means taking personal responsibility for your food choices. Combine your knowledge of nutrition with your personal lifestyle and preferences to choose food that works best for you and your overall well-being.

WHAT DO I HAVE?

This step can be summarized with one word: planning. Having a variety of foods available is essential if you’re going to learn to use hunger to guide your eating. If you feel hungry and the only food available is from a vending machine, you’re likely to choose a snack that may not be very healthy, may not taste very good, and may not really be what you were hungry for anyway.

Be Prepared

The key is to keep a variety of foods available.

•Stock your home, workplace, and even your car, purse, or briefcase with different types of foods that meet the types of cravings you get.

•Focus on healthful options that you enjoy when you’re hungry but that won’t be calling out to you from their storage place saying, “I’m in here! Come eat me!”

•Keep nutritious ready-to-eat options on hand such as fresh fruit and precut vegetables, dried fruit, whole grain crackers, popcorn, packages of oatmeal, yogurt, string cheese, nuts, hard-boiled eggs, and cans of tuna or slices of turkey or roast beef.

•Buy or separate food into convenient, single-serving portions. Small snack bags work great for this.

•Designate a day each week to experiment with new foods and new recipes to expand your repertoire.

•Plan a day once a month to cook and freeze some extra meals.

•You may also decide to keep small amounts of chocolate or other favorite treats around when you’re ready. Practice the “The Grey Area: Fearless Eating” outlined previously. If certain foods are too challenging for you to stop eating even when you’re comfortably satisfied, introduce them more slowly. Just because you can eat whatever you love, doesn’t mean you have to!

•You’re not always in charge of what is available, but you’re still in charge of what and how much you choose. When you’re eating from a menu or buffet, decide what you want and need first and then survey your options to see what will fit best.

Robert had a great way to be prepared at work.

At first, I thought I’d feel out of the loop if I didn’t go out with my buddies for lunch every day. But it turns out that I wasn’t the only one who was concerned about the way I was eating—or the money I was spending—because a couple of the guys started bringing their lunch to work too. I’ve also learned to keep an extra meal or two stashed in my office in case I don’t have time to make lunch. Sometimes a few of us go to the gym to play racquetball at noon or after work so that gives us time to socialize.

If you’re not used to choosing food mindfully and fearlessly, you may find it challenging at first. Just remember to ask yourself, “What do I want?”, “What do I need?”, and “What do I have?” With practice, these strategies allow you to make choices that satisfy your body and your mind. Eating food you love while taking good care of yourself is the best way to feel fully nourished.