Harry on parade:
Bespoke dinner suit (Daks)
White bespoke shirt (Thomas Pink)
Navy-blue tie with small white spot (Gieves & Hawkes)
High polished black shoes (Church’s)
Total est. cost: £1,750
‘This is absolutely marvellous!’
The Tate Modern’s vast Turbine Hall made a stunning party venue. Huge sculptures rose up from the bare concrete floor, dwarfing the swarm of guests. There was something amazing to look at on every wall, in front of every window.
Although billed as an ‘Art Ball’, it was obvious there wasn’t going to be any dancing round the priceless modern art treasures. This party was all about sipping at the champagne cocktails, chit-chatting with the other glamorous guests and posing in your fabulously creative outfit.
When Svetlana had promised that guests could wear whatever they liked, she certainly hadn’t been exaggerating. In her first quick sweep of the room, Annie could see ageing aristocratic ladies in full-on taffeta gowns, leggy London girls in clingy cocktail dresses in every colour of the rainbow and all sorts of mismatched, or carefully thought-out combos in between. No forgetting the self-styled artists in head-to-toe black or ultra-fashionable jeans artfully spattered with oil paint.
Annie had taken one of her cherished slinky Valentino gowns out of the wardrobe tonight, but carefully dressed it down with a denim jacket, a shell and leather necklace and high-heeled sandals with a chunky wooden heel. She hoped she was striking just the right note of dressed-up nonchalance that this event would need.
On her arm was Cath, who was carrying a small black sequined mask on a stick.
‘So, the idea is, just as soon as you feel nervous, you hold the mask in front of your face and you disappear… just like wearing big sunglasses,’ Annie had told her.
Cath was surprisingly taken with the idea. Although she’d been sweaty with nerves as she was helped into her slinky black dress and her make up, the addition of the mask had genuinely allowed her to relax a little.
‘Even if there was someone here that you knew, they wouldn’t recognise you anyway!’ Annie had assured her, beaming with pleasure at the finished result. ‘Look at your fabulous hair.’
An entire afternoon at the hairdresser’s had transformed Cath’s lacklustre hairstyle into something darker, more wispy and modern.
‘I’ll need a lesson in how to handle a pair of straighteners,’ she’d told Annie.
‘Happy to oblige,’ Annie had assured her.
Once they’d been handed their first cocktails, Bob came up and insisted on taking Cath away from Annie.
‘Don’t you worry, I’ll look after her,’ he promised. ‘I’ve got my camera all set up and I want her to do some shots for me before she’s had too many cocktails and can’t walk in a straight line any more. And by the way,’ he said, offering Cath his arm, ‘you look fantastic.’
For a moment, Annie was alone. But she didn’t mind at all, just lifted her glass slowly to her lips and drank in not just a mouthful of fizz but the amazing scene all around her. She wished Ed was here; she’d struggle to tell him just how over-the-top and wonderful this event was.
So far, she’d only caught a glimpse of Finn, who was charging about issuing instructions to Bob via his earpiece, acutely anxious not to miss any shots.
‘I want celebrities,’ Finn had barked. ‘If you see someone, anyone you recognise, stick your camera in their face. Our girls look wicked, so make sure you capture every single good angle. And if they’re chatting to anyone, get in there!’
‘Annah!’
Annie could hear the raised voice rushing towards her and knew she was about to be pressed to a generous, only slightly surgically enhanced, Ukrainian bosom.
‘Here she is!’ Svetlana boomed. ‘This is Annah Valentine, I so want you to meet her.’
Then Annie was face to face not just with Svetlana, but with a dapper, dinner-suited man she immediately understood to be Svetlana’s husband-in-waiting.
A big smile broke across Svetlana’s high-cheekboned face: ‘Harry! This is Annah,’ she repeated. ‘Annah meet Harry!’
Harry’s beaming face, almost as shiny as his dressy black patent shoes, was split with a generous smile as he extended his hand to Annie.
‘Annie Valentine, hello, how absolutely wonderful to meet you,’ he gushed in the kind of terribly posh English voice which would, once upon a time, have made Annie feel nervous and unsure of herself. Now, she took it in her stride. If anything, it made her ramp up her broad, pure Londoner vowels.
‘Gorgeous to meet you too, Harry,’ she said.
‘Annah gave me your phone number, remember, back at the beginning when we meet,’ Svetlana offered generously, anointing Annie as the matchmaker who had brought about this happy union.
‘No, well…’ Annie pointed out quickly, ‘another client of mine recommended you, Harry. I was just the go-between.’
‘This is absolutely marvellous!’ Harry’s eyebrows shot up and his grin seemed to grow even wider. ‘You mean I wouldn’t have met my darling, darling girl without you? I do hope you’re coming to the wedding. It’s going to be a complete blast.’
‘Of courrrse, Annah will come,’ Svetlana purred, before Annie even had time to wonder whether or not she would be receiving an invitation, ‘I need her there to make sure my dress is perfect and my bridesmaids all wonderful. Of courrrse, she come.’
In the warmth of Svetlana’s beam, Annie felt a wave of gratitude. She may have inadvertently hooked Svetlana up with her next husband, but Svetlana was the one who had inadvertently landed her with the TV opportunity.
Would there have been a Wonder Women series without Svetlana? Annie doubted it very much.
When Finn’s wife, Kelly-Anne, had come into the personal shopping suite, she’d arrived as a friend of Svetlana’s.
‘You both look so happy together,’ Annie told the delighted couple.
‘Ya. I suit a short, bald man, no?’ Svetlana teased and landed a kiss on Harry’s forehead. Then she unwound herself from his embrace and informed him: ‘I need to go and say hello to some people. You stay and talk to Annah. You talk to Marlise yet?’ Svetlana asked Annie. With a degree of disdain, she had not yet referred to Miss Marlise as anything other than Marlise.
‘No, I’m trying to keep out of her way,’ Annie confided. She had spotted Miss M once and walked quickly in the opposite direction. She did admire the girl’s outfit, though: tight, black sequined trousers and a slinky tuxedo jacket. There wasn’t anything about getting dressed that Annie needed to teach her.
‘Ya. Marlise total bitch to Annah,’ Svetlana explained to Harry. Then off she stalked on her highest of high Louboutins, prowling through the crowds like a panther.
‘Well, Harry, it’s lovely to finally meet you,’ Annie said, hoping to bring his attention back to her, because he was finding it hard to tear his eyes from his fiancée.
‘The pleasure is all mine.’ He swivelled immediately back, then added, ‘Isn’t she fantastic? I still can’t believe my luck! She’s just so full of life. Grabs it by the… horns,’ he settled on.
Though from what Annie had heard of Svetlana’s vibrant sex tips, ‘balls’ might have been more appropriate.
‘So, is everything all sorted with Igor then?’ Annie felt she needed to ask. Svetlana’s divorce from her previous husband, the gas baron, had not exactly been smooth.
‘Well,’ Harry leaned in and dropped his voice: as a barrister he knew how to be discreet. ‘The house and the one-off settlement are hers, no problem around those, and there’s a monthly allowance for the boys. But there are still a lot of hideously vague terms and conditions that I’m not happy with.’
‘Like what?’ Annie ventured.
‘I don’t want to say too much, but she’s had to sign all sorts of “non-disclosure” documents and should she ever do anything to bring the name of Wisneski into “disrepute” she could still lose a lot, which is why we’re in a hurry to change her name to Roscoff as quickly as possible,’ he added with a smile. ‘No, she’s had a horrible time and I’m delighted to be charged with taking great care of her in the future.’
‘Lucky Svetlana,’ Annie told him and she meant it.
When she’d first heard that Svetlana had set her sights on her divorce barrister, she’d been sure Svetlana had found herself another wealthy a-hole.
But something more significant that wealthy man meets trophy wife seemed to have taken place between Svetlana and Harry. Annie could sense real warmth, humour and understanding between them.
‘I think you’re going to make each other very happy,’ Annie told Harry.
‘Oh my goodness, yes!’ he gushed. ‘She’s brought me back to life! I wake up every morning excited to see her. I thought I was far too much of a withered old prune to feel like this about someone again. But there we go…’
For a moment, Annie felt just ever so slightly like asking him how his ex-wife and grown-up sons were taking all this bubbling over of happiness and joy at the nubile new fiancée. But then she saw something that changed her mind.
There was Jody looking utterly sensational in the slinky, silky magenta dress and mini trilby hat they’d picked out together. Her head might have been tilted shyly downwards and her arm crossed just a little defensively across her body, but there she was, looking gorgeous and smiling, talking and even giggling with a cute and very arty-looking guy.
Result! Annie couldn’t help thinking to herself and, saying goodbye to Harry, she went off in search of Bob. If he didn’t already have a shot of Jody and her fanboy, he would have to sneak in there and get one.
No sooner had Bob been dispatched in the right direction than Annie began to scan the room for Cath.
There she was, beside the buffet table with her mask held up like a little invisibility cloak. She wasn’t talking to anyone but her shoulders weren’t hunched up, her arms weren’t crossed, so maybe she was actually enjoying herself. With her mask up and a champagne glass in one hand, she walked over to one of the sculptures for a closer look.
‘Pretty impressive hey?’ Annie asked Cath as she approached her, ‘and I’m not talking about this hunk of metal. I’m talking about you!’
When Cath smiled at this, Annie had to ask her, ‘Are you having fun yet? I think you could be! I don’t think you’re even ready to admit how much fun you are having. You’re beautifully dressed, you’re at an amazing event, you’re a party girl in the making,’ she added.
‘I am having fun,’ Cath admitted. ‘I don’t even recognise myself, so I feel as if I’m in complete disguise.’
‘Money is not so precious that you can never, ever spend a little on a treat for yourself.’ Annie reminded her. ‘Everyone needs a reasonable, perfectly-within-budget treat on a regular basis. Like this,’ she held up a multi-coloured mock snakeskin clutch bag: ‘Market stall, £14 and I’m loving it!’ she gave Cath a wink.
Then she spotted Bob at a discreet distance, but probably on a long lens, filming them both.
One of the handsome young PRs for the event approached them. ‘Hello, ladies,’ he began, ‘having fun? Getting all the footage you need?’
‘Yes, it’s fantastic,’ Annie assured him, ‘an amazing party.’
‘I love your mask,’ the PR told Cath, ‘I wish I’d thought of wearing one. Then I’d be able to slink about and get into all sorts of trouble.’
Cath giggled in response, but Annie was sure the camera was whirring and in the all-important editing suite they were bound to make it look as if Cath was being chatted up and the Wonder Women had scored an all-round resounding dating success.
For a few more moments Annie, Cath and the PR made small talk, then Annie glanced around for Bob, hoping he would give them the thumbs-up that he’d got enough footage.
But he wasn’t there. She looked again, wondering if he was shooting them from a different angle. No sign.
Then through a little break in the crowd Annie caught a glimpse of him. He had his back to her, because he was crouched down, busy filming Svetlana and Miss Marlise as they hugged up together and smiled for the camera.
There was something about this that made Annie feel a little uneasy. Shouldn’t she be there? Shouldn’t she be part of the group, hugging and congratulating themselves on the big party success?
‘I’ll be right back,’ she promised Cath, then began to head in the direction of the others.
Just as she approached Bob, a hand shot out to catch her shoulder. It was Finn’s. ‘One moment,’ he instructed. ‘Miss Marlise wanted a shot with Svetlana.’
‘Shouldn’t we all be in this together?’ Annie couldn’t stop herself from asking.
‘Well… no,’ Finn replied. ‘This is what Miss Marlise wanted and we have to humour her a little. She’s only twenty-five, she’s going to be a big, big star.’
Then to Annie’s utter dismay, he added: ‘Unlike the rest of us, she’s got her whole career ahead of her.’