Public Victory
Effective interdependence can only be built on a foundation of true independence. Private victory precedes a public victory. You can’t be successful with other people if you haven’t paid the price of success with yourself first. Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.
The most important ingredient we can contribute to any relationship is not what we say or do, but what we are. If our words and actions come from superficial techniques rather than an inner core, people will sense that. So, the place to begin building any relationship is in our own character.
Interdependence opens up worlds of possibilities for deep, rich and meaningful associations leading to increased productivity. It is where we have the potential for the greatest joys and the greatest pain. Interdependence is like an Emotional Bank Account. We make deposits into this account by courtesy, kindness, honesty, openness and keeping commitments. When your account is in credit, you can make occasional mistakes and they can be compensated for. If your account is empty or overdrawn, there is a lot of tension, and you have to be very careful with every word you utter and everything you do.
Make deposits into your Emotional Bank Account by;
- Understanding the individual. What may be a deposit to one person may be nothing or even a withdrawal to another. Therefore, you need to get to know the individual.
- Attending to the little things. In relationships or associations, the big things are really the little things – courtesies and small acts of kindness. Little forms of disrespect can make large withdrawals if you’re not careful.
- Keeping commitments. Keeping a promise is a very large deposit, breaking a promise is the largest withdrawal it’s possible to make. People tend to build their hopes around promises.
- Clarifying expectations. The cause of many problems is simply conflicting or ambiguous expectations. Therefore, it’s vital in any new situation to get all expectations tabled so they can be discussed and covered. This may take courage on the part of all parties involved.
- Showing personal integrity. Integrity is the basis of many kinds of deposits, while lack of integrity undermines almost all other efforts to make deposits. Honesty is telling the truth or conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words or keeping promises and fulfilling expectations. One important way to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present, as that communicates consistency. Integrity means you treat everyone by the same set of rules.
- Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawal. This requires a great deal of strength of character.
“There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.”
— Samuel Johnson
“It is more difficult to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.”
— Dag Hammarskjold, U.N. Secretary-General
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
— Oliver Wendell Holmes