Chapter 4

 

LILIA BRUSHED HER hair, smiling as Eli strolled out from the bathroom. He still made her stomach wriggle like she was a teenager. She chuckled. Even in his spotted boxer shorts.

She understood him. No matter that they had been apart for so many years or that he’d had . . . other wives. No, he was clear to her. His moods, his gestures, his mannerisms. His . . . eclectic taste in underwear.

He’d always been the same.

She guessed it was something to do with a lifetime of service. Bound by a uniform, he showed his individuality in other ways. Many of the CIG agents and officers she’d known over the years did similar things. Socks normally.

She stroked the brush through her hair, wishing that she could understand her daughter, their daughter, as well.

Terrible mother or not, she cared about her. She hadn’t left lightly but Aeron seemed to get the impression that her returning wasn’t about her love for them both. No, Aeron seemed to feel she’d just wanted Eli back; that she hadn’t been pining every minute to know, to hold, to comfort her own child.

She shook her head, hating the discomfort that felt as lead in her stomach. How did you make up for leaving a child? What could she say that would ever repair the wounds she’d inflicted?

Aeron, no matter how tolerant of others flaws, didn’t seem to feel as forgiving to her own mother.

“She’ll come ’round.” Eli smiled at her. He rubbed her tense shoulders. “She’s a great girl.”

“She’s hurt.” She stared down at her rings. Hurt just as Eli had been. Which was why he’d remarried so quickly. She knew that, but it didn’t make it sting any less.

“I hurt her too.” He placed a kiss on her crown. She pulled his arms around her, holding in the comfort of him.

“I don’t really wish to be half-drowned in a river.” Her tone had meant to be light but it sounded defeated.

He turned her around and pulled her chin up to look at him. Tuffs of gray peeked through the stubble. It made him even more handsome. “She’ll need your support with . . .” He sighed. “With Renee.”

Lilia raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

He gave her the scowl that she saw more often on Ruth’s face, on Aeron’s, given enough grumpiness. “I’m not blind.”

“I never said that you were.” Like father, like daughter. Both intolerably cute when irritated. “What about Renee?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. Aeron always did the same thing. If he had his hat on, he would be pulling it off and wiping over his receding hair. Would she have loved him this much if they’d never been apart? She hoped so. Every nuance of him lit her heart until it shone.

“They have been inseparable since they met. I see the way Renee looks at her.” His brow creased. “I worry that Aeron doesn’t realize . . . She cried for weeks after Sam . . .” He rubbed at his chin. “I thought he’d done something.”

Lilia shook her head. “I was watching.”

His eyes flicked to the window. She heard his unsaid words. “Why didn’t you help her when Jake died? Why weren’t you there to stop her being locked up? Where were you?” It hurt to watch, to know he thought such things of her. It hurt that she couldn’t open everything up to him. 
“Renee isn’t Sam.” Her words sounded more defensive than intended. The only topic they ever butted heads on was Aeron.

“But Aeron will still be hurt if she thinks the only reason Renee is around—”

“She’s here because she cares.” Lilia didn’t want to hear this. She knew Renee Black inside and out. She knew how rare it was for Renee to want to be around anyone, to tolerate letting them in. Renee and Ursula Frei could have been related in that sense. They competed in all areas, barriers and walls just one of them. 

“But Aeron doesn’t have a clue.” His loyalty to her was admirable, even if he was a dimwit. “I thought in . . .” He sighed. “In Serenity, that she would be aware of . . .”

“Of?” She controlled her temper. She’d defend Renee to anyone and had done on too many occasions. Sadly, more down to the direction her heart led her as opposed to any professional failures. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” had not been easy to navigate. Especially when Renee repressed everything and the eventual bubble over occurred.

“Women.” He shrugged. “All women. You run rings around me so how is she supposed to cope?”

Lilia felt the laughter spill from her lips.

Eli frowned. “I mean it. If she does . . .” He rolled his eyes at something and muttered under his breath. “If that’s how she feels, the poor girl is going to be tied up in knots.”

Lilia nodded. She didn’t doubt it for a moment.

“Renee’s a fiery one.” He shook his head. “I worry.”

“The wonder of parenthood.” Lilia smiled up at him and rubbed her hands over his chest. His tattoo caught her eye. Their tattoo. “Don’t underestimate her.”

“How . . . ?” He ran his hand through her hair. “How . . . ?”

“You show her she can come to you if or when she needs it.” Strange how she could give advice to help Eli but couldn’t seem to follow it herself. “Show her that you’re on her side.”

He nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good.” She tapped him on the chin with her nail. “Although I can’t tell you exactly, know that our girl is one of the best agents I’ve ever seen.” She smiled up into his eyes. “I don’t know where she gets it from but she outclasses us both.”

Eli straightened his shoulders. “Really?”

She chuckled at the daft grin on his face. He’d always had the ability to make her smile, make her laugh. “Really.”

“Maybe we did better not being around.” He shrugged and wandered toward the bed.

Lilia felt the sadness of that comment from her own heart as well as his. Sadly, she had a feeling he was probably right.