I was getting less and less sleep, which made it harder for me to focus. My play on the soccer field—the one thing that I should have been able to count on—was deteriorating, and worse, I didn’t enjoy being on the team. Concentrating in class was becoming almost impossible. I could barely keep up with subjects like French and math. I fell behind and my grades began to slide.
Then I started having the nightmare.
I stand in the middle of a clearing surrounded by maple and ash trees in full bloom, looking for my father’s tombstone by the light of the full moon. When I find it, I trace his name, carved deep into the marble, with my fingers.
And then I woke up. That was it. Even though nothing happened, there was something sinister lurking there, and I dreaded having the dream again.
I tried to put off sleep as long as I could. I stayed in the library until they kicked me out. I hung out in the Fish Bowl or the lounge until everybody else had gone to bed. Eventually, I had no choice but to go back to my room.
I kneel on my father’s grave, digging through the sod with my bare hands. I feel a sense of urgency as I dig past rocks and tree roots until my knuckles bleed and my fingernails tear.
Every night in my dream the digging became more frantic and the urgency greater.
Finally, I have made it through all six feet of the dark pungent dirt and reached the metal box that holds my father’s ashes. I want to open it, to set him free, but fear and uncertainty hold me back at first. Suddenly I realize this is a bad idea. I never should have come to this place. But I am compelled to continue. I wait, catch my breath, and at last I open the box.
My father’s disembodied head, green and swollen, lies inside. His eyes, still open, stare blankly. I drop the box and try to climb back up, but I can’t find any purchase and—
I sat bolt upright. I thought I screamed, but when I looked over at my roommates, they slept, undisturbed. I couldn’t get my heart rate to slow down. I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I grabbed my chest and tried to steady my breathing. I tried not to scream again.