In Autry style, he treated the group to breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Ralph was so surprised to see the size of his bacon, Swiss and tomato omelet that he took a photo of it, and Abby and Janie tried to teach him to how to upload it on social media. But of course, Ralph didn’t have any social media accounts.
They ate, they drank their six-dollar glasses of orange juice and four-dollar cups of coffee, and then they were on the corporate jet again, flying back to real life.
This time, Marissa sat next to her mom, the two little Fuller girls across the aisle like “big girls” with their headphones on as they watched Frozen for the hundredth time. Abby and Janie also had their headphones on, but they were listening to 2LOVEU on their tiny iPod shuffles, Christmas gifts from Marissa and Anne last year.
Autry was a few rows up, next to her father, chatting about the stock market. Every now and then, Autry would turn and Marissa would get a glimpse of his beautiful profile, his strong, straight nose, that sculpted jawline and the sexy sweep of dark blond hair.
She sighed before she could catch herself.
“What was that for?” her mother whispered.
“What? Nothing. Just...a little tired.”
“Uh-huh,” Roberta said, eyebrow raised. “Maybe I was wrong, honey,” she added. “Maybe playing it safe isn’t the way to go.”
“Of course it is,” Marissa whispered. “That’s the only way to go.”
“But you’re not escaping without a bruised heart.”
“I also need to be realistic. He’s who he is. I’m who I am. Our lives can’t meet, Mom. How could they?”
Even that one had Roberta stumped.
“Autry loves what he does. He loves traveling for his family business. He might have very strong feelings for me, for all of us, but let’s say he mysteriously and magically said he’s going to stay in Rust Creek Falls for me. He’d be miserable. I know that and so does he.”
Roberta covered Marissa’s hand. “I guess so. Well, I have no doubt the two of you will figure it out.”
“Or not,” Marissa said, tears poking her eyes. “You know that annoying saying ‘it is what it is’? Well, it is what it is.”
“It’s okay to admit that you’re going to miss him,” Roberta said. “And it’s okay to be sad.”
Marissa felt tears stir again. “It’s not, though. I have the girls to think about. I have to be strong for them. Present for them. One of the reasons I don’t date is so that I won’t bring my crazy emotions into their lives. They lost so much. I just want to focus on raising them well and making sure they’re happy.”
“You’re a good mother, Marissa.”
“You taught me well.”
Her mother pulled Marissa into a hug, as much as she could, given that they were buckled in.
“But you deserve happiness, too, sweetheart. Just don’t forget that.”
Marissa nodded and closed her eyes, but there was no way she’d sleep. She’d taken her ounce of happiness last night and it would keep her going through the lonely times, through the times she’d miss Autry. She had her girls. She had her parents. She had friends and a good job. She had a life in Rust Creek Falls and it was a good one.
She’d let Autry go because she had to.
* * *
Autry dropped off Janie first, Anne Lattimore ran to hug her daughter and thank everyone for taking her on the amazing adventure. Then the car headed to the Fuller-Raffertys’, and Marissa wondered if this was the last time she’d see Autry, if this would be their final goodbye. She knew he’d never leave town without saying goodbye to the girls, but this was likely Marissa’s last time alone with Autry.
Her parents ushered the kids inside, Roberta ensuring that Marissa had some time alone with Autry to say that goodbye, if that was what she wanted. It wasn’t, but why prolong this for three more days?
“I can’t be here in this town and stay away,” Autry said as soon as they were alone, his hands gripping the leather steering wheel of his rented Porsche.
“There’s no future for us,” she said.
“I could fly in every few months and...” He sighed. “This was supposed to be no strings attached, but we forgot that feelings are strings,” he added.
She smiled and reached for his hand. “I know. So let’s just cut them now. I need to take care of my family, Autry. I can’t be lying in my bed, nursing a broken heart. I don’t have that luxury.”
“I know. Well, we have three more days. What’s three more days of exquisite torture? It would be worse not seeing each other when I’m still here, Marissa.”
Now it was her turn to sigh as her resolve went out the window. “Agreed.”
“Your parents were champs during this trip. Let’s give them a night out tonight. Send them to dinner and a movie. I’ll cook for you and the girls and we’ll play board games and charades.”
“Now, that sounds like my life,” she said.
“A life I want to be part of while I’m here.”
“See you later, then, Autry Jones.”
She could see the relief on his face that she hadn’t said goodbye. But she had no idea if she was doing the right thing.
* * *
“Yay! Mr. Autry is here!” Kiera said when he arrived. She was standing in the doorway with her sisters.
He laughed. These girls had a way of making him feel like a rock star. “Yay! Kiera is here! And Kaylee! And Abby!” He growled like a bear and bent over, then charged in, scooping up each girl for a hug and kiss.
Good God, what was with him? One minute he was having arrows shot in his heart from the reminders of Lulu. The next minute, he had a three-year-old on his shoulders singing a song from Frozen.
Who was he turning into? What was he turning into?
It got me. And it’s gonna get you, too... He remembered his brother Hudson’s words. His brother Walker’s words.
And his father’s. I can’t lose you, too.
As he headed into the kitchen with his grocery bag, he thought about the fact that he didn’t want to lose himself, either. He knew who he was when he was doing things Autry Jones did. Bringing over gifts. Flying off to front-row seats to a sold-out concert. But this more homespun stuff, nice as it was, left him feeling just a bit...uncomfortable.
Maybe that was a sign. That he didn’t have to worry about leaving his heart in Rust Creek Falls. Tonight was definitely a good idea. He’d have another “family” night, and he’d be itching to get to Paris, to trade his cowboy boots for his five-hundred-dollar leather Prada shoes. Though he’d been here at the Fuller-Raffertys’, grilling, playing charades, practicing for The Great Roundup Kids Competition, and he’d had a great time.
Cripes.
“I thought I heard shrieks of happiness,” Marissa said, coming into the kitchen. “I knew a celeb had arrived.”
“They certainly make me feel that way,” he said, pulling out a package of thin-sliced chicken breasts and four sweet potatoes. “I’m making my world-famous chicken fingers with honey-mustard dipping sauce and sweet potato fries.”
“Yum. Sounds delicious. Need an assistant?”
“I’ve got this. Go relax.”
As Marissa left, her father came in. “I hear I owe you one. Dinner and a movie? I could get used to this. And luckily, the only good movie out right now is an action flick, so it’s my night.”
Autry laughed. “Have a great time.”
When Marissa’s father left, Autry got to work, grabbing what he needed from the cupboards. As he turned to the refrigerator, he was drawn to a photo of Marissa and a baby who had to be Abby. Marissa looked all of sixteen, but she must have been eighteen. Man, she was young. A mother since eighteen. Her entire adult life. And here he was, thirty-three and completely unencumbered, except for the way he felt.
There were family photos and colorful drawings all over the refrigerator and magnets holding reminder cards for dentist appointments and the water bill. This was home life. Family life.
The opposite of Autry’s life. On his refrigerator door at his Tulsa condo? Nothing. Not much in it, either, since he was rarely there.
“Autry!” Marissa came rushing into the kitchen, a worried look on her face. “My friend Suzanne’s fiancé just ended their engagement. She’s beside herself. I need to go over there. Can you watch the girls? Or I could call my parents and have them come back.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you dare. Just go. Take all the time she needs. I’ve got this.”
“You sure?”
“Completely. Go.”
She threw her arms around him and whispered “thank you” in his ear, sending his pulse racing at the reminder of what she’d whispered in his ear last night.
Last night now seemed a million nights ago.
He heard Marissa telling the girls that Mr. Autry was in charge and they were to listen to him, be polite and behave themselves. Then he heard the front door close.
Three heads poked in the kitchen door. “Can we help?” Abby asked.
“Well, I’m actually looking for three assistants,” Autry said. “Would any of you like the job?”
“Me!” three voices said, three hands shooting up and waving frantically.
“Perfect. You’re all hired,” he said.
Luckily, Abby reminded her sisters to wash their hands, because he wouldn’t have thought of it. The two little Fullers took turns on the step stool, and then looked to him for instructions. Ha. If only they knew that he’d been busy on his laptop before coming over, looking up recipes and watching two cooking videos.
He put Abby on egg-cracking duty. Kiera was in charge of shaking the seasoned bread crumbs on a plate. And Kaylee’s job was to put the chicken breasts in the egg wash.
Sixteen chicken fingers were created without a single one dropping on the floor or egg wash getting in anyone’s eyes or hair. Granted, Kiera had bread crumbs in her hair, but all in all, it was a perfect cooking experience. He had Abby rinse the sweet potatoes and then he sliced them, and had Kiera brush them with olive oil and Kaylee sprinkle them with salt. Then everything went into the oven, and Autry and the girls headed into the family room.
“Want me to teach you the lyrics to ‘Only You’?” Abby asked as Autry settled on the couch, the three girls on beanbags.
“What makes you think I don’t know them?” he asked with a grin. “Okay, fine, I know one line of the chorus. ‘I’d travel to the ends of the earth for you-oo-oo,’” he sang, and the girls clapped, then started singing the rest of the song.
If his brothers could see him now. If his father could see him now. Autry had tried to put his dad out of his mind since their phone conversation the morning of The Great Roundup Kids Competition. Autry had promised nothing, but had made it clear he was staying in Rust Creek Falls until his flight left for Paris.
Just don’t get married. For the love of Pete.
Autry had laughed, which had made his father feel better. Autry. Married. Come on.
Except it wasn’t funny—that his father was pushing the single life, or at least the single life until Autry was back in his own territory. Walker Jones the Second really and truly didn’t care if his sons were happy. And that was damned sad.
After the singalong, Abby got out Chutes and Ladders and they played a round—Kiera won—and then they played charades. The Fuller girls acted out the band 2LOVEU, which Autry would never in a million years have guessed correctly before last night.
Then it was time for dinner, so the girls went into the dining room and Autry served his chicken fingers and fries, which were a hit, even if Kaylee didn’t like the honey-mustard sauce and Kiera didn’t like the sweet potato fries.
“So, let’s do our share,” Abby said. “You first, Kaylee.”
Kaylee put down her fork. “I’ll share that I got to go on a plane two times.”
“Me, too!” Kiera said. “That was my share. Oh, wait. I have another. I got to go to the 2LOVEU concert yesterday! It was awesome!”
“Hey, that was my share,” Abby said with a grin. “But I have another. I have a few big dreams. One can’t come true. Ever. I didn’t think the others would, either, because they just seemed impossible. But I got to meet Lyle from 2LOVEU. I got to shake his hand. He actually looked at me and told me it was nice to meet me.” She burst into tears. “That was the happiest moment of my entire life.”
Autry froze for a moment. “Are those happy tears?”
Abby laughed even though fresh tears were rolling down her cheeks. “Yes! First I got to be in The Great Roundup Kids Competition even though I don’t have a dad. And then I got to meet Lyle. How could two dreams come true in a week?”
“Because Mr. Autry is magic,” Kiera said. “Remember, that’s what Kaylee said when she first told him about us. He did magic tricks.”
Autry smiled. He was magic for this family. It was a good reminder that this wasn’t real—this being-the-family-man thing. Yeah, he was here. Doing it. But it was temporary. And while this might be everyday life for the Fuller girls, this was magic to him. This house, this dinner, this conversation with these children. Magic.
After dinner they settled back in the family room to watch the third episode of The Great Roundup, which he was recording so Marissa could watch it later or tomorrow. He wanted to shield three sets of little eyes when Summer Knight, rodeo star, rode into the canteen in a push-up bra and a very low-cut tank top. She flirted with Travis, who had an aw-shucks type of response to her, which had Brenna leaping into action to keep her man away from “that woman.”
Autry glanced over at Kaylee and realized she’d fallen asleep on her beanbag chair just twenty minutes in. Ten minutes later, Kiera was out. Autry covered them with throws.
“Just us left,” he said to Abby, who was curled up on her own beanbag and munching on the popcorn he’d made in the hot-air popper.
Abby grinned, then her smile faded. “Autry?”
“Yup,” he said.
“Are you and my mom a couple?”
It was a good thing he wasn’t eating popcorn right then because he would have choked.
He didn’t know if he should be saying anything. This seemed a subject Marissa should handle, to answer Abby’s questions as she saw fit.
“I adore your mom. And the three of you. But I’m leaving for Paris this Saturday. And I’ll be there for at least a year, maybe longer. My company will be buying a big corporation there and I’ll be running it and looking into other businesses in Paris to add to our company’s holdings.”
“Can’t you start a company here?” she asked. “Janie said she heard her mom talking and that your brother Walker did that. Now he lives here. You could do the same.”
Oh hell. Now he was in trouble. “Well, Walker and I do different things for our family company. I’m the brother that flies all around the world and checks out new businesses we could invest in or buy.”
“Oh,” she said. “That does sound fun, flying all over the world. I was looking at 2LOVEU’s world tour and they’re going everywhere in six months.” Her face lit up. “And just think, I got to see them while they were still in our country!”
“I’m really glad you had a great time, Abby.”
The brightness dimmed a little. “Thanks, Mr. Autry. For everything.”
Dammit, now it sounded like a nine-year-old was saying goodbye. She was too wise for her years.
The show ended, and Autry turned to Abby. “So what’s next? A movie? We can make this a double feature.”
“Ooh, can we watch Brave?” she asked.
“Brave it is,” he said, finding it in their cable lineup.
They settled back to watch, and Autry was surprised to find himself liking the animated film.
“Ooh, this is my favorite part,” Abby said, munching on the popcorn as she turned her attention to the TV and didn’t make a peep for the next hour.
Saved by Brave. The irony wasn’t lost on Autry. He was far from courageous. He didn’t know how much more of the conversation he could handle.
He glanced at Abby’s sisters, sleeping so peacefully on their beanbags, and felt his heart expand.
Which had to be his imagination. He’d seen The Grinch That Stole Christmas every year of his childhood. He wasn’t a grinch, but he had let his heart shrink to barely nothing.
Until he came to Rust Creek Falls and met this family. This family that made him want to be what they needed.
He couldn’t be the dad they needed. That was out of the question. He could handle a few hours here and there, but he was never opening the floodgates again. He’d done that and got slammed against a brick wall, to be left bruised and battered. A little bit of playing house was one thing. Really doing it? Quite another.
That debate settled in his head—and what was left of his heart—Autry sat back and watched the animated movie heroine show a lot more moxie than he’d ever have.
When the movie ended, Abby was yawning like crazy. He carried Kaylee and then Kiera up to bed, tucking them in, his heart boomeranging all over the place. Kaylee curled up on her side and grabbed hold of her stuffed monkey. Kiera’s little pink mouth hung open and one arm was flung dramatically over her head, and she looked so darned cute that he wanted to take a picture for Marissa, but figured the flash would wake her.
Then he walked Abby up to her room. She’d already taped the new 2LOVEU poster on her wall, this one featuring only Lyle.
“Isn’t he just the best?” Abby said as she got into bed, pulling the covers up.
He sat down on the stool beside her bed and glanced up at Lyle with his dimples. “Seems that way.”
Abby sat up. “Actually, I’d say there’s a tie now. You’re both the best with me.” She held out her arms and he hugged her, barely able to breathe. Figuratively.
“That means a lot, Abby,” he said, standing up. “Sweet dreams, kiddo.”
“Autry?”
He turned back. Abby was lying on her side, her eyes closed, her arms around what looked like an ancient Raggedy Ann doll. “Thanks for making me remember what it’s like to have a dad. It sure is nice.”
He froze, unsure what to say, what to do. From Abby’s steady breathing, it was clear she’d already fallen asleep.
He’d barely made it downstairs before he felt his collar tightening around his neck. He needed to get some air, but he couldn’t leave because he was babysitting someone’s children.
Autry Jones babysitting children. Reminding a nine-year-old girl what it was like to have a father.
I can’t handle that kind of responsibility for a kid’s feelings, he thought, something shuttering over his heart.
Abby had said something like that before—to her sisters. But somehow it felt different when she said it to him. As if she had expectations. As if he would hurt her by not fulfilling that role.
Stop it, he ordered himself. She didn’t say you had to be her father. She just said you reminded her what it’s like to have a dad. And that it was nice.
He sure wouldn’t know.
A coldness settled around him, and he sat down in the kitchen with a cup of black coffee. The minute Marissa got home, he’d be out of there.
* * *
Marissa reluctantly left Suzanne’s apartment over the drugstore once her friend’s two sisters had driven in from Kalispell. Poor Suzanne. She’d been with her fiancé, Jared, for two years, and had only recently gotten engaged. They almost hadn’t, because Jared could not and would not say that he wanted children, and Suzanne wanted at least two, though she’d settle for one. Jared didn’t commit to that until Suzanne had said that maybe they wouldn’t be happy together. So he had finally said the magic words: “One child sounds all right. Let’s get married.”
And now he’d admitted he really didn’t mean it and just hadn’t wanted to lose Suzanne. So she was in love with a man who didn’t want something she wanted—a fundamental difference that had torn them apart.
Marissa couldn’t help thinking of herself and Autry. A man who might have strong feelings for her, who might even love her, unless she was reading way too much into the way he looked at her, the way he held her when and after they’d made love in the Seattle hotel. But a man who didn’t want to be a family guy, who didn’t want a family, who’d closed his heart to family. A man who lived to travel and loved to travel.
A man whose life was at odds with hers.
She’d known this three weeks ago when they’d met at the Ace in the Hole. And she’d gone and fallen for the guy, anyway.
“Marissa!”
Marissa turned around. Helen Ganley, the woman who’d taken on the mama dog and her four puppies as fosters, was crossing the street with the mother dog on a leash.
Oh no. Was Helen going to complain again about the lady who let her dog pee on the edge of her lawn? Marissa had hoped that adopting a dog herself would open the woman’s heart a little.
“Maria here is doing just great,” Helen said, giving the pretty black-and-white dog a pat on the head and a little dog treat from her pocket. “I wanted to thank you, Marissa. You suggested I adopt a dog and you were right. Maria and her puppies changed my life.”
“Aww, I’m so glad, Helen. She’s a beauty.” Marissa scratched Maria behind the ears. She thought Maria was a fine name for a pretty dog.
“And I should thank that big fish you caught,” Helen added. “It’s thanks to him that Maria and her pups got saved at all.”
Huh? What did Autry have to do with it? Her expression must have asked the question because Helen said, “Oh, I’m not surprised he didn’t mention it. The most generous people rarely toot their own horns. Two week ago, Autry Jones donated a small fortune to the Rust Creek Falls Animal Shelter and that’s how the shelter was able to buy more kennels and supplies. They’re going to expand even more now. I also heard he started a fund with the PTO for programs for students with ‘homes in transition,’ meaning those who’ve lost a parent or whose folks are separated or divorced.”
Marissa sucked in a breath. “He did?”
“That’s what I heard. My sister-in-law is the PTO president—that’s how I know. Don’t let him get away, Marissa. I’m a widow myself and I was alone too long. Then my darling Chumley died and turned me grumpy. All it took was something—five new somethings—to love and care for, and I was back in business.”
Marissa smiled. “I’m so happy to hear that, Helen.”
As her neighbor continued down the street with Maria, Marissa couldn’t move. Autry had donated to the animal shelter? He’d started a fund for school programs for students who’d experienced the death of a parent, or divorce? How much more wonderful could Autry be?
She got her legs to move and headed home. When she opened the front door, the house was quiet. Autry was in the kitchen, putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher, and the room was spotless.
“Hey,” she said. “Mr. Mom.”
He barely smiled.
She bit her lip. “Everything go okay?”
He put the last plate away, then ran a hand through that thick, silky hair of his. “Everything went great. The girls are all asleep in their rooms. Kaylee and Kiera conked out pretty early, but Abby taught me the lyrics to every 2LOVEU song off the new album. Oh, and Kaylee doesn’t like honey-mustard sauce and Kiera doesn’t like sweet potatoes.”
Marissa was so overcome with emotion that she rushed to throw her arms around him. “You’re wonderful. Just wonderful. I’m very thankful I met you, Autry Jones, even though you’re leaving in two days.”
He gave her a quick hug, but then stepped back. “Me, too. It was a honor spending time with you and your girls.” He glanced at his watch. “Well, I’d better get to the Manor. I have some papers to go over before a meeting with Walker in the morning.”
Oh. Disappointment flooded her. She’d thought maybe he’d stay a bit longer and they could have coffee or some wine, talk for a little while. But he clearly wanted to leave. Maybe a few hours with the Fuller girls had shown him exactly what he already knew: that he wouldn’t be up for this full-time.
She wrapped her arms around herself as a chill settled around her. If she was this affected by his leaving for the night, how was she going to feel when he left for good?