As Jared listened to the sermon, he took every word to heart. He wished sometimes that he could go home, that he could confront his past and make peace with whatever he was able to.
This hadn’t been his life plan but he’d long ago come to realize that life rarely worked out to anyone’s specifications. He had learned to follow the Lord’s plan for his life, not his own. Now he expected the unexpected and rolled with the punches.
Annie’s hand felt soft and warm in his and at one point, Jared closed his eyes and let the feeling of that touch, the words of the sermon, just soak into him.
When it was over they filed out with the rest of the congregation. Many more people came up and said hello to Annie. She was gracious with them all, though Jared recalled some of them had not been very charitable at one time to the quiet little girl or her mother.
With the children back in the truck they followed Mick and Eve to their house for a Sunday lunch of roast chicken and vegetables.
For Annie the day seemed to go too fast. Lunch was a happy occasion. Though Caroline didn’t say a word to Annie, the little girl was boisterous with the other adults and with her brothers. It occurred to Annie that maybe she was happy because this evening Jared was taking her home. She had a feeling she would be coming back in the very near future.
Later that afternoon Jared kept the children at the house and Annie drove the truck out to Rivers Road. As what was left of her old house came into view, a burning sensation began in the pit of her stomach.
She didn’t know if it was fear. She wasn’t sure how much of those feelings inside her were bad memories and how much was a longing for things to have been different.
She pulled the truck up the driveway and stopped, got out and gingerly made her way through the now half-fallen gate.
Her mother had never known how she dreaded coming home from school through this gate each day, for it was a rare occurrence that her mother hadn’t been passed out inside.
Jared was right, nothing but two walls and the chimney stack remained–that and her memories. She had cried many nights trying to wake her mother up, sometimes fearing she was dead. She’d hated people coming to the door, looking at her with eyes filled with a pity that more often than not changed to scorn when her mother came into view.
Annie’s mother had never accepted handouts from anyone, not even the ladies from the church. She’d fought to keep her daughter even when she hadn’t really wanted her. To Annie it seemed that her mother didn’t want her to have anything better, that if she had to suffer, then she would make sure her child suffered with her.
A shiver skittered up her spine as her mother’s voice came back to her. The names had hardened her. The accusations of a life ruined because of her had made Annie resilient enough to survive.
It had taken a long time—and a great deal of faith—before she had found it in herself to believe that she hadn’t ruined her mother’s life by being born. Her mother had let alcohol do that long before.
“Thank you, Lord, for bringing me so far from this house, from that awful time,” she prayed quietly.
As she turned to go, Annie felt as though she had crossed an important bridge. She didn’t want to go back now that she had made peace with the part of her past that had haunted her.
She got into the truck and started it, putting it in gear before rolling back out of the driveway. As she drove away, leaving it in a cloud of dust in her rearview mirror a certainty once again filled her heart.
The guilt would eat her up inside, but if Jared asked her to marry him she was going to say yes.
“It seems like the weekend has just flown by.” Jared came to sit beside her in the back porch chairs that afternoon.
The children played on the trampoline, their giggles and voices raised in joy and happiness filling the sun-kissed day.
“I’ve enjoyed it.”
“So have I. More importantly, you’ve made my decision easier.”
Annie felt silly holding her breath but she couldn’t help it. She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat.
“Would you marry me?” His voice was steady and sure, his tone calm and quiet. “Would you live here and help me make a life for the children?”
“Yes.”
He smiled. “That was a quick answer.”
“I love the children and I love this place. This is something important I can do with my life. I was so lonely in the city and my life seemed to have no purpose.”
She looked across at the children. “Sara was my friend. I want to do this for her. But are you sure, Jared?”
“Yes. As long as you’re absolutely certain you can live with the terms. I’m not offering you love and romance. I can’t even promise you that those feelings will come in time.”
Annie was grateful for his honesty. “I understand. You don’t have to explain.”
“Yes, I do. I’m asking you to accept a marriage proposal knowing that you may never feel your husband’s lips on yours in passion. Knowing that you may live the rest of your life and never have the physical part of marriage that most people take for granted or come to see as a chore.”
He paused and searched her face. “You’re a beautiful young woman, Annie, and you have the same feelings and emotions as any other.”
She actually managed a smile and sat back in the porch chair shaking her head. “Jared, I lost someone close to me a while back so I’m not rushing to find romance or intimacy.”
“I’m sorry.” He tried to hide his surprise, wondering just how close she had been to this person.
Annie shrugged. “He’s in a wonderful place and the people whose lives he touched are better for it.”
Jared wanted to be happy that she’d had a special love in her life, but knowing about it caused him to wonder things he had no business knowing.
“I believe we can build a life together as companions and friends.” And knowing she wasn’t looking for love made it that much easier to ask her.
Annie couldn’t look away from those eyes. “I believe it, too. We’ll just have to be patient with Caroline until she decides to accept me.”
Jared squeezed her hand. “I can’t offer you the things a woman should be offered by a man proposing marriage to her. But you have my respect and my support.”
He folded her fingers beneath his. “I’ll protect you and keep you safe. I’ll provide well for you and the children and I’ll work hard. I can promise you laughter and happy times, some hard times perhaps, but I’ll try to keep them to a minimum.”
He took a deep breath. “That is all I have to give.”
Annie smiled, touched by his words and his honesty. “It’s more than a lot of people ever have. It will be enough.”
Once again, in the midst of this perfect afternoon Annie felt guilt well inside her. Jared deserved to know the truth but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him.
“My promise to you is that I will be here to share the load with you. I’ll be here when you get home in the evening and you can tell me about your day.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I’ll be the best mother I can be to the children.”
He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, not saying anything for several moments. When he looked back at her there was a peace in his expression that she hadn’t seen before.
“Then it’s settled?”
“Yes.”
And just like that her future was decided, with a man who was as honest as he was hardworking, a man who had left her with no expectations of anything but what they had found this weekend.
Annie Dawson was getting married. The Lord certainly did work in mysterious ways, she thought as she looked at the finger that would soon bear Jared’s ring.
They told the children a short while later. Seated around the kitchen table, Toby on Jared’s knee, the children snacked on watermelon slices as their uncle broke the news.
“Does that mean you’ll be here forever and ever?” Luke’s question was filled with such innocence, yet how could she promise him that?
“I’ll be here as long as I’m able. Probably until you’re an old man.”
His eyes grew wide. “That long? Wow.”
Caroline sat stone-faced, no smile, just a harsh acceptance in her expression. “It means Uncle Jared won’t need us as much now to help him with stuff.”
Luke took her words to heart and looked genuinely worried. Jared cast her a stern look and intervened. “It means no such thing. Annie and I are counting on help from all of you. That is what a family does and that is what we will be…a family.”
Luke shot his sister a “so there” smile and went back to chomping on his watermelon.
“May I be excused?” Caroline pushed her plate away.
Jared sighed. “Yes, you may. I want you to pack your bag for a stay at Grandma’s tonight.”
“You’re going away?” It was an accusation.
“I’m taking Annie back to pick up her things and put everything in order and I need to see Uncle Lewis.”
Caroline was silent for a moment then asked, “Can we go with you?”
Jared was ready to give a clear objection but something stopped him, be it the look in his niece’s eyes or the tone of her voice.
Could it be bothering her, the fact that he was going away and leaving them? He’d had a few meetings in the city with Lewis and then those with the Department of Family Services.
“Annie, would you mind if the kids came with us?”
Her smile was the same one he’d come to look for these past few days. “Not at all.”
In fact, Annie thought it a very good idea. Including the children in what was happening around them and to their world was bound to make the changes a little less traumatic.
“If we can get our overnight bags packed I’ll go call Lewis and tell him we’re on our way.”
Caroline blessed him with a smile as she hugged him quickly and ran out the door, pounding up the stairs. Annie took Toby’s hand when Jared placed him on the floor and Luke followed her upstairs.
Lewis answered his phone on the second ring. He offered his congratulations when Jared told him about the impending marriage.
“Do you feel like being invaded?”
His chuckle was filled with affection. “You’re bringing the munchkins?”
“Yeah. Caroline wanted to come and since she’s having a hard time dealing with all these changes I thought it might help her not to feel left out.”
“I’ll get Harriet to make up the spare rooms.”
“Thanks, mate.”
“Annie’s a good person, Jared. She’ll be good for the kids…and for you.” Before Jared could interrupt and remind his friend that it was not a conventional marriage, Lewis spoke again. “There’s the other line…I have to go.
See you in a few hours.”
He hung up the telephone and the sound of laughter reached his ears. He heard Annie’s voice, though he couldn’t make out what she was saying.
This was all he knew to do, to keep Sara’s family together. He realized the gravity of the future ahead of him. Jared didn’t deny to himself that a little of what he felt was fear. It was a big commitment for him, though one he hadn’t even thought twice about making.
He would have a responsibility to Annie, as well. He knew she would work as hard as him to give the children what they needed.
“We’re just about ready.”
He looked up at the sound of her voice to see Annie standing in the doorway to the study. “The kids are just feeding and watering their animals.”
Jared got to his feet. “I’ll go pack a bag and then we can go. We’ll swing by Mum and Dad’s place on the way out of town.”
When they arrived twenty minutes later, his parents were pleased about the news of the marriage, yet Annie sensed some apprehension.
Eve hugged her warmly nonetheless when Jared told them. “I know you’ll be a wonderful addition to our family.”
Annie wanted to be close to this woman and to have a relationship with her like she was never able to have with her own mother. “Thank you. I’ll do my best for Jared and the children.”
The answering smile was soft and warm. “Your best is going to be just fine.”
“Eve, I was wondering if you would help me with the wedding preparations. I’d prefer something small and family oriented, but I’ve never planned anything like this before.”
Eve actually had to blink back tears, but not before Annie saw them glistening briefly on her eyelashes. “I would love to help. We’ll get right to it as soon as you get back and settle in.”
Jared accepted his father’s handshake. “Congratulations, son.”
“Thanks, Dad. I know this is the right thing to do.”
Mick nodded. “We support your decision.”
Eve was next to hug her son, while Mick moved to chat with the children in the truck. “I’ll call the school tomorrow morning and explain to Mrs. Henderson about them being absent.”
Jared smiled. “Thanks.”
“You’d better get going and cover as many miles as you can before nightfall.”
Jared knew his mother hated him traveling at night. Sara and James had been traveling at night when their accident happened.
“I promise I’ll be careful.”
Eve smiled, though worry lingered in her eyes. “Be very sure that you do.”
She watched them drive off, waved to her grandchildren and hugged her husband. “She’s a very special young woman.”
Mick put his arm around her, squeezing her shoulders gently. “Yes, she is. I think Annie is going to change our son’s life more than he realizes.”
“You need to decide if you’d like an outfit specially made for the day or if you’d like to buy something off the rack.”
Annie folded the last load of laundry on the kitchen table as Eve looked over the list they had made. Toby was taking his afternoon nap upstairs and Jared was out in one of the paddocks checking for holes in their fences.
She’d been here almost a week now, already settling into a simple and contentment-filled routine. This day found her sitting in Eve’s kitchen, discussing the upcoming wedding and the dress she would wear. “I’d like something old-fashioned if I could find it.”
Though she had never really expected to get married, the little girl in her had always dreamed of the fairy-tale gown.
Eve sipped her coffee. “You have excellent taste. A figure like yours and that gorgeous hair would look wonderful in a Victorian style.”
Annie blushed, but accepted the compliment. “Where would we find something like that?”
“Maggie’s Attic on Main Street. She may have something in her back rooms. That poor woman always has too much merchandise to put out at one time.”
“We could go tomorrow once I drop the kids off at school. I could come by and pick you up.”
“That sounds great. If you like, Toby can stay with Mick. He’d love the company,” she said. “Those children help to keep him young.”
“I’m sure Toby would love that.”
Eve looked at the kitchen wall clock. “I’d best be heading on home to see about dinner.”
“I’m going to put this laundry away then go pick the kids up from school.”
Eve hugged her. “I am so very glad my son brought you back into our lives and I’m even happier that he got you to stay.”
Annie instinctively hugged her back, savoring warmth that she had always wanted to know, wanted to feel. This woman was so different from her mother and yet she knew they would be close. Even in the worst times with her own mother, Annie had always felt a flicker of hope in her heart that Sylvia would somehow come to love her. She had struggled these past few years with forgiveness. The Lord spoke often of forgiveness in His teachings, but Annie knew it was something she had to find within herself.
She left a note on the refrigerator for Jared telling him where she was going and then went upstairs to wake Toby.
He came awake easily, one lasting yawn before his bright little eyes and cheeky smile surfaced. His smile was huge when she told him where they were going.
That smile gave in to shrieks of delight when she pulled the four-wheel-drive truck up outside the school. Luke spotted her first and made his way quickly through the throng of children.
He hopped into the back seat and put his belt on. “Hi, Annie.”
“Did you have a good day?”
He shook his head. “I got reading homework.”
“I’ll help you if you like.”
Just then the front door opened and Caroline put her backpack on the floor. She was about to get in when she hesitated. “Should I sit in the back?”
Annie smiled. “Of course not. When it’s just the four of us in the car, I’d love it if you would sit up front with me.”
Caroline gave no indication of what she was thinking, just climbed in and settled into the seat, clicking her belt.
Annie pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road that would lead them through town and eventually home.
“Actually, I wanted to know if you’d like to come shopping with me and Grandma on Saturday.”
Caroline cast a quiet glance at her. “Shopping for what?”
“I’d like to find you a dress for the wedding. I was hoping you would be my junior bridesmaid and Luke and Toby would be ring bearers.”
She’d discussed it with Jared and he had liked the idea. She didn’t want the children to feel left out in any way and weddings were always more special when children took part.
“I’ll wear one of the dresses Mummy made for me.” She stared straight ahead, hands folded in her lap.
Annie didn’t pressure her. “I think that sounds nice.” She couldn’t help the feeling that Caroline was slipping further and further away from her.
She hadn’t expected it would be easy; she just hadn’t figured the little girl would be so determined not to like her. The daily belligerence and the dark glaring silences had subsided since their night spent in the city with Lewis. She was respectful now, and polite, but only spoke when Annie spoke directly to her and kept her distance.
“Dinner was wonderful, Annie.”
She was stacking the dishes after putting away the remainder of the beef casserole she’d prepared. “I’m glad you liked it.”
Annie expected him to excuse himself and leave the room, but instead he leaned against the cook top and watched her go from table to sink.
“So you’re going shopping with Mum tomorrow?”
Annie was pleased just to have something to talk about…anything was better than him staring at her in silence.
“Yes. She’s positive we can find something that suits me.”
This time when she passed him, he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. Annie slowly turned to look at him, keeping a tight grip on the glasses in her hands. She swallowed the sudden dryness in her mouth. He was, hands down, the most handsome man she’d ever met. And the kindest, gentlest person she’d ever known.
“Are you wearing your hair up or down for the ceremony?”
His voice was low, an intensity to it that she hadn’t heard before. “I hadn’t really decided.”
“Do something for me?” When she didn’t answer, he smiled. “Wear it down.”
After a few stunned, electrically charged moments, she frowned. “Why?”
He shrugged, letting his hand drop from her shoulder. “Because your hair is beautiful.”
He emptied what was left of his coffee down the sink and gave her one last look before heading into the living room.
When he was gone, Annie sagged back against the kitchen counter. After he had spelled out to her what kind of marriage they were going to have, why was he indulging in these intimate moments that left her breathless?
She could fall in love with Jared far too easily if she allowed it. Then what would she do? Pine for a man who would never love her?
She hadn’t let anyone into her heart since Chris, and after his death she’d figured there had been enough hurt in her life without inviting it in again.
Falling in love with Jared Campbell would mean hurt with a capital H. Yet even as she told herself this moment could never happen again, she knew in her heart that she would wear her hair down.
She would do it because even though her marriage to Jared would not include anything physical, just the look in his eyes when he’d asked her to do that for him was one she could live on forever.
It was the only wedding she would ever have and unconventional or not, she wanted to look her best. She wanted him to notice her on that special day, though she was not about to question why she wanted that.
She mentally laid down guidelines for their relationship while she methodically cleaned every inch of the kitchen and straightened everything but the curtains.
Finally she realized she couldn’t put it off forever. Walking into the living room, she smiled at a sight that had become familiar to her in just the week since she’d moved in.
Toby played with his trucks in front of the television, now and then looking up, captivated by the children’s video that was playing.
Caroline sat at the small table in the corner, her face a study in concentration. She took her schoolwork very seriously and at the moment Jared was explaining something to her and she was giving him her full attention.
Luke came to her as she sat down on the couch. “I hate reading.” He climbed up beside her and put the book in her lap.
“Books can take you on amazing adventures,” she said, seeing his frown. She put her arm around him and settled back. “You can go searching for buried treasure and be a pirate. You can find giants in other lands or ride camels in the desert. If you open a book it will take you anywhere.”
He thought for a moment. “But the words are hard to learn.”
“That’s why you practice, a little every night. Then when your teacher goes through the alphabet with you at school and talks about how to sound out the words you’ll learn that, too.”
He looked down at the book in her lap as if studying it and seeing it in a new light. “I can really have adventures?”
She nodded. “Luke, you would be amazed how many adventures you can go on if you pick the right book.” She opened the one in her lap. “Let’s start at page one. You go as slow as you need the first time.”
Across the room Jared caught Caroline staring at the two of them curled on the couch. He tugged softly on one of her braids.
“She really is a good person, Caroline.” That earned him a look that was undecided and slightly embarrassed. “All she wants is a chance.”
She looked down at the book in front of her. “I want things the way they were.” When she looked up at him, her expression and the tears in her eyes broke his heart all over again. “I miss Mummy and Daddy.”
Jared reached out and pulled her close as she buried her face in his shirt. She had been so brave, hiding her feelings most of the time, trying to take care of him and the boys.
But sometimes, out of the blue, it would get to her.
“I miss them, too, sweetheart. That’s part of love.” He stroked her head softly. “Your mum would be happy that Annie is here. They were very good friends.”
When she didn’t reply, he searched for the words he hoped would help her understand and bring her a little closer to accepting the situation that had brought Annie into their lives.
“The one thing your mother wanted was for you and Luke and Toby to grow up together.”
She sniffled slightly and pulled away to look up at him, keeping her voice low. “I was afraid when that lady came to talk to you about us.”
“I was afraid, too.”
She looked surprised. “But you’re a grown-up.”
“Grown-ups get scared, too.”
“You’re not scared now that Annie is here, are you?”
“No, I’m not. The lady who came from the city will be happy I’m married and you and the boys will have someone to do all the things Mummy can’t do for you.”
Caroline closed her books and packed away her pens, setting them all together neatly on the table before looking up at him again.
“I’m scared that one day I won’t be able to remember Mummy and Daddy.”
In that one sentence Caroline had opened up to him more than in the months since her parents’ death. “You have photos and any one of them will bring back a memory.”
“I do that sometimes with the photographs by my bed,” she confessed.
“You won’t ever forget them, Caroline, I promise. You’ll remember what they taught you and how it felt when they hugged you. You’ll take them both with you wherever you go because they will always be in your heart.”
She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “I think I’ll go to bed.”
She picked up her books, saying good-night to Annie and the boys as she went by.
Annie closed the book and handed it to Luke. “You did very well tonight. We’ll do more tomorrow. You can watch TV with Toby until bedtime.”
He didn’t need to be told twice and scrambled down to sit with his brother. She stood, walking over to Jared, trying hard not to remember the look in his eyes and the husky tone of his voice earlier.
“Is she okay?”
He nodded. “She’ll be fine.”
“Would you like some hot chocolate before I head off to your parents’ house?”
“Sounds great.”
“I’ll make some and then I’ll put the boys to bed.” She stifled a yawn. “I used to have trouble sleeping but now living here, by the time I lay down at night my body is so ready to sleep.”
“No second thoughts about going through with the marriage?” He knew already what her answer would be…he just needed to hear it. “Country life is not for everyone. It’s tougher than it looks.”
Annie smiled. “So am I. I’m in this for the long haul,” she said. “When I fall asleep now I’m not lonely.”
Jared didn’t ever want her to feel alone again.
She lay in bed later and gazed out the window at the moon, so big and white and high in the sky. As so often happened, her thoughts turned to the children.
Anybody seeing the three of them together would think they were blood-related siblings from the womb. That was how close they had grown, how strong their bond was.
She wanted to nurture that bond, to help them grow into confident, happy teenagers and then adults. Maybe someday they would come home from university, or perhaps once they married they would bring their children back to visit.
Would Jared, even then, still be content with the decision he had made to ask her to marry him? Or would he look back and decide he had given up far too much?
As she drifted off to sleep, Annie prayed for guidance. She would need it over the next few months as she found her feet in this new life she had.
Maggie Stewart was in her late sixties and looked twenty years younger. Her clothing store housed a treasure chest of fashions from yesteryear, all lovingly preserved and cared for.
The morning they arrived she greeted Eve like an old friend. Maggie took a good look at Annie. Suddenly she felt underdressed in jeans and a light blouse, with sneakers on her feet. She had gotten so used to dressing casually since coming to live here.
“Red hair and green eyes. What a killer combination. No wonder Jared was bowled over!”
Annie opened her mouth to put the woman straight and then stopped. Naturally people were going to assume that she and Jared were getting married because they had fallen in love.
Eve came to her rescue. “He cares for Annie very much. Now, about those dresses in the back…”
Maggie beckoned them through the crowded little store as they stepped over boxes waiting to be unpacked.
“With your figure you can wear just about any style. I think something with a fitted bodice would suit you, but I have quite a few vintage dresses back here for you to choose from.”
When Maggie opened the large walk-in closet, Annie took a breath at the beautiful old-fashioned wedding gowns that hung there.
She reached out, almost afraid to touch the lace-and-silk creations.
“Take out any you like and try them on. I’ll close up the partition here and you’ll have complete privacy.” With that, Maggie left them alone.
Annie looked at her soon-to-be mother-in-law. “They are all so beautiful, how do I choose?”
Eve touched the younger woman’s cheek in a maternal gesture. “My mother told me when I found the dress I was meant to wear on my wedding day I’d know it, I’d feel it the moment I put it on.”
“And did you?”
“Of course. Didn’t you know mothers are very wise?”
“Some mothers.”